June 21st 2007 9:00 pm
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It's my birthday today. Honestly, it's not really a big deal. This is my ninth birthday and I think it's juvenile to get all amped and crazy about it. Mom bought us each a Dentabone and she got me a bag of squeaky vinyl balls. Ahhhh... I love squeaky toys! And for once, they're all for ME. I'm free to take them into my crate and tear them into as many tiny pieces as I can manage. Dogster HQ also sent me a happy birthday message and they gave me some bones! Thanks Dogster!
I figured I would share some observations and knowledge I have accumulated over the years. Rather than acting a fool, I would like to reflect on my nine years as a lady:
** Happiness is a warm blanket... and spreading out in the very center of the bed! **
** Puppies are a joy to behold and amazingly beautiful and adorable. They are also loud, messy, demanding, horribly needy, and tremendously annoying (especially when they latch onto your nipples with their sharp little shark teeth). **
** Squirrels are the reason the world will end someday. **
** Never run when walking will get you there just as well. **
** Don't worry about dogs who may attack you or act with coarse manners. They probably don't know any better and are certainly socially handicapped. Ignore them as best you can and pray that some human will use their limited brainpower to stop the rude dog in his (or her) tracks. **
** Hunting is best done SILENTLY. Barking just alerts the prey to your presence. **
** Patience is most certainly a virtue. Staring for hours at a human does wonders for breaking them down. They are kind-hearted but essentially weak. **
** Wrestling and growling and biting are best performed when very young. After that, you just look dumb. **
** No matter how full you feel, there is always room in the stomach for one more treat. **
** Rules of the house: If you're not watching it and I take it, too bad. If you were watching it and I take it, too bad. If you have it and I want it, it's mine. If I have something and I don't want it, that doesn't mean you can have it - it's still MINE. **
** Dogs are so much smarter than humans... but we let them think they're smarter than us. Seriously, it's the only way we get some peace from them. **
** It's no use gulping your food. It will make you burp. Decidedly unladylike and highly embarrassing... but the occasional flatulence cannot be ignored or held back. **
** Balls of all kinds cannot be allowed to stay inflated. It's like that human show, Lost, where they kept having to push a button in order to prevent the whole world from exploding. If you're a dog and you see a ball and you don't try to destroy it, the world will end. Do your part. **
** Always kick dirt over the area you have used as a bathroom. It's just courtesy. **
** Stand still when the humans want you to, particularly during grooming exercises. It will go faster this way. (Exceptions to this rule are anything involving the nails. Run like hell if you see a pair of clippers!) **
** Smile - you'll be well liked. (Even if people tend to mistake your smile for a snarl.) **
** Traveling can be fun. It can also be stressful. It's all about your attitude toward it. **
** Always try to kiss humans. It is entertaining to watch them wiggle and squirm in their attempts to escape. And despite what you may have heard, they cannot give you diseases. **
** When no one is looking, help yourself to a seat on the couch. **
** Being quiet can gain you access to many rooms and places where noise is not welcome. **
** Digging: fantastic. Digging in mud: even better. **
** You can never drink too much water. **
** Lick yourself frequently. A clean dog is a good dog! (Leaving wet spots on the couch is a plus.) **
** Be flexible and open to change. You never know when life will throw you a bone... or take a bone away. You have to be prepared for anything. **
** Trying to communicate with humans is a little bit like trying to walk through a wall. If you can find a weakness, you may get through... but most likely, you'll just get stuck in a hard place. **
** Hold your head high and trot lightly when moving. You always want to present yourself as beautifully as possible because you never know if someone important is watching you. **
** Love freely. Humans are basically good at heart. Forgive them their trespasses, because they are people and therefore know not what they do. Pity them because they're not nearly as kind and lovely as us canines. Love them and perhaps one day all people will be good and respond to our kindness. **
June 13th 2007 9:22 pm
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I am going to start referring to Mom as a boomerang... because no matter how far away she goes she always comes back for me! Hooray!
I was so sad that she'd left again (and it looked like it was pretty permanent this time)... I spent most of this week just lying in her bed wishing that she would come back home... and then the most glorious thing happened! Grandma and Aunt Carole and MOM walked in with her stuff! They say she's moving back home because the apartment she moved into was terrible and illegal, didn't have windows or proper ventilation, and the landlord was a real jerk. (That's the nice version, anyway... I'm a lady so I won't repeat the names Mom was REALLY calling him! BOL!) To top it all off, Mom said that the stupid cat, Chairman Meow, was pooping on the floor. Really, how uncouth and ridiculously filthy. I hope that landlord's happy with himself... not allowing ME, the cleanest dog on earth, to live in that little stinkhole while a cat with the undeserved title of "Chairman" utilizes the floor of the residence as a crude toilet? HA! They should call the cat "Dunce Cap Meow." What a simpleton!
Anyway, Mom said that the apartment smelled horrible. Aunt Sarah confirmed that when she came home on Sunday from helping Mom move in... she and Uncle Ron were talking about it a lot and she kept comparing it to the B.O. episode from Seinfeld when the stinky valet got Jerry's car horrendously smelly and they couldn't get rid of the stench. (Yes, I understand a lot of what humans talk about. They're very boring usually but sometimes I get an inkling about something interesting, like a shipment of food or squeakies that Aunt Sarah is expecting. I usually listen on the off chance that they'll say something intelligent. Gotta tell you, so far I haven't met a human with any more brains than your average paramecium. Yep. Know that word too.)
They can bash that apartment all they want... I know the REAL reason Mom came home was because she knew she'd made a huge mistake leaving me here. She missed me too much to live there without me, so she came back home.
I'll allow her to make it up to me by giving me free and unrestricted access to any couch in the house.
Thanks Mom! I love you!
June 8th 2007 10:37 am
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The title basically says it all. Mom got back from her road trip last weekend and I am loving that she's back home! I get to sleep in bed with her and snuggle underneath the blankets on the couch with her too! The only cloud on my horizon is that she's been packing lots of things in big cardboard boxes and saying she's going to miss me a lot. I think she moves into her new apartment with that dumb cat this Sunday. I'm still not positive about whether I'm going to live with Grandma and Aunt Carole yet. I'm sad that my mom won't be living with me anymore. Aunt Sarah says it's temporary and once Mom gets a place that allows dogs, she'll come back for me... but what's a dog to do in the meantime?
I'm stuck here with two crazy Jack Russells (who I do love, but they're still way crazier than me)... and the new dog, who is so annoying that I just pretend he's not there and ignore him when he tries to initiate contact with me. Really... I'm a LADY. And he's a gangly, awkward, crazy mutt who's multiple cards short of a full deck. I like him okay as long as he's at least five feet away from me. Seriously.
As a final insult, while I was busy missing my mom last week, the nutballs caught a SQUIRREL and tore it in half! I'm the one who patiently sits outside the shed and roots around for wayward entrance points for HOURS, and the one day I'm not lying in wait, those amateurs actually get their jaws on one? Good Lord. [Sigh]
May 24th 2007 2:14 pm
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There are squirrels able to run into and out of our shed as they please. I am NOT okay with this in any way, shape, or form! Squirrels perturb me and they must be eliminated!! I spend every day thinking about how to get inside the shed. Every time Mom or Aunt Sarah opens the door for us to go out, I streak outside and go straight to the shed. I'm a very patient dog and I can wait silently outside for hours, just anticipating a squirrel making a mistake and getting near the shed. They just don't know who they're messing with. The dogs I live with are absolute amateurs and don't have any realistic shot of catching squirrels, and those fuzzy rats know that. So they boldly settle down in the shed and think there won't be consequences.
They are SO VERY WRONG about that.
I will get them. I have circled the shed countless times while attempting to figure out exactly how they are able to get in and out so easily. I suspect that they are using the hole in the roof as an entrance/exit. I need to figure out how to climb up there myself now. Trust me... I'll figure it out.
My mom is leaving for a two-week road trip tomorrow morning. I'll be stuck sleeping in the crate. Maybe Aunt Sarah will let me sleep in Mom's bed while she's gone. I know I'm not allowed in their bed because of Uncle Ron's allergies, but maybe she could let me sleep in Mom's bed? I've been letting myself up there at night because Mom's been getting home really late and my aunt and uncle leave me loose at night. Keep your paws crossed that I'll be allowed to sleep under the blankets in a nice soft bed instead of in the crate...
March 30th 2007 8:55 am
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Since I've been around for eight years, I've had a lot of contact with humans. I understand more of their weird language than I would ever be given credit for. This talent of mine is how I've picked up on the fact that my mom is probably moving out soon. I will most likely have to stay with Aunt Sarah and Uncle Ron because Mom is going to live in a basement apartment with a cat and the owners are adamant about "NO DOGS ALLOWED." That's just not fair!! I would get along with a cat... I get along with everything! I wouldn't bother him! This makes me sad because Mom is the one that lets me snuggle on the couch with her... and I sleep in Mom's bed with her at night! Tess and Sully have to sleep in their crates because Uncle Ron is allergic and our hair makes him sick. I like lounging in my crate during the day but at night I don't want to be there! I hope Mom doesn't move because I'll miss her very much.
The other interesting thing is that I may go and live with Grandma and Aunt Carole. Tess tells me that this would be pretty awesome because they're both softies and I would basically be able to do whatever I wanted over there. She wasn't sure about sleeping in the bed though... she thought that Grandma might not let me do that. I wonder if that would be better than staying here? I know it's not up to me and that really stinks. The good part is that Tess and Sully assure me that this family would never ever send me someplace else besides Grandma's... so I will always stay with them. That's good because I'm sick of moving around. I wish I could go to the people who own Mom's new apartment and tell them that I would be good and quiet and never bother their dumb old cat. Oh well... we will see what happens I guess! I'm not the greatest with computers so that's why I don't write a whole lot, but will definitely keep you guys updated once I find out more stuff!
February 26th 2007 12:14 pm
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Last night we got a decent amount of snow outside. I am not really happy about that. Snow isn't the worst thing in the world by a long shot but MAN is it cold! I don't like being cold and would much rather be in the house snuggled with Mom under the blanket!
One of the reasons why I hate snow so much is because when I lived in Ireland, we had a huge snowstorm that knocked the power out for almost two weeks! Since the heat was not working, the warmest part of the farm was inside the people's hatchback truck parked inside the barn. The people put tons of blankets and quilts inside the back of the truck and let all of us breeding females sleep in there together for warmth. I guess this is why I like to burrow under blankets so much... it reminds me of being cozy warm in Ireland! Believe me, having no electricity was not a picnic. I much prefer the power being on because then the humans are in better moods and I get to be under the covers while they watch TV and things like that!
The only thing I really don't like about my new family is that they insist I obtain the proper permission before jumping on the couch! What's that all about? I used to be able to just go up there whenever I wanted, and now I need to WAIT? Who do they think they are?
February 18th 2007 9:02 pm
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Mom took me to the vet last Tuesday to get spayed. I have heard that this makes us dogs unable to have any puppies! This makes me a little sad but I suppose it's for the best since my breeding days are over. How quickly one's life can change... it seems like only yesterday that I was an Irish champion show dog and a top breeding bitch, and now... I'm empty inside! I can't have any more babies! I really loved having all of my puppies and sometimes I miss being a mom. I know my daughter, Tizzy, is still over at Connemara with Sheila and she just had a litter herself a couple of months ago. Hooray Tizzy! I'm very proud that she is carrying on my legacy!
Aunt Sarah belongs to this forum called Dirt Dogs. Sheila set it up for all of the people who are lucky enough to be owned by a Connemara Jack Russell. Aunt Sarah says that she spoke to one woman who has one of my sons! I was so excited to hear that Keegan is doing well and is following in my footsteps by competing on the show circuit here in the States! He is also a stud dog! I saw a picture of him and he turned out to be extremely handsome if I do say so myself! :) Aunt Sarah says another lady from the forum ran into someone who has another one of my daughters, Holly. She says that Holly likes to jump up at the TV and goes ballistic whenever the TV is on. She certainly didn't get that crazy temperament from me... must have been her father, BOL! But I was glad to hear that she's doing well too. I love all of my babies!
Mom started feeding me some new food because the humans think I have allergies. My eyes run all of the time and I'm very itchy. I always lick and chew my feet and legs and then the people yell at me to stop it. Ever since I've been eating the food I feel much better! The only thing that stinks is that I can't have a lot of the same treats that Tess and Sully can eat because they contain wheat and corn and that's what makes me itch. Darn! Grandma bought me some Buddy Biscuits, which are extremely delicious, but I wish I could have all of the things the others get!
My scar on my belly is bothering me. Mom hates when I lick it but it makes me feel better!
February 11th 2007 7:29 pm
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I'm so sorry that it's been a while since I've written, but I do have a life, you know!
Lately I haven't really wanted to eat too much. Mom and Aunt Sarah think maybe I have allergies to something in my food. I don't know what allergies are but I've been chewing on my feet a lot and my eyes have been running constantly. I know I don't look my best and it vexes me.
Aunt Sarah is mean because she won't give me treats unless I eat my kibble first. Just WHAT is that all about? She says I may be allergic to stuff in the treats too but I think that's just silly. They're talking about putting me on a new diet... something about ducks and sweet potatoes? My life has become very confusing as of late!
Outside in the backyard, the people have a big wooden shed. Stuck in a hole in that shed's roof is a squirrel. My one and only goal lately is to dislodge that squirrel from its resting place! It smells so tantalizing. Uncle Ron went outside earlier today and poked it with a stick and it didn't move. He said that's how he knows it was dead. I could have told him that, but did he ask me anything about it? Nooooooo. Silly humans and their cruddy noses! I have concluded that their noses are absolutely useless. When they DO occasionally work, they give them misinformation. Why else would they complain about the way we smell when we come in from a long day of rolliing in dirt and hunting? That's a GREAT smell!
On Tuesday Mom is taking me to the vet to get me "fixed." She says this means I can't have any more babies. This makes me kind of sad because I really loved having my babies and I love being a mom. Although I suppose it is what's best at this point because I can't have babies forever and my last litter really wore me out. It's taken a long time and lots of puppy food mixed in with my regular kibble to make me regain my normal figure. (For anyone who's wondering, I still am quite a petite lady!) I also thought I heard Uncle Ron say that while I'm "under" they should clip my nails! Under WHAT I wonder? And I don't WANT my nails clipped! Why doesn't anyone ever ask me what I think about my nails? I happen to prefer them long!
The good news is that I can now sleep in the bed with Mom again! She's all healed up from her surgery and so I get to stay underneath the covers with her! Hooray for warm beds!
January 11th 2007 10:09 am
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This has been weighing on my mind for quite some time now:
Does food come in a tube?
I thought food only comes from a bowl! (And sometimes human hands.)
Sully has this long hollow green tube toy that he likes to roll on the floor. When he rolls it, sometimes a piece of kibble will pop out and he'll eat it! This is absolute madness since I'm pretty sure none of my toys ever had food in them. I checked the toy box and none of those toys have food in them either. I've asked Tess and Sully whether food really comes from that tube or not. They both say of course and just to get over it. Well, I can't! If food can come from tubes, then how come only water comes out from those tubes on the house? There's a long green tube outside that water comes out of to spray the flowers and grass... if food comes from tubes, then how come we can't just snack out of there when we're outside?
Also, the bird that lives with us sits on perches made of white tubes... I never see HER eat anything that comes out of them! There's no food in there!
Why do they have to have that tube here? It puzzles me so much it makes my head hurt. I thought food only comes in a bowl!
January 2nd 2007 7:35 am
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I just wanted to say Happy New Year to all of my fellow Dogsters! I have been many places in my life and so far have celebrated eight wonderful years... I'm hoping that this home will be my last and I can spend my life with these people. They are very sweet and although they do things differently than what I'm used to (why can't I just jump all over the furniture? That's what it's THERE for!!), I know that they love me and want the best for me. I'm a bit weary of moving again, so I hope that this really is my forever home!
(Don't get me wrong... I am NOT one of those dogs who came from abusive or bad situations... I was always loved and taken care of everywhere I was and moved around within the same "network" of people... all associated with the Shamrock line of Jack Russells! My heart goes out to all dogs who are in bad homes right now... may this new year bring them peace and a nice home to call their very own!)
Lately I have been pining for Ireland a bit... the weather here in New York is much the same as Ireland and I miss roaming around the farm and visiting with the cows in the fields. It was so quiet there... life just moved at a different pace. I think my humans think there's something wrong with me because I stare out the door all day and if they let me out, I sit on the porch and stare at the sky. I'd like to tell them there's nothing at all the matter with me... I just like to take the onset of a new year as an opportunity to reminisce about my life. I am quite smart and sophisticated, you know!!
December 27th 2006 7:09 am
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Yesterday Mom brought me to see Aunt Sarah at work. Walking through that big parking lot was so scary for me. I'm not used to lots of cars and pavement and roads... I like farmland and grass and quiet. But I love my new family so I can deal with minor annoyances like the aforementioned.
When we got into the store (I guess that Aunt Sarah works at a dance store... at least that's what I overheard), I saw Aunt Sarah behind the counter and I smelled... PIZZA! I was so excited! The humans are always saying how I have to gain a little more weight (can't a gal watch her figure?), so I thought that they should definitely give me some pizza! Everyone knows pizza makes you gain weight! Mom and Aunt Sarah ate a lot of the pizza... and I thought I wasn't going to get any... and it smelled so great that it was driving me nuts... but I sat nicely and waited. Patience is truly a virtue, because I ended up scoring some pizza! (Don't tell the other dogs... they will just be jealous of how fabulous I am!) I had a great time... I even met another human named Lauren who Aunt Sarah works with. She was really nice and kept petting me and saying how beautiful I was! What a smart girl! But she didn't like when I tried to kiss her... what is that about? Kissing is nice! People should be flattered that a pretty girl like me would want to kiss them! I couldn't really figure that out...
December 22nd 2006 12:35 pm
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Excuse my harsh language, but I really despise having my nails done. Aunt Sarah and Grandma brought me to the vet yesterday so I could get a health checkup. The vet was very nice and he played with me! I was quite a well-behaved lady until he started to draw blood - that hurt my leg! I'm very petite you know! This man had to hold me down on this cold steel table and I did not appreciate it at all. Aunt Sarah kept telling me that I was such a good girl, but I just wanted it to be over so I could go home.
Then, they did the unthinkable.
They brought me into this back room and this lady held me down while they CLIPPED MY NAILS. It hurt sooooooooo much! It's been a while since I got my nails clipped; Sheila didn't want to stress me out when I was nursing my puppies so she kept postponing it. The nails on my back feet were really cracked and it hurt when the lady clipped them... I howled and screeched and carried on, but they just kept going. I was terrified.
Once they finished I was so happy... I ran out of the room and Aunt Sarah and Grandma were laughing at me! LAUGHING at my pain! How horrible and insensitive! The lady who cut my nails came outside then and just to show her that I don't hold grudges, I licked her face when she bent down. She thought that was really nice of me!
I was so relieved when I got back home... yes, it's beginning to feel like home. I was a little peeved because the humans wouldn't give me any treats for being a good girl... apparently I have to finish my kibble before I get anything. What a sucky rule! There is good news though... Aunt Sarah gave me a plush squeaky bee! That thing was DEAD within a minute... I love squeaky toys! It was a nice end to the whole vet experience. Hopefully I never have to go through THAT again...
December 16th 2006 2:20 pm
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Life with my new family has been pretty good so far... except Long Island is waaaaay busier than either Ireland or Maine! There are tons of cars here, and there is always noise no matter how dark it gets! Today there were sirens for more than an hour that were piercingly loud and hurt my ears; Tess and Sully wanted to get outside to bark at the fire trucks but I didn't want any part of that nonsense, thank you very much. Uncle Ron held them up to the door so they could watch the fire trucks go by... he said something about Santa riding on one of the trucks? Apparently it's a holiday tradition around here to parade Santa around town in the noisiest cavalcade imaginable. Leave it to New Yorkers to be obnoxious about everything, BOL! (Just kidding... don't yell at me, New Yorkers! I really do love you guys!)
I'm warming up to my cousins... they are pretty cool dogs. Sully is a bit of a puzzle to me since I really only have lived with other girls; the only time I really interacted with male dogs is when I was bred (and my little sons, of course). I guess you could say I'm used to a lot of estrogen, BOL! He is a decent little boy, although fairly immature... Aunt Sarah says he's just a baby and I must be patient. [Sigh]... I'll see what I can do.
Tess, my other cousin, is really neat! She rolls the basketball around the yard for me to chase! She's also like me in that we're both addicted to squeaky toys! Mom says I have an obsessive personality, but I just know what I like! Yesterday we each got a squeaky toy for Hanukkah (they celebrate both holidays here! Double presents - score!). I got a blue bone, Tess got a talking Gefilte fish, and Sully got a Hanukkah bear. I destroyed most of the toys since Tess and Sully abandoned them eventually. Sully barely even chewed on his! He just sat with it and chewed on the tag for a little while. That would NEVER be me... I must kill every squeaky toy within my grasp! (Tess says that they're part of a Dogster group dedicated to squeakaholics... this is something I must look into! It sounds fascinating!)
I'm chewing the feet off all the Cuz toys. Aunt Sarah keeps taking them away to hide them but I know where they are. I haven't killed the squeakers YET... but don't think I won't figure it out soon!
Okay, I need some more beauty rest... I think I'll go lay down with my cousins. They really are nice!
December 13th 2006 5:19 pm
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Hello everybody! I am pretty tired from all of the traveling today but I figured I would write a quick entry in here before I completely conk out for the night.
So this New York place seems great for a sophisticated lady such as myself... I hear it is the hub of American culture and the place to be for excitement! I've spent most of my life in Ireland and Maine (which is quite similar to Ireland in geography and culture), so this is quite a change for me!
I'm used to living with lots of different dogs, so I was happy to see that there are two Jacks living with me in my new home. Tess and Sully seem nice... but I am a bit shy by nature and it's going to take a little time for me to embrace my cousins. I still miss my friends from Maine!
I have a small confession to make... I have a "split personality," as the humans would say. Most of the time, I am a well-mannered and easygoing girl who reacts calmly to most everything I experience. However... whenever I see a football or a basketball...
I GO CRAZY! THEY DRIVE ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE! I AM CONSUMED WITH THIS INCREDIBLE URGE TO DESTROY THE BALL NO MATTER WHAT TRIES TO GET IN MY WAY! THE BALL HAS A MYSTERIOUS AND SPOOKY QUALITY THAT RENDERS IT IRRESISTIBLE! I MUST MUST MUST MUST KILL THE BALL! AND DAMN ANY SUCKER THAT GETS IN MY WAY!!!
See? Don't be alarmed; I am nice to everyone as long as they are nice to me!
I think I'll end this entry now. A good start to my diary!
PS- This family has an enormous white bird that for some reason lives in the house with them... I can't quite puzzle that one out yet! She looks quite tasty to me... the other dogs say she's off limits but we'll just have to see about that!
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