my 2-year Rainbow Bridge anniversary

Two years ago today, I went to the Rainbow Bridge. I miss my family back on earth, but I sure do like it up here. There's lots of other dogs to play with, and I've made lots of friends since I came to the Bridge. I love to run around and play, and since my body isn't old and arthritic anymore, I don't have any trouble keeping up with the other dogs. I can run and play as much as I want, and I love it!

My family on earth sure does miss me, though. They loved me so much, and still do. I love them, too. I'll always be with them and watch over them.

the five crucial food groups, according to dogs

1. In the bowl. (A good foundation, but important to supplement with other groups.)
2. Off the table. (Most varied group, but best eaten when no one is looking.)
3. On the floor. (A nutritious way to snack between meals.)
4. Grass - taken at least once a day to enable vomit activity. (Vomit activity best engaged in while resting head on caretaker's lap.)
5. Poop. (At least once a day for overall digestive happiness. May be taken topically via rolling in it.) Best if eaten immediately after production. Be sure to lick owner in face after ingestion.

Today is my Dogster anniversary!

I am excited, because 3 years ago today, I became a Dogster member. I have had so much fun on Dogster. I've made lots of awesome pals, and the forums and strolls are very fun and helpful. It has been a great experience for me, and I have learned so much. It was sad for both me and my mom when I went to the Bridge last year, and she still misses me a lot, but she hasn't let it take over her life. I love it here at the Bridge. I love Dogster, too, and I always will.

basic dog rules

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick their face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark.

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry. Eat a shoe.

Potential Puppy Owner's Test

Are you truly ready for a dog? This is a test that every Potential Puppy Owner (PPO) must pass and, after passing, will be given a license to begin learning about the breed of their choice.

No physical force, yelling, or cursing is allowed during the test. Protective clothing or soil-proof clothes are not allowed. Small wounds and scratches are to be handled in a blase' manner.

Tests will be held in a variety of environments and PPO will enter brush, woods etc. with a happy face.

Any PPO seen wiping dog hair or saliva off their clothing will not pass.


The tests

PPO must control a highly stimulated 10-month-old male GSD puppy. PPO must be able to get the dog to do a Down in two minutes. Flat buckle collar and nylon lead only.

PPO must stand between a 14-month-old Golden Retriever and a field. The handler of the puppy will then throw a ball directly into the path of the Golden. PPO must stand their ground and take their clobbering in good nature.

PPO must serve dinner to 6 Rottweiler puppies, not older than 6 months and not younger than 4 months. PPO must not spill the food and the puppies will not be held in any Stay position.

PPO must quiet 4 Shelties, or 6 Pomeranians, when the doorbell rings. PPO has two minutes and the puppies must have been handled previously by a breeder immune to the noise who lives in the middle of nowhere.

PPO must hold their ground with 10 Jack Russells chasing an animal they perceive as prey. PPO must hold their leashes and not move more than 6 inches. No corrections may be issued, but PPO is welcome to try to distract them.

PPO must walk 2 Great Danes on ice. PPO must not move more than 100 feet.

PPO must play with a Newfoundland after the dog has been swimming in a pond. They must attempt to dry themselves with a dishtowel. At no time will the PPO appear disgusted.

PPO must leave 3 Huskies alone in their home, uncrated, for 3 hours. PPO is allowed to cry upon return.

PPO must groom an adult male Collie blowing coat completely within 25 minutes, ears, nails, teeth and coat. The dog will have been recently bathed to give PPO a fighting chance.

PPO must fit a Basenji into a winter coat within 5 minutes. Basenji cannot have worn a coat before.

PPO must remove thistles from an English Setter by hand with a fine-toothed comb.

PPO must exercise a Viszla that has not been out for 2 days. PPO must not tire out before the dog.

PPO must sleep in the same room as a Bulldog. If the PPO cannot sleep, they must be happy in the morning.

PPO will navigate through 10 small dogs without stepping on one.

PPO must be able to secure a good supply of used plastic bags within 3 days.

PPO must be able to successfully get a dog to throw up in a plastic grocery bag while in the passenger seat of a car.

PPO must not die of shock when they get the vet bill for neutering a Mastiff.

PPO must sit in a closed room with two dogs that were fed broccoli and beans and exhibit no disgusted facial expressions.

PPO must vow to nurture, love, train and care for their dogs for the rest of the dog's life. PPO must accept that each dog is an individual which needs to live in a pack. PPO must vow to educate themselves about the breed of their choice and requirements expected. PPO must vow to obtain his dog from a reputable shelter/rescue/breeder. Furthermore, PPO must conduct themselves in a responsible manner, securing liberties for the rest of the dog-loving community.

PPO must remain good-humored and remember that for every insane, tough moment, there will be a hundred more good ones.

PPO must try to be the person that their dog thinks they are.

Just so you know...

My mom had a list of all my Pup Pals' birthdays so that she could wish them a happy birthday when it came around. Well, she's not going to do that anymore. It's just too many birthdays to keep track of. If she remembers someone's birthday, she'll still wish them a happy birthday, but is not going to do the list anymore. For all of you who said that it's really nice of my mom to do that, she really appreciates that. If she reads in someone's diary that it's their birthday, she will definitely remember to wish them a happy birthday. But she's not doing the list anymore. It's just too many birthdays to remember. So, if someone's birthday comes around and she doesn't wish you a happy birthday, it will most likely be because she doesn't have the list anymore. She apologizes in advance for forgetting anyone's birthday.

good news and bad news

First, the bad news. Toby will be going to a new home soon. My mom doesn't want to tell anyone why, but she thinks that rehoming Toby is the best thing to do. So, after Toby goes to his new home, my mom will take his profile off of Dogster. I know a lot of you were great friends with Toby. But sometimes, these kinds of situations present themselves, and you have to make a decision that you may not want to make.

Now for the good news. After Toby goes to his new home, my mommy is planning on getting another dog, either another Golden Retriever, or a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog. But it most likely won't happen until next year. So, there will be a new member of the family coming home soon. My mommy is really looking forward to it. She'll be sad that Toby will no longer be her dog, but she'll be happy that she'll have another little bundle of joy to love.

no more tagging for me

I have decided that I'm not doing the tagging game anymore, so if you don't mind, please don't tag me, okay?

Thanks.

a wonderful poem - as told by a dog

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me. Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do. Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps fall upon my waiting ear. When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshipper. Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger. And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health, do not turn me away from you. Rather, hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest--and I will leave you, knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

Things dogs must remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will scooch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher, or trash can.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the "perfect" place to poop.

I will not eat other animals' poop.

I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.