Adventures of a lead dog

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Kung Pow--Everything a Movie Should Be

June 4th 2008 8:59 am
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I know this isn't a dog movie, but Jeff and I were watching it the other day, and it is supposed to have a sequel; but so far, no sequel!!! That movie is Kung Pow. It is the story of a man who is supposed to be special, and there is a villian named Betty who causes all sorts of problems for our hero. In fact, if you never watched that movie, you would not know that the song about preferring large butts can be dangerous. That is the song that plays when people are getting beat up so if you hear it on the radio, turn it off as quickly as possible so it doesn't happen to you. No dog wants to get beat up just for listening to a song. You also must be quite a warrior to get past the villian's cow. I hope I don't meet up with a cow like that. It was one mean cow. I guess it had its milk stolen once too often by the humans. Another important thing you learn from that movie---don't kill someone's family. That seems to make people very mad at you. Personally, I have no problems with the humans. Birds are a totally different topic. I'd love to see all of them in little bird caskets buried to rest in bird cemeteries or their ashes in little bird urns.

I told Jeff that the man who did Kung Pow is probably busy doing Thumb movies, but Jeff said no new thumb movies have been released lately. I don't see how he can be too busy to make a Kung Pow sequel or another Thumb movie. His movies are everything you want to see in a movie---romance, killing, martail arts, even space people from France. Listen up, OdenBIRD, make some new movies or you will be on my bird hit list. The Deemster wants a sequel. I also want to be sure you keep the dog in the movie. Perhaps the dog could star in the next one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Commentator)

 

Times Are Gonna Change

June 3rd 2008 4:09 pm
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The birds are once again causing serious, life threatening global warming. It is getting warmer and warmer here, and I know the birds are responsible. They cannot be trusted. I think it is only a matter of time before the whole planet will be a desert, and I, Demon Flash Bandit, will be one very annoyed Siberian husky. What can we do to stop this serious problem? Kill all the birds you can. Don't listen to the humans. They are easily fooled, and they think the birds are okay. Do it quickly--while there is still time. If we wait too long, it could be too late.

I'm sorry I haven't written for a couple of days. Mommy and Jeff went to a move Sunday night. They saw Prince Caspian. I still think I should be allowed to accompany them on their little outings. We dogs aren't allowed now, but we will be when I become President. There will be many changes, and life will be better for dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Killing Birds and Fighting Dog Prejudice)

 

Jeff is not Demon!!!

May 31st 2008 10:32 am
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I think seeing the movie Indiana Jones was a bad influence on Jeff. For those of you who aren't familiar with the movies, Indiana's real name is Henry, but he goes by Indiana even though it was his dog's name. If some of you have already seen where this is heading, you are right. Now Jeff wants to be called Demon. I keep telling him it is my name, but he says it sounds so much more dangerous than Jeff. I'm sure that all his friends are going to look at him and say, Wow, Demon you are taking so many more DANGEROUS chances when you play Heroclix since you changed your name to Demon. We are very impressed!!! He is going to find out just how dangerous the name can be. I am going to sue that kid. Oh yeah, what is the point? I could get his entire collection of Heroclix figures and movie posters. How exciting!!! What is a dog to do?

Demon Flash Bandit (Perplexed Dog)

 

Fearless Stunt Dog

May 30th 2008 8:34 am
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The amazing sled dog, Demon Flash Bandit, is jumping over the Grand Canyon while pulling a sled. The crowd is tense. Will he be able to make the jump? He is the only dog --it isn't a team. There is no human, only a "dummy" (I know humans can be dummys, but this is an actual dummy). The humans are all too scared to make the jump with the dog. pulling them so he has to use a dummy human. He is preparing for the jump. 10....9.....8....7....6....5....4.....3.....2.....1.....He jumps!!! Will he make it? He is soaring in the air.....he is one fourth of the way over.....now he is half way over.... Will have make it? Will he be the first dog to ever jump a sled over the Grand Canyon? Yes, he made it. The press is lining up around him to ask him questions. He will be on the front page of every newspaper in the country tomorrow. Demon Flaah Bandit is the best jumping husky in the entire world.

I've got to go now. Angel Zoom Smokey has went to the basement, and I need to ask her to come back to the main floor. I am afraid to go down the stairs so I guess I"ll have to do some howling.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fearless Stunt Dog)

 

Duty to Inform

May 29th 2008 10:27 am
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As a serious Presidential candidate, I feel it is my duty to inform my public. Mommy got an e-mail forward today telling the public why gas prices are up to and above $4.00 a gallon. This forward explains who is responsible. However, as a dog with intelligence and common sense, it annoyed me greatly that I would get a forward that is so stupid. This forward actually says the gas prices are caused by Democrats and Environmentalists. It not only insulted my intelligence, but it is totally lacking in any kind of logic. Republicans have been running things ever since the gas prices started going up. When the Democrats were in charge, gas prices were not high. Two oil people get in, and they go up, and they have the nerve to blame the Democrats. I don't care what political affiliation people choose to have (you should be voting DOG anyway), but I know my supporters will have enough sense not to believe those lies. Environmentalists may get a little overly flaky at times, but they seldom have the money to win a fight against a big corporation. If someone thinks that most of the politicians aren't influenced by money, I bet you own ocean front property in Nevada. The United States is a good country with good people, but the things we have were paid for with the lives of a lot of good people. I promise that when I am President, I will make things better. I don't care if we sled dogs are pulling the cars, things will get better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Whose Intelligence Was Insulted)

 

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Bone

May 28th 2008 9:35 am
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With all the excellent dog movies that Mommy could have stayed home and watched, she went to see Indiana Jones last night. I am not saying that human movies are bad. I'm just saying that dog movies are better. She claims it is a good movie. I still say it would have been even better with dogs in the cast. If a dog stars, you are talking about a best picture candidate. Jeff stayed home with Angel and me. It is about time. He takes off far too much. No matter how many times we tell him to stay home more, he still takes off. He needs to learn to listen to us dogs more. Mommy doesn't care, but she is human so her opinion doesn't matter.
Since the election is getting closer, I have been quite busy campaigning. I want to thank all the dogs out there who have shown their support for my candidacy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Indiana Jones, and the Crystal Bone--it would have been a better movie if dogs and bones were included in the script)

 

Smelling the Candidates Butts

May 27th 2008 8:36 am
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Ihave a very important fact to share with all the dogs and their humans. My pal Rosie wrote me a paw mail and pointed out that the human people running for office never let another person or a dog sniff their butts. I should have noticed this before, but I just chalked it up to the general odd behavior of the humans. However, after giving this matter some thought, I'm sure they are hiding their true natures. As Rosie said, smells don't lie. Rosie happens to be a very wise dog. If the human candidates would let the people smell their butts, I doubt that so many bad people would be in office. It would also be helpful in insuring that no birds have put on a human costume to run. It would be so awful is a bird won. We did once have a bird first lady--Lady Byrd Johnson. If I were her, I would have changed my name. She was one of those compulsive humans who actually came up with "Keep America Beautiful". Keeping the place beautiful requires absolutely no effort at all. Ask any dog who has been for a walk The best part of the walk is all the cool things that the humans refer to as trash that is lying along the side of the road. Humans toss these treasures out of their car so that shows how tasteless they are. I guess, in a way, we have a bird President now. I'm not sure if it counts since he has a bird brain. The rest of him doesn't seem very bird like.

I want to go on record stating that I am running for President, and unlike the other candidates...... my butt is available for sniffing. I know I wouldn't trust in or vote for a candidate who wouldn't let me sniif his/her butt. You can trust the dog who lets you sniff his butt!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Butt Sniffing Dog)

 

Salute to Military Dogs Who Gave Their Lives.

May 26th 2008 11:12 am
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It is Memorial Day so I want to take a moment to salute all the dogs who have given their lives in the military. The humans don't mention it much, but there have been many brave dogs who have assisted the soldiers. Of course, it is important to remember the humans who have died, but don't forget that there have been dogs also. We have always been there for the humans, and we always will be there for the humans--even if it does endanger our lives.

Demon Flash Bandit (Salute to Dogs in Uniform)

 

Sequels to Snow Dogs and Underdog

May 25th 2008 9:12 am
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I want all the dogs out there to start barking for a sequel to Snow Dogs and Underdog. Underdog didn't just catch one villian and stop. There can be many sequels to that movie. I would also like to see more adventures of those nice dogs in Snow Dogs. Cuby Gooding doesn't seem to be very busy these days, and I'm sure he would enjoy being knocked down by Demon, the husky. He could even potentially win an Oscar for the actor knocked down most by a dog in a movie. There is no way he could win best actor since that would go to one of the dogs. There are so many movies that the studios spend lots of money producing, and a lot of them don't even include us dogs. Indiana Jones has a new movie out and it involves a crystal skull. Indiana was his dog's name so why is the human starring in this movie? All the movies could have been about a dog professor/archeaologist who trots around the globe searching for antiquities. Can you imagine how much better most movies would be if dogs were in the leading roles instead of humans? Forrest Fido, Lord of the People Food, Chronicles of Malamutes, The Great Sled Race, Saturday Night Bath, My Big Fat St. Bernard Wedding, and Mr. Beagle's Vacation are just a few examples of movies that could have been even better had they cast dogs instead of humans. I think Wishbone showed that a dog can do anything he wants. Wishbone was a very talented actor. I bet he didn't win any Academy Awards because they are all rigged to go for humans. This prejudice has got to stop, and it will when I become President. Remember to vote for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Sequels)

 

Forget Pooh--Get a Real Dog

May 24th 2008 10:19 am
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I saw a book about a bear called Winnie the Pooh. I don't think he is a good example of the bear species since he wears a jacket, and I don't think any self respecting bear wears clothing. In fact, I don't think there are many humans who would want to try to dress a real bear. He had some friends that seem a bit odd too. I never thought rabbit, pigs, and donkeys would want to be pals with a bear. I won't even bother mentioning that tiger issue since most of them are in zoos. I wonder if Pooh is actually a stuffed toy bear that the boy pretends is a real bear. If so, that boy needs a dog. A dog can play with the boy, and they can have real adventures together--not just made up ones. I think it is great that boys and dogs can have so much fun together. I'm not leaving the girls out. Girls and dogs have adventures also. I say forget about Pooh and go for the real thing--a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs are Fond of Children)

 
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