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Adventures of a lead dog

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Demon Flash Bandit is on the Job

December 31st 2007 9:50 am
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I'm glad my family lives a boring life because that means they probably won't be going out for New Year's Eve. I think they should stay with us anyway. I can't think of anything more fun than staying home with the Deemster unless it is going out with the Deemster. Mommy stayed home all day yesterday. It was rather boring, but I enjoyed it. It gave me plenty of time for napping which is one of my favorite activities. Jeff was home all day too. Sometimes Jeff gets the idea he can just leave the house with friends, and he never asks the dog's permission.

My family may be boring, but I'm not. For example, yesterday, I single pawedly caught a criminal who was planning to take over someone's house. Okay, I did so it singlepawedly, but it was Angel and she was trying to take my spot.

Seriously, I pretend to nap, but I have a special computer device that lets me monitor serious world situations while I look like I'm napping. Often I have to get up and put an end the whatever threat is facing us. It would be far more effective if I were president because I would have more power to stop some of this before it gets to the point where the Deemster has to step in and fix it. I don't want you dogs out there to worry. Demon Flash Bandit is on the job.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Demon Flash Bandit (World Guardian)

 

Commercial for Burger King

December 30th 2007 9:47 am
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LIGHTS.......CAMERA.........ACTION............
Enter Demon Flash Bandit, the star of the commercial. He walks across the stage and the cameras are rolling. He gets in a car, and he drives. He passes McDonalds YUCK, Taco Belle YUCK, Wendy's YUCK......then he pulls into Burger KIng and goes through the drive through. He gets 5 burgers, and takes them home to eat them. The commercial ends with Demon giving a satisfied smile to the camera, and laying down for a nap.

Wouldn't that be a great Burger King Commercial? I can even hear the voice over saying Demon Flash Bandit prefers the grilled flavor of Burger King. If an executive of Burger King is reading this, you can contact my agent. Her names if Mommy. Send a paw mail and I'll make sure she gets it. By the way, Jeff thinks your Burger King guy looks kind of creepy. I could help your image. I've got a few marketing ideas to help BK get ahead of the rest of the fast food places, and believe me, Demon Flash Bandit has great ideas.

I do have to have time to run my presidential campaign so you'd better get me for the commercials before the election season because my calendar will get very full as time goes on.

I hope all you dogs are enjoying the weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Star)

 

No Sunglasses

December 29th 2007 12:40 pm
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I wonder if I can ban Angel from reading my diary entries. She read mine from yesterday, and although she had no problem with my message to the puppies, she had the nerve to tell me that she doesn't think I'm perfect and some New Year's Resolutions would be in order. Of course, she is completely and totally wrong so I'm ignoring her stupid suggestion. I think she is just jealous that she isn't as perfect as I am.

I hope all you dogs are enjoying the weekend. A lot of you will have your humans for some extra time which is always nice.

Mommy got a new pet catalog, and she was looking at dog sunglasses. I think catalogs like that should only be sent to dogs because we would rip them up. I don't have any plans to wear sun glasses. It sounds like a silly idea, and humans should not be allowed to see such things because they have very weak minds. I've got to go and see if I can find and destroy that stupid catalog. I don't care what ZZ Top says--I don't wear sunglasses at night--or during the day. The Blues Brothers may like their sunglasses, but I'm a dog, not a Blues Brother. Isn't wearing sunglasses at night kind of stupid anyway? That proves my point about humans. They aren't very smart.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Doesn't Need SunGlasses)

 

New Year's Resolutions

December 28th 2007 12:31 pm
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Howl arf arf arf woof bark howl howl howl arf bark bark bark howl woof woof.

That was a special message for the puppies out there who can' t write and understand human yet. Their message is in dog so they will understand. We are born knowing how to read dog. Human is a little more difficult. If you are a human reading, you don't need to know what I told them--that is why it is in puppy language.

I had a busy day yesterday. I was napping, and then I got up and ate some BK. Mommy let me watch mine and Angel's favorite tv program, The Office. Mommy thinks it is amazing that we always seem to grab that dvd, and whenever it is on, we are usually relaxing. Luckily Mommy likes it too. It is one of the few shows without dogs in it that we like. Mommy has no idea why we like it, but we awarded ourselves a dundy award and a Dwight bobblehead so many times that Mommy had to put the special dvd set out of our reach which took some time because we managed to get it twice when Mommy didn't think we could reach it. We have talent for getting things we aren't supposed to get. Mommy went out and got pizza yesterday for dinner, and I was just glad to get BK. I don't like pizza at all. Angel used to eat it, but now she only picks off the toppings she likes.

The new year is fast approaching, and I know a lot of you dogs will make resolutions. I have already took care of mine. I asked myself if I could make any improvement on myself, and the answer was: no, I'm perfect the way I am so there is no need for resolutions. You can't improve perfection. Therefore, you won't see any New Year's resolutions listed for the Deemster. I say that with all humbleness because, as anyone who has read my past diary entries know, I am a truly wonderful dog.

I've got to go now. That silly Jeff thinks he should have some computer time. I don't see why. He doesn't have a page on dogster, and he gets no paw mail. He is on some other silly sites like My Space and Face Book (or Face It-You are a loser). Mommy will tell me to let him get on so I have to go. TDIF--Thank Dog Its Friday--now I can do some serious napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfect Dog)

 

Super Duper Dog

December 27th 2007 9:50 am
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The fate of the world lies in the capable paws of Demon Flash Bandit, Super Duper Dog. I was watching the movie Underdog, and it is truly an excellent movie, but also very unrealistic. Underdog shines shoes when he isn't busy being a hero. I am a super hero and I don't have time to shine shoes. I"m busy saving the world, rescuing peoplem, and napping--not necessarily in that order. My mild mannered secret identity is that I am president of the US. My busy schedule leaves me no time to shine shoes.

Angel and I bought Mommy a cd for Christmas. It is called Santa Paws, and it has Christmas music done by dogs and cars. It is a great cd. Anyway Angel and I decided to get the Howling Huskies back together. Maybe we'll do a concert tour.

I've got to go now and take a nap. If you are in tourble, don't be slow, just call my name, but don't expect me to rescue you if I"m napping. I can't save everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Super Duper Dog)

 

Dog Food Should Taste Like Rabbit Food

December 26th 2007 10:37 am
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Yesterday was such a nice day, and then comes the day after. No Santa Paws, no presents, no extra treats for the dog. I think we should just have Christmas everyday because I really like getting new toys and the extra treats are nothing to complain about either except for the disgusting grilled chicken treat Mommy bought that I didn't like. She even bought us yogurt drops for dogs. I used to love to eat Flash, the rabbit's yogurt treats. I also liked to eat his gourmet rabbit food. Mommy says I must think I'm a rabbit because I hate dog food, but I loved his rabbit food. It had dried mangoes, bananas and other dried fruit. I love dried fruit. It is sweet and crunchy--a perfect doggie match.

All the humans went out for Chinese food, and then they saw a movie. I think they had a nice time. I don't know why you would see National Treasues, Book of Secrets and not bring any treasure home with you. I was hoping it was be a cache with millions of dollars worth of dingo bones. That is a treasure you can sink your teethin into. HAHA

Mommy is going to leave soon to mail some packages for e-bay so I've got to get off the computer and guard the door. I always try to go with her. Its my purpose in life. She should just take me everywhere so I don't have to go to so much trouble. I hope Christmas was wonderful for all you dogs out there.

Demon Flash Bandit (Rabbit Food Tester)

 

Santa Paws Left Toys and Treats!!!!!

December 25th 2007 8:36 am
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
I have to admit Mr. Paws came through for Angel and me. I got a large squeaky bone with squeakys on both sides, and a big Santa squeaky. He brought us lots of treats and Mommy bought us a box of dog cookies that I love made with molasses. She knows I love them. I hope Santa Paws was good to all you dogs out there. I feel sorry for the ones at the shelters. Mommy says the local shelter is nice. Every dog has a toy, and volunteers come to walk them everyday. They generally keep the dogs until they find homes for them. I guess that means they don't let them loose if they don't get adopted right away.

I had an interesting thought. I've written about dancing candy which are called sugar plums, and I realized that I have no idea what a sugar plum is. If visions were dancing in my head, they would be dingo bones, but I guess kids aren't as fond of dingo bones as us dogs. Anyway, what is a sugar plum? Is it a plum with sugar or is it sugar made from plums? Does it have nothing to do with plums, but just has the name to fool people. Anyway, if I see anything dancing my way that looks edible, I'll grab it, and I'll let you know how it is.

It has been a good day so far. I really love Christmas. Anyday when I get gifts is a good day on the Deemster calendar. I want to wish all the dogs on dogster a Merry Christmas and Happy Howlidays--and that goes double for my pals.

Demon Flash Bandit (Basking in Christmas Joy)

 

Christmas Don't Be Late

December 24th 2007 10:03 am
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It is Christmas Eve, and I am ready for Santa Paws to visit. Mommy came home last night with a couple of bags from PetSmart that she wouldn't let me have. At least Angel and I got some dingo bones. They were delicious Mommy and Jeff went to see a movie--Walk Hard. No, it wasn't about dogs, but Mommy said it had a giraffe and a monkey in it. Hollywood can be so stupid--not putting a dog in it. I would have had it star a dog. Of course, I would have every movie star a dog. It would be a vast improvement over what I am watching now.

I hope all you dogs have a wonderful Christmas. I've got to cut this entry a bit short because Blue, the missing husky has had a possible sighting near here, and Mommy is going to drive over and see if the dog is Blue. She also has some errands to run. She had better get me some extra BK--they will be closed on Christmas even though they are supposed to be open 24 hours a day. I'm sure their employees would rather be at BK than home. Isn't that true of all fast food workers--and all other workers for that matter? MOmmy said she bought us steak so I guess I'll survive. I ate the steak really good last time. Last night I had Arbys which is Angel's favorite.

May Santa Paws be particularly generous, and if he isn't bite his butt.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for Christmas)

 

Why Haven't My Snacks Visited Me Yet?

December 23rd 2007 8:54 am
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So far, I have been a bit disappointed. The Gingerbread Man, the Muffin Man, and the dancing candy (sugar plums) has not come anywhere near the Deemster and I was looking forward to having my snacks come to me. I guess I'll have to go and find some myself. A dog's work is never done. Maybe that Planters Mr. Peanut guy will walk by my house. I particularly love cashews.

I am pleased to announce that my paw hasn't given me anymore trouble. Jeff finally started decorating the tree. I think he should decorate it with actual candy. I think it would be lovely. Besides, it would be easier to un-decorate it after Christmas because I could just eat all the candy "ornaments". So far, Jeff isn't listening. Maybe he needs to get his hearing checked. I'm sure Santa Paws would like to see it decorated with candy. He looks like he has been into the candy jar himself.

Mommy stayed home yesterday (except for getting my BK) I don't mind Mommy going out as long as I'm going with her. There are places I can't go, but when I become president, things are going to change. I don't think anyplace should be off limits for a dog--except a kennel or crate. HAHA The humans can't out-smart Demon Flash Bandit.

I hope all you dogs have a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Snacks to Visit)

 

I Know Who Sent the Thugs

December 22nd 2007 6:21 pm
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I know I wrote earlier today, but I happened to realize that some of you dogs might be wondering how I knew that Guliani sent the thugs to try to break my paw. There were several ways to tell. They had New York accents, I heard them say that my paw was hurt because of terrorists, and they had to run away because they didn't know how to drive. Guliani should know that he can't fool a dog as smart as I am. I heard one of his speeches, and I think he is losing it. He mentioned the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor that says, "give me your tired, your poor- yearning to breathe free. Tell them to stay in the boat or we will shoot. If that dog, Demon Flash Bandit becomes president, he will kill all the birds, and I have been allied with them for years. I will take over the world........" Yes, he is scary, but lucky for me, his thugs weren't the smartest thugs in the thuggery. If any of you dogs happen to see any thugs running by your house, bite them.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Thug Hater)

 
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