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September 13th 2007 10:05 am
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This morning, Ah ma was reading the papers and she thought she saw the words moving. Then she looked up and saw that the light was swaying slightly. I didn’t feel the tremors coz I was sleeping. I can sleep through anything.

PUB is doing some maintenance works on the sewers in our street. The people working on it are not too bright. They somehow managed to seal off the entire street while they worked. And the cars coming from all directions were not too happy and they started toting their horns. Ah bee and Fomfomfom was caught in one today and Cha and Fomfomfom were caught in another one yesterday. From where I was standing, it actually looked funny.

Cha walked in on Ah ma watching Tom & Jerry on Cartoon Network just now. Then Cha went out and announced it to the rest of them. Ah bee went in to join Ah ma. Then I went in too. I wanted to jump up on the sofa to sit beside Ah ma so I let Ah bee carry me. Then I got carried to the toilet to get my ear cleaned. I was upset but they promised this would be the last time so I guess I can live with it.

Then I went back to join Ah ma and Ah bee. Fomfomfom came in too. We watched Tom & Jerry together for half an hour. It was lovin’.


I have been vindicated.

September 12th 2007 9:43 am
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Cha apologized for scolding me two days ago. They accused me of picking a fight with the white Schnauzer. Today, Fomfomfom and Cha brought me to the gardens and we bumped into him again. We saw each other in the distance and we both started barking. They didn’t let me go near him. But we did see that the white Schnauzer barked madly at every dog he sees. Cha decided that the problem lies with him and so she apologized to me. I forgive them. As long as they know it wasn’t me.

We also met the miniature Silky Terrier. She’s tiny. And she’s only a year and a half. Such a baby.


I hooked myself a golden tortoise

September 11th 2007 5:17 am
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They tried to make me go to the vet
I said no, no, no.
Yes my ear stinks, but just don’t smell it
You won’t know, know, know.

I ain’t got the time
And I am sure that my ear’s fine
They’ve tried to make me go to the vet
I won’t go, go, go.

I’d rather be at home with Ah ma
I ain’t got an hour to spare
Cos there’s nothing, nothing they can do there
That Ah bee cannot do at home to my ears

Didn’t believe them at all
Coz I knew we weren’t going to the gardens

They try to make me go to the vet
I said no, no, no
Yes my ear stinks, but just don’t smell it
You won’t know, know, know.

I ain’t got the time,
And I am sure that my ear’s fine,
They tried to make me go to the vet,
I won’t go, go, go.

The woman said, why you think you here?
I said, I got no idea
I was so, I was so terrified
So I kept trembling all the way there

Say, your ears they look beautiful
Say it, vet woman
And bye bye

They try to make me go to the vet
I said no, no, no
Yes my ear stinks, but just don’t smell it
You won’t know, know, know

I don’t wanna clean my ears again
I just, ooo, I just need some time
I’m not gonna spend 10 more days
Cleaning my ears twice a day

I’m not being spoilt
It’s just that I am terrified

They’re tryin to make me go to the vet
I said no, no, no
Yes my ear stinks, but just don’t smell it
You won’t know, know, know

I ain’t got the time,
And I am sure that my ear’s fine
They tried to make me go to the vet
I won’t go, go, go.

Sigh. But I went. They played dirty. They got Ah ma to carry me. But it was not a wasted trip. The vet woman said that my ears looks beautiful and we only go to carry on the cleaning for 3 more days. In case the bacteria grow resistant to the medication. Whatever.

That is not why it was not a wasted trip. Here is why- we met Kait’s owner at the vet’s. He went in and bought a huge bag of kibble. He didn’t pay for it. And then he went to talk to the vet. And then the nurses were falling over themselves, packing his kibble and OFFERING TO CARRY THE KIBBLE TO HIS CAR! That is ridiculous. No one ever volunteered to carry my medicine to the car for Fomfomfom. I don’t know who he is, but he is somebody. Ah bee reckoned that he probably owns the clinic. So Fomfomfom went to ask the nurses. They said that he’s a client and he has a Shih Tzu. I know that. His Shih Tzu is Kait, one of my boyfriends. Anyhows, he must be somebody, even if he weren’t the owner; you should have been there to see them nurses. It was positively shocking.



I got into a fight today.

September 10th 2007 10:47 am
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Today is my birthday. I am three years and nine months old. I got a slice of pandan cake for my birthday because we are all getting fat.

I nearly gave Fomfomfom a heart attack at the gardens today. First it was Magic and Diva. We saw them and I was so happy. I wagged my tail and I approached cautiously, like I always do. Sister Yakity Yak asked if I cut my hair and she was going on about how I want to play but I was too scared. Then Magic lunged at me. Luckily I ran fast enough. Then Diva tried to do the same thing to me but Diva is less scary coz she’s smaller than Magic. That’s when both of them were pulled away.

Then we saw this white Schnauzer and I got really excited. We ran towards each other. We were sniffing and sniffing and oh I can’t remember who started it, but we started growling at each other, baring our teeth. They got really scared coz we looked like we were going to fight. I’m not going to tell you over what, but I would say it came close to it. Fomfomfom was terrified. She said that I am not to go play with big dogs. They will have me at the big kennel in the sky with one bite. And I got scolded at home too when they heard I had a fight in the gardens today. It was not good.

That white Schnauzer I recognize him. He’s Sofia’s. Sofia is the baby girl we met at the gardens. The one who tried to eat flowers. The last time I saw her, she was still crawling on the floor but today she was walking. I stood up to prove that I’m still taller and I put my paws on her stummy. Her sense of balance is not bad. She took a step back but that was it. She didn’t fall on her backside. But because my paws were muddy, I soiled her lovely one piece dress. Which she lifted to flash me by the way. I like her. She smiles a lot.

But I don’t like her dog.


I still love Ah ma

September 9th 2007 10:40 am
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This morning, Ah ma brought me out to the porch and she didn’t leash me. She didn’t count on me running to the garden. And to the back where the banana tree used to be. And back to the front again. And kicking my hind legs on seeing a dog walk by. And dirtying my paws in the process. And I didn’t count on Ah ma scooping me up with one hand. She’s good. Really good. This is the first time Ah ma did this so my defences weren’t up. I’d be more careful in the future.

Cha is not feeling good today. She has the stummy flu and she didn’t eat lunch. I reckon she didn’t have much for dinner either. My poor Cha. Kiss kiss Cha Cha. I think Ah bee and Fomfomfom should be the ones getting the stummy flu. They keep eating. And eating. And eating. They need to get the stummy flu.

We didn’t meet any of my friends at the gardens today. They know better than to go out in the heat. But I didn’t care and I told Ah ma that I wanted to go out. So she ordered Fomfomfom and Ah bee to bring me there. Ah bee complained that the sun gave her a headache. Like who cares.

Anyway, no friends today. But I met the Shih Tzu in drag yesterday. He was still in drag. And he was wearing socks. If I were him, I might consider staying in. Really.


Ping Ping pa pa

September 8th 2007 10:51 am
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I hate cleaning my ears. I refuse to go upstairs where they can catch me to do the deed. I even decided to sleep in the living room just so I don’t have to go through it all. But there is no escaping it, it appears. They came down to catch me, blanket in tow. Sigh. I can’t seem to win. The only consolation was that I get tidbits after the cleaning. Oh Tuesday, come quick.

A woman at the gardens, on approaching us, pointed at my tail and said, "Look like featherduster!" It was a good thing for her that Fomfomfom and Ah bee are good-natured people and saw the humour in that or else she'd have them on top of her, clawing her eyes out. Woman, you can say whatever you want but you should really work on being discreet.

Just now I was watching Chinese opera with Ah ma. There was this man, who was wearing a hat. And his hat had two antenna-lookalike thingys sticking out from the side. First he shook his head and the right antenna started twirling in circles. Then he stopped and started shaking his head again. This time, the left antenna started twirling in circles. And then he stopped again. He moved his head a third time and the right antenna started twirling in an anticlockwise direction and the right antenna in the clockwise direction. It was amazing. Ah ma was so impressed. Fomfomfom and Ah bee were no less impressed but they were more bewildered than anything- why on earth would he spend his whole life mastering the art of twirling antennas that stuck outta his hat? I have to say this is beyond me too. And he is a Plum Blossoms Award winner! Twirling antennas like that wins you accolades of the highest honour. Go figure. I did enjoy the rest of the dong-changs though.

I am the chief of security in this house and Ah bee is my deputy. I get 50cents for my work while she gets the honour of doing the tasks I delegate to her.

Fomfomfom is very traumatized. She feels so cheated. She has been reading a book and the author is supposed to be a very enlightened man who sat in front of a tree, like Buddha did. He claims that he attained enlightenment when he was 21. Fomfomfom and Cha both enjoy his book a lot. But Fomfomfom found out today that he is a fraudster. He doesn’t practice what he preaches. He has 90 Rolls Royces and is not celibate. 'nuff said.


Ugly ugly ugly!

September 7th 2007 10:17 am
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Cha was eating salted black beans just now and I was sitting right beside her. She dropped one on my back and I turned my head to grab it. Cha stretched out her hand at the same time. Fomfomfom, who was there too, gasped. The three of us, we had a matrix moment right at that instance. Alas, my head is no match for Cha’s lightning hand. Grumble grumble.

We didn’t meet the Japanese poodle today at the gardens. I reckon she’s home making sushi. We didn’t meet anyone else either. Which might not be a bad thing. I am not in the mood to socialize with any one given my appearance now.

I know I know, being ugly is not an offence. You can’t help being ugly. I told Fomfomfom this and she nodded solemnly. No one knows this better than she does.

Ah ma was listening to music in her room just now. I don’t know what she was listening to but I know Fomfomfom and Ah bee were cackling away. Because I love Ah ma, I shall say that the two of them don’t appreciate fine music.

I was out at the porch for 1.5 hours just now. Half of it was with Fomfomfom and the other half was with Ah bee and Ah gong. It was lovin.



September 6th 2007 10:18 am
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I had a most awful day. First Ah bee bluffed me by saying that we were going to the gardens when all she wanted to do was to scoop me up and clean my ears. Then when they said we were going out, I was really excited because I thought hey, we’re really going to the gardens. But no, we didn’t go to the gardens; we went to the groomers. It was such a hot day and we had to wait 20 minutes for Evan who went to eat his lunch. Is terrible, how can he make us wait 20 minutes? But at least he was quick when he cut my hair; we were done in less than an hour. I look terrible but it’s okay coz somehow they’re always nice to me after a haircut. I got lotsa lovin from Ah ma.

We went to the garden and we met Kait, Mel and Chippy. Kait’s owner almost didn’t recognize me. It was embarrassing. Oh, and we also saw a little poodle. It’s actually quite adorable, quite unlike other poodles. This one is brown in colour and she’s only 11 months old. She was real frisky and jumped on Fomfomfom. Fomfomfom was quite smitten with her. That old hag. She always loves fresh meat. First BlingBling, now the Japanese poodle. Hmph.

My poop was a little gooey and I had some shit stuck to my backie backside. When we were in the car, I promptly scooted on Ah bee who then had some crap on her shirt. A little bit of Xiao Ping on her shirt. She should be so lucky.

I had to take a bath after that.

And I have lost interest in the snails.


Hama hama

September 5th 2007 10:04 am
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Apparently, Trouble is in trouble now. That rich bitch has got suits going her way; everyone wants a piece of her USD12mil. It’s disgraceful you know. Those greedy greedy people. Shame on them. Preying on a little doggie. Shame on them. Pui!

We met this local artiste in the gardens today. She was with her children, Sage and Parsley. She said, “Oh what a sweet doggie!” Thank you, thank you very much.

Just now when I was outside with Ah bee, I spied a maomao. So I darted down and Ah bee came chasing after me. I didn’t catch the kitty but we didn’t go back empty-handed. Ah bee saw that there snails on the grass and she was so amazed. She started counting the number of snails and she stopped at 15. It was really mind-boggling. Where did them snails come from? Where were they going? Why are there so many of them? Do they do this every night? Ah bee and I, we were so excited. She lined two of them snails in front of me and I sniffed at them. I wanted to be friends with them so I gingerly picked them up with my teeth and kept them in my mouth. One at a time. Don’t you all worry, I didn’t hurt them; I merely kept them in my mouth. The only thing was their shells got a little wet. When I spat them out, Ah bee picked them up and returned them to their mummies. Oh, and we saw a toad too. I sped down the steps to chase the toad and Fomfomfom screamed for Ah bee to go chase me because she is terrified of all reptiles. Well, technically they aren’t reptiles; they’re amphibians I think but Fomfomfom, she’s scared of them too. I love the garden. Isn’t it wonderful how one square patch of grass supports so much life? I shall make it a point to observe the snails every night from now on.


Ping Ping Pao Pao Pha!

September 4th 2007 10:26 am
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I went to the gardens at 330pm today because I overspent yesterday. The parking at the gardens is free for the first hour before five so I had to go before that. Usually I cannot take advantage of that because it would be too hot at 3 in the afternoon. But it was perfect today- it looked like it was going to rain and I didn’t have money so we went way early. Perfect.

Ah ma is a little crabby today and has been for the past few days. Everyone stayed out of her way except Ah bee. Because Ah ma wasn’t crabby to Ah bee. She even left her food so that she would have something to stuff her face with after class. Ah ma may be crabby but there aren’t many like her around.

Even I got scolded today. I was in the room with her and I barked to get her to open the door for me to go out. She grudgingly did and after a short stint downstairs, I went up and barked at her to get her to open the door once again. I decided that I wanted out again and so I barked again. That was when Ah me threw me out of the room and that was the last I saw of her tonight.

But it is okay. I forgive her. Because I lub Ah ma.

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