Adventures of a lead dog

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Acme Run By Birds?????

May 23rd 2008 8:40 am
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I think naps are vitally important to the sanity of all us dogs. The humans don't tend to take naps, and look at how they act---I rest my case. Obviously, I have just won the argument that naps are wonderful. They give you a chance to relax, and they give a dog the energy needed to tackle the tough assignments--whatever they may happen to be. I have gotten some of my best ideas when I was asleep. In fact, that is when I thought ot the invisible paint idea. Of course, I would have invented it myself until I found out it was already invented, and on the Coyote's Acme web-site. Imagine my disappointment when I ordered several gallons of the paint, and it has yet to arrive. Acme says it is on back-order, but that was a month ago. My pal, Alley has invented a bird zapper, and it would be very useful to have the paint to make the bird zapper easier to use. In case you are wondering if the bird would get suspicious if a zapper is moving toward it by itself. I have only one answer for that. No, the birds don't get suspicious. They aren't called bird brains as a compliment. I think all us dogs need to get onto the Acme company and find out why no one is getting the invisible paint they ordered. I am beginning to wonder if the company is cheating us dogs. They actually haven't been very helpful to the Coyote. Do you think Acme might stand for Allbird Criminals Managingmore Evil? I bet the whole Acme company is run by birds!!! The roadrunner is a bird, and he is constantly annoying that wonderful, kind coyote. I think there should be a Congressional Investigation into the Acme Company. I will push for that when I become President. Until then, continue complaining to Acme until we get our invisible paint.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Fooled by Birds)

 

Vote for Me

May 21st 2008 5:56 pm
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As most of you know, the Presidential campaign is heating up, and I am the underdog. I think being the underdog is a good thing. It sure beats being the underhuman. Anyway, I want all you dogs to know that I am planning to run a clean campaign. Even if I wanted to sling mud, Mommy gets mad if you do that in the house anyway, and you know how silly the humans are about such things. The other candidates are okay, but remember, they are human. To get the proper representation, you need to be represented by a dog. I know our issues, and I will work my hardest in between naps to make sure that this country becomes more dog friendly. The years of dog discrimination will end under my watch. I promise that you can have high hopes for the future with Demon Flash Bandit as President. Yeah for dogs and down with birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Will Make a Brighter Future for Dogs)

 

Critic of TV

May 20th 2008 10:56 am
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I want to know why so many tv shows feature humans instead of dogs. Even the newscasters are human. I've never watched the news and been informed of the day's events by a dog. What is going on in the world of tv when so few dogs are being used. Sure, there is the occasional Lassie or The Morry Show (or whatever the dog's name was) which the humans called Mad About You. There is no doubt in my mind that the dog was the star of the show. Did he get the proper credit? No he did not. I want some answers from the tv executives. There a plenty of us dogs watching tv, and seeing those commercials. I am going to start boycotting all the products that advertise and only have humans on the show. That's right. I'm not going to eat any dog food until I see more dogs on tv. I will have to sacrifice and eat Burger King, but that is the kind of sacrifice this dog is willing to make in order to get more dogs on tv. If dogs all over the country would start eating at Burger King and quit eating dog food, the tv executives would be forced to put on more dog shows. I think a show with only dogs would be great. That would be a show worth watching.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)

 

Critic of TV

May 20th 2008 10:56 am
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I want to know why so many tv shows feature humans instead of dogs. Even the newscasters are human. I've never watched the news and been informed of the day's events by a dog. What is going on in the world of tv when so few dogs are being used. Sure, there is the occasional Lassie or The Morry Show (or whatever the dog's name was) which the humans called Mad About You. There is no doubt in my mind that the dog was the star of the show. Did he get the proper credit? No he did not. I want some answers from the tv executives. There a plenty of us dogs watching tv, and seeing those commercials. I am going to start boycotting all the products that advertise and only have humans on the show. That's right. I'm not going to eat any dog food until I see more dogs on tv. I will have to sacrifice and eat Burger King, but that is the kind of sacrifice this dog is willing to make in order to get more dogs on tv. If dogs all over the country would start eating at Burger King and quit eating dog food, the tv executives would be forced to put on more dog shows. I think a show with only dogs would be great. That would be a show worth watching.

Demon Flash Bandit (TV Critic)

 

Foul vs. Fowl

May 19th 2008 11:52 pm
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I'm finally got the paw mail answered. The computer was giving trouble. I blame it on the birds. Have you noticed that when a person is murdered, the police suspect foul play? Foul sounds just the same as fowl which is another word for birds. Why can't the humans see how evil the birds are? They aren't fooling Demon Flash Bandit or the rest of the dogs out there.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

 

Tree Jumping and Birds Almost Dying--Almost Perfect Day

May 18th 2008 9:01 am
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I had such a fun time yesterday when I was out with Mommy. Angel and I came up with a new, fun game. There was a small tree within the reach of our leashes, and we would jump up to see if we could get some leaves. Life doesn't get any more fun than that. On the way home, a stupid bird flew in front of the car, and Mommy almost hit it. It would have been so great if she had hit the stupid, evil bird. I was personally rooting for the car, but that stupid bird got away. I hope he flies in front of another car, and gets what he deserves. Birds are the worst thing on the planet.

I have to make this short. I"ve been having trouble answering my paw-mail. I don't know if it is Mommy's internet service or dogster, but the respond thing didn't seem to work yesterday. Hopefully, it is okay today so if I owe you a paw-mail and you haven't heard from me, that is the reason. I've got to try to answer the paw-mail after I write this.

I hope all the dogs out there are having a great weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Exhausted Dog)

 

Human Celebrities--No Dogs

May 17th 2008 7:05 pm
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Jeff has went to a Comic Convention for the past 2 days. He worked yesterday, and I had to babysit William. Today he went, and I got to ride there with Mommy. Angel and I got to play and have a great time waiting in the parking lot. I, as usual, was a perfect dog, but Angel got into a bit of trouble. Her collar came off, and she took off, but she came back in a couple of minutes. Mommy was really worried for a minute there. I got into the car so Mommy could go get Angel. I told Angel she is a bad dog, but Mommy was just glad she came back.

Meanwhile Jeff met celebrites and got some autographs. He got Mommy an autograph of Mickey from the Monkees. I'm not believing that Monkeys are smart enough to write. I think we dogs are a lot smarter than monkeys. They didn't have any important celebrites there. I could name many more important celebrities---Demon from Snow Dogs, Max from Eight Below (I believe it is the same dog), Underdog, Hooch, from Turner and Hooch, and Shasta from Snow Buddies to name a few. I guess they are too important and are way too busy to show up at a show like that.

We had Burger King for dinner. YEAH!!! Angel and I have both been napping. We had a very busy day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Had A Fun Day)

 

Airlines

May 15th 2008 12:37 pm
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I'm getting fed up with hearing from other dogs out there about our unfair treatment on airlines. Judging from recent headlines, many of the airlines are folding. I think it is time to start a Dog Airline. This will be an airline where dogs are not only welcome, but invited. Our humans don't have to ride in the cargo area--they can ride up in the cabin with us dogs. It will be great fun to be able to fly to different locales. We dogs enjoy our vacations just like humans do. I think this is part of the reason that the airlines aren't doing well--they don't include us dogs. They want to treat us like we are luggage. I am not luggage. I'm a living, breathing, pal to the humans. We dogs should and will be treated better. Wait until I become President---there will be changes.

I will promise that when I become president, the country will become a more dog friendly place. I think we dogs deserve nothing less.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of the UnderDOG)

 

I Want to Get the Sea Serpent's Political Support

May 14th 2008 9:55 pm
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I'm a bit late writing my entry today. Sometimes a dog just has problems getting some time on the computer. The humans think they should have first dibs on the computer. They have so many silly ideas.

Mommy had to go to the pain clinic today. I think that shows how stupid the humans can be. They have a clinic that causes pain. You wouldn't catch a dog paying to go there. I often wonder how the humans have enough sense to get up in the morning. Judging from the ones in this house, they don't. They are definitely not morning people.

I had Burger King for dinner tonight. I do love my burgers. Mommy bought some dog food which she put in a large plastic container. The food ended up on every stair down to the basement because Angel carried it downstairs, and spilled it all the way down. I told you dogs that Angel is always causing trouble. I'm the good dog around here. Mommy thinks Angel is very cute. She thought carrying the dog food to the basement was funny.

It rained some here today. I like it because it has been a bit colder. I keep hoping winter will return, but the way those stupid, evil birds keep singing, I doubt that will happen.

I hope all you dogs are having a good week. Don't forget my political rally at Samoa's Pier Friday night. I hope the sea serpent will show up so I can ask him to vote for me. I can use the sea serpent vote. By the way, I think Samoa is interviewing some Poodles for the bar to serve as barmaids. I know all us male dogs will enjoy seeing them in their bar maid outfits. Be sure and be generous with the tips. Angel is the buyer for the gift shop. Watch for the opening announcement. She is hiring some rabbits to sew plush sea serpent squeaky toys, and I'm sure all us dogs will enjoy playing with them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With A Mission)

 

Cheeseburger Chips

May 13th 2008 11:52 am
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Yesterday was William's 25th birthday so Mommy took him out to dinner, and they went to see a movie. The movie was, of course, written by humans since it had the highly imaginative title, 21. In case you are wondering, yes I'm being sarcastic. A dog would come up with a more interesting title. I think they had a good time. Mommy came home with new dog toys--rubber type squeakies and plush squeakies. Angel and I were both pleased. I also got Burger King for dinner. YEAH Burger King. I also highly recommend trying Pringles cheesburger flavor potato chips. Angel went nuts over them. Mommy wouldn't give her too many--something about salt content. Angel said she should have an entire canister herself. I think I even tasted ketchup on the burger. I have only one word for those chips---YUM.

I hope all the dogs out there are having a good week. Don't let the humans push you around. Remember, they are only humans but you are the DOG!!!!

By the way, for the nice people at Proctor and Gamble, I'm availabe for Pringle advertising. You have a wonderful product.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Cheeseburger Flavor Pringles)

 
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