Adventures of a lead dog

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Acme Should Not Be Allowed to Sell to Birds

April 23rd 2008 1:06 pm
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I've been thinking about the bird attacking the dress incident, and I had a terrifying thought. What if the birds discovered the Acme web-site and ordered invisible paint? That would explain why Ms. Cruz's dress got so many white bird bombs on it. She didn't see the birds so she couldn't get away from them. They could be flying around dropping white bird bombs on everyone. No one is safe because they could fly into buildings when people walk in, and you would even be getting bombed when you are inside. I am issuing a "kill the birds before they become invisible" alert. My alert is far more effective than the color alerts issued by the head bird brain in the White House. Is a color supposed to stop something? The reason I issue a far more realistic alert is because I have a working brain. I think Acme should be banned from selling to birds. I hope all you dogs will join with me in killing every bird you can. Together, we can save the world.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hopes Birds Can't Get Invisible Paint)

 

Actress Dress Attacked by Birds!!!!!

April 22nd 2008 6:04 am
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I have some good news today for all my doggy readers. As most of you know, I HATE BIRDS. They are evil little snow thieves who should be completey eradicated from the planet since they are the cause of global warming. I was browsing the internet today, and imagine my glee when I saw that one of the headlines of the AOL homepage was: ACTRESS DRESS ATTACKED BY BIRDS!!! Finally the warning I have been issuing regarding birds has been substantiated by AOL news. Of course, I had to read that article, and I am going to print it word for word for those of you who missed it:

Pigeon Hold

Penelope Cruz makes a rare fashion misstep at the 'Elegy' premiere in Madrid. for some reason, her embroidered Oscar de la Renta gown is covered in random white splothes. Maybe she fell asleep under a tree full of BIRDS.

So far, only my doggy pals have heeded my warnings about the evil birds. I'm hoping this little incident will wake some humans up to the bird threat. I dread the day when the birds actually attack like they did in Hitchcock's documentary, The Birds. It happened once. It could happen again. I hope the humans don't wait until it is too late. Remember to kill every bird you can. It is essential for the birds to die in order for us to continue living happily on this planet. Thanks in advance for all your help.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

 

I Want My Invisible Paint!!!

April 21st 2008 10:08 am
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I can't understand why my invisible paint hasn't arrived yet. I ordered it yesterday and it has had an entire day to get here. I think maybe the mail person has confiscated it for his/her own use. I know it would be a big temptation for the delivery person. I would try to look for the deliverer, but with invisible paint, how would I find the person? This is why it is so important that the invisible paint arrive. I am so anxious to use it. I've got lots of places I want to go where the humans don't allow dogs. I am going to have a great time. I've got to go check the mail just in case it has arrived. I'll let you know about my adventures.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for Paint)

 

I Want My Invisible Paint!!!

April 21st 2008 10:07 am
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I can't understand why my invisible paint hasn't arrived yet. I ordered it yesterday and it has had an entire day to get here. I think maybe the mail person has confiscated it for his/her own use. I know it would be a big temptation for the delivery person. I would try to look for the deliverer, but with invisible paint, how would I find the person? This is why it is so important that the invisible paint arrive. I am so anxious to use it. I've got lots of places I want to go where the humans don't allow dogs. I am going to have a great time. I've got to go check the mail just in case it has arrived. I'll let you know about my adventures.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for Paint)

 

Doggy Muti-Tasking

April 20th 2008 9:01 am
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I went to the Acme website yesterday and ordered several gallons of invisible paint. I'm so glad that it has already been invented so I can just order it on-line. Research really cuts into a dog's nap time. I also have a Presidential campaign to run, and that cuts into my nap time too. I also play saxophone in Samoa's reggae group, and I also howl with the Howling Huskies. Yes, I'm a very busy dog. It is sometimes hard to work a nap in with all my activities. I'm multi-tasking as I write this entry. I found a miniature Kit Kat bar, and I am guarding it from Mommy. Normally, Mommy is a very nice human, but she is alwasy stealing my candy that I find. As I've told you dogs, all you have to do is use your nose to sniff it out, and then use your paw to open cabinet doors, and also to move things that are in the way. Mommy says she has never seen a dog who finds contraband stuff like I do. I think she is losing it because I have never found a contraband in my life. I do find candy and other tasty items that the humans try to put out of my reach or hide from me. I am actually laying on the candy hoping Mommy won't notice, but I suspect she has seen it.

The birds are singing. There is no snow. It is warm and sunny--another lousy day in Michigan. I would love to kill those little feathered snow stealing varmints. I really hate them. I guess I have to put up with it. You know the old adage: Into every life, a little sunshine must fall. I guess life isn't perfect, and you have to put up with some spring days no matter how much you wish winter would continue.

Demon Flash Bandit (Multi-tasking Dog)

 

Acme Products Catalog

April 19th 2008 8:18 am
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I have to make a confession. I didn't actually try to look up the Acme company on the internet. It was a choice between looking up the company and taking a nap, and my readers probably will have no problem figuring out which option won. I didn't mean to lie, but I honestly didn't think the company would still be in business since its products never actually helped to catch the Roadrunner. My pal, Samoa SunnyBear Bell sent me this web-site and I have already checked it out. It is:

http://home.nc.rr.com/tuco/looney/acme.html

This web-site has the Acme catalog, and I checked out the many products. There was no mind control machine, but they did have invisible paint (War and Pieces, Jones 1964). When you paint it on yourself, you become invisible. It also makes any object you paint it onto invisible. I don't need to invent it, I can just order it from Acme. I also want to mention that they have Acme gas (Bugs and Thugs, Freleng, 1954) for your car. I thought I would pass this info along so you can tell your humans. Your humans might want to check their prices because they may be a lot cheaper than the what the local gas station is charging (here is is $3.47 a gallon). When I get in office, the prices will come down. There is no way they have to charge so much. They are making huge profits. If they were just passing their rising cost along, they would still be making about the same amount of money as always.

Be sure and save this web-site under favorites because they have many cool products a dog can use.

I hope all the dogs out there have a nice weekend, and don't forget to order your invisible paint.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thanks W. Coyote)

 

Acme is Out of Business

April 18th 2008 10:30 am
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I did try to find that Acme company where the Coyote gets all his cool gadgets, but that compnay must not exist. I wonder how the Coyote gets all that stuff from a non-existent company. Maybe they haven't made any recent episodes, and the company went under thanks to the bad economy. Of course, if you ask George W. is we are NOT in a recession, he would probably say that the economy is great. I guess the recession will start the minute he gets out of office, and then he will say it is the fault of the new person in office because the economy must be able to completey disinstegrate in a couple of hours. It is a shame that Acme is no longer in business. The coyote used to get the most amazing things from them. You'd think a business with such cool stuff would have no problem continuing no matter what. Maybe part of the problem could be that a lot of coyotes don't have a lot of money. Perhaps they put a bird in charge. You should never let a bird or a bird brain ( but enough about George W.) run anything. Anyway, they aren't in business so I can't order an invisibiltiy potion or a mind control machine. I guess I"ll have to invent them myself. I hope these projects don't seriously interfere with my nap time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Inventor)

 

The Coyote Should Win Over a Roadrunner

April 17th 2008 6:52 am
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I was working on my science projects (invisibility and mind control for the dogs who might not read every entry) when I took a break and I was watching The Coyote Show. I'm guessing most of you have seen it. It has this wonderful coyote (who happens to look a bit like a dog, and he chases this horrible Roadrunner (an evil bird) and he never quite seems to catch the bird. Granted, it is an awful story, but I did get an idea. I'm going to go to the Acme website and see if they already have a mind control machine, and maybe also an invisibility potion. Once I've checked out their website, I might just go help that coyote catch that stupid bird. Another important mission for Demon Flash Bandit, dog to the rescue.

Demon Flash Bandit (Rescue Dog)

 

Mind Control

April 16th 2008 1:49 pm
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I worked on my invisibility project for an hour yesterday and an hour today. I still haven't found the solution to becoming invisible. It might take a couple more hours for me to find the solution. I never thought it would be take this much time and trouble.
Because the invisibility project isn't going as well as planned, I decided I would try a different tactic. I decided to make a mind control machine. I had another moment when a light bulb went off over my head. Of course I was standing under the light fixture so I guess it wasn't really that unusual. Anyway, I thought if I could control the humans' minds, I could still do anything I want to and I wouldn't need to be invisible. It is called having 2 plans: plan A and plan B in case plan A doesn't work. If being invisible turns out to be too much trouble to solve, I can just control the humans minds so I can still do anything I want to, and they will think it is okay. I am going to start work on it now. How hard can it be? It isn't like the humans are as smart as us dogs. They haven't even learned that you are less likely to fall if you walk on all 4 paws. Even cats have learned that, and cats are pretty dumb too, but not as dumb as humans. Wouldn't it be cute to have the humans do tricks? Sit person, Stay. Roll over. How do you like being degraded for a treat? I have to stop writing so I can start on my new "Plan B" project. I'll keep you dogs posted as to how it turns out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog In Charge)

 

Invisibility

April 15th 2008 8:46 am
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I have been working on a very scientific project in my laboratory. Okay, I don't have a laboratory, but it sounds so much better than just saying I was working on a project, and I don't even have a laboratory. How much respect would I get from the scientific community when all of them have labs--and I'm not talking about the dog breed? Anyway, my project is to find a way to become invisible. I was relaxing which is an activity I heartily enjoy when the idea came to me. If I were invisible, I could do whatever I want to whenever I want to. Instead of me having to stay home when Mommy or Jeff goes somewhere, I could slip out of the house, and be in the car, and no one would know because they wouldn't be able to see me. I could go into the restaurants and stores. I could sneak people's food at the restaurant, and they wouldn't know what happened to their dinner. It would be so perfect. I would never get in trouble because Mommy would never be able to see me get into trouble. What she can't see, she doesn't know about. HAHA

Evidently, this idea has been considered in the past. I believe some guy named Einstein had some theories on it, but I know Einstein isn't as intelligent as I am because, I've learned from my sources, he wasn't a dog. I know you may be thinking, Einstein is a dog. He was in the first Back to the Future movie. Yes, there was a dog named Einstein, but he was named for the human genius named Einstein. The dog didn't formulate any theories. Mommy actually has a stuffed Einstein she bought at Universal Studios Park in Orlando. Mommy didn't even have a dog back then, but she had good taste in buying stuffed animals. Who needs a bear when you can have a dog?

I need to get back to my original topic. I thought it would be a simple task for a smart dog like me to become invisible so you can imagine my astonishment when I found out it isn't so easy. I spent an entire half hour experimenting and contemplating how to do it, and then I decided that I had wasted enough time and I decided to take a nap. Maybe I'll try again another day. I wonder what Mommy would think when she sees candy "floating" in the air fly by. When I invent the process, I'll be sharing it with all my doggy friends so you can sneak good human snacks. I'll be back to write another entry tomorrow, but you may not see me. HAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Wants to be Invisible Dog)

 
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