Adventures of a lead dog

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Demon Flash Bandit (Human Trainer)

May 12th 2008 9:50 am
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Mommy went out for Mother's Day, and I'm glad she had a good time. She saw a movie called Maid of Honor. Jeff watched some silly kung fu movie. Jeff has no taste. There were several dog cameos in Maid of Honor. I bet there weren't any dogs at all in Forbidden Kingdom. Mommy said there is a new dog movie coming out in Sept. It is called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and the movie poster has 2 dogs in the photo. Okay, I'm not sure that chihuahuas are officially dogs. I suspect they are large rats who have learned to bark, but any rat who would go to the trouble to learn to bark is okay in my book. Don't get upset, little guys, it is only good natured teasing. I know some nice chihuahuas. I also got such a laugh out of the chihauhuas getting into the tequila at Mexican night at Samoa's Pier. It took 6 of them to lift the bottle, and it was a miniature airline size bottle. They don't need much to get drunk. They spent the rest of the night barking for the sea serpent to show up. I think all their barking scared him and he didn't show. Perhaps Samoa will have to limit the amount of alcohol some of the little breeds can consume since they get drunk easily. Cho, the Chow did a fine job as bouncer. You know the chihuahuas are drunk when one of them tried to pick a fight with Cho. The little guy wasn't really being mean. He was trying to impress Meagan, my next door neighbor, and a very beautiful cocker spaniel. I hope all the dogs out there will join us at the Pier next Friday night for my political rally. It is going to be a very fun event--as all the events at the Pier turn out to be.

I think Mommy has lot her mind (and she didn't have much to lose if you ask me). She stopped in at some Store that specializes in bows and arrows. I know this because it is called Target, and its logo is a target. I don't yet know why she never comes home with bows and arrows, but I guess they must sell other things too. I want to know why they sell books. Mommy bought one that upset me. It is a book by a guy named Cesar, and he is called the "dog whisperer". Mommy was reading the first chapter, and I have a couple of comments for Cesar. I do happen to be a human in fur. I even talk. I do not want to run for 8 hours a day. That would seriously interfere with my nap time, and I do work for my food. Last night Mommy also bought a bag of bacon and cheese flavored Milkbone, and I had to get it out of the bag myself. Mommy didn't bring it to me. Mommy brought us dingo bones, and I had to walk away from my dingo bone to retreive the Milkbones. Alright, I admit, I'm exaggerating a bit. I finished my dingo before I got the bag. Angel would have stolen it if I had left it unguarded. I know he is good with dogs, and he has saved a lot of dogs that would have been euthanized so I know he is a good man. However, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am a happy dog who enjoys being spoiled. How could I run the country if I'm out running everyday. However, I do think Angel Zoom Smokey should be out running all day because she keeps trying to become the leader of the pack so sending her packing would be a wonderful idea. If she happens to get lost, so be it. I think I can go on without her. She spends most of her puppy life trying to annoy me anyway.

I hope all your Mother's had wonderful Mothers Days, and I hope you remembered to give lots of wet, sloppy kisses. They really love it if you lick your butt and then give them one of those kisses--a bit of advice for the future.

Demon Flash Bandit (People Trainer)

 

Demon Flash Bandit (Human Trainer)

May 12th 2008 9:50 am
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Mommy went out for Mother's Day, and I'm glad she had a good time. She saw a movie called Maid of Honor. Jeff watched some silly kung fu movie. Jeff has no taste. There were several dog cameos in Maid of Honor. I bet there weren't any dogs at all in Forbidden Kingdom. Mommy said there is a new dog movie coming out in Sept. It is called Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and the movie poster has 2 dogs in the photo. Okay, I'm not sure that chihuahuas are officially dogs. I suspect they are large rats who have learned to bark, but any rat who would go to the trouble to learn to bark is okay in my book. Don't get upset, little guys, it is only good natured teasing. I know some nice chihuahuas. I also got such a laugh out of the chihauhuas getting into the tequila at Mexican night at Samoa's Pier. It took 6 of them to lift the bottle, and it was a miniature airline size bottle. They don't need much to get drunk. They spent the rest of the night barking for the sea serpent to show up. I think all their barking scared him and he didn't show. Perhaps Samoa will have to limit the amount of alcohol some of the little breeds can consume since they get drunk easily. Cho, the Chow did a fine job as bouncer. You know the chihuahuas are drunk when one of them tried to pick a fight with Cho. The little guy wasn't really being mean. He was trying to impress Meagan, my next door neighbor, and a very beautiful cocker spaniel. I hope all the dogs out there will join us at the Pier next Friday night for my political rally. It is going to be a very fun event--as all the events at the Pier turn out to be.

I think Mommy has lot her mind (and she didn't have much to lose if you ask me). She stopped in at some Store that specializes in bows and arrows. I know this because it is called Target, and its logo is a target. I don't yet know why she never comes home with bows and arrows, but I guess they must sell other things too. I want to know why they sell books. Mommy bought one that upset me. It is a book by a guy named Cesar, and he is called the "dog whisperer". Mommy was reading the first chapter, and I have a couple of comments for Cesar. I do happen to be a human in fur. I even talk. I do not want to run for 8 hours a day. That would seriously interfere with my nap time, and I do work for my food. Last night Mommy also bought a bag of bacon and cheese flavored Milkbone, and I had to get it out of the bag myself. Mommy didn't bring it to me. Mommy brought us dingo bones, and I had to walk away from my dingo bone to retreive the Milkbones. Alright, I admit, I'm exaggerating a bit. I finished my dingo before I got the bag. Angel would have stolen it if I had left it unguarded. I know he is good with dogs, and he has saved a lot of dogs that would have been euthanized so I know he is a good man. However, I, Demon Flash Bandit, am a happy dog who enjoys being spoiled. How could I run the country if I'm out running everyday. However, I do think Angel Zoom Smokey should be out running all day because she keeps trying to become the leader of the pack so sending her packing would be a wonderful idea. If she happens to get lost, so be it. I think I can go on without her. She spends most of her puppy life trying to annoy me anyway.

I hope all your Mother's had wonderful Mothers Days, and I hope you remembered to give lots of wet, sloppy kisses. They really love it if you lick your butt and then give them one of those kisses--a bit of advice for the future.

Demon Flash Bandit (People Trainer)

 

Dogs Should Be Treated Better

May 11th 2008 9:55 am
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Since this is one of those "news" days that makes me want to kill a bird (okay I'll admit it--I like to kill birds no matter what kind of day it is but it does sound good, doesn't it?) Before I get onto the lousy news of the day, I want to remind all the dogs out there to kiss your Mommy's and wish them a happy Mother's Day. Be sure to give them a nice sloppy kiss--the humans LOVE that.

It has been one of those sad news days for dogs. From Instanbul, Turkey, news of a car race that caused the death of a stray dog. In a GP2 race, Bruce Senna hit a dog and killed it. Bruce was mad that it hurt his car, and he had to drop out of the race. You'd think it was the dog's fault when he is the idiot who hit the dog. His car can be fixed. The dog is DEAD. I think someone should go bop Bruce in the head. Do any dogs want to volunteer?

In Phoenix, the rapper, DMX was arrested on drug and animal cruelty charges. The drugs were found because he was reported and investigated for animal cruelty. The cruelty was alledgedly toward his dogs. If he is proved guilty of hurting his dogs, I think all the money he makes should be taken and given to his dog. It is the only fair way to solve the problem.

I also got a paw-mail from my pal Mirra who said her Mommy has a bird house that housed 2 very adorable violet green swallows--small birds that don't steal snow. They were killed in a jealous rage by 2 sparrows because the sparrows were too fat to fit into the bird house. I want to remind you again how evil birds are.

I know it is a sad news day for dogs, but we can hope tomorrow will be better. Don't forget to hug your Mommy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog News Reporter)

 

Commentary on News Headlines

May 10th 2008 9:27 am
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There are some internet news headlines that are just barking out for a dog to comment on. Before I start with the headlines. The Furminator is flashing their ad on dogster which I am viewing as I write this. The photo is of a handsome dog who is either a husky or malamute. I would like to say that I can understand why they picked our breed because they are trying to please the women (I supposed Johnny Depp wasn't available--I hear all the women talk about how handsome he is. Personally I don't see it although I do approve of his hairstyle and the fact that he is trying to grow fur. So few humans can grow fur all over their bodies. They look so sad in their fur-less bodies.) Anyway, back to the subject, a lot of dogs shed so I just want to point out that we arent the only dogs who shed, and don't get any ideas of shaving us like those poodles who look so silly. Why do you think a lot of poodles are so snooty? They are just hurt from being made fun of by all the other dog breeds. I know some people who have a poodle mutt, and they shave her all over. She is a totally bald dog. I really feel sorry for her.

Now for the internet news headlines. San Diego has made the news twice today. There was something about an explosion in a courthouse there, and another over an anti-illegal alien group wanting a highway sign. There was also a big drug bust at the San Diego University recently. At first, I decided to think like George W. and I came up with a relationship between the stories since they are all from the same place. The group that is anti-illegal alien has formed because all the aliens are on drugs. The illegal aliens got high and decided to blow up the courthouse because they are terrorists. Therefore all aliens should be shot on sight just in case they are illegals. If they happen to have a green card in their pocket, oops. Now that I've given you the official George W. stance on the news, I will give you an intelligent perspective from Demon Flash Bandit. Why do you need an anti-illegal alien group? I think the whole definition of illegal means they aren't supposed to be here in the first place. I think the problem will soon be solved, and I give the W. full credit for this one---it won't be long until the U. S. citizens in San Diego will be heading across the border for a higher standard of living in Mexico. I do think much of the problem in San Diego (from what I've heard) is that aliens can come there to work and go home at night which will tend to cause resentment among the regular citizens who happen to be unemployed. I understand that people are just trying to make a living, but they tend to be silly and get mad at each other instead of putting a dog like me in office who has the brains to fix the situation. See what happens when you let the humans run things too long!!!! Personally, San Diego is so close to the border of Mexico that is is almost part of Mexico anyway. Detroit is on the border of Canada, and you don't hear the people here getting upset when the Canadians come over the border. Mommy came here from Georgia, and Canada is much closer to Michigan than it is to a lot of the other 49 states. By the way, if this southern CA place is such a paradise, there would be a lot more snow there. I think the birds there have stolen all their snow. I think the people there should be more concerned with the theft of their snow than with the other issues.

There was also a headline about a lady in Arkansas who is having her 18th child. I don't even know why this has made the news. My Mommy has had far more than 18 puppies, and you don't see her in the news. Is there no end to the prejudice against us dogs? Let a humans have 18 kids and it is newsworthy---BIG DEAL!!!! I bet she didn't have 8 or 10 at a time. The humans are so egotisitcal. They make a big deal out of everything.

I hope you dogs are having a good weekend, and don't forget to hug your Mommys tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping Dogs Up-Dated on the News)

 

Happy Mother's Day!!!

May 9th 2008 5:27 pm
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I would like to take the time to thank Sam for the star, and also to thank Samoa and Savvy who are planning a rally for me at the Pier next week. It is very important that you vote for the right person. The minority decided the person who is in office now, and look what a mess the world is in. It is bad enough you keep putting humans in, but why did the Republican party decide to run one of the dumbest of the human species? I know humans will never be as smart as us dogs, but George W..... really, whose bright idea was it to run him? I suppose the humans out there are a lot more trusting than I am. I am always amazed that people seem surprised about the rising cost of gas. The man has to get it up there before he leaves office and loses control of the situation. I will run things a lot differently than George W. when I get into office. I happen to have more brains in one of my paws than he has in his whole body.

I hope all the dogs out there have a good weekend, Be sure an give your human Mommys big kisses and hugs because Sunday is Mother's Day, and we are so lucky to have nice Mommys.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hoping all Mommy Have a Good Mother's Day)

 

Racing

May 8th 2008 2:36 pm
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Mommy just brought me dinner--grilled chicken. I told her to go to Burger King, but that silly Angel actually prefers grilled chicken. I told you dogs that she was silly. Anyway, since I had to wake up from my nap to eat, I might as well write my entry so I can get it done and go back to my nap.

Several of my pals have asked me about the whole horse race situation. Some people think that the horse races are not humane to the horses. This is something that I have to think about because huskies have their own races. We huskies do enjoy running, and I suspect that the horses might even like it. I hate to say that running a race is wrong. Some people even enjoy running in races. I think the problem becomes when their is a large monetary sum for winning. Some of the owners care more about winning the prize, and if the animals happen to die, they will take chances with the animals that they wouldn't take if money weren't involved. I'm sure some of the owners do care about their animals, but there are always people who are rotten. Look at the whole puppy mill situation. There are a lot of responsible breeders who love their animals, but there will always be some people who care more about money and they will do things they shouldn't do to get it. I don't know if the whole sport should be banned, but perhaps there could be punishments for those who go overboard trying to win, and hurt the animals in the process. There are some stupid humans who are so competitive they will do anything to win even if money isn't involved. Thank goodness there are a lot of good humans who do watch out for us animals. Thanks to those of you who care.

I will give this matter a lot of thought before I have an official campaign stance on it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Horses are My Friends)

 

I Should Be A TV STAR

May 7th 2008 6:42 pm
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I think it is about time I, Demon Flash Bandit, have my own variety hour on tv. I think it would be a big hit. I happen to be very entertaining. I can have the Howling Huskies perform, and I think that Samoa Sunnybear Belle's raggae group would also be willing to make guest appearances. Perhaps they might even want to be a regulars. Angel Zoom Smokey could appear--if she is a good puppy and stays out of trouble. I think it would be a great show. It would also give me the opportunity to run my Presidential campaign without having to actually pay for tv time. I have mentioned in past entries how I told Mommy to go take a couple of million out of the bank for me to run my campaign, and she said she didn't have a couple of million to take out. Because of Mommy's lack of wealth, I have to come up with more ingenious methods to get the word out about my campaign. As it is, I can't get into the debates. The candidates are afraid to go up against a dog of my intelligence. George W. kept asking someone to tell him the meaning of the word degate. Someone told him it was "De Gator", and that idiot believed him. There is no end to the fun you can have fooling George W. with words to which most people know the meaning. McCain then bopped him in the head. I wish I could have gotten that on film. I know a lot of people who would laugh at that. I could have entered that in a film festival, and it would have won best picture.

Be sure and write the networks (including cable) to let them that Demon Flash Bandit should have a variety hour.

Demon Flash Bandit (Potential TV Star)

 

Jeff Left Without Permission---AGAIN!!!!

May 6th 2008 4:19 pm
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Mommy just got back home with Burger King. Life is good. I'd like to thank Katie and Raja for the special gifts they have given me the past couple of days. Sometimes I forget to thank the dogs who give me special gifts, but I always appreciate all the gifts I receive.

It is one of those "beautiful spring days" which makes a husky really mad to see the lovely winter weather disappearing. I doubt that we will have any more snow this year, and that really makes me mad. I bet Alaska still has snow. Does my Mommy want to move to Alaska? No, she doesn't. How can they let people run things when they don't even have the common sense to love snow?

Jeff is out with a friend. He didn't get my (or even Angel's) permssion again today. It was okay that Mommy went out because Mommy had to have an MRI done. Angel and I allow occasional medical related outings, but Jeff gets all silly and thinks it is okay for him to go out for no good reason.

I have to go, and do my watch at the window for Jeff to come home. He has been gone at least 10 minutes. Shouldn't he be home by now?

Demon Flash Bandit ( Dog Who Thinks Jeff Should Ask a Dog's Permission)

 

We Need a Doggy Hero

May 5th 2008 6:34 pm
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Mommy and Jeff went to a movie last night called Iron Man. The main problem I have with this movie is that Iron Man is the super hero and he isn't a dog. I could understand if the movie were Iron Dog. A dog super hero is something that makes sense. Mommy and Jeff both said it was a good movie. I do have to question their taste. Iron Man didn't even have a dog to help him. Can you believe a human could actually be smart enought to build a robotic outfit without a dog's help? I don't believe it. I live with humans, and they are pathetic. I am going to call some Hollywood producers and ask them why there aren't more doggy super hero movies. It is about time we got credit for saving the world. The humans don't even know the birds cause global warming. How can they save the world? They can barely microwave their dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Dogs are Super)

 

Bird Suicides

May 4th 2008 9:08 am
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My pal, Rosie wrote to me with a common problem. There was an easily accessible bird, but her Mommy told her not to hurt it. This is a common problem for us dogs, but one that is easily remedied. Do not kill this bird (at least not when the humans are looking). Wait until they can't see you, then pounce on the bird, and kill it, but do it very neatly without leaving any teethmarks. When the humans questions what happened, it was a very unhappy bird that committed suicide. Be sure the bird leaves a note. Make the bird write one before you kill it. Tell it that a note will make it a quick painless death, but not leaving one will make it a painful death. Birds always fall for it. Of course, without a note, it isn't wise to kill it because the humans might get suspicious. Luckily for us dogs, the birds are too stupid to know this. One final note, make sure there are no video cameras recording you because those can get a dog into trouble. Good luck with the bird killing!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Are Evil)

 
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