I Want a Driver's License

I want to thank my pals who happen to be cats, Nuisy and Skeeter for the stocking on my page, and Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon. I would also like to conpawtulate my pal, Reilly, for being a recent diary pick on dogster. I have been having trouble getting onto dogster for the past couple of days so I haven't written any entries due to the computer problem. It could very well be at my end since Mommy is still using the "pony express" computer.

I have written recently about the dogs in New Zealand who are driving cars by themselves. However, it is a story that I like so much that I am sharing the link again. I want the people who are in charge of driving in the United States to see this so that they will start letting us dogs have driver's licenses too. Here is the link:
http://editorial.autos.msn.com/blogs/autosblogpost.as px?post=4c99acd7-c0aa-40f5-bcab-3d2f520414d9&icid=autos_3843

Did my readers enjoy the stories about the humans who thought that yesterday was the end of the world? My humans didn't think so, but the ones who did were very amusing, and we dogs need a good laugh on occasion. The humans never fail to provide us with that laugh, do they?

We got about 2 inches of snow here yesterday so Mother Nature has been listening to this dog! I hope that all the dogs reading this are having wonderful weather like mine.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants to Drive a Car)

Piper: Dog Artist!

I would like to thank dogster for the honor of choosing me as a diary pick today. I want to thank my pal, Pepper CGC for giving me a lovely stocking on my page which was full of delicious treats. I also want to thank my pals Duncan Fife and Hamish McDuff for the juicy steak which I ate as soon as I saw it. It was yummy!!!

As a dog who has occasionally dabbled in the art world, I was pleased to see a dog who has managed to become a well known doggy artist, and has sold many of her paintings and is well on the way to having some of her paintings displayed in museums all over the world. That dog is a bulldog named Piper. I am going to share the link so that you can read more about her. I think hers is truly an inspirational story!
http://now.msn.com/piper-the-painting-bulldog-photo- gallery-of-the-dogs-artwork

Demon Flash Bandit (Talking Dog Art)

Dogs Should be Spoiled By the Humans!

There is a story on the front page of MSN news today about a bakery in Japan that makes gourmet cakes for dogs. I know there are bakeries here in the United States that cater to dogs too. In fact, on my last birthday, I got a very delicious gourmet bone made just for dogs. This brings me to today's point: I don't think there has ever been a better time in history to be a dog!!! Many of us are spoiled rotten, and the only problem with that is that I wish I could smell rotten too. Rotten smells are always such a delight! Anyway, I want to salute the humans who have finally come to realize that we dogs are delightful and should be treated like royalty! I have two words for them: Good Human!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dogs)

I Saw a Squan

I want to thank my pals, Milo, Luna, Hobo, and their Momma for the wreath on my page. It is nice to see a festive Christmas item on my page. I would also like to conpawtulate my pal, Tux, for being a recent dog of the day. I have missed writing for a couple of days, and this time it is not because my human is being lazy. The old computer is even annoying me because it is very slow and freezes all the time. Sure, normally, I like freezing, but when it freezes, it does not even get cold!!!

I just saw a new creature hanging out around my house and I wanted to warn my pals about it. It seems to be a mixture of squirrel and swan and I'm calling it a squan. If you are thinking that it must be one mixed up looking animal, then you are right. It is the kind of animal that even a Mommy can't love....just like Mommy birds who think their babies are so ugly, they push them out of the nest. Birds: they aren't even good mamas!

Demon Flash Bandit (Squan Discoverer)

Being Cautious in a Winter Wonderland

I was listening to some Christmas music when I heard a song that could scare the tail off many dogs who don't want to get married. This diary entry is for those dogs, and I'm guessing many of them are males. The song says, "in the meadow, we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say 'are you married', we'll say 'no man, but you can do the job when you're in town". I believe the song's title is Walking in a Winter Wonderland. I know many dogs, like myself, don't mind being tied down to one dog, but for those who don't, take this song seriously. DO NOT BUILD A SNOWMAN!!! If there are no snowman named Parson Brown, there would be no one to officiate the wedding. A Snowdog is acceptable as long as you make sure that the dog is not a justice of the peace or a minister because, is he or she is, you are back to the same problem you had with the Snowman. Since I am a Siberian Husky, I love to walk around in the snow and enjoy the cold, but if you hear sleigh bells, start being careful that there is no dog trying to get your paws to the altar. As long as you watch out, there is no reason a dog can't have a happy, single holiday, but you do need to be cautious. Some of the humans even build snowmen that might be used to trick you into getting married. Use extreme caution whereever you go during the holiday season!

Demon Flash Bandit (Advice to Single Dogs Who Want to Stay Single)

Identifying Zombie Trees!

I would like to conpawtulate my pal, Biscuit, for being a diary pick today. I want to thank my pals Scooter, Misty, Mr. Cutter, and Pepper for the jingle bells on my page. Hearing those bells makes a dog feel good!

Yesterday I wrote about zombie Christmas trees and how a dog should not allow them into the house. Whitley asked me a very good question about how to identify a zombie tree from a regular non-zombie tree. First, most Christmas trees have the potential to be zombie trees because they have been cut down and are dead. If your tree is artificial or if it is one of those that includes the roots that can be replanted, those trees are not dead and therefore, cannot be zombies.

You have to observe the tree closely, but if the tree, after being cut down continues to talk or move around, it is a zombie tree and should be destroyed for the sake of everyone in the household. Zombie trees start out eating houseplants, but as time goes on, they begin to eat human brains too. I suspect this might be why the humans are so stupid. Perhaps trees have been eating their brains for centuries.

I might add that if trees are going to turn into zombies, perhaps we dogs should quit watering and fertilizing them. We dogs are indirectly helping the zombie trees with our kindness.

Demon Flash Bandit (Identifying Zombie Trees)

Zombie Christmas Trees

This is the time of year when I feel I need to warn my public about the dangers of zombie trees at Christmas. When your humans put up the Christmas tree, your job as a dog is to make sure the tree is a regular tree and not one of the zombie persuasion. Believe me, there is nothing worse on Christmas morning than to wake up and find all the plants in the house have been eaten by the zombie tree. Who knows? They might come after a dog next. This is why you must be vigilent about keeping zombie trees out of the house. You can't depend on the humans because they wouldn't know a zombie tree from a chair.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Zombie Trees)

Demon Flash Bandit: Candy Hunter

I have decided to embark (don't you love that word?) on a new career path. In addition to my blogging and diary writing, I am going to go into the candy sniffing business. I've heard about dogs who sniff out drugs, and they are very good at their jobs. Then it occurred to me, I happen to be excellent at sniffing out candy. Just yesterday, Mommy left the house for about half and hour and I had a whole container of laffy taffy in my paws when she got back. I hadn't eaten any of it--I was just savoring the smell. Mommy took it away which, if you ask my opinion, was not fair because it belonged to me under the rules of "finders keepers, losers weepers". However, this incident made me realize that I am missing my true calling of candy searching. How many times does a human get in the mood for candy and can't remember where they stored it (or hid it from the dog in the case of my house)? I could find the candy in that situation, and the best thing for the humans is that I wouldn't charge them money for my services--I would work for candy. In the future, if you know any humans who need to find some lost candy, give me a call. I even have a slogan, "if you can't find your candy, call Demon Flash Bandit". Yeah, I know it is kind of lame, but I couldn't afford a big PR company to write one for me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Candy Hunter)

Conspiracy Theory

I didn't get to write yesterday because my human is on some kind of computer strike. She refused to get on the computer yesterday because she said she is sick of reading a book while waiting for the computer to do what it is supposed to do, and also when it freezes. I don't have any idea why it is freezing because we haven't even got any snow around here, and this dog is very angry about the lack of snow when other parts of the country got more than their share. I do wish my human would realize just how important it is for me to get my diary and blog written each day. There is a new rumor around the water bowl here, and without me writing, my readers have to wait another day to hear about it. Remember, you heard it from me first.

Although the news that Duchess Kate is going to have a human puppy is good news, there is also the sad news of the nurse who committed suicide after accidentally giving out confidential information about Kate's condition. Frankly, this dog does not think it was a big enough deal to kill oneself over. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the royal family had her murdered. Angel Zoom Smokey, who has obviously been watching too many episodes of The Tudors, says the Queen would have just said "off with the nurse's head", and they would have decapitated her, and put her head on pole as an example of what happens when you tell people the Duchess has vomited. I don't think modern royalty can act like that anymore in Great Britain, but Angel might have a point. Henry VIII did seem to have a large collection of decapitated heads for reasons which did not make a lot of sense to this dog. Maybe the head collection is what sets royalty apart from the "peasants". For those of you who might be wondering why I came up with this conspiracy theory, I am a bit bored, and I need a new dingo bone to chew on. Perhaps the royal family will send me a package to keep me from revealing more truths in the future.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing "Royal" Secrets)

The Dog is With the Stupid Human

As usual, with Christmas gift giving approaching, I have done some research and found the perfect gift for the dog on your list. The only problem is that, probably due to its vast popularity, it is unavailable at the moment. However, I am going to share the information with you for future reference. In fact, I think this is a gift that is worth the wait. Do you remember those cool t-shirts that were popular a few decades ago that said, "I'm with stupid", and had an arrow pointing to the person the human wearing the tshirt is with? They were very cool shirts. The gift I'm suggesting for the dog on your list is a dog shirt that says, "I'm With Stupid" and the arrow points to the human. A shirt that is both funny and true. I don't approve of dogs wearing clothing, but if you are one of those dogs whose humans are forcing them to wear clothes, at least this shirt will make you feel better about wearing clothing. Here is the link:
http://www.gifts.com/search/product/im-with-stupid-do g-apparel?prodID=240112

Demon Flash Bandit (All Dogs are With Stupid Humans)