I Got My Wings Today...

Much to the sheer and utter heart-break of my mommy and daddy - even the little hu-bro, I am flying free with my pals in heaven waiting for my family. I fought to the very end - they were shaving the beautiful fur on my arms and a diva pug can't have a bad haircut! On the third try, the vet and technician got me to lay down. Mommy was holding my face, kissing me and saying loving words to me. Once they got me, the vet said it will be quick and just like that, I was sleeping soundly. Mom lost it completely and then dad lost it so mom comforted him. He had to pull mom away because she didn't want to leave me there on the table and now she can't stop crying.

I know they helped me be at peace because they love me so much and they just didn't want me to hurt anymore. But mom is questioning it. I heard that was normal but I can't comfort her and tell her it's okay, that I'll fly by and watch over them.

What really got me was when my 6 year old hu-bro asked who was going to watch over him at night now because that was my job for those 6 almost 7 wonderful years. So Dad told him that because I am irreplaceable it will take two to try to do the job - Hercules and Xena.

They are just starting to realize I'm gone and have been stuck like glue to mom but mom just...well...they aren't me. It's too quiet, she says. They don't snore or gasp for air or do butt-spins on the floor or slip and slide or grumble if someone grabs their treat or trip her or sit on her feet or attack her feet when she gets in the shower...I was...unique.

Mom needs another girlie pug...Xena doesn't count - she's "confused". She kind of thinks she's a boy and detests clothes. I tried to show her but that crazy girl would have nothing of it and I know that makes it harder for mom.

I watched as mom sent an email to my breeder in AR to thank them for the gift of moi and sent some pictures along with it with a hint that if someday they had a girlie girl exactly like me...to give her a call.

It's Hard To Say Goodbye...

Dear Friends,

These last few years have taken their toll on me. The cancer has spread and filled me up causing my tumors to split open and I'm really struggling to breathe. I hurt. The vet lady gave mom some pills to help me in order to give the humans and I a few days in which to say goodbye. I will be at peace this Saturday, January 29, 2011...exactly 3 months before my 12th birthday. I've had a great life filled with a love that I wish all pups could experience.

I'm worried that Hercules will make himself sick but hope that Xena will help him out when he needs to be cheered. I worry more about my pawrents - they are complete basket-cases at the moment and the household decree is that "Bailey gets whatever she wants and gets away with anything at all". I could live with that! So I'm filling my belly with steakies twice a day and getting all the cuddles and loves possible.

So many of you have meant so much to me over the years so I just want to thank each and every one of you for the love, the laughter, the tears, the jokes, the parties, the treats and the friendship you have given me. I hope that I have touched each of you in some special way, too.

I am getting ready to join so many of my pals who are waiting up at the Bridge and promise to send you angel kisses when I can.

Lots of lovies,
Bailey

So Happy Spring Is Here!

It's been ages since my hu-mom has written for me my rambling thoughts of pugginess and jiggly wigglies. But it's been a long, cold winter (and we didn't even get any snow this year! grrrrr) and I see shadows which means the sun is out. *sighs with delight* I wandered out onto the deck and felt the warm sun and was enjoying it so much that I just kind of fell asleep while I was standing. Let me just say this is not a wise thing to do when you have two fur-sibs who like to mess with you because you have pug-mentia, pugzheimers and all the other wonderful things us seniors get. Don't worry, I gave them a what-for!

I have my good days and my "shouldn't get out of bed" days and even some days where the humans come make sure I'm still breathing. I'm like a Timex watch though...I take a lickin' and keep on tickin'! I've been fighting cancer for 3 years now which has amazed everypuggy. Including myself. I'm starting to not want to eat all the time and then my pug-brain kicks in and I find myself attacking Hercules and Xena to get their food. I can't walk much any more which works for me since they pick me up and carry me around or push me in a stroller.

When they brought home that Xena monster last year I about had a heart attack. But - she keeps me on my toes and knows I'm still the top dog. Sometimes I let her think she is...then my moment of sanity leaves me and I put her in her place! BOL!.

Alright...time for a beggin' stip and bed. Bark at you all later!

In Memory of My Darling, Pugsident Irving

Until We Meet Again..... Courtesy of my friend Onry Onyx


I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead.
Because you cannot see me with your human eye,
cannot feel me, with your hands or hold me in your
arms. You think I am gone forever. You recall how
I looked when I left this place and you cannot
remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in
another place.

You are racked and torn by the pain of our
separation and it blinds you to that which is
right in front of you ... me.

How many times since I left your immediate sight
have you been told that I'm dead and you should
"get over it"... How many times have you
cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an
outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me
because that's what people say is normal... but
somehow you can't and no one seems to understand?
How many times have you put yourself through such
excruciating pain because you aren't willing to
consider that I am not, by any means, dead.

I want you to do me a favour and go back in time
with me. Remember the glorious day I came into
your home- was I not the most intriguing creature
you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and
giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration
that you wanted nothing
more than to spend the rest of your life with me?
I wanted this too.

Remember the days when I was in my prime and we
did many things together. You were so proud of me!
I was a good friend and I took
care of you when you cried, were angry or felt
down and unhappy. When you didn't have a lot of
time for me because of your obligations, I waited
patiently for you. I was always there when you
needed me. Did I not look at you with such
acceptance and patience that at times you felt
perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never
unworthy in my eyes.

Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became
stiff and my movements slower. Still I met you at
the door when you came home and
followed you around the house. We'd been together
for so long, I was your very best friend
regardless of what you were doing, saying,
thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness
and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I
couldn't get enough of you.

Remember the last time we saw each other with
earthly eyes? You tried to be brave but I knew you
were crying ... I know you so well. Better
than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not
look at you with such pure trust and love that you
yearned only to hold me close and keep
me with you always? Did you not promise that you
would love me forever? I believed you. If this is
so then why have you let me go by thinking I no
longer exist?

Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I
looked at you with adoration, acceptance,
patience, trust and love. Who created this
depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the
song of our laughter which was created in the name
of love? I am no longer an earthly
figure, this is true. My body was only part of who
I really am. My body would have been but a mere
shell on earth if it were not filled to
overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving
light.

When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty
and adorable. But what kind of relationship would
we have had if this is all that I'd been? How
could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual
substance? We are all made up of energy which
resides far deep down inside of
us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving
light. It is the energy that is all of life ... it
has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and
always will be and without it there is no life.

You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold
it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing
that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just
as you know that our love existed on earth -
you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you
couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one
place. But you *knew* it existed. There
was no doubt in your mind.They demand you get over
me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see
me again because animals don't go to
Heaven. Oh really? I'm here to tell you different.
You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on
earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a loving Creator simply because I
wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing
creation with personality? How could I have been
so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit
and loving light? And if this energy is and always
will be, then how can it be that I am
dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all
of life then I was never alive to begin with.

But you know better.You cry because you miss me,
this I understand. I miss you too - I miss the
belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared.
But life does go on beyond these wonderful,
fulfilling physical connections. I came to this
place to live a whole new life, not because I
didn't love you anymore or because I wanted
something better. I came here because it was time
for me to go to the next phase of my existence,
something all living creatures must do eventually.
It is the normal progression of life. I was not
taken away from you because you cannot take away
that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift
to be cherished and honoured just as I cherish and
honour you.

Life is not simply about being born into a body,
living a certain number of years and then dying.
Energy cannot die. We are blessed with time in a
body so that we can learn, share and grow. It
prepares us for the next phase of our eternal
life. The body holds within it the true life force
of our existence ...our soul, spirit and loving
light. Without these our bodies would be empty,
blank, void of feeling and expression. Without our
energy we would indeed be dead and could never
have experienced our love for each other.

You say that all you have left are memories. Not
so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body
I left a little something behind for
you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it.
For what I left behind is far too uninhibited for
confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I
placed it right next to your own which is quite
fitting as we were always side by side in our
earthly life together. I love you too much to have
left you with nothing but memories which tend to
fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love
you too much to have vanished without a trace. How
selfish it would be of me to remove
love and light from your life.I understand your
tears, each one you shed is testament to your love
for me and I am honoured and humbled.
But don't forget the good things we shared -
remember and smile. This is an honour for me as
well. And when you need me I will be here. Close
your eyes, relax, take slow, deep
breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the
world and your notions of what death is and give
me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you.
Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be
proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate.
Don't memorialise the death of my body but instead
honour and celebrate my never-ending life for it
is eternal and forever as is my love for you.

Until we meet again...

For my sweet friend Piggie - Read on Friends!!

Will you please consider posting this in your diary for my sister Morgan and her missing friend, Blue? Blue's Daddy is just trying to continue getting the word out. Thank you.

Hi it's me Zeke ~
I need your help and it wont take you long. Please find it in your heart
to help me find my dad BLUE.
Mom tells me stories of my dad. He is a show dog, agility dog, therapy
dog and of course the BEST LEAD DOG.
He is his mom's best friend.
Can you put yourself in that situation that in the spilt second of an open door your whole family could be changed and your beloved friend who is eager to please you also is eager to explore the unknown~ and for a lead dog ~ eager
to run.
If my dad only knew that he would no longer be doing agility with his mom
his true pleasure and focus. He would no longer be curled up on a warm bed
and eating dinner out of a bowl. He would no longer eat ice cream with grandma on Sundays.
He would no longer be harnessed up with his pack as he lead the way ~
for when he looks behind He is alone.

Please help us find my dad~

Blue, a black and white Siberian Husky (4 year old male, brown eyes, microchipped) has been missing since May 8, 2007 from Brighton, MI.
Dogster page: http://www.dogster.com/dogs/620507
Website : http://whereisblue.com
E-mail: inform@whereisblue.com
Telephone: (313) 550-6095
Reward offered for his return, no questions asked.
Permission and gratitude for cross posting. Thank you!

I've made a decision...

The vet lady told me the other day that it just isn't good to keep putting me under for surgery...something about being a senior AND a pug. She said that it would be better to just wait until the "C" Beast attacks a vital organ, then try to swoop in with one shot to do surgery and chemo. Now, I don't know about you puggies out there but I have a problem with that...

See...I have a handsome hubba hubba who I simply must look good for and, well...how can I do that when I have tumors all over my lucious wrinkles? This gave me a nightmare last night...that I'm going to become one huge tumor. *Hercules can be heard in the background saying, "But you already ARE a giant tumor!! BOL!" Keep laughing, little man...keep laughing. You won't think it's so funny when I tell you my evil plan...

I intend to steal every little treat, crumb or otherwise that you might get from the humans! There, I've said it! You are not worthy of such delicacies or of developing the jiggly wigglies like myself! I MUST eat everything in sight, I MUST have the plumpest wrinkles around and I MUST eat it all!!!!

That being said...how do I get the humans to stop calling me a puggy vacuum cleaner? I'm not yet sure if this is meant as a compliment or an insult. Well - I'm off to steal more treats and to attack the little freak who tries to protect his own!!!! Muahahahahaha!!!

I was Tagged and Love Tagged...mommy is a slacker! BOL!

Dear Diary,

I was tagged by some really good friends and I'm extremely late in replying. So, here is who tagged me:

Pugsident Irving, Tan-Gi Lin, Mr. Bubble Head, Sarge, Skippy, Odie, Bella, Gabby, Roscoe, Hana Chan, Madison, Seakie, Phoebe, Molly Grace, Shorty, Rosie, Cindy Baby Love, Birdie, Otis, Hana Chan, Lola Maria, AsciiFurby, Kitty, Esperanza, Odie (NJ), Kayo, Bourne & Ms. Humbay and Ariana Silvis!

The rules of the game are as follows: Each player will list 7 random facts about him/herself. Dogs who are tagged need to post in their diary The Rules and their 7 Pawsome Facts. They then choose 7 other dogs to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to bark them a pmail that they’ve been tagged and to read your diary for the info!

1. I was sent to mommy sight unseen from AR, handpicked especially by the breeder for her.

2. I am a Master of Intimidation over my food.

3. I have cancer.

4. Mommy makes me poached chicken and rice for breakfast and dinner.

5. I LOVE LOVE LOVE dressing up as a princess diva.

6. I sashay when I walk while wearing dresses and my angora sweater.

7. I enjoy having my love wrinkles massaged and smooshed and doing butt spins.

Now for the fun part, tag you're it now.

1. Jake Puggles - cuz you're so cute
2. Ollie - a handsome guy - we are thinking of you
3. Tan-Gi Lin - because you're my pal
4. Gizmo - cuz you're my buddy
5. Diamond - my partner in crime
6. Sumo - my sweet friend
7. Maggie May - I'm thinking of you

Dogster HQ Rocks!

It is I, Queen First Lady Pugger, Bailey.

Just wanted to give a bark out to Dogster HQ because they rock! Every time we have reason to call HQ - you know, like when the mommy messes something up (*glares at the mommy with her best hairy eyeball with disgust*) and needs help to "fix it"! They are always so wonderful and I'm sure they just nod their heads in commiseration knowing how these humans can be! BOL! (She's "speshul" but I love her anyway...she feeds me tasty food to keep my wrinkles nice and plump.)

So here's to you Top Dog and HQ!!! Woof!

Wags and licks,
Bailey

Going For My Second Surgery...

Hi pals, it is I, Queen First Lady Pugger Bailey here again with a small update.

Most of you already know that tomorrow, Monday June 18th, I go back for more surgery to remove another tumor. This is the bad one that they won't be able to get out completely with clean margins so I will be going under radiation and chemotherapy as soon as I heal.

These vet people find great humor in shaving me in strange designs...last week they shaved half of both my sides for an ultrasound...but I think they were really just wanting to see what a Queen Diva Pug looks like with a mohawk. When I heal I'm going to bite them all in the butt! BOL.

The only good thing that has come from this whole cancer business is that my meals are scrumptious! I get poached chicken, rice and kibble with some broth. Boy, oh boy! I gobble that right up!!!

Anyway - I love you all - wish me luck, pugleeze!! :-)

We Love Our Pals!

Hi everypuggy. It is I, First Lady Pugger Bailey here, composing a little something to keep you all updated.

Last Monday I had a shocking surprise waiting for me at the vet lady's office. A cyst tripled in size literally overnight. As you all know by now, the cyst on my belly was actually cancer that had been ignored by my old vet for over a year. He thought mommy was just looking for problems, especially after I got sick from the recall. Okay, fine.

He obviously wasn't fully evolved and ought to get a refund for his "degree". Do I sound bitter? Hmmm...well, I don't mean to, really. It's just that it took me 8 whole years to perfect my beautiful budda belly and now there is a 6 inch long and 4 inch wide gaping hole where my love rolls used to be. (He took as much out as he safely could and since there was nothing there under the skin, he actually had to stitch my outer skin into my abdomen...so I'm not supposed to me moving much less taking the stairs or running for 2 whole weeks!!) I mean really - the least they could have done was liposuctioned the rest so it would look pretty...but noooooo...they had to scrape for something called "clean margins". Sigh. Obviously clueless where diva Puggies are concerned! Grrr...

Then, of course, the lab got backlogged and my cancer grading won't get back until Friday. What a perfect way to spend the week and ruin a weekend when the surgeon isn't even confident he got it all out!

I really wish I could eat but I just don't feel like it right now. I know! Huge surprise!! Can you imagine the shock on mommy's face when I turned down CHEESE?! And I so want to cuddle with the humans but my whole body is so tender I can't stand to be touched except for on my head and around my neck. Bummer!

At least I still have some spunk left in me! I really, really, really wanted to grow velcro and attach myself to mommy so when she was putting the human boy down for a nap and at bed time, I somehow managed to make my way up the stairs. I cried pitifully because...well...it hurt! Mommy very lovingly figured out a gentle way to pick me up and carried me down the stairs kissing me and telling me that she loves this stubborn old woman. I was appalled! Who, me? Stubborn? NEVER!!!

I love all my wonderful friends who have been so loving and supportive these last few days. You're all so wonderful and I wish I could afford to give each and every one of you stars and rosies forever! Suffice it to say - you're each in my heart and I think of you often!! Each of you are so special to us and we appreciate you all!! Kissies!!!

Well, I'm off to get some expugllent snore time in because that crazy human kid is gonna wake up at the crack of dawn to torment me. I just know it!