June 13th 2007 5:10 pm
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As Titans mommy, I just want to thank everyone for all your thoughts and prayers while Titan was sick, and now, that he has gone to the bridge. He fought so hard and we did everything we knew how to do to keep him with us, but the day came Thursday, June 7 when he could barely get up and I seen what a big bedsore he had. It had gotten infected and it would not have healed because he had become so weak. He spent alot of time whining the few days before it came time, and I kept telling myself I would just get him stronger pain medicine and everything would be ok. I just wanted to have him longer, and I kept hoping for a miracle. I guess I didnt realize that I did have my miracle- look at how much longer I got to spend with Titan than what was predicted. He didnt want to leave any more than we wanted him to go- but living every day in horrible pain is no way to live. His sore hurt him and it made it impossible for him to lie on either side without being in terrible pain- one leg full of cancer, the other with an open wound.
I made the choice that day to let him go from our world to a place where he can be free of pain, and run and play ball again. I stayed with him and held him till the end, and I have cried every single day since then, and I know I will continue to cry many more tears. I miss him so much that somedays it feels as if my heart is going to burst, and there is this huge empty hole that feels so much pain from not having him here. Then, there is the part of me that loves him so very much, that I would suffer this pain a thousand times over just to know that he is free of pain, just as he deserves to be.
I love you so much Titan, you will always be my heartdog- I will never stop missing you until I meet you at the bridge my sweet baby.
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-- Unknown
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