Happy Halloween!!!

I'd like to start this diary by thanking my pal, Sheba for the wonderful spiderweb and spider on my page. After I play with the spider for awhile with my paw, I plan to take a taste and see what he tastes like. I do occasionally eat bugs although I think it frustrates my humans. Yesterday my Mommy tried to feed me grilled salmon instead of hamburgers so I refused to eat. When she went to pick up my brother from work, she got me the burgers I wanted. She should have known that I don't like to have new food items "forced" on me. I think today she will have sense enough to get my burgers early instead of trying to feed me the stupid salmon. Angel did like the salmon. She ate her chicken and the salmon too.
I would also like to conpawtulate my pal, Biscuit for being a diary pick today. I'm so pleased to have so many wonderful friends who earn so many honors.
Today I want to wish everyone a Happy Halloween, and I hope all the dogs reading this get some candy from the humans. I'm howling the song, "I Like Candy" just to remind my humans that I love candy. They have such small brains that forget facts so easily. It never hurts to keep reminding them when the subject is as important as getting candy!

Demon Flash Bandit (Hoping to "Steal" some Candy)

A Dog's Monetary Worth

Conpawtulations to my pal, Tux, who is a diary pick today!

In the news today, I read about a singer who paid $12,000 for a puppy. I don't know why this made the news because I know my humans paid more than that for me. How do I know? Mommy says I am priceless which means that I am worth so much that the humans can't even put a price on me. Besides, for a dog. I think $12,000 is a bargain. I bet the human will get more than a million dollars in love from the dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing a Puppy's Worth)

I Want Candy!!!!

I would like to thank my pal, Pepper for the witch's hat on my page. It looks good, and when it is on the page, I don't have to wear it which is even better!!!

I wonder if there are any witch's that know spells that can get a dog lots and lots of candy. I would imagine, if they could, they would not have gotten such a bad reputation over the years. Hanging out with cats does not help them either. I bet if they hung out with dogs, the humans would trust them more. We dogs are good for public relations work. Why do you think so many politicians have dogs? Of course, most of them don't expect their dogs to ride on the top of the car. I think Romney probably lost any good that the dog could have done for him by having him ride like that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Candy)

I would like to conpawtulate my pals, Hobo, Lexi, Finley, and Chloe for being chosen as diary picks today by dogster. I hope all 4 dogs enjoy their honor!

Yesterday I experienced an encounter with a UFO. I was laying in the bedroom relaxing (something I enjoy doing a lot), and all of a sudden, an unidentified flying object flew over my head. Lesser dogs (and all humans) would have been terrified by the experience, but I happen to be a big, brave dog so I got up and checked it out. I realized that the object might have some alien technology that might be useful to our culture. When I got to the item, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't a UFO at all. I knew exactly what it was. It was part of a rawhide bone that Angel Zoom Smokey had been chewing, and when she got done, she threw it into the air. I scored a rawhide bone. Angel wasn't too happy, but is isn't like she had to send it flying. One lucky break for Demon Flash Bandit...one unlucky one for Angel Zoom Smokey. By the way, it was tasty!

Demon Flash Bandit (Exploring a UFO)

Dogs Should Live Their Own Lives

I would like to conpawtulate my pal, Whitley, for being a diary pick today on dogster. Whitley is a talented writer.

Today in the news, there is a dachshund that is the center of a custody battle. This dog, who once weighed 70 pounds, is being fought over by the humans who fed the dog originally, and a human who, since taking the dog, has helped the dog lose a substantial amount of weight. I don't see why this is even a issue except that the humans are involved, and they make a big deal out of everything. They could just ask the dog who the dog wants to be with. If the dog is anything like me and the dogs I know, the dog would choose to go with the human who fed him enough food to reach 70 pounds. The average dog likes to eat, and unlike the humans, I have never heard a dog express any concern with whether or not they are too fat. In fact, the average dog just enjoys eating. If the dog gets too fat to walk, that really is not a big deal...it just means more nap time for us. Napping is a hobby for most dogs anyway so it is a win-win situation for a dog--get plenty to eat, and enjoy our napping hobby more. Why do you think dogs are so much happier than humans? Many of the stupid humans are on diets, and this makes them very grouchy. If they thought more like dogs, they would be eating anything they like and they would also be happy. This is a big problem for us dogs...the humans are always trying to do our thinking for us, and we dogs are quite capable of thinking for ourselves. After all, that dog did not have to keep eating....it was a choice. That choice is a choice that most dogs would make so I say let the dog enjoy life and the humans should quit trying to tell us dogs how to live. We dogs don't want to have to go to doggy psychiatrists and take anti-depressents the way the humans do! That is my opinion, and as such, is the right one. My opinion does not necessarialy reflect the opinion of my humans, but they are stupid so their opinion does not matter.

Demon Flash Bandit (Let Dogs Live Own Life)

Dogs Should Live Their Own Lives

Today in the news, there is a dachshund that is the center of a custody battle. This dog, who once weighed 70 pounds, is being fought over by the humans who fed the dog originally, and a human who, since taking the dog, has helped the dog lose a substantial amount of weight. I don't see why this is even a issue except that the humans are involved, and they make a big deal out of everything. They could just ask the dog who the dog wants to be with. If the dog is anything like me and the dogs I know, the dog would choose to go with the human who fed him enough food to reach 70 pounds. The average dog likes to eat, and unlike the humans, I have never heard a dog express any concern with whether or not they are too fat. In fact, the average dog just enjoys eating. If the dog gets too fat to walk, that really is not a big deal...it just means more nap time for us. Napping is a hobby for most dogs anyway so it is a win-win situation for a dog--get plenty to eat, and enjoy our napping hobby more. Why do you think dogs are so much happier than humans? Many of the stupid humans are on diets, and this makes them very grouchy. If they thought more like dogs, they would be eating anything they like and they would also be happy. This is a big problem for us dogs...the humans are always trying to do our thinking for us, and we dogs are quite capable of thinking for ourselves. After all, that dog did not have to keep eating....it was a choice. That choice is a choice that most dogs would make so I say let the dog enjoy life and the humans should quit trying to tell us dogs how to live. We dogs don't want to have to go to doggy psychiatrists and take anti-depressents the way the humans do! That is my opinion, and as such, is the right one. My opinion does not necessarialy reflect the opinion of my humans, but they are stupid so their opinion does not matter.

Demon Flash Bandit (Let Dogs Live Own Life)

Dog Costumes

I would like to conpawtulate my pal, Lucky Isabella, for being chosen as a diary pick today. I also want to conpawtulate my pal, Izzy, for being the dogster dog of the week.

Mommy went to Target yesterday, and she said they have most of an entire aisle dedicated to dog Halloween costumes. If this means that dogs are allowed to go trick or treating and get free candy, then I approve. However, I suspect that these costumes are just for the humans' amusement which makes this dog very angry because I don't think we dogs were put here for their amusement. Humans are here for our amusement. If they weren't here for our amusement, then why would they act so stupid?

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Need a Costume)

Humans are Entertaining

As any dog can tell you, watching the humans is a constant source of entertainment for us. Today was no exception. Mommy got on the computer, as usual, and she turned on the monitor, and it kept turning itself off. She was trying to figure out the problem when, after about 5 minutes, and a lot of thinking....yes, I watched her pick up the keyboard and check it over and then I heard her muttering to herself...the monitor is not actually the computer. Yes, she finally realized that she had to turn on the power on the desktop. I could have told her that immediately, but it would have ruined the amusement of watching her figure it out for herself. Mommy has been using a laptop for so long that she forgot that the desktop's computer is on the desk under the monitor where you don't see it that quickly. I am so glad that when she is typing this as I dictate it that she doesn't really listen to what I'm saying or I could be in trouble for laughing at her stupidity. I am grateful for the stupidity of the humans because it creates a vast amount of amusement for their dogs!

Demon Flash Bandit (Still Laughing)

Waiting on the Computer

I would like to thank the family of Jenny, Hobo, and Luna for the wonderful jack-o-lantern on my page. I also want to thank Lucky Isabella and Dot for the ghost of which I suppose I should be scared, but it is just too cute to scare me.

My secretary is getting used to the slowness of the computer she is using temporarily, and has even put the time to good use. She has a book beside the coputer so she can read while the computer is "computing". She also made dinner, cleaned the bedroom, mowed the yard, and washed thw windows. You caught me in an exaggeration. Mommy would never bother to wash the windows since the blinds cover up the dirt, and it would be a waste of time to wash the windows when the blinds are doing their job. You don't want blinds to feel useless. I, being the genius dog that I am, have decided to use my time on the computer wisely. I take a nap while it gets from one site to another. I will be offering my new web service, ponyexpress.com for those with old computers who really have nothing better to do with their time except wait on the Internet.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing Blog)

Ponyexpress.com

I have been unable to write my diary for about 4 days because my computer has a virus. I am now using an older computer, and Mommy says we have a new service provider....ponyexpress.com. She says that the horses get our email or whatever, and take it to the next computer. However, she did say that the original Pony Express was faster so I'm guessing that modern horses don't move as fast as the older horses moved.

I'm sure many of you are wondering what I did with my extra time not being on the computer. I spent it laying on the big bed and taking naps, and chewing on a new rawhide bone. I am amazed that the world did not fall apart without the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit to guide it. However, it is nice to take a couple of days off and know that the world will survive.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing About Diary Absence)