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Only black white and pink

June 30th 2008 8:39 am
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I sensed them before they came into view. 2 men came from the land authority to check our house and I barked ferociously as they walked up the stairs. I must have done myself proud, as they finally saw me and one guy went, "Oh. Small dog." Only sissies are seen and not heard. Me, you can hear me everywhere.

Fomfomfom and cha were talking about movies, how they are usually not worth the ticket price. Cha said most are not even worth the DVD rental price. At this juncture I had to interject, Under the Tuscan Sun is worth every penny of the price that we paid for the vcds. Both of them.

Under the tuscan sun is my favourite show. I have watched it thrice already, twice with cha and once with fomfomfom. I suggested to fomfomfom that we should move to tuscany in future, but she said I should learn italian first. I already know a little italian, so I pooh-poohed her and said, "Oui!"

Ah bee came back from work to doll herself up for a wedding dinner she had to attend. She offered to curl my lashes and put on some make up for me but I didn't want to. Coz I am Xiaoping, I am black white and pink.

Red and blue and yellow and purple have no place in my life.

 

Pockets

June 29th 2008 7:22 am
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There were many big boxes today, they were filling them up with all sorts of things. I wanted to help ah ma by inspecting her towels and rugs but she just waggled her finger at me and grumbled. Ah bee wanted to box me in and I fled the scene and went to take my afternoon nap with ah ma. Packing is tiring business.

In the evening I was at my usual spot welcoming passersby and I saw this pair of male brown huge poodles. Well, I often see them, but this is the first time I discovered they actually had pockets. They were groomed in a real peculiar fashion, It's like the groomer took his shaver and haphazardly shaved tracts of fur off wherever he pleased. He left them pockets at the sides of their hips, no doubt so they could keep their sweets inside.

I wish my groomer had left me pockets too.

p.s. Ah bee was so stupid she didn't screw the top of my kibble container tight and swung my kibble all over the floor and stairs. I simply have to note this down even though I'd already finished writing my entry for today. See, you'll never know what things can happen to you, even when you think you're home safe. Enter exhibit A-- Anwar, he got accused of sodomy again. One'd think they'd come up with something new. Which brings me to the stupid ah bee again, she tried feigning fainting on me again. Once, she tried that when I was only a few months old, I saved her by nudging her with my nose and licking her and screaming for help. This time, I continued playing with my rope. There's no salvation for those who cry wolf twice. If you've never heard that nugget of wisdom before, there's no salvation for you too, but remember, you heard it here first.

 

I didn't forget to grow

June 28th 2008 9:06 am
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This morning at the gardens, we bumped into this doggy. We didn't get his name and I can't quite tell what breed he is. But that's not the point. He's a bit of a tortoise egg himself for he ran away when Fomfomfom tried to approach him. That is beside the point as well. Just one more irrelevant point before we move on to the important stuff that I really want to tell you all about- he was busy sniffing at my little girl's bits; just like Melmel whom we bumped into later into the walk. The only difference is Melmel was so excited about sniffing at my little girl's bits that it was a little disturbing.

But I digress. So as I was saying, the said doggy was walked by a woman. She told us that he is a year and a half. Fomfomfom told her I am four and a half.

"Four and a half?!?! Oh dear, you forgot to grow ah?"

No I didn't. I remembered. It's just a little hard when all you have to eat is kibble.

A pox on that vet woman.

 

I dind't get to eat curry fish head

June 27th 2008 8:39 am
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Ah ma washed all my toys and mattresses, coz she was afraid my mattresses are dirty and might be causing my skin to be bad. Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.

The toys and mattresses all smell lovely after being washed and sunned. I dragged the toys all over the place and slept on 2 mattresses at once. Ah ma waggled her finger at me. Then she kept some of my toys coz she didn't want me to dirty them before we move house. I waggled my finger at ah ma.

I got injured when I was barking at passersby this evening. Merrilyn was cutting the grass, and I couldn't go out until one hour later, so I was anxious and I kicked too hard when barking. My paws were bleeding and I left bloodstains on the mat and cardboard. Fomfomfom got scolded for it, though I don't know why. Fomfomfom gets scolded for everything in the house. Giggle.

Ah bee came and went with Auntie Lynn. I have nothing to write about that, it was over so soon. What wasn't over so soon, was curry fish head. Ah ma was lazy to cook, so she got ah gong to buy curry fish head back for dinner. Ah gong, as usual, overdid it and bought 2. They'll be eating it for days, and I won't get a bite. It smells rather lovely, but my big eyes didn't work on fomfomfom.

She was stuffing her face, the wretch. I'm glad she gets scolded for everything.

 

A tax on cha's piggy bank

June 26th 2008 8:06 am
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They were all alarmed at the condition of my skin, now that I've had a haircut and it is easier to see. For one, my moo moo print on my belly is peeling off. Ah bee was horrified. For two, there is this open raw sore on my belly. Fomfomfom wanted to weep. She dialed the vet's for an appointment immediately.

Cha is taking me off pork, kind of like how america was taken off the gold standard in the 1970s. Ill-conceived actions lead to disaster, I warned darkly.

I want to eat pork.

 

Ah bee went to watch sex and the city

June 25th 2008 8:26 am
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I was chasing 2 huskies around the gardens today, dragging fomfomfom behind me. I ran so fast fomfomfom was almost flying. Cha, on the other hand, couldn't care less. She trailed way behind, almost as if she was ashamed of associating with us. I didn't care, I shouted the gardens down. By the time I realised I had forgotten to poop, I was too pooped to poop. Fomfomfom got an earful from cha. She is not to let me chase other dogs before I poop, and certainly not to let me harrass other dogs in future, cha admonished. Well, I don't care.

Later, cha and fomfomfom brought me to have a haircut. I apologised profusely to cha in the car, saying I won't chase other dogs in future, I want to go home, but she won't have it. I was at the mercy of the groomer's for an hour. Fomfomfom was looking at me all that time, we were tearful.

Ah ma says I look like a mouse now. I'm going to chase other dogs tomorrow. Maybe they will think I look awesome and be scared.

 

The good stuff in life are free

June 24th 2008 8:05 am
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I got me some roasted pork by working my big and beautiful eyes on ah bee during dinner. It was delicious, but I threw it up not 10 minutes later. It must have been too oily for my kibble-and-boiled-pork-only stomach. I endeavour to eat more oily food in future so that my stomach may be accustomed to delicacies.

Ah bee bought gold for the first time today, taking my advice. Therefore a tax is only in order. And fomfomfom, her futures positions, precarious they may seem, actually reaped more profits today. I informed her that I will be taxing her, last week's interim tax notwithstanding. I thought it would be more friendly if I call out "annyeong haseyo" whenever I want to collect tax, it means hello in korean. I said hello to fomfomfom many times today. She only waved back weakly.

IRAP. It stands for your friendly neighbourhood internal revenue authority of da ping!

 

End of a tradition

June 23rd 2008 8:14 am
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It was the last mahjong day today. I felt a little sad, coz it's tradition, and it's no more.

Ah ma lost $13.

 

Stupido

June 22nd 2008 8:08 am
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We were at the gardens and saw this couple take a doggie poop bag, which they filled up with fruits they'd filched from the gardens. The poop bags have a warning, saying that food is not to be put inside the bags. They are for poop.

Fomfomfom commented that I wrote the book on stupidity, but the couple topped me. I knew I should have bopped fomfomfom on the face, but I felt strangely complimented.

I hope they get caught by the police for stealing fruit from the gardens. Then they can be featured in the papers and we can laugh loudly.

 

Chinese wolfberries

June 21st 2008 8:19 am
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It was evening, already dark outside. Suddenly the lights went out and the whole house was dark. So dark I couldn't see anything at all. For a moment I thought my eyes had gone. Blindness is scary. But the moment I realised it was a mere blackout, I turned onto my back and waited for fomfomfom to fumble over to give me a belly rub.

A belly rub in the dark is the same as a belly rub in the light, just that I don't have to face the lights in the ceiling and squint. Talking about that, I realise that my eyes are very important. I have been facing the ceiling for my bellyrubs since forever, and my eyes are so big and so much light can enter. I must ask ah ma to make some brew with chinese wolfberries so that I may drink it and it will be good for my eyes.

My big and beautiful eyes.

 
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