Adventures of a lead dog

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Doggy Muti-Tasking

April 20th 2008 9:01 am
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I went to the Acme website yesterday and ordered several gallons of invisible paint. I'm so glad that it has already been invented so I can just order it on-line. Research really cuts into a dog's nap time. I also have a Presidential campaign to run, and that cuts into my nap time too. I also play saxophone in Samoa's reggae group, and I also howl with the Howling Huskies. Yes, I'm a very busy dog. It is sometimes hard to work a nap in with all my activities. I'm multi-tasking as I write this entry. I found a miniature Kit Kat bar, and I am guarding it from Mommy. Normally, Mommy is a very nice human, but she is alwasy stealing my candy that I find. As I've told you dogs, all you have to do is use your nose to sniff it out, and then use your paw to open cabinet doors, and also to move things that are in the way. Mommy says she has never seen a dog who finds contraband stuff like I do. I think she is losing it because I have never found a contraband in my life. I do find candy and other tasty items that the humans try to put out of my reach or hide from me. I am actually laying on the candy hoping Mommy won't notice, but I suspect she has seen it.

The birds are singing. There is no snow. It is warm and sunny--another lousy day in Michigan. I would love to kill those little feathered snow stealing varmints. I really hate them. I guess I have to put up with it. You know the old adage: Into every life, a little sunshine must fall. I guess life isn't perfect, and you have to put up with some spring days no matter how much you wish winter would continue.

Demon Flash Bandit (Multi-tasking Dog)


Acme Products Catalog

April 19th 2008 8:18 am
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I have to make a confession. I didn't actually try to look up the Acme company on the internet. It was a choice between looking up the company and taking a nap, and my readers probably will have no problem figuring out which option won. I didn't mean to lie, but I honestly didn't think the company would still be in business since its products never actually helped to catch the Roadrunner. My pal, Samoa SunnyBear Bell sent me this web-site and I have already checked it out. It is:

This web-site has the Acme catalog, and I checked out the many products. There was no mind control machine, but they did have invisible paint (War and Pieces, Jones 1964). When you paint it on yourself, you become invisible. It also makes any object you paint it onto invisible. I don't need to invent it, I can just order it from Acme. I also want to mention that they have Acme gas (Bugs and Thugs, Freleng, 1954) for your car. I thought I would pass this info along so you can tell your humans. Your humans might want to check their prices because they may be a lot cheaper than the what the local gas station is charging (here is is $3.47 a gallon). When I get in office, the prices will come down. There is no way they have to charge so much. They are making huge profits. If they were just passing their rising cost along, they would still be making about the same amount of money as always.

Be sure and save this web-site under favorites because they have many cool products a dog can use.

I hope all the dogs out there have a nice weekend, and don't forget to order your invisible paint.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thanks W. Coyote)


Acme is Out of Business

April 18th 2008 10:30 am
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I did try to find that Acme company where the Coyote gets all his cool gadgets, but that compnay must not exist. I wonder how the Coyote gets all that stuff from a non-existent company. Maybe they haven't made any recent episodes, and the company went under thanks to the bad economy. Of course, if you ask George W. is we are NOT in a recession, he would probably say that the economy is great. I guess the recession will start the minute he gets out of office, and then he will say it is the fault of the new person in office because the economy must be able to completey disinstegrate in a couple of hours. It is a shame that Acme is no longer in business. The coyote used to get the most amazing things from them. You'd think a business with such cool stuff would have no problem continuing no matter what. Maybe part of the problem could be that a lot of coyotes don't have a lot of money. Perhaps they put a bird in charge. You should never let a bird or a bird brain ( but enough about George W.) run anything. Anyway, they aren't in business so I can't order an invisibiltiy potion or a mind control machine. I guess I"ll have to invent them myself. I hope these projects don't seriously interfere with my nap time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)


The Coyote Should Win Over a Roadrunner

April 17th 2008 6:52 am
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I was working on my science projects (invisibility and mind control for the dogs who might not read every entry) when I took a break and I was watching The Coyote Show. I'm guessing most of you have seen it. It has this wonderful coyote (who happens to look a bit like a dog, and he chases this horrible Roadrunner (an evil bird) and he never quite seems to catch the bird. Granted, it is an awful story, but I did get an idea. I'm going to go to the Acme website and see if they already have a mind control machine, and maybe also an invisibility potion. Once I've checked out their website, I might just go help that coyote catch that stupid bird. Another important mission for Demon Flash Bandit, dog to the rescue.

Demon Flash Bandit (Rescue Dog)


Mind Control

April 16th 2008 1:49 pm
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I worked on my invisibility project for an hour yesterday and an hour today. I still haven't found the solution to becoming invisible. It might take a couple more hours for me to find the solution. I never thought it would be take this much time and trouble.
Because the invisibility project isn't going as well as planned, I decided I would try a different tactic. I decided to make a mind control machine. I had another moment when a light bulb went off over my head. Of course I was standing under the light fixture so I guess it wasn't really that unusual. Anyway, I thought if I could control the humans' minds, I could still do anything I want to and I wouldn't need to be invisible. It is called having 2 plans: plan A and plan B in case plan A doesn't work. If being invisible turns out to be too much trouble to solve, I can just control the humans minds so I can still do anything I want to, and they will think it is okay. I am going to start work on it now. How hard can it be? It isn't like the humans are as smart as us dogs. They haven't even learned that you are less likely to fall if you walk on all 4 paws. Even cats have learned that, and cats are pretty dumb too, but not as dumb as humans. Wouldn't it be cute to have the humans do tricks? Sit person, Stay. Roll over. How do you like being degraded for a treat? I have to stop writing so I can start on my new "Plan B" project. I'll keep you dogs posted as to how it turns out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog In Charge)



April 15th 2008 8:46 am
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I have been working on a very scientific project in my laboratory. Okay, I don't have a laboratory, but it sounds so much better than just saying I was working on a project, and I don't even have a laboratory. How much respect would I get from the scientific community when all of them have labs--and I'm not talking about the dog breed? Anyway, my project is to find a way to become invisible. I was relaxing which is an activity I heartily enjoy when the idea came to me. If I were invisible, I could do whatever I want to whenever I want to. Instead of me having to stay home when Mommy or Jeff goes somewhere, I could slip out of the house, and be in the car, and no one would know because they wouldn't be able to see me. I could go into the restaurants and stores. I could sneak people's food at the restaurant, and they wouldn't know what happened to their dinner. It would be so perfect. I would never get in trouble because Mommy would never be able to see me get into trouble. What she can't see, she doesn't know about. HAHA

Evidently, this idea has been considered in the past. I believe some guy named Einstein had some theories on it, but I know Einstein isn't as intelligent as I am because, I've learned from my sources, he wasn't a dog. I know you may be thinking, Einstein is a dog. He was in the first Back to the Future movie. Yes, there was a dog named Einstein, but he was named for the human genius named Einstein. The dog didn't formulate any theories. Mommy actually has a stuffed Einstein she bought at Universal Studios Park in Orlando. Mommy didn't even have a dog back then, but she had good taste in buying stuffed animals. Who needs a bear when you can have a dog?

I need to get back to my original topic. I thought it would be a simple task for a smart dog like me to become invisible so you can imagine my astonishment when I found out it isn't so easy. I spent an entire half hour experimenting and contemplating how to do it, and then I decided that I had wasted enough time and I decided to take a nap. Maybe I'll try again another day. I wonder what Mommy would think when she sees candy "floating" in the air fly by. When I invent the process, I'll be sharing it with all my doggy friends so you can sneak good human snacks. I'll be back to write another entry tomorrow, but you may not see me. HAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants to be Invisible Dog)


The Rise of the Squeaky Toys

April 14th 2008 10:13 am
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I was just relaxing around the house when the unthinkable happened. THE SQUEAKY TOYS WENT ON A RAMPAGE. They were running through the house squeaking and squacking and threatening all kinds of destruction. Mommy didn't even know there was danger because they never do it when she can see them. They wait until she is out of the room. I couldn't believe the things these toys were planning to do. They were taunting me with their threats. They were even worse than the average bird, and my readers know how much I hate birds. I bet after they destroyed the house, they would steal my snow. I couldn't let this continue. I grabbed the nearest toy and tore the stuffing out of it. Angel came to help me with this project. She also heard the toys taunting and threatening us dogs. We managed to rip up all the toys in that room before Mommy came in. The room looked like it was covered with snow (it was a definite improvement in the appearance of the room). We had won. The toys wouldn't be able to carry out their awful plans. Angel and I are heroes. We won the epic Battle of the Squeaky Toys. The planet is saved thanks to Demon Flash Bandit with some help from Angel Zoom Smokey.

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving the World Again)


I Learned to Play the Saxophone

April 13th 2008 1:49 pm
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Hello to all the wonderful dogs out there-and the humans who are intelligent enough to have a dog in your life. I just had a nice conversation with Sadie, and she will be on bird alert. They are stealing our snow here in MI and leaving us with nasty sunny weather. That horrible season, spring, hasn't actually arrived yet, but it is coming, and I'm annoyed that the birds have once again won. I will continue my mission to kill all those little snow stealing feathered theives.

I had a lovely time at Samoa's Barbeque and Sea Serpent Sighting Pier. I ordered a chocolate sundae and a chocolate milkshake. I played the sax, and then I got some dogs registered for voting so they can vote for me. We don't want another human running things. Remember to vote dog--Demon Flash Bandit--dog for President.

I hope all the dogs reading this are having a wonderful weekend. I will bark at you again tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sax Playing Dog)


Random Questions

April 12th 2008 2:22 pm
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It is already time for me to write another entry, and I have so much to write about. I have so many matter of vast importance. Today I will ponder a couple of important issues.
1. What country does Burger King rule? I don't think they have ever announced the country.

2. Why is Miss Piggy in love with Kermit? Does she not realize he is a frog? Does she need glasses?

3. Did Charton Heston take his gun to heaven? Do they have guns in heaven? If they don't have guns there, would he be happy without one?

4. Did George W. have his dog take his IQ test for him? How much money did his dad have to bribe Yale to get them to allow George W. to attend?

5. George W. was charged with DUI in the 70's. Does anyone know how drunk he must have been to get charged with that in the 70's? Was there any blood left in his veins or was it all alcohol?

6. Why do we have to hear about Britney Spears? Is there a quota that says at least one insane person has to be in the news?

7. If Paris Hilton could read and write, would she write a book about her "prison experience", and if she did; if the book took 3 days to write, wouldn't it be longer than the prison experience?

I think I've listed enough to think about today. Have a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Questions)


Angel Thinks Sea Serpents and Sharks Like to be Together

April 11th 2008 9:43 am
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Angel Zoom Smokey is still sticking to her killer shark in the house story. I had to post a message on Samoa's new group, Samoa's Pondside BBQ Bar and Sea Serpent Sighting Pier, that there is probably a shark swimming in the pond with the sea monster. I think Angel is sticking to her silly story to make sure she doesn't get in trouble for ruining the stuffed shark, and chewing up the USB cable. Mommy may fall for it, but not Demon Flash Bandit. I only posted for her because if I don't, she will give me puppy slaps of justice which is what she calls her puppy slaps. She thinks if it is announced by me, it will give it more credibility since I"m running for President. Evidently, she doesn't know how what people think of most of the human candidates. I am fortunate that I don't get that stigma since I'm a dog.

Mommy was reading about some up-coming local activities. I had no problem with the canoeing to Adventure Island one, but one was entitled, Breakfast With the Birds. How can a sane person want to have breakfast while listening to the awful sound of birds singing? When are humans going to understand the evil of birds? Did no one see that Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds? I think theatres should bring that movie in for a special showing so people can see the threat. This whole subject has me depressed. I think I"ll go take a nap. When will the humans ever see how evil birds are? Are humans that stupid?........are they capable of learning?.......why do they vote such an idiot into the Presidency? schools ever teach the humans how to think for themselves? the prejudice against us dogs caused by our superior intelligence of which the humans are jealous?.....has anyone bothered to count the question marks in this entry?.......How many are there?.....see that, I knew I could make you count them.....I knew you humans didn't have a life.......why am I still writing when I could be napping?.....good point.....zzzzzz

Demon Flash Bandit (Doesn't Believe the Killer Shark Story)

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