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I'm Still In Your Heart

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Sending a co-air-mail today sweet boy.

May 24th 2011 11:11 am
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8 years....

So, Grizzly, are you still bossy? Are you telling all the other dogs what to do? Is your tail wiggling over your back in defiance and your face has a grin on it? I can see it now.

You and Kody did everything together, slept cuddled up, ate together, swam together, and so we decided to mail your letters together.

You did so well training us, baby. You taught us so much, and forgave us our mistakes. Thank you for being so patient and loving your entire life.

We will always be proud of our Beeber Bear. You set the bar very high for all our other babies. Good for you, sweetheart.


Mommy & Daddy
Mickey & Jenny,
Sara, Wally & Baby Cat
May 24, 2011


7 years....

May 28th 2010 9:59 am
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Our loving son, Grizzly,

October 8, 1987 to May 28, 2003

Today marks 7 years since you gracefully left our arms. Yet we miss you every day. Your ways of making us laugh. You were an intense boy, but in a good way. Woofing at Sammy to get his chew bone and barking at the bug light or the well monster will always make our hearts smile.

You were one in a million, Griz. We were so lucky to have had you. Sorry we took so long to get to you! All of 5 ½ weeks! You were our tiniest baby that lived the longest. Love didn’t make you live forever, but it will in our hearts.

We look forward to the day we meet you again, and you come running up to us. That will be worth all the pain, to be with you all again.

We love you, son. We always will.


Mommy & Daddy
Mickey & Jenny,
Sara, Wally & Baby Cat
May 28, 2010


6 Year anniversary....

May 28th 2009 4:01 pm
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Our loving son, Grizzly,

October 8, 1987 to May 28, 2003

It has now been 6 years since we lost you. SIX! Yours was the only loss I felt it was your time. But that didn’t mean we miss you any less.
You were our first son, the one that taught us so very much. My funny boy!

Thank you for being such a wonderful son to us; for lighting our hearts up with your love and devotion.

You will always be our special boy.

When we drive past the high school, we still smile with memories of you proudly walking around with your “bootson!” And your “coatton”

We love you, son. We always will.


Mommy & Daddy
Mickey & Jenny,
Sara, Wally & Baby Cat


Your Birthday...

October 9th 2008 8:21 am
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Sweet Beeber,

Did you hear me? I sang at your grave yesterday, but I sang to the sky, my love.

You would have been 21. Wow... 21.

I love you, so very much. My first borne.


Tomorrow marks 5 years....

May 27th 2008 3:13 pm
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To be sent via *airmail* with 6 balloons of various colors:

October 8, 1987 to May 28, 2003

Our loving son, Grizzly,

It has now been 5 years since we lost you. And every day, we remember you and the lessons you taught us. I’m sorry we didn’t send our message last year, but as you know, Sammy was barely moving, and I simply couldn’t leave his side. I know you understand. And now he is with you. The 3 amigos are back together.

We keep remembering your happy times, my love. When your little tail would stand up like a flag, and how you used to bark at the “well monster”. We watched movies of you and your life. I didn’t remember how much we fed you, baby! WOW!
You used to swim so much. Like a little fish, you were! Bernadette has started to jump in the water like you did. Not as well, but it makes us smile remembering you.

Thank you for watching over your Daddy on his trip. I know you helped keep him safe. Thank you for being such a wonderful son. We remember the times you would go to the softball games with Daddy, and how you wanted so desperately to go out there and play, too!

When we walk at the ranch, you are with us. When we smell the ocean air, your face is what we see.

We will love you forever, son. Please, wait for us, and help your little brother in this transition. I’m sure you two are running all over up there, making all this wind.

You hold our spirit until we meet again.


Mommy, Daddy, Mickey, Bernadette,
Sara, Wally & Baby Cat


A poem for those who must make the awful decission....

December 5th 2007 2:12 pm
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Sweet Goodbye

You’re giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So, looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see, in you, the magic, that will
Once more, make me whole
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done
For it’s the only way.
That strength is why I’ve followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I’ve loved you all these years….
My partner ‘til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You’re giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I’ve lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it, too.

So, one last time,
I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that’s within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
Please, don’t despair my passing
For I won’t be far away.
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory, I’ll stay.
I’ll be there, watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories, I’ll run,
…. A young dog, once again.

---Author unknown

May your memories bring you comfort. May you realize the love you share is eternal.


The 4th Day

August 31st 2007 10:05 pm
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A very kind and wise pup, named Molly posted this in the forums. I hope she doesn't mind if I put it here. It touched my heart deeply.

The Fourth Day

If you ever love an animal,
there are three days in your life you will always remember.
The first is a day, blessed with happiness,
when you bring home your young new friend.
You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed.
You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets,
or done long research in finding a breeder.
Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment,
you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter —
simply because something in its eyes reached your heart.
But when you bring that chosen pet home,
and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room —
and when you feel it brush against you for the first time —
it instills a feeling of pure love
you will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later.
It will be a day like any other.
Routine and unexceptional.
But, for a surprising instant,
you will look at your longtime friend
and see age where you once saw youth.
You will see slow deliberate steps
where you once saw energy.
And you will see sleep where you once saw activity.
So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet —
and you may add a pill or two to her food.
And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself,
which bodes of a coming emptiness.
And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off,
until the third day finally arrives.

And on this day — if your friend and God have not decided for you,
then you will be faced with making a decision of your own —
on behalf of your lifelong friend,
and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit.
But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you —
you will feel as alone as a single star
in the dark night sky.
If you are wise, you will let the tears flow
as freely and as often as they must.
And if you are typical,
you will find that not many in your circle
of family or human friends
will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.
But if you are true to the love
of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years,
you may find that a soul — a bit smaller in size than your own —
seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
And at moments when you least expect
anything out of the ordinary to happen,
you may feel something brush against your leg — very, very lightly.
And looking down at the place
where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lie —
you will remember those three significant days.
The memory will most likely be painful,
and leave an ache in your heart —
As time passes the ache will come and go
as if it has a life of its own.
You will both reject it and embrace it,
and it may confuse you.
If you reject it, it will depress you.
If you embrace it, it will deepen you.
Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when —
along with the memory of your pet —
and piercing through the heaviness in your heart —
there will come a realization that belongs only to you.
It will be as unique and strong
as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost.
This realization takes the form of a Living Love —
Like the heavenly scent of a rose
that remains after the petals have wilted,
this Love will remain and grow—
and be there for us to remember.
It is a love we have earned.
It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go —
And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live.
It is a Love which is ours alone —
And until we ourselves leave,
perhaps to join our Beloved Pets —
It is a Love that we will always possess.


Letter to Grizzly: 4 year anniversary since his trip to the- bridge

May 28th 2007 12:28 pm
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Grizzly Bear Gonzalves
October 8, 1987 to March 28, 2003

Dearest Grizzly,

Can it really be 4 years since you went to the bridge to join Kody?

We were thinking of you and remembering how you used to “pop” your ball to us, wanting us to play. How you used to bite Daddy when you played. I sure couldn’t take that kind of thing! But that tail in the air like a victory flag always made us smile and laugh. We think of you all the time and you are always on our heart. We look forward to seeing you again, in heaven.

You were so strong, my angel. Your departure was graceful as was your time here. But still, the departure was hard on us, and I continue to try to learn from all you taught me.

Thank you for watching over Sammy. Please continue to wrap your angel wings around him. He needs his big brother and pack leader now more than ever.

All we can ask is you keep looking over us and know we love you… now and forever.

You are our angel,
Mommy, Daddy, Sammy, Mickey, Bernadette
Sara, Wally and Baby Cat (the one you chased all over the place!)


My Tail of Devotion for ◊ Grizzly Bear 1987-2003

July 20th 2006 1:33 pm
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Sweet Beeber,

You are our first borne. Our teacher. Still, I grieve for our loss, but know my life was infinitely better than it would have been without you in it.

You made others smile when they saw you walking with your boots on, helping your traction, and making your old toes feel better.

Your fur was the softest to touch… There is nothing to compare it to! I so very much miss running my fingers into the whiteness of your chest, and smelling your old dog breath.

I miss hearing your pant, and knowing you are waiting for me to turn you over.

You waited as long as you could, sweet beeber. And I will always love you…

Grizzly's Song:

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

This is a special Tail of Devotion

See All Tails of Devotion


Grizzly's Tears

June 6th 2006 11:26 am
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After Kody’s death, we decided that we never wanted Griz to have to suffer like he did. We took him to the best doctor we knew of. Sacramento Veterinary Surgical Center was once place we were told was one of the best in the state. We saw Dr. Siemens. A wonderful woman with a heart of gold. She was a cardiologist for pets. We found that Griz had a heart murmur that was classed as a grade 3+. She wanted us to watch him, and we got him a cardiac ultrasound to make sure there were no abnormalcies. Griz was only 12 at the time, but we knew that he was getting old. His old bones were hurting him more and more. This heart problem was a shock to us all. When we discovered that there were no abnormalities we decided to keep him happy and as healthy as possible. We had Grizzly’s blood checked to make sure we didn’t miss anything like we did with Kody. Returning every 6 months for rechecks, and normal stuff like a broken tooth that had to be removed, he was doing so well. After a year, his murmur was almost not noticeable, but something new had started. It was diagnosed as allergic bronchitis. We put him on Theophyline and it helped! He was acting like a puppy! We couldn’t believe the change!

Griz had been doing so very well, until January. Dr. Siemens decided we should try something more for his breathing. We got Flovent inhaler for him. Sadly, it didn’t seem to help, but he enjoyed the tuna we put in the mask for him.

I knew that time was not on our side. He was now 15, and showing signs of his age. He would get lost in a room, walk into a corner and not know how to get out of it. His breathing was getting more strained, and when he would bark, he would not be able to get air back into his lungs fast enough to get out his next one. But his tail still wagged and his eyes, thought nearly blind, still sparkled.

We tried one more thing, Abuterol. This inhaler was for humans, and was a bronchodilator.

I picked it up from the drug store, and with Dr. Siemens’ suggestion, I waited to use it until a weekday. So if there was a problem, someone would be there to help. She asked me to take his heart rate just for the sake of knowing. I took it on the 27th at 9:45 pm and it was 120 bpm then again at 6:03 am on the 28th. It was 68 bpm. I thought that was slow, but I figured he was still asleep, and was resting nicely. I gave him a “puff” at about 9:00 am because he was having a lot of trouble with wheezing when he went outside. His heart rate went up to 186 bpm!! I was terrified! Did I just cause my baby more trouble? I had appointments that day, and I was so worried it was not going to go down. I didn’t want to leave my baby. At 1:20 pm it was down to 150 bpm, and he was resting. He wouldn’t sleep, but he was on his air mattress, laying down...

I left, thinking he would be fine, like he usually is.... but he wasn’t. When I got home about an hour later, Sammy was acting really different. Nervously excited. I went inside, and saw there was poop in the living room. Totally unlike our boys. I knew instantly that something was wrong.

I called for Griz, and I hear this horrible wheezing sound. I found him in the entry way, splathered out on the tiles. It looked like he was trying to get up, struggling, but he just couldn’t. His tongue and gums were totally blue!! He couldn’t move! I scooped him up and put him on his air mattress. It felt like his arm had been broken or dislocated, because it was limp. I was starting to panic. I called David immediately, and told the girl I was his wife, and it was an emergency. When he got on the phone I said, “You have to come home now. This is it. Hurry.”

He tried to get home as fast as he could. Griz was still holding on as best he could. I was trying to hold his head so that the air would get into his lungs as unobstructed as possible. Both David and I didn’t know what to do. I said, “Call the fire department. They have oxygen.” He did. Within 5 minutes, they were there, with a bottle of oxygen for our son. It took us some time to figure out how to give it to him without stressing our poor bear. But we knew.... David called the vet clinic to see if they would come to us, to help us let Griz go. They wouldn’t. They were too busy or something. David, in a panic, hung up. I called them. They said we would have to bring him down. Dr. Lee was on duty. Dr. Klingborg was off and Dr. Copeland was at a dairy out of touch. I begged... then Terry said we could bring him down with the oxygen, and let him go out back in the grass....with us with him. We just didn’t want him to go in that office. It all worked out, because when we finally go there, we carried him to the grassy area behind the office, and Dr. Copeland was there. He said they had tried to call, and if we wanted to he would follow us home. That would have been too much for old Beeber. It was time to say goodbye, and stop this horrible suffering. They got us blankets, and Dr. Copeland got the kit. He shaved his left arm, and put a tourniquet on his leg. We asked him several times if we were doing the right thing. Were we rushing? After listening to Grizzly’s chest, he said no. Poor Griz’s lungs were filled with fluid. It was congestive heart failure. Through our tears, we told him o.k, but please let us know what to expect throughout. He put the pink fluid into Grizzly’s leg, as he told us to talk to him. It was all we could do to make a sound. We told Grizzly what a good boy he is, how brave and strong. We said goodbye. We told him to go play with Kody. We thanked him for staying as long as he did and for waiting for both of us to come home. His little light flickered, and he went peacefully to his brother. No more pain, no more suffering. It was over. We stayed there for a while, and cried. Cried for what we have lost, for what we will never see again. After a while, David went to get Sammy. I just stayed there and petted Griz’s empty body. Sammy came, and went up to Griz. He sniffed him, looked at him, then didn’t want to get near him. He knew. We could see the confusion in his face. We took Grizzly straight over to Franklin Pet Cemetery, where Kim St. Louis was waiting for us. Gloria (Grammy G) was there too. We took Griz over to Kody’s grave, and lay him there for a moment, while we told Kody to take him in. Told Grizzly to go to his brother now. Then I picked up my sweet baby’s body, and took him into the area that Kim had his little casket waiting. David put a nice blanket in the casket. I placed his sweet body into his final resting position. His daddy took off his shirt and put it in the casket with him. It reminded us of when he was younger. He was so peaceful. Like he was sleeping. I didn’t want to leave him, but we knew he wasn’t in that body any more. He was gone. He was at peace.

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