Twinkies: An American Institution!!!!!

I had a topic I planned to write about today, but I saw something in the news that is of far more importance so the topic can wait until tomorrow. Hostess Bakery might go under. This is horrible news!!!! What will we do without Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs? Their products are from the ultra important junk food group which is where the best foods are from. I bet there is no shortage of brussel sprouts or spinach....two foods so totally disgusting that even many of the humans won't eat them. I think this is partly the fault of the health food addicts who think they will live forever if they eat tofu and bean sprouts. They will not live forever no matter what they eat, but I can see if you are eating foods like hummus and tofu, it probably seems like you are living forever because your taste buds have lost all hope. Due to this crisis, my diary today is the solution to this problem. As usual, it takes a genius like myself to solve the humans' problems. If all the humans out there will order at least a truck load of Hostess products (or more), then company might be able to survive, and where would this country be without Twinkies? The man in the movie, Zombieland, loved Twinkies and it was the one food he craved...even in the zombie apocalypse. Archie Bunker in the television show, All in the Family, took a Twinkie to work in his lunch box everyday. I think that the Twinkie is more American than apple pie. Are we dogs going to let this happen. I think not!!! If your humans don't order a truck load, do it for them. If they don't want to eat the items, you can eat them instead. Believe me, I've tried them when I can sneak one, and they are delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Saving an American Institution)

Found: CANDY!!!

I would like to conpawtulate my pal, Pepper, for being a diary pick today!

My humans expected me to eat hamburgers yesterday, but I refused. Last night, Mommy discovered that I had found 3 Cadbury cream eggs from last Easter. Mommy wasn't aware there were any left, but this dog always knows about the candy situation in the house. I have not eaten any of them yet, and I suspect Mommy will try to take them away, but if she does, she will have a fight on her paws. When I find candy, it is my candy by virtue of the law of "finders keepers, losers weepers!

Demon Flash Bandit Dog Who Loves Candy)

Demon Flash Bandit: Persuader!

I have good news in today's diary. I went and had a long "chat" with Mother Nature about the unseasonably warm weather for November. Thanks to my chat and my threats to both bite her butt and kick her butt, we had colder weather, and snow flurries. Now my human wants to go and have a talk with her to get her to make it warm again. Obviously, I have little time for writing today. I'm guarding all entry doors to keep my human from chatting with Mother Nature. This dog likes the weather the way it is!

Demon Flash Bandit (Persuader)

Birds Should be Extinct, and Mother Nature is a Senile Old- Lady

I appreciate the honor of being chosen as a diary pick today. I will be giving pawtographs from 3:00-5:00pm. This is a rare chance for you to get one free because most of my fans have to pay a lot of money for my pawtograph...which I contribute to the Demon Flash Bandit dingo bone fund.
I know I should be in a great mood considering that I am a diary pick today, but then I read the news, and that ruined my day. As those who know me probably have guessed, yes it involved birds..those evil little citters that annoy myself and other dogs so much. In Maine, there used to be a bird called a puffin who hung out there. The wise people in Maine hunted the bird into virtual extinciton in Maine. Then along came Stephen Kress, who over the past 3 decades has reintroducted the puffin to the coast of Maine. As you can see, things were going well until Kress came along and brought the stupid birds back. Do the humans ever do anything intelligent? We dogs would have never brought back a species like that to annoy us and the humans. How many times do I have to warn the humans that birds cannot be trusted? Anyway, for those who want to read more about this tragic turn of events, here is the link:

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/do ers/2012/11/stephen_kress_puffin_project_decoys_and_music_lu re_birds_back_to_maine.htm

As if that news was not bad enough, the house got so warm here yesterday that Mommy had to turn on the fan. This is not right, and I am going to have to have a long talk with that senile old Mother Nature. I might even have to bite her this time...she is so stupid. Doesn't she know a husky wants cold in November? It should be a lot colder! Ask any husky.

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating Tragic News)

I would like to conpawtulate myself for being a diary pick yesterday. There is a reason that I did not post an entry yesterday--I could not get onto dogster. This leads me to believe that I am once again under cyber attack for my political aspirations. I think that Romney's group attacked my computer because I took away so many of his votes that he lost the election. I maintain that he should have had the foresight many years ago to realize that, if he ever ran for President, having his dogs ride on top of the car would lose him the dog vote. I want to thank my pals, Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon on my page. I guess I need to start looking for a new cabinet for my ribbons!!! I'm glad I can get onto dogster today because I really miss dogster when I can't sign on.

I did know that I was a diary pick thanks to Mommy's email so I did get special treatment around here. It was great....I slept, I ate hamburgers, I had ice cream, and I even had some candy corn. All in all, it was a wonderful day. I am sorry that I was not able to post a diary though. Thank dog, I was able to post my blog and I covered the "job creator" CEO at Papa John's Pizza. He is talking about how he will have to cut back on employee hours to avoid paying for health insurance because of Obamacare. What happened to the good old days when businesses kept their mouths shut about how little they care about their employees and their customers? This dog is boycotting Papa Johhs in the future. They have so much pizza competetion around here, that they are lucky to stay in business, and most of the other places beat them on price too. I don't even think their pizza is the best of all of them so I think, if enough customers think like me, they won't have to worry about insurance because they will be collecting unemployment. I do wonder...aren't the customers the "job creators". Businesses don't seem to last very long without them. Maybe if more businesses understood that concept, they might actually do better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Victim of Internet Conspiracy)

Dogs: The Best Pets a Human Can Have

It is nice to see the comments from my pals and know that other dogs think birds are useless too. Maybe that isn't totally fair--they do make good eating so I suppose that is a use.LOL Since that guy had all those hundreds of birds, it makes me wonder, is there some human with a squirrel collection? It does make a dog wonder why some of the humans are attracted to such silliness. Now if the man had hundreds of dogs, that would make sense. I'm not saying it is a good idea, but at least I could understand a human wanting that many dogs because we are so cute and lovable!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Best Pets)

Bird Hoarding: Disgusting!!!

I would like to conpawtulate my pal, Biscuit, for being a diary pick today!!!

I am going to share a story with you that I read on the Internet, but I am not sharing the link because it is just too horrible to share. A man in Illinois has been charged with bird hoarding. The man had 478 birds in his home. Yeah, I was astonished myself. How could any human (or any other creature for that matter) live with so many birds? I have no idea how he could stand all their incessant chattering, and I wonder if there is any part of his house that is not covered with the bird bombs they like to drop so freely.

Obviously, this is a man who has not read my diary entries about birds or my blogs. Had he done so, he would know not to "collect" birds because they do not make good pets. He would also not be facing charges for bird hoarding had he followed my words of wisdom. Don't get me wrong...if he had killed 478 birds, I would say give him a medal, but hoarding them as pets...that is just bad. This dog does not approve of having birds as pets, and it is a dog's job to make sure none enter the dog's house as a pet. You can excuse the humans for being stupid, but us dogs are smart enough to know that birds are not pets.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not A Fan Of Birds)

My Concession Speech

I want to conpawtulate my pals, Zoe and Tux for being chosen as diary picks today!!! I hope both of them have a wonderful day!!!

I know everyone was upset that I did not win the election. I know this is a sad day for dogs everywhere. However, I feel confident that Obama, along with his trusted advisor and first dog, Bo Obama, will do a good job so I am going to take a nap and chew on a rawhide bone. In many ways it is a relief because, following the humans and fixing their mistakes can be a full time job for a dog, and it could very well interfere with my naptime, and you know how much I love naptime!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Concession Speech)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit !

Thanks so much for all the supportive comments on yesterday's diary about my brother stealing and throwing my entire collection of used sundae cups in the garbage. It is good to know that others understand what it is like to live with humans who would not know if something is valuable if it bit them on the butt, which is what I considered doing to my brother for stealing my collection. I didn't because I know he meant well, but like all humans, he is stupid and tasteless!

I do hope that all the dogs reading this will be voting for me in today's Presidential election. Dog knows it is time a dog was running things for a change. The humans can't be trusted to do anything right--even if they have a dog to give them advice. They are usually too stupid to listen to the dog's advice anyway. Thanks in advance for the votes.

Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

Demon Flash Bandit: Collector

Every night Angel Zoom Smokey and myself have ice cream in a little sundae cup which Mommy gets at the store. I always look forward to this treat, and this brings me to my latest complaint with the humans around here. I am a collector, and I decided that I liked these little sundae cups--they are cute, and what if one day they magically refill themselves with ice cream? Therefore, I had a collection of these cups--the humans counted 40 of them that were stashed away neatly in my collection. My brother, William found them and threw them in the trash--like they were garbage!!! Yeah, I know what you are thinking...the nerve of him taking my valuable stuff and throwing it away. He didn't ask my permission or anything...just tossed it out and told Mommy that I had been stashing them under some furniture. What does he expect? If I put them out where the humans can see them, you can see what happens...I lose my stuff. I have an appointment with a lawyer who will advise me of what to do in this situation. I think I have a major lawsuit against my human brother for stealing my stuff and throwing it away!

Demon Flash Bandit (Collector)