Adventures of a lead dog

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Phantom Dog

April 29th 2007 9:49 am
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Yesterday was lousy. Before I go further with this entry, I'll explain-I don't poop. Other dogs poop, but I don't. The poop that is in our yard is from the phantom dog. He likes to come here to poop, but no one see him. He is like the wind-you can never see him. When I was a puppy, he pooped in the bedroom and I covered it with newspaper because I was trying to protect a fellow dog. He can't help it if he has to poop-most dogs aren't like me. Now that you understand the situation, I accientally stepped in the phantom dog's poop, and got some got on my back paw. Naturally I had to clean it or, if Mommy sees it, she might want to give me a bath. I'm not a big fan of baths. I did what any dog would do, I cleaned it with cloth. The fact that the cloth just happened to be Mommy's bedspread seemed to upset Mommy. I have no idea why. She would want my paw to be clean-and it was when I got finished. I was planning to lay on the bed so it was very logical that I would clean my paw before laying down. Mommy must like the phantom dog because she didn't fuss at me. She said the bedspread is washable. I'm glad Mommy is understanding because, if she wasn't the phantom dog could be in trouble and might even be banned from our property. The best part is I didn't have to get a bath. I did a good job of cleaning my paw. Besides, Mommy said she didn't feel like fighting with me in the bathtub. She used a wet wipe to finish cleaning my paw-I don't really like my paw cleaned with wet wipes, but at least it is better than a bath.
Demon Flash Bandit---Protector of the Phantom Dog

 

I am a male dog.

April 28th 2007 6:02 am
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Mommy usually brings me toys or treats whenever she goes out without me, and that usually makes me extremely happy. However, I couldn't believe what she brought me yesterday-PINK yes PINK tennis balls (3 of them in a container). Normally I love tennis balls or any other kind for that matter, but these were PINK. I am not a girl dog. I refused to play with them because I am a male dog. If I were a girl dog, pink would be fine, but I'm a boy. What was Mommy thinking? I heard her tell my brother that she read dogs are color blind. How do humans know this? If I can't distinquish color, why would I refuse to play with them because of the color pink? Mommy thinks they look nicer than regular tennis balls. Of course, Mommy isn't a male so naturally, being a female, she would think pink is a nice color. Why can't my brother get them instead of Mommy? He wouldn't pick pink. He would buy green or blue. I love Mommy, but sometimes I do wonder about her taste. I mentioned in my earlier dairy that when I colored the drab (my opinion) green carpet orange with craft paint, she just said she would replace it with hardwood. I knew her taste was bad then because the orange really did wonders for pulling the whole decor of the room together. I felt it needed a bit of color. It would have a lot more color if I could reach the other color craft paints, but I could only manage to get the orange one. Ever since I got into the craft paint as a puppy and walked around with an red nose for about a week, she keeps the paint out of my reach (or tries to), but I am a very talented dog at getting into things (that's what she calls it). I would prefer she say I am an over achiever, but for some odd reason, she doesn't seem to think it is a good thing. I wonder if I'll ever understand humans. They are so ODD.
Demon Flash Bandit (Macho Dog)

 

I was so scared

April 27th 2007 5:43 am
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Mommy scared me so badly yesterday. She was getting ready to go out so, naturally I was crying, because I get very excited when I know we are going somewhere. I cry because I am ready, and it always takes my family forever to get ready. Do you really need a bath before you go out? These silly humans take one everyday. I don't like baths and don't see any point in having one. Mommy thought she would be cute and imitate my crying which made me jump on the bed and try to help Mommy. My brother realized what happened. My Daddy used to have trouble breathing and he made a similar sound, and I thought that is what was happening to Mommy. The last time Daddy had trouble breathing, he died. It took Mommy 15 minutes to reassure me that she was okay, but she thought it was so sweet that I was worried about her. She says she has never seen a dog that worries about family as much as me. She apologized because she was just playing with me and didn't mean to scare me. She hugged me for about half and hour. She always tells me I am a wonderful dog. I know she loves me as much as I love her.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dr. Demon)

 

I love new toys

April 26th 2007 10:21 am
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My brother went out without me again yesterday. He did this despite my getting him involved in a fun game of tug of war. I don't know how he could leave and miss so much fun-maybe it is because I always win. HAHA When he came home, he had bought stuff for himself, but nothing for the DOG. Mommy went out (which means I had to babysit for my other brother). Mommy came home with 2 new dog toys. I love new dog toys. My brother could learn a lot from Mommy's wisdom. BRING A NEW TOY HOME FOR THE DOG!! I've got to go play with my new toys.
Demon Flash Bandit-toy collector

 

Orange is a nice color for carpet

April 25th 2007 11:50 am
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I had a nice time yesterday. Mommy was out and I was babysitting my brother and I found a plastic bottle of orange craft paint. I just want to say that I think the icky green carpet in Mommy's bedroom looks better with a splash of orange color. All Mommy said was, I've got hardwood to replace the carpet with when I get to it. Can you imagine? She plans to re-do my brilliant art masterpiece. Humans have no taste.
Demon Flash Bandit (interior decorator)

 

I like money

April 24th 2007 10:23 am
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I learned a new trick yesterday. It was one I taught myself-those are the best tricks. I was riding in the car with Mommy and one of my human brothers; and I opened Mommy's purse, took out her wallet, and I sat down on it. I like money. I've seen Mommy give it to people at drive-thru windows, and I've observed that the humans then get whatever they want after they hand over the money. Occasionally I'll find money and I put it in my stash. Mommy laughed at what I did, but then she told me it wasn't a good trick, and I shouldn't do it anymore. I thought it was a suberb trick. I haven't heard her tell me that well behaved Pointer she had ever did anything that smart. I know the Pointer was a nice dog, but I still say he was a loser. Mommy does say that I am a lot smarter than he was, and evidently, he was smart. I'm sure I would like him if I knew him, but it is about time dogs realize who is in charge-US. To quote a line from Good Boy, "you don't see us picking up their poop". That is so true. I'll bark at the dairy again later.

 

Tired of low budget films that can't afford to hire dogs.

April 23rd 2007 8:28 am
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Mommy came home yesterday with 2 magazines that look interesting. Both have dogs on the cover. One was Dog Fancy and the other was Bark. I like it when Mommy buys doggy magazines. I don't know why she doesn't give them to me to read. She also bought me a giant plush sqeaky lizard and my own plush cell phone so now I can take calls from all my friends on dogster. The phone rings so I know it is real. Mommy went to see a movie last night. She saw The Hoax and said it was good. I fail to see how it could be good because, if I understand correctly, there wasn't one dog in the whole movie. It must have been a low budget film that couldn't afford to get a dog. My recommendation is to skip all the movies except for Firehouse Dog which is the only one I'd want to see.
Demon Flash Bandit, movie critic

 

Horse dog is even bigger than Great Dane

April 22nd 2007 5:36 am
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Yesterday I met a giant dog. Mommy said it was a horse which, obviously, is even bigger than a Great Dane. I wanted to play with it, and Mommy pulled the car up beside the fence and I cried at the window. One of the horses came over and tried to make friends. I told him, "I wuv you". Mommy thought it was sweet. I wonder how big his dog house has to be. Have any of you other dogs ever met a horse? They are beautiful dogs-and quiet. He didn't even bark. I love horses. If they live in the house, do they have to have a bed of their own because they are sort of big to sleep with the humans? I'm going to ask mommy if we can get a horse dog.

 

Demon Flash Bandit- Mission: Security

April 21st 2007 8:22 am
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I was a very helpful dog yesterday. My Mommy had to go to the post office, and I went along. Because I don't like to stay in the car, and I know how to open the car door, Mommy doesn't generally take me unless there is someone in the car to sit with me. However, I had to stay in the car alone because Mommy told me to guard the car for her. That is when I realized how important I am. My new job is to be a watchdog. I think I can handle that. My job is very important. Imagine how horrible it would be if someone stole the car while Mommy was in the post office. Believe me, that won't happen on my watch.
Demon Flash Bandit (Security Dog)

 

Demon F. Bandit mild mannered secret identity for Superdog

April 20th 2007 8:03 am
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Yesterday was a nice spring day with no snow. It was still a nice day-not one of those really hot summer days which I am not at all fond of. Mommy went to a movie so I had to babysit my brother. He comes over here just to have me babysit for him. At least he is okay company when he isn't engrossed in his stupid Tech TV show.
Nomally I am totally against dogs wearing clothes. I think it is humiliating, and I do not like being teased by the other dogs. However, yesterday I made the rare exception and wore my Superdog cape. It is part of my Halloween costume (the only part I would wear), and I do look good in it. I think it fits my personality. I am a Superdog. I even flew into the car yesterday with a little help from my brother who happens to be my pilot.
It is now time for Superdog to fly into the kitchen and see if there are any treats laying around "unprotected" (definition: they don't have a padlock and the dog can reach them). Wish me luck.
Demon Flash Bandit----Superdog

 
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