Adventures of a lead dog

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Angel Won't Fit in Box

December 14th 2007 2:27 pm
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I have been a very busy dog. I didnt' even get to write my diary yesterday. Angel's famly sent a package, and Angel wanted to crawl into the box. She hasn't yet understood that she thinks like a puppy, but she has become the size of a big dog. I would explain it to her, but I don't want to get any puppy slaps of justice. She isn't too big--she is just right, but you know how girls are about their size. I'm not taking any chances.

Jeff is out with a friend again. What a waste of time! He could be out with me, but instead he wastes way too much time with the humans. Humans aren't an intelligent group, are they? I guess it is too much to expect them to be as smart as us dogs.

I think I should get off the computer and take a much deserved nap. I hope all you dogs have a good weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Busy Dog)

 

If I Were President........:

December 12th 2007 10:29 am
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I want to go on record as stating that I am very glad that Vick is going to prison. I just hope he stays there like he is supposed to. I don't want to see him getting out in 2 weeks for good behavior. He is lucky I'm not president at the moment. Guess who I would put in the jury---yes a jury of his puppies (peers and puppies both start with a p, don't they?). I bet he wouldn't just get prison if they were making the call. Maybe they could starve all the prisoners and then make them fight for food. I'm sure Vick would approve since that is what he did to the dogs. At least some of the humans are trying to get justice for us dogs, and Angel won't have to get a sore paw giving out so many puppy slaps of justice.
Jeff spent most of his spare time yesterday on the computer. I think the whole "I've got work to do for the store" excuse is just a reason to hog my computer, and to look up Star Trek and other movie trivia.
Mommy and I have been watching West Wing yesterday. I'm glad she has it because it is important that I see what it is like for the president. I will need to know these things when I get elected to the Oval Office. Maybe I'll make Angel Zoom Smokey the Attorney General. She can then dispense puppy slaps of justice whenever she wants. HAHA
I'm getting sleepy. I plan to go take a nap. Don't forget to vote for me. Dogs need to take a far more active role in running the world.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dispensing Angel Puppy Slaps of Justice)

 

Nap Time

December 11th 2007 10:30 am
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That idiot Jeff went out with a friend yesterday and didn't take me. I can understand him not taking Angel, but I"m one of the guys. We could have a lot of fun, but I get left behind. He and Mommy went out Sunday night and saw the movie, The Golden Compass. I don't think there are many movies playing that she hasn't seen already. I'm still wishing I could go see Alvin and the Chipmunks. Those Chipmunks know how to sing.
It is about time for me to take a nap, and things are kind of boring around here so I'll wish all of you well, and I hope you have sweet dreams.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sleepy Dog)

 

My Letter to Santa Paws

December 10th 2007 8:45 am
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It is getting close to Christmas so I am going to post my letter to Santa Paws in case the one I mail gets lost on its way to the North Pole.

Dear Santa,

I know you are busy getting all the toys and stuff ready for Christmas, so I won't take up a lot of your time. By the way, a visit to your lovely winter wonderland would be great for us sled dogs. You can consider arranging a visit for another year. I know you aren't accustomed to being a travel agent.

I"d love to have new squeaky toys and dingo bones, and cash to run my presidential campaign. I recently found out the humans aren't paying their dogs. Can you believe it?

I don't really need a lot because the humans I live with are very good to me. I do have one Christmas wish that I want to include. This will be my first Christmas without Daddy, and I would like for you to have him drop by for a visit. I know he can't stay, but I would love to see him again. From the time I was a puppy, he was the one I watched out for. If you can't arrange a visit, can you let him know how much I miss him and how much I loved him.? It would also be nice if you could bring my human brother back with him for the visit. I never even got to meet him. I will appreciate anything you bring me so if you can't give me my request, don't worry about it. I hope you have a safe trip, and I'll be waiting to meet you. Please leave a cookie or two uneaten so I can eat it and Mommy won't know it was me that ate it.
Love, Demon Flash Bandit

 

Looking Out the Window is Interesting

December 9th 2007 10:23 am
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I just got through jumping on the couch and looking out the big window that faces the main road. It is a lot more interesting that the window facing our street because not much happens there. My vet is across the main road so sometimes I get to see dogs and cats coming and going from there which I find particularly exciting. I bark at them, but they can't hear me. Most of the time, I don't even bother to bark anymore. I just watch them, and I'm glad it isn't me being poked and weighed. They actually expect you to stand still on a scale, and I can't stand still when I'm busy trying to smell all the places where other dogs have been. The last time I was there, I decided to leave my mark for the other lucky dogs to sniff. Mommy wasn't pleased, but the vet laughed and said that was very common for dogs particularly males. Why do us guys get so much grief? All females (human and animal) seem to think we have no manners. I am very polite. I'm supposed to mark my territory. There is no understanding females. I know I'm not the only guy who says that.
I don't have any big plans for the day. I just finished a burger left over from yesterday. MOmmy bought some extras because she heard there might be bad weather today, and I don't always eat good unless it is BK. I did eat steak one night, but I love my little burgers. Mommy went out to get some supplies last night in case the bad weather hits. She brought us a large dingo bone, and Angel and I were so happy. It took us about an hour to devour it completely. Angel was really working on hers. I always hope she won't want it, but she never refuses a dingo bone.
I've got to get back to my nap. I hope everyone has a nice Sunday.

Demon Flash Bandit (Neighborhood Watchdog)


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How Much Salary Should a Dog Be Paid?

December 8th 2007 9:28 am
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I hope all you dogs and your humans are enjoying a nice weekend. I just got up, and thought I'd write this before I take a nap. Do any of you dogs have any special plans for the day? I thought I'd hang around the house, maybe go to Burger King for dinner, and catch up on some sleep. I also need to spend some time planning my presidential campaign. It is going a bit slow because my advisor, namely Mommy, isn't spending nearly enough time getting my name out to the voters. I told her the other day that I needed several million dollars to pay for advertising, and she said she could use several million dollars herself, and it wouldn't be to advertise my bid for the presidency. I told her to check my bank account, and she said "what account". Can you believe that they don't have a bank account for the dog? Is this common? I thought I got paid for living here. Evidently, I was wrong. I want to take this opportunity to warn all you dogs out there. The humans are not paying us for our services. We live in their house, eat their food, let them pet us and play with us, and take over their furniture and occasionally do some re-decorating by destroying furniture and carpet that make the place look bad, and WE DON'T GET PAID FOR OUR SERVICES. This is just one more reason to vote for me for president. I will go to Washington DC and fight for us dogs. We don't get enough representation. I don't think there is one dog in Congress. There are a lot of elephants and donkeys, but no dogs. No wonder we don't get treated fairly. Remember to vote for Demon Flash Bandit for President.

This not paid for my Mommy--who isn't paying me for being the dog

Demon Flash Bandit (Disappointed Dog)

 

Mommy Should Bake Cookies

December 7th 2007 9:58 am
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The Christmas season is a time for toys and treats which makes me think of gingerbread. Then I started thinking about that little smart-alec gingerbread man who was running from the nice little old lady. That story was in desparate need of a dog in the family. If Mommy makes gingerbread cookies, and one of those tasty little treats tries to run away, he will be caught by the paws of Demon Flash Bandit. Let's see how fast he can run when I bite his feet off. Those would be such delicious feet. I wonder if his attitude has spread to other cookies. I've seen Mommy use the gingerbread man cookie cutter for sugar cookies. I bet that smart-alec little sugar cookie will get ideas that he can run too. Where does the stupid cookie think he is going--to a Gingerbread Festival? Where is a cookie supposed to go? When he gets tired, and sits down to rest, someone is going to have a delicious morsel of gingerbread. I would question whether the story is true, but I'm sure the humans wouldn't tell it unless it actually happened. Anyway, I could use some candy or a nice cookie right now.
Mommy went to see the movie, Michael Clayton last night. I think I could have played the part instead of George Clooney. I think I'd make a very believeable lawyer. I would rather eat a gingerbread cookie though. Mommy, if you are reading this entry, I would like you to bake some cookies. I know you would probably never guess from reading this that I"m in the mood for a cookie. Why don't you make yourself useful and make the Deemster some cookies? I'm sure baking cookies would put you in the holiday spirit. I'm only thinking of you, Mommy. I've got to go. I plan to go and do some serious begging. I have a real talent for looking sad.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cookie Inspector)

 

Christmas Music

December 6th 2007 8:27 am
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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas even though Mommy hates it so. Where the tree tops glisten and huskies hasten to pull sleighs through the snow. I'm dreaming of a White Christmas with every paw-mail I type. I hope none of your Christmas gifts brings gripes, and may all your Christmases have ice. I'm sure you've all heard this Christmas song before. It is one of the best selling carols only beat out by Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer-another classic and touching Christmas song that has been done by several different artists. Mommy has a version done by the Irish Rovers that she likes, but there is usually at least one on any Red Neck Chritmas cd. Yes, Mommy has some of those. My personal favorite group is Alvin and the Chipmunks. I love it when Alvin sings about what he is getting for Christmas. I was in the car last week listening to my favorite cd. Sometimes I sing along with Alvin, and that other stupid brother of mine said it was a kiddie cd, and he had the nerve to change it to the radio. He doesn't like Christmas music--I told Mommy he doesn't deserve any Christmas gifts with his attitude. I was so mad at him that I considered biting him, but fortunately for me, I knew exactly what to do. I took my paw and pushed the cd button, and the lovely sound of Alvin was coming through the speakers again. Mommy was laughing, and you should have seen the look on his face when the Chipmunks came back on. That will teach him to mess with the dog's music. Angel was pleased because she liked the Chipmunks too. I wish I could go see the new Chipmunk movie when it comes to the theatre.
I've got to get back to my music. I hope all you dogs have wonderful Howlidays!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Alvin and the Chipmunks Fan)

 

I'd Make a Very Handsome Pirate

December 5th 2007 9:46 am
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I wrote about Capt Jack Sparrow yesterday being a bird. I am trying to understand why they didn't ask me to play the part. I've had so many humans tell me I am handsome. I'm sure the part of a dashingly handsome pirate could be played very easily by me. Angel could sail with me so I'd have someone to give puppy slaps of justice to anyone who bothered me. Maybe I could make them eat shrimp. I think I mentioned how Mommy bought us some of those things, and even Angel didn't like them. She ate a couple and then she went in and spit them out in front of Jeff. It was her way of saying, these things are horrible tasting. She dumped them out of her dish, and they were on the floor. She said her dish was getting contaminated by those bad tasting creatures. Anyway, I think I would have been perfect for the part. Of course, they should change his name to something more fitting like Capt. Jack Husky. Yes, that would be a nice name. I don't know why they chose a "bird" to name him after. I've got to go now. I plan to practice some sword fighting, and then take a nap. When they need Capt Jack Husky, I'll be ready. By the way, yes Mommy did go out and buy the dvd. I think I would have been better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Swashbuckling and Dashingly Handsome Pirate)

 

Angel Doesn't Know What a Sparrow Happens to Be

December 4th 2007 10:57 am
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I've debated whether I should write this entry or not, and I have finally decided it needs to be said particularly since I beleive Pirates of the Carribean At 'World's End comes out on dvd today. Angel likes Capt Jack Sparrow. She even has a diary entry entitled "Someday my ship will come in-and Capt Jack Sparrow had better be on it". I know a lot of the women think Capt Jack Sparrow is a dashingly handsome pirate. It just happens that he is being played by an actor named Johhny Depp who happens to be dashingly handsome (although I don't see it--I've got to agree with Stewie in Family Guy--I thought the girls were into Morgan Freeman). Anyway, let's study this matter a bit. What is a sparrow? IT IS A BIRD!!!!!!! Capt Jack Sparrow in real life is not Johnny Depp, but he is a bird. Yes, I went there Angel You didn't want me to write this entry because you thought it would make you look silly. A SPARROW IS A BIRD............BIRD.............Bird.........You are waiting for your ship to come in and it is ran by a bird. Next you'll want to get a make-over by Sweeney Todd. If Sweeney Todd opens a dog grooming shop, that is one shop that won't be frequented by The Deemster.

I want to add that I got a paw-mail from my friend, Bodie. Two Siberian huskies named Roscoe and Sophie escaped from their home, and ate some chickens. The farmer then killed both dogs which is so sad. Mommy said it would have been better all the way around if the farmer had just asked for reimbursement for the cost of his chickens. Angel is ready to go give that farmer some of her famous puppy slaps of justice. Chickens are supposed to be eaten. The farmer must be an idiot.

I've got to go now. Don't break into any chicken residences. That snack is too risky. Stick with wild birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Setting the Pirates record straight)

 
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