October 18th 2013 9:35 am
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I would like to thank dogster for choosing my diary as a diary pick two days in a roll!!! I also want to apologize for not writing yesterday. My brother, William, was hogging the computer most of the day. Yes, this is the brother who petted a bird and thought the cockadoodle doo would make a good pet. Perhaps I need to keep a close eye on that kid!!! Conpawtulations to my pals, Zoe and Ella for being chosen as diary picks yesterday, and to Zoe for being chosen again today! I also want to thank Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon on my page. Thanks for suggesting that I should be getting a Puplitzer Prize for my work. I also want to thank all the wonderful dogs who sent me bones. They are delicious!
I thought you might like to read an excerpt from my new television show that I wrote about yesterday.
The theme song has just played and I come in and sit down on the floor and I start changing my shoes. I am putting on sneakers that are more comfortable, and I'm talking to the puppies in my neighborhood.
Yes Puppies, no matter how many times you tell a squirrel that he does not belong in your yard, he will show up again the next day. Whether it is because he is stupid or just a smart aleck, I'm not sure. I suspect it is for both reasons.
Demon Flash Bandit (Future Winner of the Puplitzer Prize)
October 16th 2013 9:44 am
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Most puppies are taken from the dog parents at an early age and given to humans so I think it is about time I make a television program for young puppies to teach them the ways of being a dog.
My show is the Demon Flash Bandit Morning Dog Show, and it airs every weekday at 3:00pm. You don't expect me to get up before noon, do you? Besides I am supposed to be bringing up these puppies properly and sleeping through the morning is one of the first lessons a puppy needs to learn!
Here is the theme song:
It is a beautiful day in my neighborhood
A beautiful day for dogs and cats
But if you see a squirrel or bird,
They have got to go!
Grill them or fry them, they make a good dinner or even a snack!
The humans appreciate out educating the young pups so that they keep their home values high. Humans, you are welcome!
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Teacher and Star)
October 15th 2013 8:16 am
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I heard a lovely song on the stereo today whose lyrics I am sharing with my pals on dogster. Here they are:
Things are swell
Things are great
Gonna eat every bird on a plate
Eating Bird every meal
Everything's coming up Bird Meat for me
and Angel Zoom Smokey
I think Mommy played this song deliberately to help soothe my nerves from the run-in with that awful bird on the Kroger parking lot yesterday!
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Eater)
October 14th 2013 8:39 am
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I'm sorry I haven't posted for the past 2 days. I was busy the first day doing dog things. You know what I mean: guarding the house, barking, and sleeping--you know all serious dog activities! Yesterday I was too traumatized to write and tell you what had went on in my life. We went to Kroger to buy a Sunday newspapaper. Yes, you are correct--humans are unable to read things for themswelove. That is one of our jobs as the family dog--to read it to them!
When we got to Kroger, there was a man out of his car on the parking lot and he had a bird in his paw. The bird was a "cockadoodledoo" which I assume must be some breed of chicken so I thought maybe the man was going to throw him on a tailgate barbeque and give all us dogs a taste. The human was not so sensible. He was letting people pet the bird (incidentally, the bird was white--not even colorful like some birds). There were a bunch of people surrounding the stupid bird waiting to pet him. By the way, the bird was a male who is 10 years old. How do I know these details? Because my idiot brother, William, went over to pet the stupid varmint. He came back to the car and said the bird was soft, and he would like to have one!!! I was mad and traumatized at the same time over William fraternizing with the enemy!! I have to go now, and try to find a doggy psychiatrist who specialized in trauma treatment!
Demon Flash Bandit ((Traumatized Dog)
October 11th 2013 9:27 am
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I want to thank dogster for choosing my diary entry as a diary pick for the third day in a roll. I hope the humans at dogster have a good weekend!
I do appreciate all the comments supporting my collection that I am keeping on the floor of Mommy's closet. Dogs know that if we keep something, it is a collection, but the humans think we are hoarding, and tend to get all upset about it. Just the other day, I was chatting with my pal (and dog), Chester. Chester has a massive collection of dog poop which he has amassed over the past decade. Another dog named Jasmine, wants one of his valuable pieces to decorate the new dog house her humans are buying for her. Although it is very valuable, he is wiling to part with it for 20 dingo bones. What is my point? My point is that you never know when someone will want something from my collection who will be willing to pay a lot of bones for it. Besides, my human was cleaning the house last week, and she thought I didn't see her, but she threw away a trash bag full of my old toys. This is why I have her toy and Jeff's toy in my stash! If you mess with my stuff, I take your stuff! Another thing....it is not funny when I leave the closet and the humans say, "Demon is out of the closet". I don't know why they get so tickled over that line, but I don't like it and I don't think it is funny at all!
On a more serious note, the humans are working on a new sensor that a dog can wear if they have elderly owners to help keep check on the elderly human's general health! Here is the link:
Demon Flash Bandit (Collector)
October 10th 2013 10:15 am
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Mommy cleaned out one of the closets in her bedroom, and there was absolutely nothing on the floor of the closet. I'm talking nothing whatsoever-not shoes but just totally empty space devoid of stuff. Thus, I claimed the closet for myself. I've been crawling in and out of the closet because I like the feeling of solitude. Mommy has also left the door open so I can get into my "spot". I have to admit that Mommy has noticed that the floor of the closet has stuff on it now. I had a new, still in package Barbie doll, General Zod from the Superman movies (the action figure--not the actual Kryptonian), and now one of Mommy's new shoes is gracing the closet with its presence. I hope the humans don't call that Hoarders show to get me to get rid of my stuff. I like stuff, and I plan to keep it with me. If any of those annoying anti-hoarder television people show up here, I might just have to show them my teeth. I think the dogs reading this know what I mean. I guess it might increase the ratings of the show so I better not advertise that is what I would do!
Demon Flash Bandit (Hoarding Dog)
October 9th 2013 4:18 pm
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I would like to thank dogster for choosing my diary entry a second day in a row as a diary pick. I would also like to thank all the dogs who left such thoughtful and kind comments for me. I also want to conpawtulate my pal, Mr. Jack Sir Freckles-Licks-A-Lot for also being chosen as a diary pick today!!!
As I have gotten older, I don't get on the human bed as much as I used to. Mommy isn't sure if it is because Angel is usually on the bed and I'm letting her have her space or if, in getting older, maybe it is harder for me to get onto the bed. When she bought the new mattress and box springs, the bed got even higher. Even Angel was having some problems getting up onto it so Mommy started looking for some stairs. So far, she hasn't found any she likes, and the mattress has sunk a bit so Angel isn't having any problems getting onto the bed so Mommy might not buy the stairs. However, I told her if it is for me, skip the stairs and get me an elevator. This dog likes to be "in style", and what could be more stylish than riding up onto the bed in my own elevator? For those of you who think it is a dumb idea, here is a link to show you one built by a human whose dog needed it. What do I have to say about that human---Good Human!!!
De mon Flash Bandit (I'll Ride in an Elevator)
October 8th 2013 8:31 am
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I would like to thank Dogster for choosing my diary as a diary pick today. I also want to thank Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon on my page. Hershey and Van Winkle are hoping that my diary can persuade dogster to return steaks to the gift shop which, if you ask me, is a great idea. Sure, I like frisbees, but I would rather have a steak--and I think I speak for the average dog on that topic!
Now it is time for me to share a "fairy tale" which, surprisingly, has nothing to do with actual "tails".
Once upon a time, there lived 2 dogs in the same house. One of the dogs preferred hamburgers and the other dog preferred chicken. Then one day, the dog who preferred hamburgers got a bite of chicken and decided it was delicious! From then on, that dog expected to get chicken everyday! For those dogs who say they don't get to eat meat the humans eat, my suggestion is to do what Angel Zoom Smokey and myself do: ask for it in human English (or whatever language the humans are speaking). I guarantee you will get what you ask for if you ask for it in human!!!
Yes, that dog who now likes chicken just might be me. Aren't stories better when they are true?
Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Now Likes Chicken)
October 6th 2013 8:34 am
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I would like to thank my pals, Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon on my page. It is always wonderful to receive a gift from my pals!
I have a quick link to share with my pals about a new virus affecting dogs in Michigan. It doesn't seem to be causing a lot of problems at the moment, but I want your humans to be aware of it.
Now onto a more important topic. Angel Zoom Smokey is a big fan of chicken. Angel would eat chicken and I would eat hamburgers for dinner everyday. However, I have decided that her chicken is delicious, and we have both been eating the same thing. I discovered that Angel is right--chicken is delicious! It is a shame I took so long to come up with the observation.
Demon Flash Bandit (Chicken is Good!)
October 5th 2013 9:24 am
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I would like to thank dogster for choosing my diary as one of the diary picks of the day. Whenever I am chosen, I know that dogster is making a wise decision. I also want to mention that my modesty is one of my more endearing traits!
I have some exciting news for sled dogs which I should have reported earlier, but I wasn't aware of it until today. The "event" is the Northern New England Sled Dog Trade Fair which is being held today and tomorrow at the Hopkinton Fairgrounds in Contoocook, New Hampshire. This event holds a special interest for sled dogs like myself. However, I will not be attending largely because New Hampshire is a long way from here. Besides, since those dogs aren't mushing to a drive-thru window at a restaurant, what is the point of me going there anyway? It is for sled dogs who mush where their humans want them to mush. If you ask me, a dog should not have to listen to the stupid humans. By the way, am I the only dog who thinks that the HOPkinton Fairground should be hosting bunny events? I am sharing the link for those who might live around that area who want to attend.
Demon Flash Bandit (Featured Diary Author)