Adventures of a lead dog

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Happy Birthday Jambalaya

October 23rd 2007 10:32 am
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I want to wish Jambalaya a happy Gifts and Treats Day (translation: birthday-what's a birthday without gifts and treats). Hold out for candy. If your humans refuse to give it to you, make them feel guilty with sad faces. It isn't hard to wrap the humans around your paw.

Yesterday Mommy got some stupid idea about eating at home, and I didn't get Burger King. I refused to eat all day. I refused both ham and roast beef. I wanted Burger King. Mommy should have been worried about me and she should have rushed me to drive-thru, but she didn't. She said I could eat what she had. I have my standards. Of course, last night she found my stash of dog cookies. Why does Mommy always find things like that? Now she doesn't think I'm about to starve. How can she not be worried? It was only one bag of Halloween dog cookies. I have always had a fondness for Burger King. However, don't take me to McDonalds---their burgers don't meet the Demon Flash Bandit standards. Mommy says I am way too picky for a dog. I don't know why she says that. I just happen to know what I like, and I like Burger KIng. I think I should be on their commercials. Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce, give Demon the meat, forget the stupid bun. I only like buns when they are old and hard like a dog biscuit from Burger get the idea. I'm sure the humans would eat there more if it met my approval. I am far pickier than most humans.

The good news is that Mommy isn't planning to eat at home today so its Burger King for the Deemster. YEAH. Mommy tried to put Angel's hot dog costume on yesterday, and it didn't happen. Angel saw the hot dog coming and wouldn't cooperate. I didn't think it was possible that a dog could be even more un-cooperative than me, but Angel has me beat. I wanted to see her wear the hot dog. I'm sure she would be adorable. Besides, I don't want them to decide to dress me as a hot dog.

I've got to get back to my napping. I hope all of you have a good day, and that goes out particularly to my pal, Jambalaya.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who LOVES Burger King)


I Get the Dundee Award.

October 22nd 2007 8:08 am
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Mommy said it was a nice day yesterday--a lot she knows--I didn't see even one snowflake. Mommy and Jeff went to see a movie, Comebacks. Mommy said it was funny. I might have enjoyed it too, but I had to babysit. I think Angel Zoom Smokey is a vacuum cleaner. I know some of you are probably asking why I would say that about Angel. Mommy bought us Arby's roast beef and Angel didn't savor the flavor or enjoy the food. She "vaccuumed: it down. She is quite a good vacuum cleaner. I haven't seen food vacuumed like that since Mommy gave Flash (the bunny) lettuce.

Angel got into trouble several times yesterday. First, she "ate" a new pair of leather shoes, then she found a belt, but Mommy caught her with it before she could do any damage. Then she got Mommy's "The Office" squeeze ball of Dwight's head. Luckily, she was also caught with that. Mommy has no idea why she is so fascinated with chewing leather. Mommy also can't understand our love of "The Office". What's not to enjoy? It is a great show. The reason Mommy knows we love it (in addition to Angel with the Dwight item is that she has found both me and Angel with the DVD, and we both have gotten the Dundee award and the Booblehead out of the box they came in. Mommy bought the special set, and we discussed it, and Angel said the "gifts" must be for us. It makes sense to me.

I'd better get back to my nap. I was about to take the Oath of Office, but we had to stop the ceremony for a MIlkbone Break.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dundee Award Winner)


I am Thinking

October 21st 2007 10:25 am
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It's Sunday, and I've been doing some thinking about religion. I can only think about it because we DOGS AREN'T EVEN ALLOWED IN CHURCH. I know I already covered that fact in last Sunday's dairy, but it bears repeating. I may not be able to go to church, but I can think about God and spiritual matters. God has been good to us dogs. He gave us 4 paws to walk on, the ability to nap at will, and teeth strong enough to chew through the toughest rawhide bone. My conclusion is that dogs are his favorite creatures.

I went on a nice long ride yesterday, and it was fun. I love to ride. I had a new Dingo bone last night, and I"m tired of Angel getting one too.

Angel read my diary entry yesterday, and now she wants an Angel Zoom Smokey Day I told her that holidays are already booked, and there isn't room for another one. Besides, she is a puppy. She doesn't need an Angel Zoom Smokey Day.

I hope all of you are having a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thoughtful Dog)


Demon Flash Bandit Day

October 20th 2007 7:31 am
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Saturday in the park--I think it is Demon Flash Bandit Day. I remember hearing that song done by a group called Chicago. Daddy and Mommy liked their music. I thought it was nice that they wrote a song about me. A lot of songwriters write songs about me. I've got to admit that it is very flattering. I love having my own holiday, and the song is one of my favorites. Who wouldn't love it? Saturday in the Park...everyday is Demon Flash Bandit Day. People singing, People laughing Celebrating Demon Flash Bandit Day--It makes us so happy. Angel said those aren't the words to the song, but she is a silly puppy who has never heard the song and is obviously very jealous that I have so many songs written for and about me, Demon Flash Bandit.

Mommy brought home 2 Dingo bones last night for me. Angel said one was for her, and that silly Mommy of mine said Angel was right. I took the one Mommy gave me, but the one she gave Angel was accompanied by my disapproval.

My girlfriend, Phoebe suggested that I add more photos to my page. I know she is right, but I have to depend on Mommy and Jeff. Mommy put the photo that is on there now, but she isn't comfortable doing computer stuff like that. Jeff could easily do it, but he is usually rattling on about who is cast as Kirk or Bones in the new Star Trek movie that is going to be made soon. Guess what---they are choosing all humans--no dogs. Dogs aren't even being considered. You'd think that Jeff would realize that if there will be no dogs in the leading roles so why would he even want to see it. I think Jeff wants a role because he is a major Star Trek fan. I hate to say that because he should be busy celetrating Demon Flash Bandit Day, and he is on the computer doing silly movie stuff.

Mommy said I have to get off the computer because she has a lot to do today. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy Demon Flash Bandit Day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Enjoying "my" music)


It's Friday so TGFD

October 19th 2007 8:05 am
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TGFD. I'm sure most of you already know the meaning of that since it is so common. It is: Thank God For Dogs. You humans can be so flattering. We love you humans too even when you are so silly. The humans in this family don't even have to take baths or showers because Angel "cleans" them with puppy kisses. She gets so slobbery, and I'm sure the humans love it. Don't all humans love to be slobbered on. Yes, I thought so. I don't have time for giving puppy kisses all the time. Besides, I'm not a puppy anymore. I'm a big dog who is trying to run a presidential campaign. Angel wants to run a campaign, but she also wants to have lots of time for puppy kissing and playing. She doesn't even get her diary done most days because she is so busy playing. At least she is happy. She is also a very pretty dog.

I don't have a lot of time today so I'll end with those important initials that you see every Friday. TGFD. Without dogs, what would the humans do with their weekend off?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Humans are Thankful for)


I Met a New Friend, Rivy

October 18th 2007 10:38 am
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Thinking up presidential campaign ideas is a lot tougher than I thought. It isn't that I can't think up ideas, but it really cuts into my nap time. Since I'm a genius, as I've already pointed out with some of my ideas-like replacing Angel with a robot dog that doesn't steal my rawhide bones, I am amazed that it is so difficult. Mommy explained that the 2 political parties have large budgets and a lot of money to spend. That did give me some inspiration. The 2 parties can drop their candidates and just tell everyone to vote for me instead. After all, it would save them a lot of money and how can they compete with a dog? I'm not only smarter and more honest, but I'm cute. Would you rather look at one of those silly humans on tv for 4 years or a very handsome blue eyed dog? Not only have I lived a very good life, but I am sure that I am much better at "digging up dirt" on the other candidates than any of them are. How often do you see a human get down and dig in the dirt with their paws?

I met a new friend yesterday, Rivy. She brought her family over, and we had a wonderful time together. I like meeting new friends. Angel liked her too, but I'm sure Rivy liked me more. I know I would like me more if I were another dog. I have a completely unbiased opinion of myself.

I've got to go get some political strategies mapped out. I hope all you dogs are having a good week, and remember, vote for me, Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit (Making New Friends)


I Need New Ideas

October 17th 2007 9:40 am
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VOTE FOR DEMON FLASH BANDIT.......VOTE FOR DEMON FLASH BANDIT......VOTE FOR DEMON FLASH BANDIT. Okay that is the big idea I got whild napping yesterday. I know it isn't great, but I was busy napping yesterday. It is hard to dream up good campaign ideas. One dream, I was walking on an iceberg, but then realized that an iceberg, although nice, wouldn't be a big vote getter. Then I thought that I was teaching a math class, and I had trouble with one of the problems. Again, that didn't seem to help my presidentail run. Then I dreamed Jeff was playing with dolls (he calls them collectible action figures---the dog isn't fooled--they are dolls. You can't fool the dog. Anyway, none of the ideas I dreamed would help me get into the White House. I guess I'll have to work on more ideas today.

Mommy went to see the movie, Elizabeth last night. I have no idea who she is, but she was Queen of England so I'm hoping she was a dog. I could tell the humans that electing a dog to run things is normal--England did it years ago.

I've got to run. What else would you expect from a husky?

Demon Flash Bandit (Lack of Ideas Dog)


I Need More Votes

October 16th 2007 11:00 am
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Here he is--the wonderful, the great, the one who should become president--DEMON FLASH BANDIT........Thanks for the introduction Mommy, but next time, be a little more complimentary. I am truly a wonderful dog, and that intro could be vastly improved. One of my best traits is my modesty as you can see from my comments.

I have a big event coming up, but I will talk about it in future entries because Mommy gets a little superstitious about jinxing things. Mommy is so silly, but I don't want to upset her. She is the one who drives me to get my dinner. This is a reminder to all you dogs out there. You do occasionally have to humor the humans and their silly ideas. Just make sure they know that you, the dog, are running things. Humans get some strange ideas about how they are in charge--they are so silly you have to love them.

Mommy stayed home last night. We had a nice time. I cuddled with her while she watched the My Name Is Earl second season marathon. I was napping so I don't really have an opinion of the show except that there should be more dogs. Mommy likes it so I have no problem napping and cuddling while she watches it.

I guess that is my entry for today. I know you probably want to read more (notice the modesty-- I said probably), but Demon Flash Bandit has serious presidential campaign stuff to do. I plan to take a nap and see if I can dream up some new campaign strategies. There are still people out there who plan to vote for a human. Yes, I know it is hard to accept, but lets, face it, most humans aren't that smart. If they were, they would be dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dreamer)


Puppy Slapping

October 15th 2007 6:46 am
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WOW. Yesterday, Angel Zoom Smokey wrote a dairy entry. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to update the dogs on Dogster about what you are doing. Sure, the rest of the family is on the computer a lot. If Angel wasn't so busy making "Puddles" and doing her puppy slapping, maybe she would have more time for writing her entry. I love her new nickname of Puddles, and believe me, she has earned it. For some reason, she has decided to "puddle" in the hall. She has even tried to act like it was me and Mommy saw her doing it. Puppy slaps of justice--she is getting a bit full or herself. You should have seen her face a couple of days ago when she puppy slapped me and I gave her the doggie slap of justice==and I have bigger paws. She looked so shocked. Evidently, she didn't like being the slapee. She has a point because being the slapper was a lot more fun than being the slapee.

Mommy and Jeff went to see a movie last night--We Own the Night. I had to babysit. I think I should be paid because I like money, and Angel isn't watching the kid. She is too busy making puddles. HAHAHA I may laugh, but she said she is making puddles so I'll drown when I go down the hall. I don't think that is likely to happen. She would drown herself first. Puppies are so silly.

I want to put in a good word for the nice people who make the Better Than Ears in bacon and cheese flavor. Those are wonderful to chew on. Mommy bought me more last night. I was carrying the bag around the house with me. I slept with it. I always check the shopping bags when they come into the house. Mommy says I am NOSY. I have no idea what that means. I think it means I have a beautiful nose.

I was reading an article yesterday about politics, and since I am running for president, I think it is important that I mention it. It was on the internet so I'm not sure where it was originally published, but it was giving support for some "human" named Thompson to run as a Republican. I thought it was stupid because it said that Democrats only want power. I guess the Republicans don't care anything at all about power. They spend millions of dollars to try ot win because they couldn't find any rawhide bones to chew? I'm sure both groups have good and bad people in them, but it is time to give the job to a dog--Demon Flash Bandit. I don't mind having the power to make people's and dog's lives better. Power is only bad in the hands of the wrong people. Besides, if another country gives trouble, I'll let my Secretary of Puppy Slapping take care of them. Angel Zoom Smokey will make a great cabinet member. She can use her Puppy Slaps of Justice to fight all the evil in the world. I told her to start with George W. and work her way through the Senate and the House. Make sure everyone gets puppy slapped so they won't mess up anymore in the future. Sometimes you have to clean up the mess at home before you can move out into the world. Just think how much better DC will become when all those politicians know they have to answer to Angel Zoom Smokey, Champion Puppy Slapper. Another benefit is that if Angel is busy puppy slapping everyone in DC, she won't have time to puppy slap me. HAHAHAHA As I've said before, I'm a genius.

I think I hear Angel getting up. I'd better go before she decides to start her puppy slaps of justice early. Remember to vote for me for President.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cleaning the Nation One Puppy Slap at a Time)


We Aren't Allowed in so Many Places

October 14th 2007 9:38 am
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It is Sunday, and if you went to church, you aren't a dog. Why? Because church is another place where we dogs are NOT allowed even though we all know that dog spelled backward is god. I think the humans are jealous because God likes us dogs better. It isn't hard to figure out. We are loving and caring--the way humans are supposed to be. How many times have you heard the excuse, he is only human when humans make some stupid mistake or error in judgment? You don't hear people saying, he is only a dog. That is because we are better than humans. God made us men's best friends so we could set a good example which, of course, humans seldom bother to follow. Other reasons why we are superior to humans.

We are always clothed in fur. You don't hear a dog talk about an embarrassing dream where he was naked. WE HAVE FUR TO COVER US!!!

We walk on all four paws so we don't tend to fall as much. You don't see an older dog using a cane or walker. If you humans used 4 paws, you would get around a lot better.

We have sharper teeth. You humans have silly looking, semi-useless teeth. I don't know how you have survived.

You don't have a tail.

Your noses are small which makes it harder for you to breathe.

You sweat which, quite frankly, is disgusting. We are still glad to smell it for you. How else would you know it stinks?

We are smarter. You can argue all you want, but the fact is, we dogs are smarter. You don't see us going to work everyday. It would interfere with our naptime.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I want you humans to know that even though we are superior, we love you anyway, and are honored to be your friends. You do have one advantage that we don't---thumbs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Man's Best Friend)

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