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What I think of them

December 20th 2008 8:09 am
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My toilet, I pee and they praise me. So I peed today and fomfomfom said, good girl!

Then ah ma said, a swiss bank says gold will go to $300. Fomfomfom said, no way. Ah ma said, I saw it in the papers today!

So ah ma went looking for her papers and finally found it had become my toilet. Her bank analysis part was clean though. So she took it and showed it to fomfomfom, who insisted it was bollocks.

I think it's bollocks too, so I will be sure to pee on the analysis later, when ah ma replaces the paper in my toilet.



December 19th 2008 7:24 am
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The recipe is dried cabbage, strange looking honey dates, pork and water. Boil for 2 hours and you get this wonderful tonic soup that's good for the lungs and happy on the tongue.

My nose was so happy I kept snorting at fomfomfom who was inhaling it by the bowlful. Fomfomfom agreed that it was too good to be kept only to humans so I got all the pork inside.

My stummy was so happy I was blissful for five hours. Then I wanted to play and ah ma declared she wanted to sleep. Spoilsport.



December 18th 2008 7:43 am
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I realise life without tidbits is colorless.


VIP at the vet's

December 17th 2008 6:06 am
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Fomfomfom and cha brought me to the vet's today. The vet woman let us jump the queue when fomfomfom told her we were there for a blood test. We insisted on a red bandage when the vet woman offered me a blue one. I'll go outside and tell the crowd that you let us jump queue if you don't give me a red bandage, I said. I got a red bandage.

Giggles. But we still waited for an hour after that coz there were simply too many people at the vet's today. I saw a big golden retriever vomit and a fierce looking pitbull sort of white dog pee blood. It wasn't a happy place at all. Things took a turn for the sadder when it was my turn and the vet woman declared that my liver enzymes were too high and it was absolutely no tidbits for me. Then she cracked my tartar and put her fingers into my backside.



My first christmas card

December 16th 2008 6:00 am
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The mail came today, and there was a christmas card for me! It said, Dear Xiaoping and family.. For once I'm in first place! It is a historic day. I will keep the card in my shoebox carefully.

It was from the vet woman, a marks and spencer's card. I'm so pleased I will go and visit her tomorrow.


Cha bought monopoly and I want to be the shoe

December 15th 2008 7:03 am
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I saw a cat. It was a tabby and it had a collar on it. It strolled off so I tried my bestest to sprint after it, only it isn't easy when you are lugging along a fomfomfom attached to your leash.

And so, I lost sight of that tabby. Only I could smell him. But I couldn't see him, no matter how hard I looked. Later fomfomfom told me he was under my feet all that time, in the drain.

Sometimes you can't blame a girl for wanting to bite the hand that feeds her.


The perfume of the matter

December 14th 2008 7:18 am
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It was raining the moment I got up, and I didn't get to go for my morning walk again. This december thing is starting to grate.

At night ah bee and cha gave me a piece of plastic they peeled off from a box of perfumes. As I am a girl, I love anything to do with perfume. The plastic wrapper was my most precious possession for the night. Ah bee tried to get me to leave it so I can pee, so I tried to bite her nose off. Fomfomfom tried the same thing and I snarled at her too.

Didn't get any of their noses though. It would have been apt, coz they don't respect perfume so they don't deserve noses.


We love watching the nanny on saturdays

December 13th 2008 8:28 am
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The wind was howling this afternoon and almost blew my ears off. Ah ma patted me and so I wasn't scared of the wind. Ah ma was pleased with me and generous with her lovin' coz I shat this morning. And ah ma gave me lotsa nice pork for dinner coz she says my insides are empty from lack of meat, that's why I didn't poop for 2 days.

Ah ma understands me best.


The moon is like a salted egg yolk

December 12th 2008 3:42 am
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Fomfomfom read online that a scottish terrier visited its master's grave everyday for fourteen years. So she told me, I must remember to do the same ya. I snorted, of course not. I only asked for a wii, and watch how fomfomfom dithers. Give me a wii, then we'll talk.

Oh oh, and I also want doggie stairs. All that jumping on and off furniture is no good for me. That can be my christmas present. The wii is my birthday present.

All that pining is leaving me constipated. I haven't done the deed for 2 days, starting from the day I realised my wii hadn't arrived. Ah ma is anxious. Good. Then maybe she'll start laying the pressure on her wayward daughters. All 3 of them tightwads.


My christmas present

December 11th 2008 7:15 am
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I stamped my feet this morning. I wanted my wii and the dance dance revolution game, but cha couldn't collect enough money for it. Fomfomfom used the excuse she hasn't liquidated her shares and ah bee fled the house first thing in the morning.

Luckily it rained heavily in the afternoon and I didn't meet the second floor kids. If they ask me one more time if I have a wii, I will break down. I don't care, I give cha till christmas to buy me the wii. After that, I will do the unthinkable.

For now it's still the unthoughtofble.

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