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I. Will. Be.

December 2nd 2006 8:24 am
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I bathed today. It is the last time carlin will bathe me coz she's going back to the philippines. And for the first time, ah bee woke up early enough to blow me dry. It was highly emotional.

I emerged from my emotions stronger and more determined to take control of my own life. Not to be like a young sapling swaying in the wind. Oh, those emotions. They will be my downfall yet. Therefore, I will learn how to bathe myself before the next maid comes.

I will make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

I will be. Adequite.


Wanton Wontons Part II

December 1st 2006 8:20 am
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I had wantons for dinner tonight again! Ah ma made them specially for me since I was so appreciative of the wantons last night.

I had 2 wantons. It is half more than what I had last night. Therefore, I am more wanton than yesterday.

I looked for the moon tonight. I was at the porch enjoying the cool air and watching the ants crawling wantonly around. I couldn't find the moon! It wasn't in the same place it was yesterday. I was thinking maybe there's wanton in the air and the moon went out to play that's why I couldn't find it. I finally found it later when I walked further out. It was in the sky like the good moon it was supposed to be.

But there's only half a moon, like yesterday.


Wanton wontons

November 30th 2006 2:47 am
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I had wantons for dinner. They don't taste very wanton. Neither do they feel wanton. They actually operate within carefully prescribed parameters.

The parameter is the wanton skin. It is yellow and thin and it breaks easily. It is like a frilly skirt around the wanton. But it is not provocative, the skirt is not. Coz it is not wanton, you know what I mean?

I like wantons. In Singapore you can buy wanton noodles to eat. How wanton can noodles be? I imagine that can be the source of dispute and conflict. The hawker sells wanton noodles, the customer eats and says, wot? But you note that can only be a foreign customer. Local customers are programmed to be turned on by a good wanton noodle.

In foreign lands, wantons are called wontons. And no one has high expectations of wontons; they are not expected to titillate. And of course they don't . Only in asian lands where wantons are properly called, do they live up to their name.

Ah ma's wanton is, of course, oh-so-wanton.



November 29th 2006 8:12 am
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Today we went to the condo. It was rainin'.

I ran from one end of the block to the other and back, and then all over again. It was borin'. Then I decided to be adventurous and go out into the rain. I poked my head out and started runnin' very fast. I was a hero.

Then I felt the rain get to my skin. That was when I decided I didn't like runnin' in the rain after all. I had ah bee carry me back into shelter.

Ah ma scolded ah bee for letting me go into the rain and then goo-gooed at me.

I love bein' me.


Days of the week

November 28th 2006 6:24 am
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I told my mamas I wanted to start school. Afterall, I'm almost three. So my mamas huddled together and after some discussion, they decided fomfomfom shall start the ball rolling. She will teach me the days of the week on the first lesson.

We sat down in her room. Fomfomfom said, Mun-dae. I repeated, MUN-DAE.

Twos-dae. I repeated, TWOS-DAE.

Fomfomfom went on, Whens-dae.

That's when I fled.



November 27th 2006 7:49 am
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Red cherries are nice. But not today. It was raining, and I wa lounging in the porch. Then ah ma came charging out holding a container of cherries. She pointed her finger at fomfomfom and ah bee and started scolding them. The story was, fomfomfom and ah bee had left the container of cherries soaked in water overnight when they were supposed to eat them. Now the cherries are soft and rotten and all split from the water.

Ah bee and fomfomfom poked the cherries everywhere and pretended to eat in front of ah ma. Fomfomfom said she forgot all about it. Ah bee then said she ate 4 cherries last night. Ah bee hung herself! So stupid.

It is stupidity that attracts mosquitoes. Ah bee and fomfomfom were attacked by vicious mozzies. Ah ma had to put on green ointment for the two of them after they bathed. So stupid, like babies.

I can't stand the 2 of them, they always do stupid things together and get scolded together.

This morning, I left a pile of poop in front of fomfomfom's door so she may get a present when she woke up. Giggle. Ah ma accused me of attracting houseflies into her room coz I smell of poop.

Oh, I have to sleep now. It is 1149pm already.


A pound of flesh

November 26th 2006 7:55 am
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A pound of flesh! No one extracted it from no one, we don't do such things in this house. It was my lunch. Minced porky with green peas, it was wonderful on the eyes, color and all. Pig's flesh is what it is, but it sounds so gross. We have to be diplomatic about it.

Politicians. Ah ma bought half a kg of saliva over the phone for one thou eight hundred buckeroos. I hawked my saliva to ah ma for 5 buckeroos, she told me to shoo, go and play. Bird's nest is what it is, it is wonderful for ah bee's skin. THAT's WHAT THEY WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVE, AH MA. The person selling bird's saliva. If I set up an international organization touting the health benefits of my poo, oh hahaha.

I peered at ah ma with my big unblinking peepers, and ah ma caved in to my demand of sitting on her sofa. I even got to come into contact with her blanket. Oh, it is but a question of time before I end up on ah ma's bed.

And then I got fomfomfom to pay me $1 for writing this diary entry. I demanded she pay me in US currency. So now I have a crisp one dollar bill sitting in my shoe box.

Assertiveness will get you everywhere.


Today is Saturday and that's a fact so live with it

November 25th 2006 7:47 am
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Everyone in the house bathed today. That's all.


Jane Bond

November 24th 2006 7:49 am
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Where a girl fails yesterday, she succeeds today. With iron will, a fast mind and an able body, a girl can achieve anything, nevermind that the odds are against her.

So in all, I shat 4 times yesterday and today. I failed in keeping the poop down yesterday morning. But the next 3 times? Hohoho. I even left a bomb in ah bee's room hoping to snare her. Almost. It's just luck, not that she's bright or anything. And so, the pingping is victorious once more.

Oh, and I visited the vet woman again today. She looked at my ears, mumbled something about the horizontal part of my ear canals not looking so good and wanted to put me under GA so she can flush the bad stuff out. I said phootooi. Fomfomfom and ah bee said so too, just not in so many words. I think they said "!", in exactly that many words. So we settled for a muzzle and flushed my ears out.

Vet woman, I have 2 protective angels, you can never get the better of me. Phootooi to you again, just in case you missed it the first time.

The pingping reigns.


Let me tell you a story

November 22nd 2006 11:46 pm
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Once upon a time, a little girl pooped. It was nine in the morning. The hungry girl ate her poop.

Later in the morning, a little girl threw up. It's nothing, the little girl says. I always throw up coz I'm hungry in the mornings. Mama, the little girl says, the weather turned my vomit brown.

Mama says, oh naughty weather, to have turned my little girl's yellow digestive juices brown. Ohhhh, my poor darling, I hope you are fine.

Mama number 2 said, HALLELLUJAH! You threw up poop!

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