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Ah ma's a piece of cake

September 20th 2008 7:50 am
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I was sleeping and I thought ah ma was patting me a little too hard, so I tried to bite her. Ah ma was furiously air-punching me when I decided I need more patting to lull me back to sleep so I licked ah ma's hand and sidled up to her. Ah ma forgave me and stopped pretending to punch me . We are good now.

Fomfomfom showed me her shorts that ah ma finally patched. I was glad coz fomfomfom didn't seem to care she was walking about with her butt showing for months. Ah ma couldn't tolerate the view either so she finally did something about it. Fomfomfom was delighted coz she thought the patch was funny, but I told her it doesn't even begin to compare with my heartfelt relief. You should have checked out the view from my position, I said.

I have a new boyfriend. His name is Russell and according to his owner, he has only one ball. i thought that is not too few because I only have one ball too and her name is Mikasa.


Paper, paper, toilet paper

September 19th 2008 8:07 am
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It has been a sweltering few days. Cha took a nap and lost her temper. Fomfomfom went for a cold shower and started sweating immediately after. Ah bee went to play squash. It was sweat central. Then they gave me a bath, carefully making sure the water was hot. So I lost my temper too.

At night I went alone to the balcony to view the moon. It has been a long time since I viewed the moon. Then I went in to watch Bloomberg television. Did you know the yield for commercial paper is at its highest in dunno-how-many years?

Then fomfomfom teased me and I got angry so I bit ah bee, then I sidled up to fomfomfom. Ah bee grumbled that I'm not very perceptive. I told her my perception only extends to commercial paper.


Da central bank of Santaland

September 18th 2008 5:52 am
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Oh, excuse me, is this my house? I'm sorry, I thought it was a bank. I must be forgiven, for people have been approaching us asking for loans, like we have more money than we know to do with. Perhaps we may help you lighten your load, we can almost read their thought bubbles.

In fact, they must have mistaken us for santa and his reindeers. For we know they have no intention of returning the loans.

When it snows in Singapore, darlings.


I didn't forget to write my diary tonight

September 17th 2008 7:23 am
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I'm writing real early tonight, in case I forget again. I went to the vet's. That's coz I have rusty colored stuff in my ears and they think it's like when I was a baby and I had it spread all over my ears. It was a bad infection and they didn't realise it until late and my mamas are still feeling guilty over it. Therefore I was brought to the vet's at the first sign of trouble.

Except that it wasn't. The vet woman said it's just ear wax, and my ears are very nice indeed. Fomfomfom refused to let it go and asked the vet woman if she has red ear wax. I was disappointed when she said no. Her dogs do though. Well, that was that and I think my mamas' reputation for paranoia is sealed at that clinic.

The clinic's resident shih tzu, her name must be mok mok. Or maugh maugh. Or mough mough. Or mauc mauc. Or moc moc. Or mawg mawg. Anyway, she needs a haircut. But she's got style and she lounges real good. And oh, that schmoozing. I might be a fan.


The noose

September 16th 2008 7:50 pm
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O ho ho ho, forgive my jollity. Yesterday was so exciting that I forgot to write my diary entry. It was nothing funny, depending on where you are, but I thought it was pretty funny. We had a visitor yesterday, and it seems he fancied himself a mini-hedge fund and leveraged himself up to his eyeballs.

We did a fed and bailed him out. But I thought, lounging by their feet as they ironed out a deal, like the fed, we're only delaying the day of reckoning.


I need better food

September 15th 2008 8:47 am
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I brought my sexy bone to ah ma and she decided she had to wash it as it was full of my saliva. Then she hid it from me and I couldn't find it. She told me to go play with my doughnut, and it reminded me of food so I told fomfomfom I wanted to eat dinner instead.

Ah bee took my arm and said it's so thin she has to measure it with vernier callipers. Measuring it with a ruler wouldn't be accurate. I started to pity myself coz I'm so thin. I'm sure the sight of vernier callipers would make me weep.


At presstime only 2 lanterns burnt up

September 14th 2008 8:17 am
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They dolled themselves up and left me at home alone with Merrilyn for 4 hours today. They had to attend a wedding. I was queen and Merrilyn was my slave and it wasn't all bad. I ordered her around and ran amok and when they came back, they asked Merrilyn if I had been a good girl, and Merrilyn meekly said yes.

To show my displeasure at them abandoning me alone at home, I sat on the sofa with them and kept farting. Fomfomfom said I should sequester my farts and use it to power her car. I thought that wasn't a bad idea, especially if oil hits $200 a barrel and I can sell my farts for $10 apiece.

Apparently today is the mid-autumn festival. So they ate mooncakes and pomelo and drank chinese tea and lit 6 lanterns on the balcony. The whole 9 yards. Of course I got nothing to eat. They had ah ma carry me, it was deception. Ah ma told me we were going out to play. I was carried in front of the ugly cheap lanterns and they took undignified shots of me and ah ma and the lanterns. I growled and told ah ma I don't like mid-autumn festivals.

May the lanterns all burn up.


Tou ji mo gou

September 13th 2008 9:53 am
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I didn't sleep well last night. It was too cold, so I woke up and walked around, until I was far away from the air-conditioner. Cha finally moved my bed where I can sleep without catching a cold. Tonight I must remind her to help me put on my P-shirt so I can sleep well. My P-shirt is purple and pink, it is striped and it's got a P on it. It's my favourite shirt.

Ah ma made some drunken chicken and put it in the fridge for fomfomfom to eat at night. I told fomfomfom to go steal some chicken to eat and then come rub my belly. She didn't get it. Only ah bee got it.

I was chewing on my milkstick and cha walked past me. She must have been behaving suspiciously, that's why I attacked her big toe. Now it is bleeding and I told her solemnly not to make any sudden moves in future when I'm with my milkstick. They never learn.


I got a haircut

September 12th 2008 6:44 am
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I was on my morning walkabout. Somehow, I walked to the groomer's. He shaved me for an hour and now I'm ugly. I'm contemplating not going out of the house for a month because all my new friends will laugh at me. I am so unhappy. Luckily in the afternoon, I didn't meet any friends.

Then ah ma gave me a bath and I thought I should spread some of that unhappiness that is concentrating in me around. So I went onto the sofa where my mamas are sitting and started farting. I gave them a few and when they started complaining, I squeezed out one more for good luck.


It's not my fault

September 11th 2008 7:14 am
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This morning I walked to the generator room and I smelled cat. I sniffed around the drains where the smell was the strongest, but I didn't see any cat around. Something hissed fiercely at me but I didn't see what. I was too busy jumping backwards. Later, according to Fomfomfom, there were 2 cats under that drain.

In the afternoon, I went back there to solve the mystery. Under the drains, something hissed at me again. I was so scared. Later, cha told fomfomfom it was a kitten. I was shamed.

I pooped and it was soft and it stuck to my fur. I didn't like it, so I sat down and scooted around. I drew a "S" on the ground with my poop using my backside. Cha carried me home and I ended up in the bathtub again. Ah ma gave my behind a good scrubbing while fomfomfom sat by the side of the bathtub and comforted me. Cha was mumbling and grumbling outside the bathroom.

She says everytime she sees me, she thinks of the poopy "S" I drew on the ground. Ah ma also kept harping on it. I am sad.

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