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I forget

July 31st 2007 10:27 am
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I think my memory is not too good. Let me tell you why.

This morning, I spied a stranger in the house. I stared at him for a good 3 seconds. Then I cocked my head and started to think but I simply couldn’t place him. I decided it wasn’t worth the effort so I went to look for Ah ma. It was only later when it suddenly dawned on me that my Ah gong is back. I was so excited I jumped around and danced for him. That old man has been missing for the past month, deprived of my wonderful company. Poor thing he. But he came back without presents for me. I will have to speak to him about it. This is unacceptable.

Fomfomfom and Ah bee went to play badminton again today and I started sulking coz I was left at home with Cha who would usually be too busy with her dunnowhats. Cha told them that I was a petty one and I wouldn’t forgive them for dumping me on Cha. Yes, that would be correct. I do not forgive. And I will not forgive. She’s got that right. Ah bee said it wouldn’t be a problem. She said I’ve only got hair from them elephants, none of that memory thingy. So they’re all home safe. Coz even though Xiao Ping doesn’t forgive, she forgets. Damn. They’re onto me.

Ah bee pushed me off the bed just now. Fomfomfom said Ah bee’s an evil decepticon. Ah bee then said that she’s not evil. And she’s no decepticon. She said, “I’m that Op-something Prime. *silence* OCTOPUS PRIME!!”

Right.

 

Sushi!

July 30th 2007 9:42 am
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Ah ma calls me her little sushi (Tzu Shih. Geddit?) So Ah bee called me a fish. Then Cha said that I could be the rice. I think they are all mad.

We Shih Tzus, we ain’t no fish. Nor rice. We are happiness in a furry package.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKgZy_e5EZw

‘Nuff said.

On a separate note, it looks like we’re seeing the end of La Nina. The sun’s out and everyone is out to play. We met Kait, Phoebe, some random Lab I’ve never met before. In the distance we saw the rest of Patch & Gang and Magic & Diva sans Sister Yakity whom we met walking with some other woman. I don’t know why she left Magic & Diva with her helper and went on her own merry way but at least she greeted me with a, “Hello Xiaoping!” I like her; she’s real enthusiastic. The gardens, overflowing with cheeriness and all. Wonderful.

 

Xp is a busy bee, not Ah bee.

July 29th 2007 10:16 am
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I had to work hard for my 50cents today. My Ah ma’s sisters and brothers came today and I was kept busy the entire time, entertaining them. I didn’t have time to take a breather until after dinner when they left. Ah ma was busy too, cooking a storm. So busy she didn’t have time to bathe me. Whee! They should come every week.

I will have to leave you my dear readers and go to bed now. I have 2 MJ gals coming tomorrow and it will be another long day.

 

Not the time to make lemonade

July 28th 2007 12:20 am
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Isn’t it disgraceful how the big institutions cheat nice little old ladies out of their hard earned money? Okay, I’m using the word in a very loose sense. But you know what I mean. Ah ma walked into the bank and some woman told her that it is now the time to buy NZ dollars and earn the 7 odd % prime rate that the Kiwis are offering. Ah ma was so tempted but she had a little sense to come home to discuss it with me first. The moment she told me about it, the bells in my pretty little head started ringing. But I was a little lazy and I forgot where I put my calculator so I set Cha a little task. She did the sums, assuming a short term deposit. Even if the dollar doesn’t fluctuate at all, the amount of money you get back at the end of the term would be less than what you pumped in, as long as the interest is lower than the spread that the bank takes. How atrocious. Granted that there are many variables in the equation, and it is possible to derive a profit, the risk involved is simply too significant for them to omit mention when selling the product. Furthermore, the dollar is way too strong now and I doubt it’s actually going to rise anymore. It’s not just me; the people at UBS think so too.

Those people. Disgraceful. Selling lemons to nice old ladies. They’ll have to wake up early in the morning to pull wool over my eyes.

 

Happiness

July 27th 2007 9:53 am
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Fomfomfom has finally come up with the last 2 lines:-

Wo shi Xiao Ping, wo da yan jing,
Wo shi Xiao Ping, wo black white and pink.
Wo shi Xiao Ping, wo mei you chin,
Wo shi Xiao Ping, wo Happy Machine!

From now on, I shall be known as The Happy Machine. I operate from 830am to 12midnight. Come early, take a number and receive your dosage of happiness.

 

She might as well try to get me to talk

July 26th 2007 9:25 am
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It has been raining for almost a week now. I love the weather coz it’s nice and cool. And there are many puddles in the gardens I can splash around in. It was so wet I didn’t expect to run into any friends today but we met Magic and Diva. I was very excited when I saw them. I ran towards them and tried to sniff their behinds but they kept turning around to look at me. When they do that, I’d run away coz they are big black dogs and they scare me so. The moment they turn away, I’ll approach again to try to sniff their backsides. The process is repeated until Sister Yakity Yak drags them away and then I’ll bark and chase them. And the entire process is repeated yet again.

The process is not the only thing that gets repeated. A typical conversation with Sister YY would be as follows-

Sister YY: Oh Magic, look there’s Xiaoping. Be nice now. You’re so big and she’s scared of you.
Fomfomfom/Ah bee: Hi.
Sister YY: Hi! See Xiaoping is wagging her tail. She wants to play but she’s scared.
Fomfomfom/Ah bee: Yeah, she’s scared.
Sister YY: Ya, I don’t blame her. My dogs are so big. Sit Magic! You sit down and she might be less scared of you. You don’t scare her ah, Magic!
Fomfomfom/Ah bee: Hurhurhur.
Sister YY: Oh, she’s so scared! But she wants to play. Look at her tail!
Fomfomfom/Ah bee: Yeah, she’s a coward.
Sister YY: I don’t blame her. She’s so small compared to them.
Fomfomfom/Ah bee: Pingping, sit!
Sister YY: Magic! You sit down and don’t scare her ah! Diva, you too! Oh, look at her, she’s so cute, she wants to play but she’s so scared!

After a while, she starts to sound like a broken record. But I don’t blame her either- have you had a conversation with either Fomfomfom or Ah bee lately? I think it’s easier and more bearable to stab oneself in the thigh with a blunt pencil than to try to elicit a response from them. Poor Sister YY. Just her luck to run into the 2 of them.

In other news:-
1.) Ah ma has lost almost all her money.
2.) Fomfomfom lost her shirt in the market today, along with her sanity.
3.) I slept on Ah bee’s thigh for almost 2 hours just now.
4.) I chewed on Fomfomfom’s pricy tshirt.
5.) I put her in her place by trying to bite her when she attempted to snatch the shirt away.
6.) I ate 4 times tonight.

 

We all have routines

July 25th 2007 10:32 am
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That is coz we are creatures of habit. Cha has one- she would wake up early and go to bed early. Ah bee has one- she would refuse to go to bed early and refuse to wake up till late. Ah ma has one- she would routinely go to Genting like she did this morning. Fomfomfom has one- the song and dance number that she performs to my utter disinterest.

I have one too- I wake up way early. And then I kope whatever breakfast I can. And then I take a nap. Then I wake to have lunch. Then I take another nap. Then I wake and bug whoever is around to bring me to the gardens. Then I have my dinner. Then I take a nap. Then I have my supper. Then I must drink some water, pee and then Cha and I, we will have a very exclusive slumber party.

I like my routine.

Are you?

 

Mogu ah mogu..

July 24th 2007 8:57 am
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I was with the mahjong gals all afternoon. I am not one to complain but they are a bland bunch. Especially that Gugu mama. She likes to call my name and wake me up when she sees that I’ve fallen asleep. Then she would laugh when I look at her with my big dazed eyes. She’s got issues, that woman.

I was pretty bored just now and none of them paid me any attention. I wanted to talk to someone so I decided to look for Mushroom. I couldn’t find Mushroom anywhere; she has gone into hiding. I’ve searched everywhere but still no sight of that elusive Mushroom. I wasn’t about to give up yet coz she always sneaks up behind me somehow. I know there’s a chance I’ll find her yet. I went to enlist the help of Fomfomfom and she said she would help me look for Mushroom. But she told me not to get my hopes up coz it looks like Mushroom is not going to show today. I asked Ah bee why. Ah bee told me coz the sky went krong krong and Mushroom is frightened by the noise so I’ll not be able to find her whenever the sky goes krong krong.

Down with La Nina! Huan wo mogu lai!

 

You think you what

July 23rd 2007 10:25 am
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I was reading the newspapers this morning and it came to my attention that Singaporeans are really a lazy bunch. They’ve got acronyms for everything- TTSH, EDB, NMP, HCJC, CDC. You get my drift.

And that is not all. Notice how they’d find a way to shorten what they want to say even though they can’t do it under the guise of acronyms? Isn’t it amazing how nobody says “excuse me” nowadays? It’s not even “'scuse me”; it has been reduced to “scuse”. How miserly.

But this takes the cake. Yesterday, Fomfomfom went to McDonalds to get Ah bee supper. Cha had given her the McDonalds coupons before she went out. This is because Cha, she’s thrifty in her own way, not necessarily with words. Anyhow, the particular coupon Fomfomfom used would get her an extra value meal and a McChicken/ 6piece nugget/ McWings/cheeseburger for the price of, well just an extra value meal. The whatever would come free with the meal. This was what happened.

Fomfomfom (handing over the coupon): One McSpicy meal.
Guy at counter: Your drink?
Fomfomfom: Coke please.
Guy: What's your free?

You see what I mean?

Oh I also had to take a bath today. It was alright for me.

 

There is nothing funny here,

July 22nd 2007 11:31 am
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don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway, Ah bee, Fomfomfom and I, we were walking in the gardens as usual today. I was sniffing at a bush and Ah bee was blabbering, like she always does, to Fomfomfom. It usually happens this way- Ah bee would say something at length and Fomfomfom, if she can be bothered, she would say something in response and if not, she would just grunt to acknowledge that she’s been listening. But today, after Ah bee paused to wait for her response, there was nothing from Fomfomfom. So me and Ah bee, we looked up and saw that Fomfomfom wasn’t paying attention to us both. She was looking at something in the distance and it was very strange because Fomfomfom isn’t the one with the wandering eye; Ah bee is. So Ah bee and I, we looked in that direction and tried to see what was that which had caught Fomfomfom’s attention. But we didn’t see no nothing. Then Fomfomfom whispered, “Oh shit, that’s Mel.”

Mel, for those of you uninitiated, was one of Fomfomfom’s bosses a long time ago when she wasn’t unemployed. She is also the one who rings Wernie’s bell but I shall not go into that here.

Anyway, we had to turn around and go the other direction to avoid Mel coz Fomfomfom is an antisocial creature. We spied Mel and her daughter from the corner of our eyes. She’s a cute little thing dressed in pink and green. Can’t lose her in the crowd dressed like that, Fomfomfom says. I will have to agree. You can’t miss her- I could hear her giggling from where I was standing with Fomfomfom, i.e. far far away. Healthy lungs she’s got. Her hair was tied up in a, well I guess you can call it a ponytail, except it’s on top of her head which is just plain adorable. That’s the kinda kid you’d wanna have if you ever decide to have one.

We also met Phoebe, Mel and Chippy today. There was also another Shetland Sheepdog but I didn’t really like him. He doesn’t look half as pretty as Madame Butterfly. There are sheepdogs and there are sheepdogs I guess.

Oh, I also managed to avoid my weekly bath today. All thanks to Fomfomfom for fighting for my rights. And Ah ma who was too lazy to bathe me.

The neighbours on the right, I think they got a new car. Why on earth I have no idea. I cannot imagine why the two of them would need 4 cars. C’est too much. And it’s even more incredible considering how the mama takes the bus occasionally when there are so many cars sitting there. So I went to ask Ah bee about it. She asked, “Who’s the one with 3 beds?” Er… Lalala…

Moving swiftly along. Fomfomfom showed Ah bee a blackhead remover she bought just now and the two of them attempted to squeeze blackheads out of their pores with the device. Ah bee declared that it was useless and that Fomfomfom had wasted her money. Fomfomfom then proceeded to prove her wrong by successfully removing 2 blackheads from her crooked nose, which then turned beet red. This is a classic case of ai sui mai mia- beauty comes with a price. It’s a pity they aren’t blessed with extraordinary beauty like me and will have to endure bodily pain just so to get themselves into a presentable state. My heart goes out to them. And all of you out there.

I managed to irritate Cha just now by barking at her while she’s asleep. She then threw me out of the room so I went out to watch the Korean drama. I’m happy to report that it will end its run next weekend. Hopefully they will have more time for me then but I am not one to count my chickens before they are hatched- they’d probably find some other show to watch. So I say, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

In entirely unrelated news, Ah bee ate a Mcspicy meal and a 6piece nugget just now. Which is plain disgusting.

 
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