Adventures of a lead dog

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Why No Declaration of War On Birds?

June 7th 2008 9:04 am
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I cannot understand what is going on with the humans. After my entry yesterday suggested that all out war be declared on the birds, the news isn't even covering the story. I am beginning to wonder if the networks are owned by birds. I know they are owned by major companies yet the humans listen to the news and think there is no bias. If the "news station" is owned by Wal-Mart, do you think they are going to have a story that tells us that we should shop at Target? The advertisers also pay a lot of money to advertise. I remember the Dana Carvey show had some problems with one of their sponsors. I think it was Taco Belle. Evidently, the companies that spend millions of dollars on advertising don't like to be made fun of or have controversial issues brought up during shows they sponsor. I remember one skit where he had a Mountain Dew, and he and another guy were discussing what it looked like. I think all us dogs know what Mountain Dew looks like. I wonder how Pepsi liked that skit. I think that explains much about why that was a very short lived show. Can the humans not think for themselves? I know they aren't as smart as us dogs, but many of them are totally clueless as to what is going on in the world. Mommy actually had a conversation yesterday in which the other person said if you want to bring down America, take away the air conditioning by making the energy cost too much. Don't get me wrong--I'm a husky and I like air conditioning, but I'm sure the soldiers at Valley Forge would love to know that the country could fall if people get too hot. I know Mommy is so old that she had a pet dinosaur, but she remembers when she was a kid hardly anyone had air conditioning, and when they went to this little Baptist church once a year that her great-great grandfather helped start in a little place called Head River on Lookout Mountain in Georgia that was so small that mostly all it had was the church, the air conditioning consisted of hand powered fans. Mommy happens to have some very good memories of those once a year visits. We dogs always know what is important---the people and other pets we love, food, a good chewy, and a nice nap. I wonder if the humans will ever learn to be as happy as us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Irate Dog Over No Bird War Declaration)

 

Birds Abducting Dogs!!!!!!

June 6th 2008 10:31 am
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I have a very important bird alert. My pal, Buddy Grau, has informed me in a paw mail that I read earlier today that birds have been known to swoop down and abduct small dogs!!!! I was absolutely out-raged by this piece of news. It is bad enough that they steal snow, cause global warming, and drop their little bombs everywhere, but now they are abducting sweet, innocent little dogs. Is there no end to the horrors created by these feathered flying fiends? I think it is time to declare all out war on them. They have messed with us dogs long enough. There will be no surrender--birds are Mother Nature's scum.

Demon Flash Bandit (Update On Bird Situation)

 

Baseball

June 5th 2008 8:17 am
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It is time for me to cover sports. This is baseball season. This is a game which looks like lots of fun because it involves all the things we dogs enjoy---sticks, balls, and a leather glove for Angel Zoom Smokey to chew on. She thinks all leather items are dog chewies--what a silly puppy!! This game was obviously invented by a dog, but then the humans started playing it with the dogs and they made some silly changes. For example, the humans decided it should be played on a "diamond". This makes it very expensive for the stadiums so they have to spend caboodles of money when they have a stadium built so that they can buy a diamond big enough to play on. They run bases, which we dogs tend to enjoy, but there is no napping when you get to the base which is entirely too much effort for most of us dogs. They also want to get the highest score. We dogs never cared about the "score". We didn't even have one. The object of the game for us was to get the ball in our mouth. The dog who captures the most balls is the winner, but even the losers have something to chew on. We aren't nearly as worried about WINNING as the humans are. The humans get kind of silly with their winner/loser catergories. As long as your tummy is full, and you have a place to sleep and a toy to chew on, we dogs are winners.

I hope all you dogs out there will get to go to a game. They also sell food which is enough to get most dogs to go.

Demon Flash Bandit (Baseball--Human and Dog Versions)

 

Kung Pow--Everything a Movie Should Be

June 4th 2008 8:59 am
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I know this isn't a dog movie, but Jeff and I were watching it the other day, and it is supposed to have a sequel; but so far, no sequel!!! That movie is Kung Pow. It is the story of a man who is supposed to be special, and there is a villian named Betty who causes all sorts of problems for our hero. In fact, if you never watched that movie, you would not know that the song about preferring large butts can be dangerous. That is the song that plays when people are getting beat up so if you hear it on the radio, turn it off as quickly as possible so it doesn't happen to you. No dog wants to get beat up just for listening to a song. You also must be quite a warrior to get past the villian's cow. I hope I don't meet up with a cow like that. It was one mean cow. I guess it had its milk stolen once too often by the humans. Another important thing you learn from that movie---don't kill someone's family. That seems to make people very mad at you. Personally, I have no problems with the humans. Birds are a totally different topic. I'd love to see all of them in little bird caskets buried to rest in bird cemeteries or their ashes in little bird urns.

I told Jeff that the man who did Kung Pow is probably busy doing Thumb movies, but Jeff said no new thumb movies have been released lately. I don't see how he can be too busy to make a Kung Pow sequel or another Thumb movie. His movies are everything you want to see in a movie---romance, killing, martail arts, even space people from France. Listen up, OdenBIRD, make some new movies or you will be on my bird hit list. The Deemster wants a sequel. I also want to be sure you keep the dog in the movie. Perhaps the dog could star in the next one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Commentator)

 

Times Are Gonna Change

June 3rd 2008 4:09 pm
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The birds are once again causing serious, life threatening global warming. It is getting warmer and warmer here, and I know the birds are responsible. They cannot be trusted. I think it is only a matter of time before the whole planet will be a desert, and I, Demon Flash Bandit, will be one very annoyed Siberian husky. What can we do to stop this serious problem? Kill all the birds you can. Don't listen to the humans. They are easily fooled, and they think the birds are okay. Do it quickly--while there is still time. If we wait too long, it could be too late.

I'm sorry I haven't written for a couple of days. Mommy and Jeff went to a move Sunday night. They saw Prince Caspian. I still think I should be allowed to accompany them on their little outings. We dogs aren't allowed now, but we will be when I become President. There will be many changes, and life will be better for dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Killing Birds and Fighting Dog Prejudice)

 

Jeff is not Demon!!!

May 31st 2008 10:32 am
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I think seeing the movie Indiana Jones was a bad influence on Jeff. For those of you who aren't familiar with the movies, Indiana's real name is Henry, but he goes by Indiana even though it was his dog's name. If some of you have already seen where this is heading, you are right. Now Jeff wants to be called Demon. I keep telling him it is my name, but he says it sounds so much more dangerous than Jeff. I'm sure that all his friends are going to look at him and say, Wow, Demon you are taking so many more DANGEROUS chances when you play Heroclix since you changed your name to Demon. We are very impressed!!! He is going to find out just how dangerous the name can be. I am going to sue that kid. Oh yeah, what is the point? I could get his entire collection of Heroclix figures and movie posters. How exciting!!! What is a dog to do?

Demon Flash Bandit (Perplexed Dog)

 

Fearless Stunt Dog

May 30th 2008 8:34 am
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The amazing sled dog, Demon Flash Bandit, is jumping over the Grand Canyon while pulling a sled. The crowd is tense. Will he be able to make the jump? He is the only dog --it isn't a team. There is no human, only a "dummy" (I know humans can be dummys, but this is an actual dummy). The humans are all too scared to make the jump with the dog. pulling them so he has to use a dummy human. He is preparing for the jump. 10....9.....8....7....6....5....4.....3.....2.....1.....He jumps!!! Will he make it? He is soaring in the air.....he is one fourth of the way over.....now he is half way over.... Will have make it? Will he be the first dog to ever jump a sled over the Grand Canyon? Yes, he made it. The press is lining up around him to ask him questions. He will be on the front page of every newspaper in the country tomorrow. Demon Flaah Bandit is the best jumping husky in the entire world.

I've got to go now. Angel Zoom Smokey has went to the basement, and I need to ask her to come back to the main floor. I am afraid to go down the stairs so I guess I"ll have to do some howling.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fearless Stunt Dog)

 

Duty to Inform

May 29th 2008 10:27 am
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As a serious Presidential candidate, I feel it is my duty to inform my public. Mommy got an e-mail forward today telling the public why gas prices are up to and above $4.00 a gallon. This forward explains who is responsible. However, as a dog with intelligence and common sense, it annoyed me greatly that I would get a forward that is so stupid. This forward actually says the gas prices are caused by Democrats and Environmentalists. It not only insulted my intelligence, but it is totally lacking in any kind of logic. Republicans have been running things ever since the gas prices started going up. When the Democrats were in charge, gas prices were not high. Two oil people get in, and they go up, and they have the nerve to blame the Democrats. I don't care what political affiliation people choose to have (you should be voting DOG anyway), but I know my supporters will have enough sense not to believe those lies. Environmentalists may get a little overly flaky at times, but they seldom have the money to win a fight against a big corporation. If someone thinks that most of the politicians aren't influenced by money, I bet you own ocean front property in Nevada. The United States is a good country with good people, but the things we have were paid for with the lives of a lot of good people. I promise that when I am President, I will make things better. I don't care if we sled dogs are pulling the cars, things will get better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Whose Intelligence Was Insulted)

 

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Bone

May 28th 2008 9:35 am
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With all the excellent dog movies that Mommy could have stayed home and watched, she went to see Indiana Jones last night. I am not saying that human movies are bad. I'm just saying that dog movies are better. She claims it is a good movie. I still say it would have been even better with dogs in the cast. If a dog stars, you are talking about a best picture candidate. Jeff stayed home with Angel and me. It is about time. He takes off far too much. No matter how many times we tell him to stay home more, he still takes off. He needs to learn to listen to us dogs more. Mommy doesn't care, but she is human so her opinion doesn't matter.
Since the election is getting closer, I have been quite busy campaigning. I want to thank all the dogs out there who have shown their support for my candidacy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Indiana Jones, and the Crystal Bone--it would have been a better movie if dogs and bones were included in the script)

 

Smelling the Candidates Butts

May 27th 2008 8:36 am
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Ihave a very important fact to share with all the dogs and their humans. My pal Rosie wrote me a paw mail and pointed out that the human people running for office never let another person or a dog sniff their butts. I should have noticed this before, but I just chalked it up to the general odd behavior of the humans. However, after giving this matter some thought, I'm sure they are hiding their true natures. As Rosie said, smells don't lie. Rosie happens to be a very wise dog. If the human candidates would let the people smell their butts, I doubt that so many bad people would be in office. It would also be helpful in insuring that no birds have put on a human costume to run. It would be so awful is a bird won. We did once have a bird first lady--Lady Byrd Johnson. If I were her, I would have changed my name. She was one of those compulsive humans who actually came up with "Keep America Beautiful". Keeping the place beautiful requires absolutely no effort at all. Ask any dog who has been for a walk The best part of the walk is all the cool things that the humans refer to as trash that is lying along the side of the road. Humans toss these treasures out of their car so that shows how tasteless they are. I guess, in a way, we have a bird President now. I'm not sure if it counts since he has a bird brain. The rest of him doesn't seem very bird like.

I want to go on record stating that I am running for President, and unlike the other candidates...... my butt is available for sniffing. I know I wouldn't trust in or vote for a candidate who wouldn't let me sniif his/her butt. You can trust the dog who lets you sniff his butt!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Butt Sniffing Dog)

 
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