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Boring...

June 18th 2008 8:18 am
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It was such a boring day I don't know what to write. But my mamas always want me to write something down everyday. Maybe it is to practice my handwriting.

So I went to the gardens in the morning and I was happy so I wagged my tail. I had pork for lunch, which was such a treat after all that kibbling, so I wagged my tail.

Then I didn't wag my tail for the rest of the day coz I had nothing to do. It was raining and I couldn't even go out to watch passersby. Cha showed ah ma a close-up photo of me smiling, ah ma was so delighted coz I was so pretty in the photo. She and fomfomfom couldn't stop googoogaga-ing over the photo, but I thought it was nothing and I almost fell asleep amidst all that excitement.

I'm going to bed now.

 

A day of revelations

June 17th 2008 8:28 am
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We went to the gardens early in the morning today and it set me thinking. It's a good time to go, it's cool and the ground is not too hot. In my quest to improve myself, I had resolved to question the root of all things, and I thought, why isn't it hot in the morning? The answer finally hit me, earthshattering in its impact. There is no sun at night! Therefore, early in the morning, the ground would be cool! And just like that, I knew my life would be the better for it.

Fomfom waxed lyrical to me about how life is, she asked me how my life is turning out so far. I sighed and informed her, it's a dog's life.

At night, me, fomfomfom and ah bee went out onto the porch to enjoy the moonlight. There were lots of clouds around the moon, but the moon was bright and shone through the clouds. It was a rare sight. Fomfomfom was excited and told ah bee to come see it, the clouds in front of the moon, and behind the moon too. Ah bee said, oh.

Clouds behind the moon?

 

Vet day again

June 16th 2008 2:27 am
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I was so clever this morning. I was at the garden watching cars go by, and I saw a mahjong girl. So I informed fomfomfom to open the gate. I don't know what they will do without me.

The afternoon was less happy, regretfully. It was vet day again. I shook for 20 minutes before seeing the vet and she proclaimed my skin good. So she threw me a challenge. I am always happy for a challenge. She said, choose chicken or pork. Fomfomfom said pork! So I can eat pork now on top of my kibble. But vet woman said no pig liver, pig stomach, only boiled pork. Boo.

As the vet woman was squeezing my backside, she said fomfomfom must be the youngest of my 3 mamas. Fomfomfom giggled and said ah bee is 5 years younger than her. Cha said it must be all those pimples. They all laughed and I thought, like, stop it already. The vet woman stilll had her fingers in my backside. Grumble. Then fomfomfom was concerned I had lost half a kg, which is 10% of my weight. The vet woman said it's due to the kibble diet, nothing to worry about. Besides, it's only fitting that I am nice and slim coz my 3 mamas are all supermodel thin. Well, according to the vet woman anyway.

Then I had some liquid anti-heartworm put on my neck. It is flammable and fomfomfom was alarmed. Cha said we will go to the garden when it is less hot, we don't want the sun to shine on me and maybe I will explode.

Explode! Amother ability of mine! Let me go put that on my CV.

 

Fetch

June 15th 2008 8:36 am
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They didn't let me watch this dog play Fetch. He was playing Fetch in the gardens, I wanted to watch and bark at him, but fomfomfom and cha carried me away. What's so great about Fetch, I argued, I know it too. No you don't, said cha.

Well, it's not that I don't know Fetch. I know it, but I only like to play half of it. They like to throw a ball and say Fetch, I would get it and then go on my own merry way.

Like what I did to ah ma's ahem, underclothes, let's just say. Ah ma found said piece of clothing on the floor in cha's room. Fomfomfom pointed the finger at me. I explained to ah ma, well it got into cha's room by mistake, all I did was drag it around. It would be a betrayal of my principles if I were to bring it back to ah ma.

I don't do Fetch.

 

Crap

June 14th 2008 8:43 am
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Let me write a poem:

Oh
I want to
Eat
Crab

Heartbreaking stuff, that. But I got no crab. Later they captured me and bathed me and made me wear 2 collars. At this point, I want to collapse onto my bed and weep.

Luckily, there was a photo op later on. Merrilyn needed some photos with us for her potential employers to peruse, so I jumped in and took some photos too. My red and neon pink collars, I sat proudly and displayed them.

I am so fashionable.

 

A pox on you

June 13th 2008 9:27 am
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It is Friday the 13th today. I am unhappy.

The day started off nicely enough. I realised ah ma was back! It was the first time I saw her come back from the market with food. There were corn, pistachio nuts, dried scallops and cuttlefish. I immediately asked for a belly rub.

At the gardens I met a big tortoise. He didn't want to come out, and cha knocked knocked on his shell asking if he's home. He was really inhospitable, that he was. I barked for 3 minutes then we went away.He's got some sort of complex, I tell you.

At night, ah bee came back and ate crab legs in front of me. She was almost flaunting it, the lovely crab legs ah ma brought back from that Japanese market. I remember vaguely, a long time ago, when I was like just 2 years old, I'd tasted that kind of crab leg before. It was lovely, but I didn't get any today. Even nighter still, ah bee taunted me with dried cuttlefish, which I do so love.

I hate.

 

Liar liar panties on fire

June 12th 2008 7:39 am
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Ah bee told me to be a good girl while she goes to work, and not to play with fire. I told her I'm too short to play with fire. Ah bee imagines I might rub 2 stones together and set my sheepskin rug on fire. Or I might set myself on fire, since I'm a furball, plenty of flammable material to get it going.

Ah bee must have been too busy giving me instructions, for she forgot to bring her phone for the second time in 2 weeks. When she came back, she was busy checking her phone and not playing with me, so I asked her if the phone has hair and smells funky and catches fire like I can. If not, her full attention should be on me instead. Ah bee tells me solemnly her phone can't do all that, but it can explode. I told ah bee I'll be exploding tonight. Ah bee put down her phone and played with me. Then she asked me if I set fire to her building today, for there was a fire drill. I'm not tellin'.

There was a grasshopper in cha's room, and she fizzled it to death with insecticide. The room smells bad now. It is regrettable she didn't enlist my help, I can set it on fire and there won't be a bad smell.

Oh, oh, I forgot to say, I met a beagle at the gardens today. She is exactly the same size as me, such a small beagle. We thought she's a baby beagle, but her owner told us she's 4 years old, like me. Her name is Mimi. Mini Mimi beagle.

 

Scooby-Doo goes ah-rooooooooooooooo...

June 11th 2008 7:53 am
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This morning I finally put my foot down. Ah bee was about to sneak off with fomfomfom again for the third time this week, as they had done the whole of last week, so I started scolding them. Ah bee tried to say sorry and pat my head but I won't have it. Ah bee hasn't come back yet and I'm still angry.

Fomfomfom got angry too, in the evening. The phone rang and no one picked up so she did. It was for ah ma, who wasn't around. While fomfomfom was talking to the caller, ah gong picked up the phone and spoke into it, saying "cha, who is it?" repeatedly. Fomfomfom couldn't even hear the caller and tell her about ah ma so she screamed at ah gong to stop talking. Then she went back to the caller and apologised, and put down the phone. Then she went on for 10 minutes about how unbelievably moronic ah gong was, complaining real loudly to cha for ah gong's benefit. She was so mad I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears.

Oh ya, the phone rang and no one picked up for a long time right? I went "Ah-roooooooooo..." to cha and she came closer and asked me what's up? I whispered in her ear, go pick up the phone! But by then fomfomfom had already picked up and the unfortunate episode above was already unfurling. Later cha told fomfomfom I was trying to be scooby-doo so I sulked. Fomfomfom laughed at me and stopped cursing ah gong.

Ah-roooooo!

 

Happy birthday to me!

June 10th 2008 9:26 am
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It is my birthday today. I am four and a half. Cha kept telling me I'd soon be older than her, and that I'm tofu dregs. I told her only women after 30 are tofu dregs, like herself. Well, soon enough anyway.

Once upon a time, when the world still had meat and tidbits and other assorted delicacies that I used to partake with decent frequency, fomfomfom promised I'd get cake on my birthdays. But there was no cake today. I made fomfomfom promise to buy me four and a half pork bellies when the vet woman gives the green light. I wanted to make her give me an IOU, but I didn't know how to write one so I thought we'd just base the contract on honour.

In the evening, I wanted to watch Taiwan news with ah ma but ah ma wasn't around, so I settled for ah gong. We watched Nixon and watergate. I thought it was so boring, but ah bee needed an education so it wasn't a total loss.

It was a real windy night. We were on the porch watching the sky when the wind suddenly picked up and scared me. I rushed over to fomfomfom and fomfomfom patted me and then I wasn't scared anymore. Then lightning flashed and fomfomfom disappeared into the house immediately. Well. I could have patted her.

 

Ah bee sucks

June 9th 2008 9:11 am
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Today ah bee was almost late again. She was telling fomfomfom about how she will make me pay should she incur the road gantry fee again. I was rather upset about it, so I pulled fomfomfom aside and pleaded with her to pay the fee for me. Fomfomfom agreed, and I was happy again.

While the going was good, I asked for another 50 cents. Fomfomfom said ok. Giggles.

 
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