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The noose

September 16th 2008 7:50 pm
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O ho ho ho, forgive my jollity. Yesterday was so exciting that I forgot to write my diary entry. It was nothing funny, depending on where you are, but I thought it was pretty funny. We had a visitor yesterday, and it seems he fancied himself a mini-hedge fund and leveraged himself up to his eyeballs.

We did a fed and bailed him out. But I thought, lounging by their feet as they ironed out a deal, like the fed, we're only delaying the day of reckoning.


I need better food

September 15th 2008 8:47 am
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I brought my sexy bone to ah ma and she decided she had to wash it as it was full of my saliva. Then she hid it from me and I couldn't find it. She told me to go play with my doughnut, and it reminded me of food so I told fomfomfom I wanted to eat dinner instead.

Ah bee took my arm and said it's so thin she has to measure it with vernier callipers. Measuring it with a ruler wouldn't be accurate. I started to pity myself coz I'm so thin. I'm sure the sight of vernier callipers would make me weep.


At presstime only 2 lanterns burnt up

September 14th 2008 8:17 am
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They dolled themselves up and left me at home alone with Merrilyn for 4 hours today. They had to attend a wedding. I was queen and Merrilyn was my slave and it wasn't all bad. I ordered her around and ran amok and when they came back, they asked Merrilyn if I had been a good girl, and Merrilyn meekly said yes.

To show my displeasure at them abandoning me alone at home, I sat on the sofa with them and kept farting. Fomfomfom said I should sequester my farts and use it to power her car. I thought that wasn't a bad idea, especially if oil hits $200 a barrel and I can sell my farts for $10 apiece.

Apparently today is the mid-autumn festival. So they ate mooncakes and pomelo and drank chinese tea and lit 6 lanterns on the balcony. The whole 9 yards. Of course I got nothing to eat. They had ah ma carry me, it was deception. Ah ma told me we were going out to play. I was carried in front of the ugly cheap lanterns and they took undignified shots of me and ah ma and the lanterns. I growled and told ah ma I don't like mid-autumn festivals.

May the lanterns all burn up.


Tou ji mo gou

September 13th 2008 9:53 am
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I didn't sleep well last night. It was too cold, so I woke up and walked around, until I was far away from the air-conditioner. Cha finally moved my bed where I can sleep without catching a cold. Tonight I must remind her to help me put on my P-shirt so I can sleep well. My P-shirt is purple and pink, it is striped and it's got a P on it. It's my favourite shirt.

Ah ma made some drunken chicken and put it in the fridge for fomfomfom to eat at night. I told fomfomfom to go steal some chicken to eat and then come rub my belly. She didn't get it. Only ah bee got it.

I was chewing on my milkstick and cha walked past me. She must have been behaving suspiciously, that's why I attacked her big toe. Now it is bleeding and I told her solemnly not to make any sudden moves in future when I'm with my milkstick. They never learn.


I got a haircut

September 12th 2008 6:44 am
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I was on my morning walkabout. Somehow, I walked to the groomer's. He shaved me for an hour and now I'm ugly. I'm contemplating not going out of the house for a month because all my new friends will laugh at me. I am so unhappy. Luckily in the afternoon, I didn't meet any friends.

Then ah ma gave me a bath and I thought I should spread some of that unhappiness that is concentrating in me around. So I went onto the sofa where my mamas are sitting and started farting. I gave them a few and when they started complaining, I squeezed out one more for good luck.


It's not my fault

September 11th 2008 7:14 am
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This morning I walked to the generator room and I smelled cat. I sniffed around the drains where the smell was the strongest, but I didn't see any cat around. Something hissed fiercely at me but I didn't see what. I was too busy jumping backwards. Later, according to Fomfomfom, there were 2 cats under that drain.

In the afternoon, I went back there to solve the mystery. Under the drains, something hissed at me again. I was so scared. Later, cha told fomfomfom it was a kitten. I was shamed.

I pooped and it was soft and it stuck to my fur. I didn't like it, so I sat down and scooted around. I drew a "S" on the ground with my poop using my backside. Cha carried me home and I ended up in the bathtub again. Ah ma gave my behind a good scrubbing while fomfomfom sat by the side of the bathtub and comforted me. Cha was mumbling and grumbling outside the bathroom.

She says everytime she sees me, she thinks of the poopy "S" I drew on the ground. Ah ma also kept harping on it. I am sad.


4 years and 9 whole months!

September 10th 2008 6:36 am
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It is my birthday again today. It is a special birthday coz my cake looks different. It is a mooncake. It is green and in an ugly plastic box, so I didn't want to be associated with it or have my picture taken with it. But later, I changed my mind about the greenish thing and asked to have a bite. My request was rejected and I thought it wasn't a very happy birthday at all.

Also rather unhappy was this incident. I won't call it an incident. It was just sloppiness. Someone did a sloppy job cleaning up after I had pooped a few days ago. So today they found a piece of poop stuck on my behind fur and suffice to say I spent some time in the bathtub.


At night ah ma had tonic soup for my mamas and I insisted I had to have some black chicken coz it's my birthday. Fomfomfom and ah bee gave me some and now I'm worried I will be over-nourished and my nose will bleed. But I thumped my chest and told cha I'll bear all consequences of the tonic chicken when I asked to eat. So I am all grown up and I will bear. The. Consequences. Whee!


The species of the matter

September 9th 2008 6:41 am
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This morning we met a grandmother and her granddaughter. They both said I look like a cat. I remembered what fomfomfom said yesterday--they hadn't actually verified with the doctor whether I'm a dog or cat, they just assumed I was a dog. But now we have to question our premise, which is looking increasingly shaky by the day. I didn't know either, whether I am a dog or a cat, so I just said to the granny and her grandchild, meow.

Later cha told them all about it, and fomfomfom said, nevermind. Ping ping--species: baby. By way of illustration, fomfomfom whispered to me, it's like, cha--species: bad person. It doesn't matter if cha is a dog or cat. She's just a bad person. I thought about it, it seems alright. Next time someone asks me whether I am a dog or cat, I'll just tell him I'm a baby.



September 8th 2008 7:47 am
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We met ngyak ngyak ngyak in the afternoon. My word, she is loud. I was proud when I could be heard throughout my block. She really has something to write home about. She is at least twice as loud as me. I bet the people in the next condo can hear her. And when she goes off, she really goes off. I think she's quite quite mad.


You then smwelly

September 7th 2008 8:51 am
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This morning we met Auntie Chris downstairs. And she commented that I looked dirty. Again. Just two days ago, Ah gong had the same thing to say. Ah ma has been calling me a dirty little kitten. And yesterday that silly little gal said I smell. I so do not smell. I don't understand this. I haven't missed a single bath. I would love to, but I haven't. I should tell Ah ma I don't want to take any more baths. They don't seem to be working anyway. Grumble.

I was walking with Fomfomfom when we saw a stray dog. I started barking at him and they heard me all the way up there. That's cool. And that means when I bark at home, everyone all the way down to the ground floor can hear me. That's way cool.

Uh oh Cha says I have to go to bed now otherwise I can't go down for my walk tomorrow morning.


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