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DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them. When company comes, always sniff the woman first. Make your best impression.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing. Learn to like broccoli.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. Always save a little something for every neighbor.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils all the fun. Just strike terror.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry...eat a shoe.
THE POSTMAN: Is a uniformed man who looks suspiciously like an animal catcher. He comes to make my masters miserable by delivering bills. He is fair game on home turf.
NASTY THINGS: Always seek out the place on the ground where the nastiest smell is. Roll in it thoroughly, collecting as much on the coat as possible. Share it proudly with the family. Especially after the maid comes.
PERSONAL HYGIENE: Feel comfortable in your own surroundings. Know that any friend of your master's is a friend of yours. This means you can always "clean" yourself and give everyone a big kiss afterwards.
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant."
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that that he can hold his own in the conversation."
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"You think there will not be dogs in heaven? I tell you they will be there before any of us."
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