Adventures of a lead dog

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Angel is Hot HAHAHAHAHAHA

September 13th 2007 9:45 am
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Hello. Demon Flash Bandit. world's greatest dog and the next President of the United "States is ready to write a diary entry. Mommy went to see a movie last night-Shoot Em Up. She said it was funny, and it even had a dog in it. Movies are always better when they include a dog even if it is only a minor part---my opinion. Mommy went to Target before the movie because she had some time to wait between the restaurant and the movie. She bought Angel Zoom Smokey a Halloween costume. Angel is going to be dressed as DRUM ROLL. . . . . . . .a Hot Dog. I laughed and laughed. It even has mustard on the top. Angel thought it was a new toy and tried to bite it or maybe she thought it was food. Who knows what Angel is thinking? Sadly, I will be dressed as Batman. Last year I was Superman, but I only wore the cape. Everytime Mommy put one paw in the costume, I took the first paw out while she was putting in the second paw. I think I looked quite dashing in the cape, and that is all I would consider wearing. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a super dog. Why should I have to wear the entire silly costume? Daddy was totally against dressing me up, but he was in the hospital, and wasn't able to save me from the humiliation of wearing the silly costume. Now that he has passed away, I know I'll have to at least wear the cape because Mommy isn't as smart as Daddy. At least I don't have to go around looking like a hot dog. Angel doesn't know she has to wear it yet. Wait until she finds out. HAHAHA I feel sorry for the little dogs whose owners are always dressing them in silly clothes. No wonder they bark so much. They are saying, "please don't dress me in those silly clothes--all the big dogs are laughing at me." I'm admit---your barking really scares us big dogs particularly when you are wearing your pink tutus. We are afraid that we are going to die laughing

Now that I've mentioned Halloween costumes, I'm sure all you little dogsowners will be rushing to the store to buy your latest atrocity. Enjoy dressing up. The saddest part is that you don't even get to go trick or treating to get candy. If you see a husky dressed as a hot dog, say hi to Angel and tell her Demon is still laughing.


Demon Flash Bandit (Costume Critic)

 

I Am Going to be President!!!!!

September 12th 2007 9:22 am
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I am still a little upset over the posting I read on Husky Heaven that said that dogs aren't allowed to vote, It doesn't surprise me since humans don't let us do anything fun. They also know with me running that they don't stand a change of winning. However, I have worked out a plan that will still give me the presidency. It doesn't say dogs can't run for an office--just that dogs can't vote. All you have to do is make your humans vote for me-or dress in their clostes and pretend to be them. Most people who can vote don't bother so they may not plan to use their vote anyway. Absentee ballots could be very effective for my plan if you, like me, don't like to "dress up". Even if your human insists on voting, just let them know who to vote for and give them your sad eyes look. We all know how well that works. HAHAHAHA I would prefer to take the presidency by the vote of the people (although I heard that the popular vote doesn't always matter since George W. didn't get it the first time), and some guy named Gerald Ford was never voted in as president or vice president. Mommy said he was very entertaining--he was always falling over like Angel Zoom Smokey. Did he also get into the liquor cabinet? Mommy said he was an okay guy though, and he did provide much entertainment. Anyway, since there are historical precedents for not necessarily needing to be voted in, I think I'm okay. I know all you dogs out there will do your part to look sad so I will get your owner's vote (okay, we know that we own the people, but they think they own us--aren't they funny?)
When I get in office, my first official act will be to give dogs the vote. Then I'll move onto the important issue for most of us dogs---KILLING ALL THE BIRDS. Then I'll work on the discrimination that us dogs have to face with each passing day.
Did I tell you that Mommy went to see the movie, Solomon Brothers, and Mommy said they had a dead bird in the movie. I can't wait to see that. It is going to be up for a doggie academy award.
It is time for me to go give Angel Zoom Smokey a lecture about how to be a nice dog. Did anyone read her dairy yesterday? She is endorsing me for president, and she told the world how much she likes me. It was so sweet. I've got to give her credit for finally making sense. I appreciate all the kind things she said about me. I hope all you dogs out there have a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Angel's vote is for me)

 

Computers Can Give Trouble!

September 11th 2007 1:43 pm
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Hi. I'm back. The main computer is still giving trouble so Mommy and the Fster finally decided to plug in the lap top. I think this decision was made because F was too lazy to get one of the others hooked up. He went for the easiest one to carry around. Mommy managed to get the old one going, but it is so slow that Job (the guy in the Bible known for his patience-for the dogs out there who aren't into religion) would have thrown it against the wall which Mommy threatened to do about a million times, and then she thought it might be nice to stomp on it a few times. My brother got on it when I was babysitting, and he is our resident "computer geek" which is okay except that sometimes he hasn't learned the old adage "if it isn't broken, don't fix it". Of course, he says he did nothing. Angel and I know better. We don't call him Crazy Kid for nothing. Jeff didn't have Mommy's reaction to the slow computer. He was screaming something about Bill Gates and the planet Uranus--at least I assume he was talking about the planet because we kept hearing him yell Uranus, and what else would he say involving it and Bill Gates? I don't know how the shoving came in there, but evidently, there is a connection between Bill Gates, shoving, and Uranus in Jeff's mind. I asked him what Uranus means and all he said was it is big and gassy. Then he laughed. What a strange thing for a planet to be.

I...Hello, my name is Demon Flash Bandit and I'm the biggest idiot ever. I totally wish I could be even half as cool as Angel Zoom Smokey. She is way cooler then I am and...would you give me that back.

Sorry, Angel Zoom Smokey, the town drunk stole the computer in order to spread lies about yours truly. This is the kind of ridiculous behavior I have to put up with from "the Puppy". She is always being mean to the Deemster--and I'm such a nice dog. It would help if she could stay out of the liquor. She isn't a nice drunk. By the way, if anyone is an idiot, it is Angel Zoom Smokey. When she read the group mail on dogster from Husky Heaven and it said dogs can't vote. She said that only applies to dogs that aren't her. Can you believe she would be so silly? I can.

I didn't mean to spend so long on such trivial computer matters, but that is why you dogs out there haven't had the benefit of reading my opinions in the past few days. I should up-date everyone with the things that have been going on around here. Mommy got me some Busy Bones, and dental bones. The dental bones are shaped so wierd--kind of like a bone and a half. I don't think the people that make them know what a bone looks like, but I love them. Mommy bought a huge box of dog biscuits which Angel found and opened this morning. She walked in the bedroom with a large dog biscuit, and Mommy knew she found the new stash. I'm usually the one who finds the treats. I guess she has learned from the master. Of course, I had to get a few of the tasty bones for myself. They were delicious. Mommy gave us some chicken, but I let Angel eat mine. I wasn't in the mood for chicken. Angel seemed to really like the chicken. I bet Mommy didn't tell her it was Healthy Choice chicken. HAHA

Mommy is planning on going out in a little while. That idiot Jeff is already out with one of his friends. We really don't mind. Mommy has banned the crazy kid from the computer. He goes to boring sites anyway. One of his favorite programs used to be Tech TV. They changed it to some new, stupid name which Mommy can never remember (not like she tries), and he has the nerve to correct her when she calls it Tech TV. Then he goes into a tirade about it being better when it was Tech TV instead of G I'm Stupid TV because now they talk about video games and he isn't into video games anymore. He is above that. Mommy says he didn't feel that way during his Sonic the Hedgehog period. I have no idea who Sonic is, but Mommy said she used to play it for a few minutes, and not do anything so Sonic would get annoyed and stomp his foot. Evidently, Mommy said that was the object of the game for her because she enjoyed making the little Hedgehog mad. Mommy is not a big fan of video games. Mommy used to play Atari when it first came out back in the 70's, but then the games got way too complicated for Mommy. She said Pacman and Space Invaders was okay, but they couldn't leave them alone. They had to make them more complicated, and Mommy quit playing them.

I'd better stop writing. Hopefully, I will be able to keep everyone out there up-dated more now that the lap top is plugged into the internet. I hope all of you dogs have a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Back on the Computer Again)

 

More dogs in history

September 8th 2007 11:09 am
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I'm ready to howl a new entry. I wasn't able to do much yesterday because the computer was giving problems. It would be much more reliable if it had been invented by dogs. Since I was discussing dogs in history (and the future) in my last entry, I have decided to continue along that line since the historical dogs never get the credit they deserve. Shakespeare's dog, Drama, wrote all his plays. George Washington's dog, General, was the strategist during the Revlutionary War. Thomas Jefferson's dog, Constitution, was the one who came up with the ideas that made our country great (Jefferson never could write the whole thing as dictated by Constitution without making any mistakes). Abraham Lincoln's dog, Freedom, gave Lincoln much of the inspiration for the Emancipation Proclamation, and I believe it was George Bush Sr.'s dog who wrote a book--I believe her name was Millie. Perhaps tomorrow Iwill cover dogs in the entertainment industry. Who can be more entertaining than us dogs?

This is one reason I'm running for President. It is about time dogs get credit for all we do--and I don't mean just those "accidents' on the carpet. Again, how do we know that it wasn't the humans who had the accident? I hope all of you dogs have a good day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should Get More Credit for What We Do)

 

Humans steal our ideas

September 6th 2007 9:51 am
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Hello fellow dogsters. I hope it is cool where you are. I know when it is hot here, I dream of Alaska. I've never been there, but it sounds like paradise. My silly Mommy says it it too cold there. It isn't too cold for us huskys. HA

Jeff performed his first comedy act at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle last night. No--Angel and I weren't allowed to go because of the typical discrimination in this country about dogs. You know I plan to fix that when I become President. However, I digress. Mommy said Jeff's performance was good, and he might even get to go back there. I think it would be cool to have a stand up comic as a brother. Angel and I think he is hilarious, Of course, the sad thing is that I'm not sure he is trying to be funny. You should see him admiring himself in the mirror, putting on his make-up, wearing his tiara. Oh sorry, that isn't Jeff. That is Angel. He is funny when he jumps through the house, falls over from drinking too much, and gets a DUI. Oh yeah, again, that is Angel. Angel is right. She is the funny one and Jeff is stealing her act. What is wrong with humans that they steal their best ideas from us dogs? Remember when Thomas Alva Edison's dog, Bulby, invented the light bulb, and then Edison ran and got a patent on it while his dog was still looking for a patent lawyer. Henry Ford was trying to find a way to build cars faster, and his dog, Assemble, came up with the assembly line. Does his dog get the credit? No, he does not. I've checked the history books. They say Henry Ford came up with that idea. P L E A S E . . . . . . . humans just aren't that smart. Why do you think they keep us dogs around? Sometimes dogs do fix things. Remember Checkers, Richard Nixon's dog also known as Deep Throat. That wonderful dog knew that he couldn't sit back and not do something about the Watergate break-in which was silly because he told Nixon he was being paranoid. Again, Nixon didn't take the wise advice of his dog which is one reason that the dog got mad and told on him. George W. Bush's dog, Crazy, has been helping George W. I think his name explains a lot. To be fair, the owner has to have a working brain to listen to his dog, and we all know that George W. is sorely lacking in the brian department. Now I will discuss dogs of the future. There is Porthos, Captain of the NX--01 Enterprise. Most Star Trek fans actually think that the captain was Jonathan Archer. The F-ster told me Porthos was running that ship, and doing a good job. Archer would slip him a couple of Milkbone and take the credit for all the dogs accomplishments. Let's not forget Astro, the Jetson's dog. Let's face it, George Jetson barely had enough sense to push a button. Astro was running the show. When I become President, I can't fix the past, but shouldn't Porthos and Astro be treated fairly. Vote for me for President, and there will be change. Also, Angel said she doesn't mind helping Jeff write his act, but she wants to be able to attend the show, get 40% of anything he makes, and generally run things. It sounds fair to me.

I've got to go. I've got dogs calling me for consultations on all their greivances against the human population. By the way, aren't any of you dogs in law school? Have a good day!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Equalizer)

 

Humans steal our ideas

September 6th 2007 9:51 am
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Hello fellow dogsters. I hope it is cool where you are. I know when it is hot here, I dream of Alaska. I've never been there, but it sounds like paradise. My silly Mommy says it it too cold there. It isn't too cold for us huskys. HA

Jeff performed his first comedy act at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle last night. No--Angel and I weren't allowed to go because of the typical discrimination in this country about dogs. You know I plan to fix that when I become President. However, I digress. Mommy said Jeff's performance was good, and he might even get to go back there. I think it would be cool to have a stand up comic as a brother. Angel and I think he is hilarious, Of course, the sad thing is that I'm not sure he is trying to be funny. You should see him admiring himself in the mirror, putting on his make-up, wearing his tiara. Oh sorry, that isn't Jeff. That is Angel. He is funny when he jumps through the house, falls over from drinking too much, and gets a DUI. Oh yeah, again, that is Angel. Angel is right. She is the funny one and Jeff is stealing her act. What is wrong with humans that they steal their best ideas from us dogs? Remember when Thomas Alva Edison's dog, Bulby, invented the light bulb, and then Edison ran and got a patent on it while his dog was still looking for a patent lawyer. Henry Ford was trying to find a way to build cars faster, and his dog, Assemble, came up with the assembly line. Does his dog get the credit? No, he does not. I've checked the history books. They say Henry Ford came up with that idea. P L E A S E . . . . . . . humans just aren't that smart. Why do you think they keep us dogs around? Sometimes dogs do fix things. Remember Checkers, Richard Nixon's dog also known as Deep Throat. That wonderful dog knew that he couldn't sit back and not do something about the Watergate break-in which was silly because he told Nixon he was being paranoid. Again, Nixon didn't take the wise advice of his dog which is one reason that the dog got mad and told on him. George W. Bush's dog, Crazy, has been helping George W. I think his name explains a lot. To be fair, the owner has to have a working brain to listen to his dog, and we all know that George W. is sorely lacking in the brian department. Now I will discuss dogs of the future. There is Porthos, Captain of the NX--01 Enterprise. Most Star Trek fans actually think that the captain was Jonathan Archer. The F-ster told me Porthos was running that ship, and doing a good job. Archer would slip him a couple of Milkbone and take the credit for all the dogs accomplishments. Let's not forget Astro, the Jetson's dog. Let's face it, George Jetson barely had enough sense to push a button. Astro was running the show. When I become President, I can't fix the past, but shouldn't Porthos and Astro be treated fairly. Vote for me for President, and there will be change. Also, Angel said she doesn't mind helping Jeff write his act, but she wants to be able to attend the show, get 40% of anything he makes, and generally run things. It sounds fair to me.

I've got to go. I've got dogs calling me for consultations on all their greivances against the human population. By the way, aren't any of you dogs in law school? Have a good day!

Demon Flash Bandit (The Equalizer)

 

Jeff's Big Day

September 5th 2007 8:41 am
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Mommy went to a movie last night. I had to babysit. She saw Nanny Diarys. I guess it is like my dairy entry only not nearly as interesting since I am very entertaining. No, I don't think I'm bragging. I happen to find myself very entertaining. Speaking of entertainment, tonight is Jeff's big night. Even when I told him I like money (I've heard that successful entertainers can make large amount of cash to spend on their dogs-what else would you do with a lot of money), I don't think he gets it. He just stands there like what I said isn't even heard.
I'd better get off the computer. Mommy says she has to leave early today. I hope all of you have a good day. I'll let you know how it turns out for the Fster.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want my Brother to Be a Star so he can spend lots and lots of money on me)

 

I like money

September 4th 2007 9:27 am
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I failed to mention yesterday that I had to babysit my brother Sunday while Mommy went to see 2 movies. I had more important things on my mind yesterday-like how to get Labor Day to become a day of toys and treats for us dogs. I have my priorities where they should be. Mommy saw Resurrecting the Champ which has to be about a "bogus" dog becuase, as I've mentioned in other diary entries, I AM THE CHAMP, AND I DIDN'T STAR IN THAT MOVIE. I wasn't even asked to be a consultant on that movie. The other movie was Bourne Ultimatum. Mommy told me what it was about, and it sounded silly. I don't even think Bourne was a dog.
Angel thinks she is going to see Jeff's comedy premiere tomorrow night even though I told her they wouldn't let dogs in (she never believes me). I did read her diary entry, and if there are going to be dogs throwing rawhide bones at Jeff, I hope he brings a couple of them home for us. I don't want to get hit by a "flying rawhide bone" although I would like to go and see the Fster. He was practicing last night, and I let him know that I thought one of his jokes was lame. Did he listen? No, he said he liked the joke and plans to leave it in. Angel said forget talking to him about it. She said Jeff is funny, but he isn't good at listening to the wise advice of his dogs. I hope the other humans like it, but some jokes just aren't funny--like that stupid joke Jeff Foxworthy tells about the porch collapsing and killing a bunch of dogs. Some people laugh, but the joke is sick. Ask any of us dogs, and we'll tell you what we really think.
Tommorrow is Jeff's big day. I'm getting kind of excited. I told him that there is no pressure, but this dog likes money. I've been known to hoard paper money that I've "found". I happen to be a very smart dog, and I've seen Mommy exchange that green paper for good food at drive throughs. Therefore, I like money. I bet most of you dogs out there like money. It is a very cool item.

Demon Flash Bandit (Comedy Dog)

 

My Labor Day Ideas

September 3rd 2007 10:45 am
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How is the holiday going for everyone? I am not too crazy about this holiday. Most people get the day off. Evidently, that is the "big deal" about this holiday. I have the day off every day so I feel I'm not in the loop on this holiday. For some of you smart alecs out there (yes, that means you Angel)---no, I don't plan to work today to make the "holiday" different. I'm not stupid. Other holidays are so much nicer. Easter involves getting lots and lots of candy. I approve wholeheartedly of candy. Thanksgiving involves a huge feast (again I approve of food related holidays). Christmas means I get lots and lots of cool new toys and treats. My birthday (though not an official holiday-it is definitely one for me) is also a day for lots of treats and toys. I'm sure you can see where I am going with this. To make Labor Day a better holiday, I've come up with the perfect way to celebrate Labor Day. I can get lots and lots of toys and treats. I think I've solved the whole dull holiday problem and made it a holiday to look forward to. Remember to vote for me for President. This is the kind of brilliant thinking that I will bring to the White House. I'm not saying the humans have been stupid, but let's just say, they don't even have enough brains to dig up the White House Lawn. Maybe I'm wrong. I just remembered hearing Mommy say that, with politicians, most of the skeletons are in the closet. I guess they must store their bones in closets-probably too lazy to get out and dig and get their paws dirty. I have already promised the position of Secretary of Digging to Savannah Blue Belle. If you want to be part of that group, she will be in charge. She went to Arizona, and left a hole that is now called the Grand Canyon. Myf in Austrailia (another digging talent) will do any digging that needs to be done in that part of the world. Since Myf is Austrailian, I can't put Myf on my cabinet, but Myf is definitely an ally. Mommy occasionally thinks of moving to Austrailia, but I told her I'd make this country better when I get in office. I'm not so sure she thinks it can be fixed (Mommy has her cynical moments), but I assured her that up until now, a dog hasn't been in charge.

Now that I've come up with a plan to make this an enjoyable holiday for everyone, I can take a nap. I hope you dogs have a good day---even if it may take a year or two to make it a truly wonderful holiday.

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Holidays Better)

 

I can't go see Jeff's comedy!!!!!

September 2nd 2007 10:01 am
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Hi everyone. I have to mention that my funny brother, the F-ster, will be doing comedy at Open Mike night at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, MI. on Wednesday. (That is where Tim Allen got his start.) Angel has been helping him. I am far too busy with my Presidential campaign to help Jeff come up with funny stuff. Besides he is quite funny on his own. I think that since my brother is performing, Angel and I should be allowed to go, but Mommy said no. Can you believe how mean the world is to us dogs? We can't even go enjoy Jeff's comedy? We are some of his biggest supporters. We laugh at him all the time. He is one of the best dog commediennes out there. He tells us jokes and we laugh and laugh.

Mommy went out last night and brought home toys, dental bones, and rawhide bones. Angel and I didn't even fight over any of them. She has been a lot nicer since our experience in the "big house". Mommy likes it because she loves to cuddle with Mommy. I like to lay in front of the air conditioner. I love cold air hitting my fur.

I hope all you dogs out there are enjoying good health and good food (translation-no dog food). Have a good holiday.


Demon Flash Bandit (The F-ster's Brother)

 
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