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June 14th 2008 8:43 am
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Let me write a poem:

I want to

Heartbreaking stuff, that. But I got no crab. Later they captured me and bathed me and made me wear 2 collars. At this point, I want to collapse onto my bed and weep.

Luckily, there was a photo op later on. Merrilyn needed some photos with us for her potential employers to peruse, so I jumped in and took some photos too. My red and neon pink collars, I sat proudly and displayed them.

I am so fashionable.


A pox on you

June 13th 2008 9:27 am
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It is Friday the 13th today. I am unhappy.

The day started off nicely enough. I realised ah ma was back! It was the first time I saw her come back from the market with food. There were corn, pistachio nuts, dried scallops and cuttlefish. I immediately asked for a belly rub.

At the gardens I met a big tortoise. He didn't want to come out, and cha knocked knocked on his shell asking if he's home. He was really inhospitable, that he was. I barked for 3 minutes then we went away.He's got some sort of complex, I tell you.

At night, ah bee came back and ate crab legs in front of me. She was almost flaunting it, the lovely crab legs ah ma brought back from that Japanese market. I remember vaguely, a long time ago, when I was like just 2 years old, I'd tasted that kind of crab leg before. It was lovely, but I didn't get any today. Even nighter still, ah bee taunted me with dried cuttlefish, which I do so love.

I hate.


Liar liar panties on fire

June 12th 2008 7:39 am
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Ah bee told me to be a good girl while she goes to work, and not to play with fire. I told her I'm too short to play with fire. Ah bee imagines I might rub 2 stones together and set my sheepskin rug on fire. Or I might set myself on fire, since I'm a furball, plenty of flammable material to get it going.

Ah bee must have been too busy giving me instructions, for she forgot to bring her phone for the second time in 2 weeks. When she came back, she was busy checking her phone and not playing with me, so I asked her if the phone has hair and smells funky and catches fire like I can. If not, her full attention should be on me instead. Ah bee tells me solemnly her phone can't do all that, but it can explode. I told ah bee I'll be exploding tonight. Ah bee put down her phone and played with me. Then she asked me if I set fire to her building today, for there was a fire drill. I'm not tellin'.

There was a grasshopper in cha's room, and she fizzled it to death with insecticide. The room smells bad now. It is regrettable she didn't enlist my help, I can set it on fire and there won't be a bad smell.

Oh, oh, I forgot to say, I met a beagle at the gardens today. She is exactly the same size as me, such a small beagle. We thought she's a baby beagle, but her owner told us she's 4 years old, like me. Her name is Mimi. Mini Mimi beagle.


Scooby-Doo goes ah-rooooooooooooooo...

June 11th 2008 7:53 am
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This morning I finally put my foot down. Ah bee was about to sneak off with fomfomfom again for the third time this week, as they had done the whole of last week, so I started scolding them. Ah bee tried to say sorry and pat my head but I won't have it. Ah bee hasn't come back yet and I'm still angry.

Fomfomfom got angry too, in the evening. The phone rang and no one picked up so she did. It was for ah ma, who wasn't around. While fomfomfom was talking to the caller, ah gong picked up the phone and spoke into it, saying "cha, who is it?" repeatedly. Fomfomfom couldn't even hear the caller and tell her about ah ma so she screamed at ah gong to stop talking. Then she went back to the caller and apologised, and put down the phone. Then she went on for 10 minutes about how unbelievably moronic ah gong was, complaining real loudly to cha for ah gong's benefit. She was so mad I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears.

Oh ya, the phone rang and no one picked up for a long time right? I went "Ah-roooooooooo..." to cha and she came closer and asked me what's up? I whispered in her ear, go pick up the phone! But by then fomfomfom had already picked up and the unfortunate episode above was already unfurling. Later cha told fomfomfom I was trying to be scooby-doo so I sulked. Fomfomfom laughed at me and stopped cursing ah gong.



Happy birthday to me!

June 10th 2008 9:26 am
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It is my birthday today. I am four and a half. Cha kept telling me I'd soon be older than her, and that I'm tofu dregs. I told her only women after 30 are tofu dregs, like herself. Well, soon enough anyway.

Once upon a time, when the world still had meat and tidbits and other assorted delicacies that I used to partake with decent frequency, fomfomfom promised I'd get cake on my birthdays. But there was no cake today. I made fomfomfom promise to buy me four and a half pork bellies when the vet woman gives the green light. I wanted to make her give me an IOU, but I didn't know how to write one so I thought we'd just base the contract on honour.

In the evening, I wanted to watch Taiwan news with ah ma but ah ma wasn't around, so I settled for ah gong. We watched Nixon and watergate. I thought it was so boring, but ah bee needed an education so it wasn't a total loss.

It was a real windy night. We were on the porch watching the sky when the wind suddenly picked up and scared me. I rushed over to fomfomfom and fomfomfom patted me and then I wasn't scared anymore. Then lightning flashed and fomfomfom disappeared into the house immediately. Well. I could have patted her.


Ah bee sucks

June 9th 2008 9:11 am
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Today ah bee was almost late again. She was telling fomfomfom about how she will make me pay should she incur the road gantry fee again. I was rather upset about it, so I pulled fomfomfom aside and pleaded with her to pay the fee for me. Fomfomfom agreed, and I was happy again.

While the going was good, I asked for another 50 cents. Fomfomfom said ok. Giggles.



June 8th 2008 8:27 am
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It's been such a cloudy few weeks that everyone in the house's been wearing clothes that smell mouldy. That's what happens when there's no sun to dry the clothes. But it's good too, I can go to the gardens real early, like noon.

Today I went to the gardens at noon. It was real nice weather. There was a small girl who called me a big dog. She really knows what's what. Then I strutted the gardens and ah bee carried me onto the bridge to look at tortoises but I wasn't interested. We met a small dog who was unleashed and she ran up to me and the owner said, she's fierce. Ah bee scooped me up in a jiffy and fomfomfom cursed the owner. Behind her back of course, she might be loopy and hit us.

Then I came home and it was so boring all afternoon and evening and night. Fomfomfom gave me 4 tissues to shred but didn't allow me to eat any. Bummer.


Ah ma lei hai bin ah?

June 7th 2008 8:49 am
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There is no sighting of Ah ma today. I was hoping that Japan isn’t that far away but I guess I was wrong. I wanted to call Ah ma to tell her to forget about marketing and just come on home but I can’t quite reach the telephone. I can only wait.

I told Fomfomfom that I want to go swimming at the condo but she told me that people would complain. So she suggested bringing my inflatable pool there and filling it up with the water from the swimming pool. What, have you gone crazy, I asked her. My luscious locks will be damaged by the chlorine. She promptly apologized and said that she would fill my inflatable pool with water from the Alps. Or milk if you like, she offered. Half part Evian and half part boiled water would be good, I told her. Otherwise it would be too cold. And no milk. Because I will have to take a bath after my swim. I won’t like that.


The japanese market

June 6th 2008 9:33 am
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This morning, merrilyn forgot to draw the barrier across the door to the garden. I saw it but I didn't go out. I knew I wasn't supposed to go out alone, so I just sat in the living room and waited for someone to bring me out. Ah bee and ah ma praised me for being a good girl.

Then as fomfomfom drove ah bee to work, cha brought me out to the garden to bark at passersby. I barked and barked for 20 minutes. Together with the other dogs in the neighbourhood, we did a symphony. Cha didn't quite enjoy our music at 830 in the morning.

In the evening I had a premature bath. No matter how I calculated it, it hasn't been a week since the last bath! Later at night I saw ah ma go out with a big bag, she told me she was going to the market. I asked ah ma which market it was this time and ah ma said it was in japan.

I feel sad. Coz the last time I saw that bag, ah bee disappeared for 3 weeks. Today marks the end of the first week that ah bee is working. She offered to let me tax her 10% of the money she's earned. So I did, but I wasn't cheered. I miss ah ma already.


Rule of law

June 5th 2008 7:45 am
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2 days have come and gone, and I have yet to see my new schoolbag. Ah bee asked fomfomfom pointedly why she hasn't bought me my bag, and fomfomfom finally buckled under pressure and confessed. She doesn't want me to go to work with ah bee. So touched I was, I decided to give up my career and stay at home to be monopolised by fomfomfom.

Cha decided to launch an investigation into whether ah ma gave ah bee her pocket money for the month. Ah bee has started work, and is not entitled to any pocket money. The relevance is, cha will give me my 50 cents that ah bee confiscated yesterday and confiscate ah bee's pocket money, if she took it, that is. The lesson is, the arm of the law is long in this house.

Ah bee needs a punitive sentence.

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