Adventures of a lead dog

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Demon Flash Bandit- Mission: Security

April 21st 2007 8:22 am
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I was a very helpful dog yesterday. My Mommy had to go to the post office, and I went along. Because I don't like to stay in the car, and I know how to open the car door, Mommy doesn't generally take me unless there is someone in the car to sit with me. However, I had to stay in the car alone because Mommy told me to guard the car for her. That is when I realized how important I am. My new job is to be a watchdog. I think I can handle that. My job is very important. Imagine how horrible it would be if someone stole the car while Mommy was in the post office. Believe me, that won't happen on my watch.
Demon Flash Bandit (Security Dog)

 

Demon F. Bandit mild mannered secret identity for Superdog

April 20th 2007 8:03 am
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Yesterday was a nice spring day with no snow. It was still a nice day-not one of those really hot summer days which I am not at all fond of. Mommy went to a movie so I had to babysit my brother. He comes over here just to have me babysit for him. At least he is okay company when he isn't engrossed in his stupid Tech TV show.
Nomally I am totally against dogs wearing clothes. I think it is humiliating, and I do not like being teased by the other dogs. However, yesterday I made the rare exception and wore my Superdog cape. It is part of my Halloween costume (the only part I would wear), and I do look good in it. I think it fits my personality. I am a Superdog. I even flew into the car yesterday with a little help from my brother who happens to be my pilot.
It is now time for Superdog to fly into the kitchen and see if there are any treats laying around "unprotected" (definition: they don't have a padlock and the dog can reach them). Wish me luck.
Demon Flash Bandit----Superdog

 

I am the Champion

April 19th 2007 9:26 am
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Today I am going to discuss a very serious topic-tug of war.

Tug of war is a very serious game. I am the champion of tug of war. I put my whole essence into winning. When I win, the humans sing that Demon is the Champion song which shows just how good I am that the songwriter wrote that song just for me. I also receive applause. This is where the serious topic comes in. My Mommy thinks it is "cute" to kiss my nose while I am in the midst of a serious tug of war game. I have to concentrate on winning and putting all my strength into what I am doing and Mommy thinks I want to be kissed. I like kisses, but not in the middle of such a serious situation. I think she is trying to cheat because she knows she doesn't stand a chance to win. Do any of you have humans who try to cheat at tug of war?
Demon Flash Bandit (the Champion)

 

How can my brother have fun without the dog?

April 18th 2007 8:59 am
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Mommy had an appointment at the human vet yesterday, and claimed I couldn't go. I am really getting sick of this "leave the dog at home" attitude. It annoys me as much as the birds stealing my snow. I knew she was leaving. I've got good ears, and I can tell when she picks up her keys. I was waiting at the door, and she managed to get out without me. I never thought she could be so sneaky. Anyway, she came home and then my stupid brother Jeff went out without me "with his friend" AGAIN. I let him go 2 days ago, and now he thinks he can go out without the dog AGAIN. I am truly fed up with his outrageous behavior. You'd think Mommy would tell him to stay home or al least take the dog, but she just tells him to have fun. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT SENDING THE KID? She is saying go ahead and leave and don't take the dog. Besides, what fun can they have without the dog. Jeff had dvds-no squeaky toys, no rawhide bones, not even a ball. How much fun can you have without those items? When he came home, he didn't even bring me a new toy. I'm very annoyed.
Demon Flash Bandit ( the neglected puppy)

 

I'm not a cookie monster-I'm a cookie bandit

April 17th 2007 8:07 am
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Yesterday was another good day. Mommy took me to get Arby's and, when I got home, I managed to procure a cookie (Mommy says sneak- I say procure). Why should I eat the cookie last? What if I am too full to eat it? Humans don't seem to understand that type of dilemna. Because I absolutely refused to give up the cookie, (I am very determined when it comes to cookies.) I was allowed to keep it. It was so sweet and good, and I don't know why I just can't eat sugar cookies instead of regular food. There is no contamination problem with "human cookies" either. I wish someone would explain that to Mommy. Anyway, I had to babysit for my brother who spent most of his time watching some really stupid program called tech tv (talk about a loser show-not one dog on it) and being on the internet. What does he do on the internet? He looks up computer sites. As much as he knows about computers, I can't ask him to order on-line candy for me because he takes candy away faster than Mommy does. I think he is hoarding it for himself. He lives nearby in an apartment, and I suspect he is too cheap to buy his own candy so he takes it from the dog. To hear him tell it, he is keeping me from getting sick. THE STUPID HUMANS BELIEVE HIM!!!!!!!!!! Humans are so gullible. It makes me realize that we have no hope in getting rid of those evil birds. Humans like them too. I wish humans were as smart as us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit, the cookie bandit

 

Why don't I get to go with my human brother?

April 16th 2007 8:07 am
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I wonder what new adventures I will have today. Yesterday was one of those annoying days when my brother went out with his friend and DIDN'T TAKE THE DOG-----AGAIN!!!!!! I don't know why they don't take me. I am loads of fun, and I love to go places. I bet if my brother were a dog, I'd be invited to go with him. We dogs aren't as snobby. I'm so good to him. I've shared toys and dog biscuits and this is the thanks I get. I've got to go check the attorney section of the phone book. I'm really getting tired of all this dog discrimination. Let's see how much fun the kid has when he has a team of doggie lawyers "hounding" him. Woof Woof Demon Flash Bandit

 

THe cookie was calling me

April 15th 2007 6:27 am
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Howl Howl. Yesterday was a good day. I managed to get a sugar cookie, and it was so good. Just thinking about it makes me happy. I was in the kitchen, and the cookies just happened to be in a spot that I could reach if I climbed a bit so I tried it. The result: success. I was careful, and I only knocked a couple thngs off the table while I was helping myself. Obviously, I am a very good (fantastic, incredible) dog. A lot of dogs would have annoyed their owners endlessly about the treat. I helped myself. My family is so lucky to have me. I bet Mommy's German Shorthair Pointer didn't help himself. What is so good about him?
Demon Flash Bandit-the bandit part comes in handy for cookie missions

 

Going for a walk and my opinion of obedience classes

April 14th 2007 9:50 am
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Guess what? My stupid human brother, Jeff took me for a "walk" yesterday. He actually fell for my sad, "I'd like to go for a walk look" so he took me for a walk to the lake down the street. My family usually refuses to take me for walks. Why? I think it is because they are lazy, but they have a different viewpoint. Their viewpoint is not only biased, it shows just how stupid they are. First of all, I AM THE LEAD DOG. That means that I choose where we go. It it happens to be in the forest to chase a bird, and the human isn't able to run fast enough to keep up with me, that is their problem. They can let go of the leash. I'm okay with that concept. Anyway, we got to the lake. Then I had to come home. Again, it wasn't my idea to return home. I could have stayed on our little walking adventure for hours and hours. The main problem with walks is that I have my teeth on the leash, and I am playing tug of war (I'm the champion of tug of war) with it. Jeff is supposed to let me be in charge or let me go free-either option is okay with me. According to my family, we huskys are a very stubborn breed (I think determined is a nicer way to put it). Anyway, after about 10 minutes of walking me while I played tug of war with the leash, Jeff picked me up and carried me home. He told Mommy that I was cholking myself to death because I wouldn't give up pulling on the leash. The truth is I like being carried. I don't have to walk and it is fun. Last year on vacation, Jeff had to carry me through the lobby of hotels. In one hotel in Knoxville, there were children who noticed that I looked like Max in Eight Below (it had just come out on dvd). I was a star, and I LOVE ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!! Stars get special treatment, don't they? By the way, do any of you other dogs have to put up with hearing about a past dog that was "so well behaved". My Mommy always tells me that her German Shorthair Pointer was more obedient than me and what a nice dog he was. I don't like to put down a fellow dog, but HE WAS A LOSER. They even fed him dog food, and he put up with it. I'm not criticizing you Pointers and sporting dogs, but show a little back bone and start becoming the boss. I run this house, and my humans had better not forget it. The problem is I am dealing with stupid, stubborn humans, and I hate to admit it; but I haven't got them trained yet. Mommy keeps telling me that I'm going to go to obedience classes if I don't learn to cooperate more, but the truth is I don't think they would help. I've done all I can with these humans and I don't think a trainer can do much to help them learn to do what they are told. They are slow learners. I don't want them to go to class and fail because I love them so I just give them one of my cute looks and take a nap. Do other dogs out there have to deal with humans who don't do what you tell them to; and if so, how did you train them? Demon Flash Bandit

 

Officially, the birds stole my candy

April 13th 2007 9:08 am
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Hello, time for my new diary update. When I left off yesterday, I was planning to check my Easter basket for claw prints. Yes, I found them. The birds are officially responsible for stealing my candy. Mommy got me 3 new toys yesterday so I think it is better to have the birds responsible for the theft because I hate them anyway. WINK WINK I know some of you dogs are thinking-the humans took the candy and he is too cowardly to blame them; but in all fairness, do the birds buy me toys? They are useless, evil creatures who should not be allowed to live. If blaming them settles the issue, I'm okay with that. Speaking of birds, I like to look cool so I say things like I like chicks. I am referring, of course, to girl dogs in a cool, hip way (to you smart aleck teenagers out there-that is very update language because my Mommy said it was and she is so old in dog years that it is off the chart so she should know all the latest lingo). Anyway, some idiot thought it meant I like "birds" because "chickens are birds" . I DO NOT NOR HAVE I EVER LIKED BIRDS. THEY ARE EVIL AND THEY SHOULD BE EXTERMINATED. I hope that clears up the subject because I don't appreciate being thought of as a "bird lover". My stupid Mommy might buy one as a pet. I've told you humans aren't the smartest life form on the planet. I hope every dog out there is having a good day. Demon Flash Bandit

 

Who has been into my Easter basket?

April 12th 2007 9:09 am
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Hi,
We had some snow again yesterday. This has been utterly delightful weather. It would still be better if my family would take my "vote" to move to Alaska seriously.
When I left off my entry yesterday, I was planning to check the Easter basket for finger prints. Yes, I keep a fingerprint kit hand just for such emergencies. Would Batman be caught without shark repellent? (You have to watch the original Adam West as Batman tv movie to appreciate the reference). Anyway, back to the Easter basket enigma, the basket was clean-only bunny paw prints. Then I realized something-my family might have had enough sense to wear gloves when they (allegedly) stole my candy-if there was candy). I never would have thought my family would be smart enough to think of gloves. After all, these are the same people who have not yet realized how evil birds are. I wonder if the birds could have taken my candy. I've got to go check my basket for claw prints. I bet those evil birds are behind this injustice.

 
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