Adventures of a lead dog

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Tree Jumping and Birds Almost Dying--Almost Perfect Day

May 18th 2008 9:01 am
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I had such a fun time yesterday when I was out with Mommy. Angel and I came up with a new, fun game. There was a small tree within the reach of our leashes, and we would jump up to see if we could get some leaves. Life doesn't get any more fun than that. On the way home, a stupid bird flew in front of the car, and Mommy almost hit it. It would have been so great if she had hit the stupid, evil bird. I was personally rooting for the car, but that stupid bird got away. I hope he flies in front of another car, and gets what he deserves. Birds are the worst thing on the planet.

I have to make this short. I"ve been having trouble answering my paw-mail. I don't know if it is Mommy's internet service or dogster, but the respond thing didn't seem to work yesterday. Hopefully, it is okay today so if I owe you a paw-mail and you haven't heard from me, that is the reason. I've got to try to answer the paw-mail after I write this.

I hope all the dogs out there are having a great weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Exhausted Dog)

 

Human Celebrities--No Dogs

May 17th 2008 7:05 pm
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Jeff has went to a Comic Convention for the past 2 days. He worked yesterday, and I had to babysit William. Today he went, and I got to ride there with Mommy. Angel and I got to play and have a great time waiting in the parking lot. I, as usual, was a perfect dog, but Angel got into a bit of trouble. Her collar came off, and she took off, but she came back in a couple of minutes. Mommy was really worried for a minute there. I got into the car so Mommy could go get Angel. I told Angel she is a bad dog, but Mommy was just glad she came back.

Meanwhile Jeff met celebrites and got some autographs. He got Mommy an autograph of Mickey from the Monkees. I'm not believing that Monkeys are smart enough to write. I think we dogs are a lot smarter than monkeys. They didn't have any important celebrites there. I could name many more important celebrities---Demon from Snow Dogs, Max from Eight Below (I believe it is the same dog), Underdog, Hooch, from Turner and Hooch, and Shasta from Snow Buddies to name a few. I guess they are too important and are way too busy to show up at a show like that.

We had Burger King for dinner. YEAH!!! Angel and I have both been napping. We had a very busy day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Had A Fun Day)

 

Airlines

May 15th 2008 12:37 pm
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I'm getting fed up with hearing from other dogs out there about our unfair treatment on airlines. Judging from recent headlines, many of the airlines are folding. I think it is time to start a Dog Airline. This will be an airline where dogs are not only welcome, but invited. Our humans don't have to ride in the cargo area--they can ride up in the cabin with us dogs. It will be great fun to be able to fly to different locales. We dogs enjoy our vacations just like humans do. I think this is part of the reason that the airlines aren't doing well--they don't include us dogs. They want to treat us like we are luggage. I am not luggage. I'm a living, breathing, pal to the humans. We dogs should and will be treated better. Wait until I become President---there will be changes.

I will promise that when I become president, the country will become a more dog friendly place. I think we dogs deserve nothing less.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of the UnderDOG)

 

I Want to Get the Sea Serpent's Political Support

May 14th 2008 9:55 pm
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I'm a bit late writing my entry today. Sometimes a dog just has problems getting some time on the computer. The humans think they should have first dibs on the computer. They have so many silly ideas.

Mommy had to go to the pain clinic today. I think that shows how stupid the humans can be. They have a clinic that causes pain. You wouldn't catch a dog paying to go there. I often wonder how the humans have enough sense to get up in the morning. Judging from the ones in this house, they don't. They are definitely not morning people.

I had Burger King for dinner tonight. I do love my burgers. Mommy bought some dog food which she put in a large plastic container. The food ended up on every stair down to the basement because Angel carried it downstairs, and spilled it all the way down. I told you dogs that Angel is always causing trouble. I'm the good dog around here. Mommy thinks Angel is very cute. She thought carrying the dog food to the basement was funny.

It rained some here today. I like it because it has been a bit colder. I keep hoping winter will return, but the way those stupid, evil birds keep singing, I doubt that will happen.

I hope all you dogs are having a good week. Don't forget my political rally at Samoa's Pier Friday night. I hope the sea serpent will show up so I can ask him to vote for me. I can use the sea serpent vote. By the way, I think Samoa is interviewing some Poodles for the bar to serve as barmaids. I know all us male dogs will enjoy seeing them in their bar maid outfits. Be sure and be generous with the tips. Angel is the buyer for the gift shop. Watch for the opening announcement. She is hiring some rabbits to sew plush sea serpent squeaky toys, and I'm sure all us dogs will enjoy playing with them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With A Mission)

 

Cheeseburger Chips

May 13th 2008 11:52 am
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Yesterday was William's 25th birthday so Mommy took him out to dinner, and they went to see a movie. The movie was, of course, written by humans since it had the highly imaginative title, 21. In case you are wondering, yes I'm being sarcastic. A dog would come up with a more interesting title. I think they had a good time. Mommy came home with new dog toys--rubber type squeakies and plush squeakies. Angel and I were both pleased. I also got Burger King for dinner. YEAH Burger King. I also highly recommend trying Pringles cheesburger flavor potato chips. Angel went nuts over them. Mommy wouldn't give her too many--something about salt content. Angel said she should have an entire canister herself. I think I even tasted ketchup on the burger. I have only one word for those chips---YUM.

I hope all the dogs out there are having a good week. Don't let the humans push you around. Remember, they are only humans but you are the DOG!!!!

By the way, for the nice people at Proctor and Gamble, I'm availabe for Pringle advertising. You have a wonderful product.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Cheeseburger Flavor Pringles)

 

Demon Flash Bandit (Human Trainer)

May 12th 2008 9:50 am
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Mommy went out for Mother's Day, and I'm glad she had a good time. She saw a movie called Maid of Honor. Jeff watched some silly kung fu movie. Jeff has no taste. There were several dog cameos in Maid of Honor. I bet there weren't any dogs at all in Forbidden Kingdom. Mommy said there is a new dog movie coming out in Sept. It is called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and the movie poster has 2 dogs in the photo. Okay, I'm not sure that chihuahuas are officially dogs. I suspect they are large rats who have learned to bark, but any rat who would go to the trouble to learn to bark is okay in my book. Don't get upset, little guys, it is only good natured teasing. I know some nice chihuahuas. I also got such a laugh out of the chihauhuas getting into the tequila at Mexican night at Samoa's Pier. It took 6 of them to lift the bottle, and it was a miniature airline size bottle. They don't need much to get drunk. They spent the rest of the night barking for the sea serpent to show up. I think all their barking scared him and he didn't show. Perhaps Samoa will have to limit the amount of alcohol some of the little breeds can consume since they get drunk easily. Cho, the Chow did a fine job as bouncer. You know the chihuahuas are drunk when one of them tried to pick a fight with Cho. The little guy wasn't really being mean. He was trying to impress Meagan, my next door neighbor, and a very beautiful cocker spaniel. I hope all the dogs out there will join us at the Pier next Friday night for my political rally. It is going to be a very fun event--as all the events at the Pier turn out to be.

I think Mommy has lot her mind (and she didn't have much to lose if you ask me). She stopped in at some Store that specializes in bows and arrows. I know this because it is called Target, and its logo is a target. I don't yet know why she never comes home with bows and arrows, but I guess they must sell other things too. I want to know why they sell books. Mommy bought one that upset me. It is a book by a guy named Cesar, and he is called the "dog whisperer". Mommy was reading the first chapter, and I have a couple of comments for Cesar. I do happen to be a human in fur. I even talk. I do not want to run for 8 hours a day. That would seriously interfere with my nap time, and I do work for my food. Last night Mommy also bought a bag of bacon and cheese flavored Milkbone, and I had to get it out of the bag myself. Mommy didn't bring it to me. Mommy brought us dingo bones, and I had to walk away from my dingo bone to retreive the Milkbones. Alright, I admit, I'm exaggerating a bit. I finished my dingo before I got the bag. Angel would have stolen it if I had left it unguarded. I know he is good with dogs, and he has saved a lot of dogs that would have been euthanized so I know he is a good man. However, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am a happy dog who enjoys being spoiled. How could I run the country if I'm out running everyday. However, I do think Angel Zoom Smokey should be out running all day because she keeps trying to become the leader of the pack so sending her packing would be a wonderful idea. If she happens to get lost, so be it. I think I can go on without her. She spends most of her puppy life trying to annoy me anyway.

I hope all your Mother's had wonderful Mothers Days, and I hope you remembered to give lots of wet, sloppy kisses. They really love it if you lick your butt and then give them one of those kisses--a bit of advice for the future.

Demon Flash Bandit (People Trainer)

 

Demon Flash Bandit (Human Trainer)

May 12th 2008 9:50 am
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Mommy went out for Mother's Day, and I'm glad she had a good time. She saw a movie called Maid of Honor. Jeff watched some silly kung fu movie. Jeff has no taste. There were several dog cameos in Maid of Honor. I bet there weren't any dogs at all in Forbidden Kingdom. Mommy said there is a new dog movie coming out in Sept. It is called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and the movie poster has 2 dogs in the photo. Okay, I'm not sure that chihuahuas are officially dogs. I suspect they are large rats who have learned to bark, but any rat who would go to the trouble to learn to bark is okay in my book. Don't get upset, little guys, it is only good natured teasing. I know some nice chihuahuas. I also got such a laugh out of the chihauhuas getting into the tequila at Mexican night at Samoa's Pier. It took 6 of them to lift the bottle, and it was a miniature airline size bottle. They don't need much to get drunk. They spent the rest of the night barking for the sea serpent to show up. I think all their barking scared him and he didn't show. Perhaps Samoa will have to limit the amount of alcohol some of the little breeds can consume since they get drunk easily. Cho, the Chow did a fine job as bouncer. You know the chihuahuas are drunk when one of them tried to pick a fight with Cho. The little guy wasn't really being mean. He was trying to impress Meagan, my next door neighbor, and a very beautiful cocker spaniel. I hope all the dogs out there will join us at the Pier next Friday night for my political rally. It is going to be a very fun event--as all the events at the Pier turn out to be.

I think Mommy has lot her mind (and she didn't have much to lose if you ask me). She stopped in at some Store that specializes in bows and arrows. I know this because it is called Target, and its logo is a target. I don't yet know why she never comes home with bows and arrows, but I guess they must sell other things too. I want to know why they sell books. Mommy bought one that upset me. It is a book by a guy named Cesar, and he is called the "dog whisperer". Mommy was reading the first chapter, and I have a couple of comments for Cesar. I do happen to be a human in fur. I even talk. I do not want to run for 8 hours a day. That would seriously interfere with my nap time, and I do work for my food. Last night Mommy also bought a bag of bacon and cheese flavored Milkbone, and I had to get it out of the bag myself. Mommy didn't bring it to me. Mommy brought us dingo bones, and I had to walk away from my dingo bone to retreive the Milkbones. Alright, I admit, I'm exaggerating a bit. I finished my dingo before I got the bag. Angel would have stolen it if I had left it unguarded. I know he is good with dogs, and he has saved a lot of dogs that would have been euthanized so I know he is a good man. However, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am a happy dog who enjoys being spoiled. How could I run the country if I'm out running everyday. However, I do think Angel Zoom Smokey should be out running all day because she keeps trying to become the leader of the pack so sending her packing would be a wonderful idea. If she happens to get lost, so be it. I think I can go on without her. She spends most of her puppy life trying to annoy me anyway.

I hope all your Mother's had wonderful Mothers Days, and I hope you remembered to give lots of wet, sloppy kisses. They really love it if you lick your butt and then give them one of those kisses--a bit of advice for the future.

Demon Flash Bandit (People Trainer)

 

Dogs Should Be Treated Better

May 11th 2008 9:55 am
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Since this is one of those "news" days that makes me want to kill a bird (okay I'll admit it--I like to kill birds no matter what kind of day it is but it does sound good, doesn't it?) Before I get onto the lousy news of the day, I want to remind all the dogs out there to kiss your Mommy's and wish them a happy Mother's Day. Be sure to give them a nice sloppy kiss--the humans LOVE that.

It has been one of those sad news days for dogs. From Instanbul, Turkey, news of a car race that caused the death of a stray dog. In a GP2 race, Bruce Senna hit a dog and killed it. Bruce was mad that it hurt his car, and he had to drop out of the race. You'd think it was the dog's fault when he is the idiot who hit the dog. His car can be fixed. The dog is DEAD. I think someone should go bop Bruce in the head. Do any dogs want to volunteer?

In Phoenix, the rapper, DMX was arrested on drug and animal cruelty charges. The drugs were found because he was reported and investigated for animal cruelty. The cruelty was alledgedly toward his dogs. If he is proved guilty of hurting his dogs, I think all the money he makes should be taken and given to his dog. It is the only fair way to solve the problem.

I also got a paw-mail from my pal Mirra who said her Mommy has a bird house that housed 2 very adorable violet green swallows--small birds that don't steal snow. They were killed in a jealous rage by 2 sparrows because the sparrows were too fat to fit into the bird house. I want to remind you again how evil birds are.

I know it is a sad news day for dogs, but we can hope tomorrow will be better. Don't forget to hug your Mommy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog News Reporter)

 

Commentary on News Headlines

May 10th 2008 9:27 am
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There are some internet news headlines that are just barking out for a dog to comment on. Before I start with the headlines. The Furminator is flashing their ad on dogster which I am viewing as I write this. The photo is of a handsome dog who is either a husky or malamute. I would like to say that I can understand why they picked our breed because they are trying to please the women (I supposed Johnny Depp wasn't available--I hear all the women talk about how handsome he is. Personally I don't see it although I do approve of his hairstyle and the fact that he is trying to grow fur. So few humans can grow fur all over their bodies. They look so sad in their fur-less bodies.) Anyway, back to the subject, a lot of dogs shed so I just want to point out that we arent the only dogs who shed, and don't get any ideas of shaving us like those poodles who look so silly. Why do you think a lot of poodles are so snooty? They are just hurt from being made fun of by all the other dog breeds. I know some people who have a poodle mutt, and they shave her all over. She is a totally bald dog. I really feel sorry for her.

Now for the internet news headlines. San Diego has made the news twice today. There was something about an explosion in a courthouse there, and another over an anti-illegal alien group wanting a highway sign. There was also a big drug bust at the San Diego University recently. At first, I decided to think like George W. and I came up with a relationship between the stories since they are all from the same place. The group that is anti-illegal alien has formed because all the aliens are on drugs. The illegal aliens got high and decided to blow up the courthouse because they are terrorists. Therefore all aliens should be shot on sight just in case they are illegals. If they happen to have a green card in their pocket, oops. Now that I've given you the official George W. stance on the news, I will give you an intelligent perspective from Demon Flash Bandit. Why do you need an anti-illegal alien group? I think the whole definition of illegal means they aren't supposed to be here in the first place. I think the problem will soon be solved, and I give the W. full credit for this one---it won't be long until the U. S. citizens in San Diego will be heading across the border for a higher standard of living in Mexico. I do think much of the problem in San Diego (from what I've heard) is that aliens can come there to work and go home at night which will tend to cause resentment among the regular citizens who happen to be unemployed. I understand that people are just trying to make a living, but they tend to be silly and get mad at each other instead of putting a dog like me in office who has the brains to fix the situation. See what happens when you let the humans run things too long!!!! Personally, San Diego is so close to the border of Mexico that is is almost part of Mexico anyway. Detroit is on the border of Canada, and you don't hear the people here getting upset when the Canadians come over the border. Mommy came here from Georgia, and Canada is much closer to Michigan than it is to a lot of the other 49 states. By the way, if this southern CA place is such a paradise, there would be a lot more snow there. I think the birds there have stolen all their snow. I think the people there should be more concerned with the theft of their snow than with the other issues.

There was also a headline about a lady in Arkansas who is having her 18th child. I don't even know why this has made the news. My Mommy has had far more than 18 puppies, and you don't see her in the news. Is there no end to the prejudice against us dogs? Let a humans have 18 kids and it is newsworthy---BIG DEAL!!!! I bet she didn't have 8 or 10 at a time. The humans are so egotisitcal. They make a big deal out of everything.

I hope you dogs are having a good weekend, and don't forget to hug your Mommys tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping Dogs Up-Dated on the News)

 

Happy Mother's Day!!!

May 9th 2008 5:27 pm
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I would like to take the time to thank Sam for the star, and also to thank Samoa and Savvy who are planning a rally for me at the Pier next week. It is very important that you vote for the right person. The minority decided the person who is in office now, and look what a mess the world is in. It is bad enough you keep putting humans in, but why did the Republican party decide to run one of the dumbest of the human species? I know humans will never be as smart as us dogs, but George W..... really, whose bright idea was it to run him? I suppose the humans out there are a lot more trusting than I am. I am always amazed that people seem surprised about the rising cost of gas. The man has to get it up there before he leaves office and loses control of the situation. I will run things a lot differently than George W. when I get into office. I happen to have more brains in one of my paws than he has in his whole body.

I hope all the dogs out there have a good weekend, Be sure an give your human Mommys big kisses and hugs because Sunday is Mother's Day, and we are so lucky to have nice Mommys.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hoping all Mommy Have a Good Mother's Day)

 
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