Health food can make you gag

Is there no end to this lousy weather? Another hot day. It is October. I called Mother Nature to complain, and all I got was a recording. You know how annoying those are.......if you have a touch tone phone, press 1 to complain about the weather, press 2 to report how much you like the weather, press 3 if Mother Nature is mad at you and you want to apologize for doing something stupid, press 4 if you want to talk to Mother Nature, press 5 if you want to talk to Jack Frost, press 6 if you think we don't care about hearing from you. You proceed to press a button, and then you hear the next recording......Woops, we are hanging up the phone. Mother Nature really doesn't need, care about, or want YOUR OPINION. Live with whatever Mother Nature decides to give you--she is running the show. Mother Nature needs some prozac.

Now to more important issues. I think I should be the King of Burger King. Did I hear someone laughing?What else would you call the head guy at Burger KING? I'm not going to call him Burger DUDE--that is disrespectful to his position as head of a national chain. Why should I be the King. I have hundreds of reasons, but mainly so I can get a burger anytime I'm hungry. Is there a better reason?

How many of you dogs like burgers? How many like dog food? Since most of you eat dog food, I do not think the humans are listening to you. I think I have the answer, feed them healthy stuff--you know the stuff that comes from those health food stores. The food stores that when you enter, the smell makes you gag and wish you could smell something delightful like a dead skunk. You can buy such delicacies there=and all healthy for you. They sell the food that makes you gag. Obviously, since the humans are so concerned about us, we should have the same level of concern for them. I'm sure they would enjoy a cake made out of bean curd and tofu. Maybe a little sugar free, fat free, good taste free candy. It does have taste--but the flavor makes you want to curl up and eat roach "droppings". Speaking of roaches, I suspect that the health food is the one thing that can kill them. Sure, they can survive a nuclear holocaust, but leave the health food laying around where they can eat it, and the little guys commit suicide rather than have to survive eating that garbage. It is so sad to see the roaches get out their little guns and shoot themselves in the head. One left a note that read, "I normally love eating garbage, but I have standards".

I have to go now, but I look forward to sharing some more bits of wisdom with you from the brain cells of Demon Flash Bandit. Until tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Genius Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit DAy

Hi, my clumsy big paw hit the wrong photo on our home page, and my entry for today is written on Angel Zoom Smokey's page. It is entitled, Demon Flash Bandit Day, and it contains such brilliance that I"m sure you wouldn't want to miss any of my genius. How many other dogs would think of having an extra birthday and calling it Demon Flash Bandit Day (for Angel's benefit)? Angel shouldn't be having extra birthdays--you know how girls are about getting older. I'm only thinking of her We also can't have an Angel Zoom Smokey Day. There are already too many holidays. DEmon's DAy was the last holiday available.

For those of you who might not be familiar with dogster, just go to my page and hit Angel's photo, and you'll find my entry under the above mentioned title. I know most of you dogs already know all this, but some silly humans might need some help.

Demon Flash BAndit (A dog with his own holiday)

What the word, NUTRITION, actually means

Jeff will be leaving us at home again on Wednesday to do a stand up comedy act In Ann Arbor. I am so tired of not being able to go with him. I've also noticed something that I think is vitally important. The humans never ASK if dogs are allowed, but they always say we aren't. Isn't it odd that they know without asking? I'm beginning to think we ARE allowed, and our human families are holding out on us.

I am officially changing Angel's name to Zoom Smokey. I like her, but she is not an Angel. If I get one more puppy slap, she is outta here. Oh yeah, if I can get Mommy to go along with me on those two ideas. If Mommy did what I told her to do, I'd have a lot happier life. I'd be living in Alaska---or as I like to call it, Paradise. It was over 80 degrees yesterday, and I was mad. It isn't supposed to be that hot in October. Those birds causing global warming have got to be stopped. I hope you humans will listen beore it is too late. The internet news said that walruses are being dis-placed. Is there no end to the chaos the humans are allowing the birds to cause. I hate birds. They should die.

Mommy went to Petco last night and brought home a lot of treats. I have to have dental bones. They are my favorites. Then she got us bulk cookies, and they even had a bag of Halloween candy bars for us dogs. They are supposed to be like human candy, but I looked them over and smelled them. I suspect they are counterfeit. Why can't the humans just share their candy? I have no problem with what the humans eat. It is going to take a dog to define the word, nutrition. This word comes from some ancient language which I don't care anything about, but my brother who passed on would because he took some ancient language called Greek (Latin was full so it was put on hold for later. Doesn't he sound like a fun kid?--notice the sarcasm). I'll break down the word for you and define it:

NU---New meaning this is a new thing
TRI--This means the number 3
Tion- Pronounced shun which means to leave something alone or ignore it.

When you put them all together, the definition is: When buying a NEW bag of candy, SHUN THREE of them (leave them for the humans), and you can eat the rest of the bag. THis is the true meaning of nutition. I'm so glad I can be of help and teach you humans some things you need to know. Until tomorrow (or if I was Angel--until I decide to find time to write again)

Demon Flash BAndit (Teacher)

Only Dogs can have Super Powers

I'm glad it is Oct. 6. Yesterday would have been my human bother's 28th birthday. Mommy took flowers to the cemetery. It makes her sad to take flowers to Robert and Daddy. She and her friend went out for the evening. She said doing something pleasant helps keep from focusing on sadness.
I stayed home with Jeff. That kid is totally lacking a life. He was on the internet looking up movie trivia--yes movie trivia. He could have been looking up specialty dog bicuits, new dog toys, etc. Instead of he wasting his time on movie trivia. He wasn't even checking out good movies like Snow Dogs and Eight Below. He was looking up silly movies like Superman. Do any of you dogs really believe that humans are capable of super powers. I can believe Underdog, but not Superman. Why is it easier to believe there is an Underdog (Underdog does exist) than a "Superman"? The answer is obvious. Underdog is a dog. Sorry humans, you arent' that talented. If one of you were given super powers, you'd probably be using your newly acquired super powers to scare a cat--not that scaring a few lives out of a cat isn't humorous, but it is a total mis-use of the powers.

I have plans for the day. I plan to take a nap, then chew on a rawhide bone. play with some squeaky toys and go get some dinner. I haven't decided what order to do the activities in, but I plan to take a nap first. I hope all you dogs out there have sweet dreams.

Demon Flash BAndit (BIg FAn of Underdog)

Has Anyone seen Blue--a Siberian husky who is missing from- his home?

I have a serious topic today. A Siberian husky named Blue has been missing from Brighton, Michigan since May 8, 2007 which means his Mommy has been searching for him for almost 5 months. There is a reward for his safe return. He is one of my Dogster pals so if you want to see what he looks like, check out my pal pages. He could be anywhere; but, from past sightings, he is probably somewhere around Fenton, MI or Milford, MI, but of course, he could be much farther away by now. His owner's name is Sharon, and she can be contacted at 313 550-6095. If you think you see Blue, please contact her IMMEDIATELY. Thanks for any help you might be able to give Blue. I would love to see him back with his family. I know his Mommy is so worried about him.

I sure hope Blue is found soon. I'd hate to be away from my human family. If I were lost, MOmmy would check out Burger King and Arbys. A dog has to eat, doesn't he? Last night Mommy got me some "cream filled" cookies at Petco. Angel and I finished off a small bag of them. Mommy should have bought a big bag. I'll have to tell her to get a bigger bag next time.

There isn't a lot going on around here. I would write another cool song or poem about Angel, but she is such a cry baby.

I hope every dog has a nice weekend. Please pray that Blue is returned to his family.

Demon Flash Bandit (News Anchor of the Day)

I'm tired of the puppy slapping

After being puppy slapped about a million and a half times by Angel Zoom Smokey, I wrote a touching song about her in my diary entry. She got so insulted and whined so much that I'm stating, for the record, that it was a joke. Angel is not to be given away--not free and not even for a price. Mommy likes her. It was only a joke which I thought (still do ) was absolutely hilarious. Angel, Mommy and Jeff thought it was tasteless. Let me see how tasteless they will think it is after Angel has puppy slapped them a million and a half times.

Mommy stayed home yesterday, but Jeff once again took off with friends, They went to see a movie, and they didn't take me. I am getting very annoyed with them.

I'll make this diary entry short. I hope all you dogs out there are getting enough milkbones.

Demon Flash BAndit (The Dog who Angel mis-treats)

I Write the Songs that Make the Doggies Smile

I'm sure most of you are familiar with that song, How Much is that Doggie in the Window? I have used the same tune, but I've changed the lyrics to honor my family member, Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel, this one is for you, dedicated to you, and about you:

How much is that puppy in the window?
The one who just puppy slapped me
How much is that puppy in the window?
I found out that puppy is free.
Hurry and don't tell MOmmy.

I don't know about the rest of you, but those lyrics brought tears to my eyes. The sentiment is so touching. It just makes a dog want to cry at how wonderful our lives really are. Angel, see what happens when you puppy slap the lead dog. This song is for you.

Demon Flash Bandit (Songwriter)

Translation of what "little dogs" are actually saying

Another day, another milk bone--words to live by. I hope all of you out there get enough milkbone. Mommy has a friend with a dachshund which is always on a diet. She isn't allowed to have any treats whatsoever. Mommy thinks it might be better to give her treats because she is always sneaking treats. The ones she is sneaking probably have a lot more calories. I don't unerstand this whole dieting issue, but then, I don't have a weight problem. I really don't care what size the humans are so I don't know why they get so flaky about it. You don't see dogs worrying about whether they should eat something or not due to amount of calories it contains. I've never once seen a dog worried about his size unless it is one of those "little yappy dogs", and they want to be bigger--what do you think they are yapping about? I will translate their yaps for you humans who are their companions. They are saying:

1. Take me to a Vet whose specialty is making dogs grow


.

2. Please don't step on me.

3. Please don't let the big dogs eat me as a snack.

4. I'm also not a meal

5. That mouse is a bully.

6. Did you see how ferocious that rabbit really was.

7. Please don't step on me. They say that phrase a lot.

8. Isn't it bad enough I'm little, do you have to make me wear silly outfits too?

9. Continuation of 8: The big dogs are laughing at me because I'm wearing a
silly outfit.

10. Yap, yap, yap: Sometimes a yap is just a yap.

I don't think you humans even have a clue as to what their little dogs are saying. I hope this translation list helps. Don't forget to vote for me for president. Remember, little dogs, I don't make fun of you--okay maybe just a little, but I think you little ones are very cute. Just yap and remind me not to step on you with my big paw. I can't help having big paws. It makes it hard to find booties that fit my size. YEAH. Remember to vote for me for president where little dogs are treated with reapect and dignity---just like everyone else.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Language Interpreter)

I am Looking Forward to Winter

Wow, October is here already, and that means it won't be long until winter HOWL HOWL I really love winter. The cold, the snow, the ice---it is PARADISE, HEAVEN, UTOPIA. Let's just say us huskies like it cold. Who do you think they designed that igloo dog house for? It was to make us sled dogs feel at home.

Mommy went to a movie last night and I had to babysit. The kid was good. I still think I should be paid for my work.

It is raining outside which means that when I go outside I will get delightfully wet and then Mommy and F will get delightfully wet. They just don't seem to enjoy it as much as I do. I know they are just pretending not to love it. What can be more fun that getting water shook all over you by a wet dog. I know I would like it if I were a human.

I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wet Dog)

Demon Flash Bandit and the Search for Archealogical Treasure

Demon Flash Bandit here, searching for archaeological treasures and trying to find the ultimate relic. Dogs have been searching for this relic for hundreds of years. Some say it is just a legend and that it doesn't actually exist. I, Demon Flash Bandit, think it does exist. I think it is just waiting for the right dog to find it--and I am the right dog. I am in the Amazonian jungle which is really annoying me because it s way too hot here for a husky, but with my stubborn husky determination, I will not give up although the next treasure I look for better be in Alaska. I got a map from a dog who had been looking for it all his life, Indiana Jones was the dog's name. Evidently his owner stole his name. What a loser!! Anyway, I have followed the map and I am almost to the point where it is supposed to be. There is is. What a beautiful treasure. IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RAWHIDE BONE THAT I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a treasure. I will sit down and chew on this treasure once I get back to the air conditioned hotel room. I hope all ou dogs out there find your treasures this week.

Demon Flash Bandit (Archeaologist)