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Adventures of a lead dog

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May 8th 2008 2:36 pm
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Mommy just brought me dinner--grilled chicken. I told her to go to Burger King, but that silly Angel actually prefers grilled chicken. I told you dogs that she was silly. Anyway, since I had to wake up from my nap to eat, I might as well write my entry so I can get it done and go back to my nap.

Several of my pals have asked me about the whole horse race situation. Some people think that the horse races are not humane to the horses. This is something that I have to think about because huskies have their own races. We huskies do enjoy running, and I suspect that the horses might even like it. I hate to say that running a race is wrong. Some people even enjoy running in races. I think the problem becomes when their is a large monetary sum for winning. Some of the owners care more about winning the prize, and if the animals happen to die, they will take chances with the animals that they wouldn't take if money weren't involved. I'm sure some of the owners do care about their animals, but there are always people who are rotten. Look at the whole puppy mill situation. There are a lot of responsible breeders who love their animals, but there will always be some people who care more about money and they will do things they shouldn't do to get it. I don't know if the whole sport should be banned, but perhaps there could be punishments for those who go overboard trying to win, and hurt the animals in the process. There are some stupid humans who are so competitive they will do anything to win even if money isn't involved. Thank goodness there are a lot of good humans who do watch out for us animals. Thanks to those of you who care.

I will give this matter a lot of thought before I have an official campaign stance on it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Horses are My Friends)


I Should Be A TV STAR

May 7th 2008 6:42 pm
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I think it is about time I, Demon Flash Bandit, have my own variety hour on tv. I think it would be a big hit. I happen to be very entertaining. I can have the Howling Huskies perform, and I think that Samoa Sunnybear Belle's raggae group would also be willing to make guest appearances. Perhaps they might even want to be a regulars. Angel Zoom Smokey could appear--if she is a good puppy and stays out of trouble. I think it would be a great show. It would also give me the opportunity to run my Presidential campaign without having to actually pay for tv time. I have mentioned in past entries how I told Mommy to go take a couple of million out of the bank for me to run my campaign, and she said she didn't have a couple of million to take out. Because of Mommy's lack of wealth, I have to come up with more ingenious methods to get the word out about my campaign. As it is, I can't get into the debates. The candidates are afraid to go up against a dog of my intelligence. George W. kept asking someone to tell him the meaning of the word degate. Someone told him it was "De Gator", and that idiot believed him. There is no end to the fun you can have fooling George W. with words to which most people know the meaning. McCain then bopped him in the head. I wish I could have gotten that on film. I know a lot of people who would laugh at that. I could have entered that in a film festival, and it would have won best picture.

Be sure and write the networks (including cable) to let them that Demon Flash Bandit should have a variety hour.

Demon Flash Bandit (Potential TV Star)


Jeff Left Without Permission---AGAIN!!!!

May 6th 2008 4:19 pm
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Mommy just got back home with Burger King. Life is good. I'd like to thank Katie and Raja for the special gifts they have given me the past couple of days. Sometimes I forget to thank the dogs who give me special gifts, but I always appreciate all the gifts I receive.

It is one of those "beautiful spring days" which makes a husky really mad to see the lovely winter weather disappearing. I doubt that we will have any more snow this year, and that really makes me mad. I bet Alaska still has snow. Does my Mommy want to move to Alaska? No, she doesn't. How can they let people run things when they don't even have the common sense to love snow?

Jeff is out with a friend. He didn't get my (or even Angel's) permssion again today. It was okay that Mommy went out because Mommy had to have an MRI done. Angel and I allow occasional medical related outings, but Jeff gets all silly and thinks it is okay for him to go out for no good reason.

I have to go, and do my watch at the window for Jeff to come home. He has been gone at least 10 minutes. Shouldn't he be home by now?

Demon Flash Bandit ( Dog Who Thinks Jeff Should Ask a Dog's Permission)


We Need a Doggy Hero

May 5th 2008 6:34 pm
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Mommy and Jeff went to a movie last night called Iron Man. The main problem I have with this movie is that Iron Man is the super hero and he isn't a dog. I could understand if the movie were Iron Dog. A dog super hero is something that makes sense. Mommy and Jeff both said it was a good movie. I do have to question their taste. Iron Man didn't even have a dog to help him. Can you believe a human could actually be smart enought to build a robotic outfit without a dog's help? I don't believe it. I live with humans, and they are pathetic. I am going to call some Hollywood producers and ask them why there aren't more doggy super hero movies. It is about time we got credit for saving the world. The humans don't even know the birds cause global warming. How can they save the world? They can barely microwave their dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Dogs are Super)


Bird Suicides

May 4th 2008 9:08 am
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My pal, Rosie wrote to me with a common problem. There was an easily accessible bird, but her Mommy told her not to hurt it. This is a common problem for us dogs, but one that is easily remedied. Do not kill this bird (at least not when the humans are looking). Wait until they can't see you, then pounce on the bird, and kill it, but do it very neatly without leaving any teethmarks. When the humans questions what happened, it was a very unhappy bird that committed suicide. Be sure the bird leaves a note. Make the bird write one before you kill it. Tell it that a note will make it a quick painless death, but not leaving one will make it a painful death. Birds always fall for it. Of course, without a note, it isn't wise to kill it because the humans might get suspicious. Luckily for us dogs, the birds are too stupid to know this. One final note, make sure there are no video cameras recording you because those can get a dog into trouble. Good luck with the bird killing!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Are Evil)


Ninja Turtles vs. Pokemon

May 3rd 2008 10:19 am
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Have any of you dogs noticed how human children will play with very odd toys? There is this toy called Pokemon. I think it goes around poking people. I actually have no idea what it does, but that is the connotations I get from the name. Jeff isn't into Pokemon probably because he is 22 years old. I think he actually thinks he is superior because his age group wasn't into Pokemon. Of course, he is so superior---NOT. I guess he doesn't realize how silly his toys were. He had a bunch of toys called NINJA TURTLES. Yes, turtles in a "half shell" which were taught ninja skills by a RAT. I think the young children today will grow up okay despite the whole Pokemon thing. I must admit, I'm not fond of Polemon, but then again, my idea of toys it to rip them apart. I love my toys, but there is always a silly plush thing that has eaten my squeaky. The squeaky is the real toy--not the stupid stuffed piece of fabric.

I hope all the dogs reading this have a wonderful weekend. I know I plan to.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Do Actually Prefer Ninja Turtles)


You can Help Fight IMHA--an Awful Doggy Disease

May 2nd 2008 9:03 am
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Normally I only write one entry a day, but I think this merits a second entry. My pal, Angel Mica died of IMHA. Her Mommy has been working on raising money to raise awaremess of this awful doggy disease that can affect any dog out there. I am not asking for money, but if my doggy pals can take a little of your time, if you could as Angel Mica to be your pal and corral Mica. Mica has to be first. Then ask Mirra to be your pal, and corral her, and then finally do the same for The Purple Girls of Oregon. This needs to be done by May 30. It is a contest, and if they get the most pals and get corralled the most, they get some money to help fight this awful disease which has taken so many of our doggy pals. It would be nice if you could also ask your doggy pals to do the same. Thanks for your help. All 3 dogs are linked in Lena Malik's diary entry which was diary of the day today.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Cares)


Alaska Night at Samoa's Pier

May 2nd 2008 8:51 am
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It is Friday which means that a lot of you dogs will be looking foward to a weekend of fun with your humans. I am particularly looking forward to Alaska Night at Samoa's Sea Serpent Sighting Pier. Every dog who attends has a fantastic time there. Since I'm a husky, Alaska Night is something I know I'm going to love.

I'm hoping Mommy will go with me and have a great time at Alaska Night. She needs something to make her happy since it is one of those bad anniversaries. My human brother died 6 years ago. I'm sure he is healthy and happy, and I bet he misses Mommy too. I will have to make sure I do a lot of funny things today to make Mommy laugh. Fortunately, Mommy prefers to laugh.

I hope all you dogs have a wonderful weekend, and make sure your humans don't get into any trouble.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Approves of Alaska Night)


No Doggy Astronauts

May 1st 2008 2:36 pm
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I was looking up at the stars last night, and I then realized what NASA stands for: National Association of Stupid Astronauts. I don't mean to put the people who want to go to the stars down, but if they aren't stupid, they must be insane. I have never once heard a dog say he wants to fly out into space. You have to stay in a space capsule or wear a silly space suit. There are no dog parks, and no stores that sell squeaky toys so what is the point of going there? Humans will spend cazillions of dollars trying to go somewhere where no one can live. You don't see us dogs doing that. We are perfectly content to stay here on Earth. There aren't even little animals to chase in space. I know the humans don't see things the way us dogs do, but I think that is what makes the humans so unhappy. We dogs are happy if we have a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, toys to play with, and humans to love us. Why can't the humans be so easily satisfied? If space were so wonderful, why do all the space aliens come here and abduct humans? They come here because being from the stars is lousy, and they know a good planet when they see it.

I don't know if people know it, but all aliens are not from space. Some of them come from other countries. There must be different agencies for the space aliens and the Earth aliens. I wonder if it gets confusing knowing which agency to register with.

Mommy went to the human vet today, and she has to have an MRI which I think means Mean Rotten Interrupter since it will interrupt my time with her. At least Mommy brought home toys and Burger King. I hope all you dogs out there get BK and toys.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Happy On Earth)


April 30th 2008 12:21 pm
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I have some sad news to report. At the last minute, Conan cancelled my appearance on his show. I don't blame him. I think it was the silly person he put in charge of scheduling guests. I know he is a busy man, and he can't do everything himself. I think it would be great if Jeff and I could appear on his show together so I'm asking them to re-schedule. Why would they prefer to have some "star" on the show who isn't even running for President? I think there was some serious problem that needed the attention of the Pale Force. It must be hard to host a late night show, and also be part of the Pale Force keeping the world safe from whatever--I hope it is the sun's rays, because they are kind of pale, and I've seen Mommy in the sun. She mainly just burns and loses skin. I bet that is what the Pale Force does too because I suspect they are paler than Mommy. We dogs have more sense. You don't see us sun-burn. We have the common sense to have fur to cover our skin. Humans could take a lesson. Fur works better than sun screen, and it is FREE.

Mommy and Jeff went to a movie last night so Angel and I had to baby sit our human brother. He is only 24, so he needs constant attention. Angel jumps on him every now and then to keep him in line. Actually Angel just likes to jump on people and give them Siberian hugs. The movie they went to see was Harold and Kumar. Mommy thought it was funny. Mommy says they made George W. look a little too intelligent, but I'm sure that was poetic license.

Speaking of the W, I think it stands for Wimpy. It works so many ways. He is cowardly, and if he were into hamburgers, I can just hear him say, If you buy me a hamburger today for $3.50, it will save you money because I'm going to raise the price of burgers to $10,59 next week.

I have finally decided to unveil my new economic plan. It took a lot of thought to come up with it. The "W" has made such a mess of the economy that it wasn't an easy process to find a solution. Some may think that I will suggest the oil companies pay extra taxes. I don't believe that is necessary. I think the whole oil industry should be socialized. Yes, you heard me. Let the govt. take over, and then there will be no reason to charge more than the necessary amount. I am a firm believer in capitalism, but let's face it, some things are necessary, and gas is one of them. Because the oil companies have proved over and over again that they are greedy jerks who will destroy the country so they can make a bigger profit, they should no longer be allowed to run the companies. I would put them in jail--those jerks at Enron would get the death penalty. Why not? The oil men are mostly from Texas. They love the death penalty there. It it not only a state that makes sure the death penalty is in place, but they bring in the hot dogs vendors, and some people even bring their own barbeque sauce. Private enterprise is my personal preference, but the oil companies have done the "energy crisis thing" one time too many. In the early 70's, we were supposedly running out of fuel yet as soon as prices got higher, it was flowing freely. I think the oil companies have lost the right to free enterprise and capitalism. To go back to the early days of this country, Don't tread on me. This is Demon Flash Bandit telling the oil companies. Don't worry, there will be no shortage of electicity to fry you jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Needs to Fix the Country)

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