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Adventures of a lead dog

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Fearless Stunt Dog

May 30th 2008 8:34 am
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The amazing sled dog, Demon Flash Bandit, is jumping over the Grand Canyon while pulling a sled. The crowd is tense. Will he be able to make the jump? He is the only dog --it isn't a team. There is no human, only a "dummy" (I know humans can be dummys, but this is an actual dummy). The humans are all too scared to make the jump with the dog. pulling them so he has to use a dummy human. He is preparing for the jump. 10....9.....8....7....6....5....4.....3.....2.....1.....He jumps!!! Will he make it? He is soaring in the air.....he is one fourth of the way he is half way over.... Will have make it? Will he be the first dog to ever jump a sled over the Grand Canyon? Yes, he made it. The press is lining up around him to ask him questions. He will be on the front page of every newspaper in the country tomorrow. Demon Flaah Bandit is the best jumping husky in the entire world.

I've got to go now. Angel Zoom Smokey has went to the basement, and I need to ask her to come back to the main floor. I am afraid to go down the stairs so I guess I"ll have to do some howling.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fearless Stunt Dog)


Duty to Inform

May 29th 2008 10:27 am
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As a serious Presidential candidate, I feel it is my duty to inform my public. Mommy got an e-mail forward today telling the public why gas prices are up to and above $4.00 a gallon. This forward explains who is responsible. However, as a dog with intelligence and common sense, it annoyed me greatly that I would get a forward that is so stupid. This forward actually says the gas prices are caused by Democrats and Environmentalists. It not only insulted my intelligence, but it is totally lacking in any kind of logic. Republicans have been running things ever since the gas prices started going up. When the Democrats were in charge, gas prices were not high. Two oil people get in, and they go up, and they have the nerve to blame the Democrats. I don't care what political affiliation people choose to have (you should be voting DOG anyway), but I know my supporters will have enough sense not to believe those lies. Environmentalists may get a little overly flaky at times, but they seldom have the money to win a fight against a big corporation. If someone thinks that most of the politicians aren't influenced by money, I bet you own ocean front property in Nevada. The United States is a good country with good people, but the things we have were paid for with the lives of a lot of good people. I promise that when I am President, I will make things better. I don't care if we sled dogs are pulling the cars, things will get better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Whose Intelligence Was Insulted)


Indiana Jones and the Crystal Bone

May 28th 2008 9:35 am
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With all the excellent dog movies that Mommy could have stayed home and watched, she went to see Indiana Jones last night. I am not saying that human movies are bad. I'm just saying that dog movies are better. She claims it is a good movie. I still say it would have been even better with dogs in the cast. If a dog stars, you are talking about a best picture candidate. Jeff stayed home with Angel and me. It is about time. He takes off far too much. No matter how many times we tell him to stay home more, he still takes off. He needs to learn to listen to us dogs more. Mommy doesn't care, but she is human so her opinion doesn't matter.
Since the election is getting closer, I have been quite busy campaigning. I want to thank all the dogs out there who have shown their support for my candidacy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Indiana Jones, and the Crystal Bone--it would have been a better movie if dogs and bones were included in the script)


Smelling the Candidates Butts

May 27th 2008 8:36 am
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Ihave a very important fact to share with all the dogs and their humans. My pal Rosie wrote me a paw mail and pointed out that the human people running for office never let another person or a dog sniff their butts. I should have noticed this before, but I just chalked it up to the general odd behavior of the humans. However, after giving this matter some thought, I'm sure they are hiding their true natures. As Rosie said, smells don't lie. Rosie happens to be a very wise dog. If the human candidates would let the people smell their butts, I doubt that so many bad people would be in office. It would also be helpful in insuring that no birds have put on a human costume to run. It would be so awful is a bird won. We did once have a bird first lady--Lady Byrd Johnson. If I were her, I would have changed my name. She was one of those compulsive humans who actually came up with "Keep America Beautiful". Keeping the place beautiful requires absolutely no effort at all. Ask any dog who has been for a walk The best part of the walk is all the cool things that the humans refer to as trash that is lying along the side of the road. Humans toss these treasures out of their car so that shows how tasteless they are. I guess, in a way, we have a bird President now. I'm not sure if it counts since he has a bird brain. The rest of him doesn't seem very bird like.

I want to go on record stating that I am running for President, and unlike the other candidates...... my butt is available for sniffing. I know I wouldn't trust in or vote for a candidate who wouldn't let me sniif his/her butt. You can trust the dog who lets you sniff his butt!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Butt Sniffing Dog)


Salute to Military Dogs Who Gave Their Lives.

May 26th 2008 11:12 am
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It is Memorial Day so I want to take a moment to salute all the dogs who have given their lives in the military. The humans don't mention it much, but there have been many brave dogs who have assisted the soldiers. Of course, it is important to remember the humans who have died, but don't forget that there have been dogs also. We have always been there for the humans, and we always will be there for the humans--even if it does endanger our lives.

Demon Flash Bandit (Salute to Dogs in Uniform)


Sequels to Snow Dogs and Underdog

May 25th 2008 9:12 am
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I want all the dogs out there to start barking for a sequel to Snow Dogs and Underdog. Underdog didn't just catch one villian and stop. There can be many sequels to that movie. I would also like to see more adventures of those nice dogs in Snow Dogs. Cuby Gooding doesn't seem to be very busy these days, and I'm sure he would enjoy being knocked down by Demon, the husky. He could even potentially win an Oscar for the actor knocked down most by a dog in a movie. There is no way he could win best actor since that would go to one of the dogs. There are so many movies that the studios spend lots of money producing, and a lot of them don't even include us dogs. Indiana Jones has a new movie out and it involves a crystal skull. Indiana was his dog's name so why is the human starring in this movie? All the movies could have been about a dog professor/archeaologist who trots around the globe searching for antiquities. Can you imagine how much better most movies would be if dogs were in the leading roles instead of humans? Forrest Fido, Lord of the People Food, Chronicles of Malamutes, The Great Sled Race, Saturday Night Bath, My Big Fat St. Bernard Wedding, and Mr. Beagle's Vacation are just a few examples of movies that could have been even better had they cast dogs instead of humans. I think Wishbone showed that a dog can do anything he wants. Wishbone was a very talented actor. I bet he didn't win any Academy Awards because they are all rigged to go for humans. This prejudice has got to stop, and it will when I become President. Remember to vote for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Sequels)


Forget Pooh--Get a Real Dog

May 24th 2008 10:19 am
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I saw a book about a bear called Winnie the Pooh. I don't think he is a good example of the bear species since he wears a jacket, and I don't think any self respecting bear wears clothing. In fact, I don't think there are many humans who would want to try to dress a real bear. He had some friends that seem a bit odd too. I never thought rabbit, pigs, and donkeys would want to be pals with a bear. I won't even bother mentioning that tiger issue since most of them are in zoos. I wonder if Pooh is actually a stuffed toy bear that the boy pretends is a real bear. If so, that boy needs a dog. A dog can play with the boy, and they can have real adventures together--not just made up ones. I think it is great that boys and dogs can have so much fun together. I'm not leaving the girls out. Girls and dogs have adventures also. I say forget about Pooh and go for the real thing--a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs are Fond of Children)


Acme Run By Birds?????

May 23rd 2008 8:40 am
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I think naps are vitally important to the sanity of all us dogs. The humans don't tend to take naps, and look at how they act---I rest my case. Obviously, I have just won the argument that naps are wonderful. They give you a chance to relax, and they give a dog the energy needed to tackle the tough assignments--whatever they may happen to be. I have gotten some of my best ideas when I was asleep. In fact, that is when I thought ot the invisible paint idea. Of course, I would have invented it myself until I found out it was already invented, and on the Coyote's Acme web-site. Imagine my disappointment when I ordered several gallons of the paint, and it has yet to arrive. Acme says it is on back-order, but that was a month ago. My pal, Alley has invented a bird zapper, and it would be very useful to have the paint to make the bird zapper easier to use. In case you are wondering if the bird would get suspicious if a zapper is moving toward it by itself. I have only one answer for that. No, the birds don't get suspicious. They aren't called bird brains as a compliment. I think all us dogs need to get onto the Acme company and find out why no one is getting the invisible paint they ordered. I am beginning to wonder if the company is cheating us dogs. They actually haven't been very helpful to the Coyote. Do you think Acme might stand for Allbird Criminals Managingmore Evil? I bet the whole Acme company is run by birds!!! The roadrunner is a bird, and he is constantly annoying that wonderful, kind coyote. I think there should be a Congressional Investigation into the Acme Company. I will push for that when I become President. Until then, continue complaining to Acme until we get our invisible paint.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Fooled by Birds)


Vote for Me

May 21st 2008 5:56 pm
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As most of you know, the Presidential campaign is heating up, and I am the underdog. I think being the underdog is a good thing. It sure beats being the underhuman. Anyway, I want all you dogs to know that I am planning to run a clean campaign. Even if I wanted to sling mud, Mommy gets mad if you do that in the house anyway, and you know how silly the humans are about such things. The other candidates are okay, but remember, they are human. To get the proper representation, you need to be represented by a dog. I know our issues, and I will work my hardest in between naps to make sure that this country becomes more dog friendly. The years of dog discrimination will end under my watch. I promise that you can have high hopes for the future with Demon Flash Bandit as President. Yeah for dogs and down with birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Will Make a Brighter Future for Dogs)


Critic of TV

May 20th 2008 10:56 am
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I want to know why so many tv shows feature humans instead of dogs. Even the newscasters are human. I've never watched the news and been informed of the day's events by a dog. What is going on in the world of tv when so few dogs are being used. Sure, there is the occasional Lassie or The Morry Show (or whatever the dog's name was) which the humans called Mad About You. There is no doubt in my mind that the dog was the star of the show. Did he get the proper credit? No he did not. I want some answers from the tv executives. There a plenty of us dogs watching tv, and seeing those commercials. I am going to start boycotting all the products that advertise and only have humans on the show. That's right. I'm not going to eat any dog food until I see more dogs on tv. I will have to sacrifice and eat Burger King, but that is the kind of sacrifice this dog is willing to make in order to get more dogs on tv. If dogs all over the country would start eating at Burger King and quit eating dog food, the tv executives would be forced to put on more dog shows. I think a show with only dogs would be great. That would be a show worth watching.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)

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