February 5th 2008 10:05 am
[ View A Comments ]
My brother finally hooked up a printer to the computer last night. Normally, that wouldn't excite me at all, but he has edited one of my photos, and it is going to be used for the E-Bay store. I think it is quite an honor. The reason I am being used instead of Angel is that Jeff wanted a photo where one of is has our head in the air howling, and that photo happens to be of me. It was taken on Halloween, and Angel was too excited over the children coming by for trick or treating to howl.
I heard Mommy talking about going out later today. I'm totally against it, but my opinion never seems to matter to anyone.
Mommy buys dog magazines, and I was looking through one the other day, and I found it has an article about how to make your dog behave. Yes, you read correctly---how to make your DOG behave. I would write a nasty letter to the editor, but the editor is obviously a human to have let an article like that be printed in the first place so I knew it was a waste of time to write it. The article should be how a dog can make a PERSON behave. I won't even cover the humans who mis-treat their dogs. The humans who are good to us have all sorts of stupid rules, and they don't do what we tell them to do. Now a magazine is encouraging humans to think they are in charge. I guess I should start a doggie magazine that tells dogs how to handle their humans. When is the last time your human did what you told him to do? I have spent a lot of time training my humans so I think I am a bit of an expert on this subject. My Mommy didn't think I should eat at Burger King every day, but I had Daddy trained, and he took care of it for me. It takes a lot of time, and it is better if you start training them when you are a puppy, but it is never too late. If I decide to publish a magazine, I'll put the info here so dogs who are interested can order. Chances are I won't publish one though because I think publishing a magazine might take up too much of my nap time. I will leave you with a piece of advice: Take charge, and tell the humans what to do. It is worth the time and trouble spent training them. A well-trained human is a dog's best friend.
I've got to get back to my nap.
Demon Flash Bandit (Human Trainer)
February 4th 2008 7:31 am
[ View A Comments ]
Savannah Blue Belle has posted some nice photos of Angel and Me in New Orleans. It is a fun city, and we are here for the Mardi Gras. I am so pleased that she invited me because I love parades. It would have been nice if Angel Zoom Smokey hadn't come along, but I know Samoa SunnyBear will keep her busy. I plan to do some serious campaigning for the presidency. I think I'll have a great audience here since the govt. didn't do a great job taking care of them after Hurricane Katrina hit. I know I could have done a better job. I hate to bash the present administration, but I think a bird could have done a better job. Okay, I"ll admit it, bashing the present administration is fun. I think any administration run by humans is bascially flawed because humans are funning it. That is the opinion of most of us dogs. Humans can barely feed themselves. They have to use utensils because they don't have enough sense to just stick their mouth onto the plate. If they have no utensils, they starve. How smart is that? Don't get me wrong, I love my humans, but all us dogs know that humans weren't given much in the brain department.
Yesterday was the culmination of the football season which is great with me. I covered my dislike of football in a previous entry so I won't go into detail. I'll just say I'm glad it is over. The humans seem to have a sport for every season. Now I think it is basketball season. This game is played with a large, bouncy ball which the humans try to throw into a "basket" which is up in the air on a pole. The word "basket" is mis-leading because there is no wicker or anything like it--it is a net. Perhaps they should call it netball, but humans aren't that intelligent. It isn't as violent as football, and can be slightly entertaining to watch, but it is usually boring. How long can a dog watch humans bouncing a ball around and throwing it in the air? When Air Bud plays, then the game is worth watching. That dog knows how to throw a ball. Tomorrow, the wildly anticipated, Snow Buddies is coming out on dvd. Husky puppies teamed with retriever puppies. I already think it is Best Picture of the Year material, and I'm anxious to see it.
I've got to go. Since I"m on vacation in New Orleans, I don't want to spend too much time on the computer.
Demon Flash Bandit (Awaiting Snow Buddies)
February 3rd 2008 11:32 am
[ View A Comments ]
This is going to be a serious entry. I read on the internet news a couple of days ago that Exxon had made record profits. I wonder how they could make record profits if the reason they HAVE to charge so much is because they are having to pay so much for the gas. Wouldn't that mean they would have about the same amount in profit because they are just charging more because they are having to pay more? This is what happens when you have both a president and vice-president who are oil men. Mommy predicted this would happen before they took office so I'm going to make her secretary of predicting the future on my cabinet when I become president. I think this is a cabinet post that has been largely neglected yet it is very nice to know in advance what is going to happen. It amazes me how much smarter we dogs are than humans. Anyway, I've got a new campaign issue. When I become president, I'm going to let the oil companies pay for the war in Iraq. It seems only fair since they seem to be the ones profitting from it. I bet there would be a lot less wars if there weren't people profitting from them. Anyway, they can take over the cost because I don't want the govt. owing so much that they have creditors calling the White House every day. I also promise that when I become president, I don't care how much I like dingo bones, and even if I buy a lot of stock in the dingo bone company, I won't let the prices soar out of the reach of the average dog. By the way, I think I'm being very fair to the oil companies. I think the only other people who might be interested in the Middle East would be the people who sell sand for sandboxes. Those people haven't been as greedy so they are "off the hook".
I'm sorry that I have to use this forum to tackle such an unpopular subject as gas prices, but I like to take rides, and at the rate it is going up, Mommy will tell me that she can't afford to pay $5.00 a gallon to drive a dog around so I'm tackling the problem before it gets to that price. I know I'm not the only dog who likes to ride so this is an issue that directly affects us dogs.
I also want to add that I, Demon Flash Bandit, (as covered in a previous entry) would like to ride around in a limo. I have seen those little "gas saver cars", and I'm not sure if I could fit 2 paws in one of them. They look like miniature cars. The first time I saw one, I thought it was a toy car. I asked if it was a hot wheels. I felt so sorry for the driver who was running beside the car because he couldn't fit inside it. I also want to make a comment on the electric cars---HAHAHA I'm totally for the new ways of doing things, but so far, in the opinion of Demon Flash Bandit, they need a lot of work. Is an electric car considered a toy since it runs on batteries? When you buy one, are the batteries included in the purchase? Why do people buy a car that is smaller than the sled we dogs pull? As previously stated, when I take over there will be changes, and I'm starting with those oil people. I hope they enjoy buying helicopters and tanks because that is what they will be buying.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes to Ride in a Car)
February 2nd 2008 10:17 am
[ View A Comments ]
We woke up to about 4 inches of snow yesterday so it was a great day. What a lovely start to the weekend.
Today I would like to give a tribute to another furry pet, the cat. I know some of you dogs hate cats, but cats like to catch and eat birds which makes them okay in my book. Birds are the most evil creatures on the planet. At least cats are smart enough to realize that. Humans are totally dense on the subject. Some humans even feed the birds. My own Mommy brought some bird houses home to paint. I have been trying to find a way to fit a mouse trap through the tiny hole. Surprise, Mr. Bird, you have been trapped. I would worry, but I know how horrible Mommy is about finishing projects. By the time she gets them painted, the birds will be extinct--particularly with Demon Flash Bandit in charge of their destruction.
I"m going to be taking a virtual trip to the Mardi Gras with Savannah Blue Belle. I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice to get away. This time I don't have to stay in "jail" which is what a kennel actually is.
I hope the weekend is going well for all of you dogs out there, and I hope you are fortunate enough to get lots of snow.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Appreciates A Cat's Efforts)
February 1st 2008 11:51 am
[ View A Comments ]
By the way, make sure all of you dogs take pencils with you when you vote because you'll have to write in my name. The humans have left me off their ballot because they know I would win. They are so afraid of having a dog run things because they know they will end up looking like idiots when I get everything running smooothly and fix all their mistakes. It is a lot of work, but some dog has to do it.
Today I am going to discuss a person from movie history, Tarzan. Tarzan got stuck in the jungle as a puppy--sorry, as a child. He grew up in the jungle. I guess he was raised by monkeys or elephants. I'm not too sure about that. I've only seen a few minutes of a Tarzan movie because it was up against something I liked better. I discussed it with Mommy, and this is what I learned. Tarzan was brought up in the jungle. He found a woman, Jane. I guess she just enjoyed living in the jungle too. Evidently, she didn't have much in common with Angel Zoom Smokey because Angel would want to go out to eat, and chat on her cell phone. Where did Jane buy her make-up, items of great importance to Angel. Angel also likes jewelry, and it better not be cheap. That pup will take it to an appraiser. She claims it is for insurance purposes, but I once gave her a ring from a bubble gum machine, and let's just say, I'm lucky to be alive. If it isn't odd enough that Tarzan and Jane are hanging around in the jungle, a kid shows up. He is given the highly creative name, Boy. I don't think he is Tarzan and Jane's kid, but this dog things something might have been going on between the 2 of them. I think the chances of 3 Europeans getting lost in an African jungle is pretty slim. I guess it was in Africa. I didn't really ask. I'm just assuming. Anyway, there is also a very intelligent chimp whose name slips my mind. It seems like it might be Cheetah, but that would be an odd name since it is a monkey unless there was a pet cheetah named Chimp. I don't know all the details so they could be wrong. They don't show these movies a lot anymore. I had to ask Mommy and she says she hasn't seen them in years. I will make the comment that it is sad when the monkey has a more interesting name that the kid. Tarzan has a unique transportation system--he gets through the jungle quickly by swinging on vines. I hope he didn't get fatter as he got older because I doubt that the vines are going to get stronger. Anyway, I give this whole idea 4 paws down. Having a monkey as a pet instead of a dog is just sick. There is no snow and the jungle is hot. There are no Burger Kings in the jungle. It may work for Tarzan and Jane, but the Deemster likes his BK. Anyway, if you are in the jungle, say hi, but don't ask them to name anything. They have no taste in names.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Prefers Civilization)
January 31st 2008 10:03 pm
[ View A Comments ]
Angel Zoom Smokey jumped into bed last night, and slept in MY SPOT. I told her to move, but she happens to be the world’s most stubborn dog. Mommy woke up in the middle of the night because Angel was snuggling her off the bed. Mommy thought it was cute. I say Angel Zoom Smokey is a menace to society.
Mommy told me about a commercial that was on years ago for tootsie pops. The makers of tootsie pops wanted to know how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Why did they ask an owl? An owl is a bird. As my loyal diary readers know, I hate birds. They are evil. The owl took 3 licks and then bit into the tootsie pop to get to the tootsie roll center. I decided to do my own research on this matter so I got a tootsie roll pop, and I decided to see for myself how many licks it takes to get to the delicious tootsie roll center. I took one lick and then another, and then I bit into the tootsie pop to get to the tootsie roll center. The owl said 3 licks and it only took me 2. The owl is clearly an idiot. If any of you dogs want to do your own research, tell your owners to get you a lot of tootsie roll pops. Obviously, we dogs have A LOT of research to do on this matter. Hand me some more tootsie pops Mommy. No, I’m not just trying to find an excuse to eat candy. I’m doing serious scientific research. She is coming with a bag of tootsie pops. I’ll have to stop writing to continue my research.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog of Science)
January 29th 2008 9:25 am
[ View A Comments ]
Jeff is out with a friend even though Angel Zoom Smokey told him off before he left. I just watched and gave him sad looks. Angel really howls about it.
Valentine's Day is approaching so I'm already busily trying to think of a way to heist some candy. Candy is one of those Valentine traditions that a dog can never get enough of. Of course, the humans tell us that chocolate will kill us. That is a clever ruse on their part because they know what is good, and are trying to keep it for themselves. Believe me, I've been into the chocolate (I've mentioned before that all you have to do is open the cabinet door and knock some other stuff out to get to it.) I'm still alive and well. The humans are always dishing out propaganda so we dogs don't get to enjoy the tastier things of life. My own Mommy adores chocolate. I think she doesn't want to share (which is why I have to find it myself and try to keep her from confiscating it once I find it).
Mommy was watching an old tv documentary program called The Munsters last night, and one episode had them camping and Grandpa turned himself into a wolf, and he looked like a husky. Sometimes they use us as wolves because we are not likely to bite the people (at least they did in the older shows). Mommy was oohing and aahing over how cute the "wolf" was. I have to admit, it was a handsome pup. I have to make some comments on the show in general not because it is my job or because I have to, but because I enjoy critiqueing tv documentaries. They make many references to the "Old Country" which is Transylvania. I'm sure they aren't representaive of everyone in Translyvania because Daddy was very normal looking and his Grandmother came from there. I suspect that this program was actually meant for entertainment since it didn't quite seem plausible. I noticed that Marilyn was the "ugly duckling" in the family yet everyone who came to their house looked more like her than them. Mr. Munster looked like Frankenstein. I think Lilly was the Bride of Frankenstein, and Grandpa was a vampire. The little boy, Eddie, was a werewolf. I think the show did a good job covering all the differences in people. Hermann Munster (Mr. Munster) was a very nice guy, and it shows that you can't always judge people by their appearances. Grandpa was a nice guy who was always conjuring up different formulas in his lab which didn't always work well. Eddie was a sweet kid. Lilly was a model Mother--always worrying about the family. In all, I would say that it was a very nice family, and although perhaps not totally average, I'd say they were the kind of people who would could fit in nicely with society, and the only thing I would suggest is that their house be next to a cemetery which I'm sure they would love. I do have to add that I think they should have had a dog instead of their pet, Spot. I wasn't impressed with Spot as a pet. He was very ill mannered, and, in my opinion, was more trouble to the family than Angel Zoom Smokey is around here. They loved him anyway so I do give them credit for that.
I have to go now and see if Angel Zoom Smokey is getting into any trouble.
Demon Flash Bandit (Candy "Munster")
January 28th 2008 11:44 am
[ View A Comments ]
I have been Valentine Tagged by my pal, Sadie. Basically the rules are:
You list 5 wishes and then you choose 5 pals, and notify they by paw-mail or rosette that they have been tagged.
My 5 Wishes
1. I become President of the United States. I love the song, Hail to the dog, he's the Dog and he needs hailing. Do what he says or he'll put you in jail. Hail to the Dog, he's the dog who is in charge.......you get the idea.
2. I want to take my naps with absolutely no interruptions. I am always getting woke up, and it annoys me.
3. I want Angel Zoom Smokey to do what I tell her to do. For some odd reason, she thinks she doesn't have to listen to me, and I'm the LEAD DOG.
4. I want a truck load of Dingo bones to pull up in our driveway twice a week so I won't run out. By the way, I am referring to a semi--not just a pick-up truck. A pick-up truck or one of those small delivery trucks just couldn't deliver enough Dingo bones.
5. A truck load of obediant (I covered this subject in a recent diary entry) squeaky toys. Again, I'm discussing a semi load of toys.
That is my 5 wishes, but I would like to add that I hope all the doggies and kitties that need a home find a nice one like I live in. I am adding the 6th wish because it is unselfish and therefore, should be allowed.
Now I have to tag 5 pals. Here they are:
1. Angel Zoom Smokey
2. Savannal Blue Belle
4. Brandy III
I hope all of you dogs have all your wishes come true.
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Stuff)
January 27th 2008 10:05 am
[ View A Comments ]
Yesterday I was sitting around enjoying some well deserved Milkbone (no I didn't do any tricks or anything--I deserve them for being me). I want to add the words of that great doggie philosopher who said, I eat Milkbone (or Burger King), therefore I am. Anyway, back to the subject. I should be running this house. I'm not kidding, the humans around here are not up to the task. I know you are thinking, why aren't they up to the task? I don't really have an answer for that, but I just want to run things around here. I'm tired of following silly humans rules--and I'm sure all you dogs know what I'm talking about. They have so many rules--you can't pee anywhere you want. I'd like to know why not. You aren't supposed to drink out of the toilet--if you aren't supposed to drink out of it, why is there always a generous supply of water in it? I wasn't allowed to sell Angel Zoom Smokey on E-Bay when she was a puppy even though she is clearly a trouble maker. However, I have found it is nice to have her around. If anything is out of place, I just point my paw at her and laugh. The sad thing is that Mommy never really gets onto her so it really isn't as much fun as it sounds. She is so spoiled. Yesterday Angel and I had pork chops for dinner and some left over chicken. Angel was very fond of the smoked pork chops because she really likes ham. Anyway, I told her that she should be eating dog food because it is better for her than human food. I was hoping she would fall for it because 2 pork chops just wasn't enough. That spoiled brat wouldn't listen. She ate "her" pork chops. I don't care what Mommy said--they were MINE. Can you believe how spoiled she is? By the way, I've had a few humans tell Mommy that I am spoiled. It is not true. I am a good dog who never gets in trouble, and I think that I deserve only good things in life. That is my opinion and I'm sticking with it. Pay no attention to what Angel says in her entries. She is a very spoiled puppy.
Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)
January 26th 2008 10:53 am
[ View A Comments ]
I bet there are other dogs out there who are wondering why their garbage is stolen every week. I would think it was just me, but I've covered this topic with other dogs, and it seems to be a universal problem. I don't know why the humans let it happen. It is almost like they encourage the theft of their garbage. I've seen Jeff carry it down to the street, and that just makes it easier for the people to steal it. Every week, it is the same story----STOLEN GARBAGE. It really irks me that people think they can just drive by and take the best stuff in the house. I've seen my family throw away major treasures--used kleenexes, food wrappers, and left over food which is perfectly good. I know. Occasionally, I've rescued food that they just tossed in the trash. I would say maybe they are too stupid to know it might get stolen, but I'm sure they are aware of the possibility--even they aren't that stupid. The first time it happened, I was just a wee puppy, and I couldn't do anything about it. Then I got a little bigger, and I learned to used the phone. I called 911 to report that our garbage was being stolen. Those jerks told me not to call unless it was an emergency--I thought having your house robbed was considered an emergency so I had a few choice words for the idiot who answered the phone that day. They promised to send out police cars, but the police didn't stop the perpetrators. I don't think the police take this matter seriously enough. We need more dogs on the police force. If you called 911, and a dog answered, the garbage issue would get the attention it deserves. If you send out a police dog, that jerk stealing our garbage would be apprehended and possibly bitten in the process. Hey, it is fair--he was probably resisting arrest, and threatening the police dog. Anyway, when I become President, there will be dogs answering calls at 911 only we will have our own number--K911, and there will be dogs on every police force--and not just drug sniffing dogs. I'm talking about detectives and every type of police work. Last but certainly not least, I plan to make it a felony for someone to steal garbage. I am glad I had a chance to cover another serious Presidential issue.
Demon Flash Bandit (Victim of Garbage Theft)
Sort By Oldest First
(What does RSS do?)