Adventures of a lead dog

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Demon Flash Bandit Underwear!

November 12th 2013 6:08 pm
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Thanks dogster for choosing my humble diary entry as a diary pick of the day. I think you chose it because we dogs aren't fond of snakes like some of the silly humans. Did you know some humans are even dumb enough to have snakes as pets? In my opinion, anyone who chooses a snake over a dog as a pet needs to be institutionalized for their own protection. I knew a dog once who tried gluing his fur that he didn't need anymore onto a snake to make him more cuddly. It did not work. It looks like a large furry worm, but the fish in the house got very excited. Fish think worms are gourmet food which means that fish don't usually eat very well.

This brings me to my topic for the day which is kind of strange since the topic has absolutely nothing in common with what I have been writing about up until now. This is a fashion observation so I'm sure all of my pals are going to be very excited to know my thoughts on fashion. I was sitting outside Walmart the other day which, for dogs who don't already know this, Walmart always draws people who dress in the height of fashion. There was this young guy walking in who seemed to have a problem with his pants. I'm not sure if he just couldn't decide whether to wear them or not since he looked like he had tried to put them on, but didn't go to much trouble to make sure they were on. The pants ended up hanging down around his knees. Anyway, I was about to make fun of how silly he looked until I had one of my genius ideas. I think he was hoping to buy a pair of underwear with my photo on it. It is the only logical reason I could think of that would make him wear his pants so low. I have had Demon Flash Bandit tshirts printed up. By the way, if any of you dogs are interested, let me know because Mommy can tell you how much they cost. They are printed on a per order basis so they are a little high, but I have told Mommy over and over that my photo on a tshirt is the most wonderful thing a human can wear! For those who might be interested, either contact me through dogster or at my email address: demonflashbandit@gmail.com.

I've got to go now....I think it is time for one of my new 3 meat dingo type bones. They are not dingo brand, but they are delicious!

Demon Flash Bandit (Fashionista Dog)

 

Snakes in a Church

November 11th 2013 5:18 pm
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Mommy came in yesterday with a new bed for Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel was so excited to get her own bed. I think it is silly since she usually sleeps in the same bed with Mommy, but I'm okay with her having her own bed although I do think that money would have been better spent on me. I can always use a new dingo bone!

I saw on the news today that a church in Tennessee had 50 venomous snakes confiscated by the state. The pastor of the church thinks it is unconstitutional, but this dog agrees with the state on this one. A movie studio is looking into making a new movie in the line of Snakes on a Plane which will be called Snakes in a Church. There will be no service dogs in the movie because we dogs have enough sense to stay away from snakes. The main problem with the movie in the works now is getting the pastor to say, "I'm tired of these m. f. snakes--you get the idea. There was a lot of cussing in that original movie. Of course, this dog would be cussing too is I were in a plane that was full of icky, stupid snakes!

Demon Flash Bandit (Snakes in a Church)

 

Snakes in a Church

November 11th 2013 5:18 pm
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Mommy came in yesterday with a new bed for Angel Zoom Smokey. Angel was so excited to get her own bed. I think it is silly since she usually sleeps in the same bed with Mommy, but I'm okay with her having her own bed although I do think that money would have been better spent on me. I can always use a new dingo bone!

I saw on the news today that a church in Tennessee had 50 venomous snakes confiscated by the state. The pastor of the church thinks it is unconstitutional, but this dog agrees with the state on this one. A movie studio is looking into making a new movie in the line of Snakes on a Plane which will be called Snakes in a Church. There will be no service dogs in the movie because we dogs have enough sense to stay away from snakes. The main problem with the movie in the works now is getting the pastor to say, "I'm tired of these m. f. snakes--you get the idea. There was a lot of cussing in that original movie. Of course, this dog would be cussing too is I were in a plane that was full of icky, stupid snakes!

Demon Flash Bandit (Snakes in a Church)

 

Television Show Review: Under the Dome

November 8th 2013 10:39 am
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The television show, Under the Dome, is okay for the humans, but I think us dogs would be happier watching reruns of good shows like Underdog. Speed of lightning, bolt of thunder. dog who is better than the humans--sorry, I got a little carried away thinking about THE UNDERDOG!!!!! Underdog happens to be a personal hero of mine, and of most dogs. The Under the Dome show starts out in the beginning showing birds flying around which is okay, but I personally don't enjoy watching birds on television. Of course (spoiler alert) some of the birds do die and that part is hilarious. I laughed and laughed and then hoped for more good television shows about birds dying. Anyway, if you want to let your humans watch this show, go ahead. However, I would suggest you push to see Underdog instead. It is clearly a better television show-ask any dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Pushing to Watch Underdog)

 

November 5th 2013 8:19 am
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I have neglected to mention how Halloween turned out around here. It was the best Halloween ever!!! We only had about 12 kids trick or treating. Every year I get annoyed watching my brothers giving out MY CANDY to total strangers. I have complained the about this every day of every year!!!

This proves that my letter writing campaign throughout the neighborhood was successful. Next year I plan to drop the letter from an airplane.

 

Movie Review, and Thanks for the Gifts!!!

November 3rd 2013 11:02 am
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I'm sorry I haven't had time to write for a couple of days. I don't think I have to explain how busy a dog's life can get!!! Napping alone takes up a great deal of my day!!!

I want to thank dogster for choosing my diary as a diary pick yesterday. I also want o conpawtulate my pal, Bella, for being the dog of the week pick this week. Thanks to Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon on my page. I'm sorry you two got sick on a cookie. I had a couple of wonderful peanut butter cookies (the human kind) which Mommy bought just for Angel and me last week, and they have never made me sick. That must be lousy when a dog can't grab a human cookie and enjoy it without getting sick. Human cookies are the best! I have a bunch of wonderful dancing skeletons on my page, and I appreciate them. I will try to list each one individually for a thank you tomorrow, but I'm in kind of a hurry today because I don't have a lot of time to write this entry.

My blog has a movie review of Captain Phillips, but I'm a bit suspicious that it might be the Free Birds movie review because it is a "guest" review. I didn't get to go to the theatre because it was "take a cat to the theatre day", and no self respecting dog wants to be at a theatre with hundreds of cats. A couple of cats are okay, but not hundreds!!! I banned the family from watching Free Birds, but you know how the humans are. For those who are interested in reading the review, my blog address is www.demonflashbandit.blogspot.com

I've got to go now. I hope everyone is enjoying the cooler weather. I know I am!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Critic)

 

Happy Howloween!!!!!

October 31st 2013 9:36 am
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October is National Cookie Month so be sure and get your share of those cookies before the month is over. Don't let the humans eat your share!

In honor of Howloween, I have written about zombie birds in my blog today Be sure and check it out:
www.demonflashbandit.blogspot.com
Remember if you run into a zombie bird, chop its little bird head off. At least that part is fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Readers a Happy Howloween)

 

Diary Pickle Me Edloxc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 30th 2013 7:41 am
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I would like to thank Dogster HQ for choosing my pal, Hershey and myself as diary picks. I also want to thank Hershey for the blue ribbon and the pumpkin on my page. That was very sweet and thoughtful of Hershey!!! Today I want to conpawtulate my pal, Anya for being chosen as a daily pick.

I know I didn't write yesterday, but it was national cat dav, and I was too upset to write., Sure, I like cats, but I don't have one as a pet!

I'm going to go outside and see if I locate some fat squirrels. Do you think they will fall for the old "let's eat squirrels dinner details..


I checked the calendar!
I bet Mommy will be thrilled that she doesn't have to sleep in.
Demon Flash Bandit!

Demon Flash Bandit

 

Chef Demon Flash Bandit Shares a Recipe for Good Eatin"

October 27th 2013 9:42 am
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I want to conpawtulate my pal, Zoe, for being a diary pick today! I didn't get to write yesterday because the dogster site was giving me some trouble, and I couldn't get to the diary entry page. I had something exciting to share with you so I had to be more patient than usual I think once my readers see what I have to write about today, they are going to be super excited.

I was in the kitchen going through the cabinets when I found a cookbook which is called The Treasury of White Trash Cooking by Ernest Matthew Mickler and Trisha Mickler. I took one look at that title, and I kept thinking, "I must be the luckiest dog in the world!!! I started glancing through the cookbook and my original assumption was genius. This book is truly a treasure trove of wonderful recipes!

The recipe I am sharing today is in honor of my pals, Whitley and Finley who I thought about as soon as I saw this recipe. Here it is:

Squirrels A La King

Soak 2 dressed squirrels in salt water overnight to freshen them up. An hour or two before dinner, wash them rascals in 2 changes of cool water. Throw them in a kettle with enough water to cover Add 2 halves of an onion, some celery salt, and pepper; Then bring to a boil. Skim the surface foam from the bubbly stew and let simmer until done. Drain and dry the squirrels Then split them down the back and brown the 4 halves in a buttered skillet until golden brown. This is best served with cabbage. By the way, I would skip the cabbage because this dog is not a cabbage fan!

Before I make any further comments, I know that one of your first questions will be, what kind of clothing is best for dressing a squirrel? That answer is simple, but it is not one of those "one size fits most" situations. If it is a formal dinner--like Christmas, weddings, or you are having Bo Obama, first dog, over for dinner, dress them in tuxedos and formal wear. If it is a normal dinner, casual wear should be okay. Jeans and a t-shirt would be perfect. If you are having a luau or a beach party, dress them in swimwear. If you really want to shock your guests, serve them naked. I think you get the idea. Now go get yourself a squirrel, and start cooking!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Chef Demon Flash Bandit)

 

Walmart: Being Stupid Again

October 25th 2013 10:07 am
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Conpawtulations to Puff for being a diary pick today. I didn't write an entry yesterday so I want to conpawtulate my pal, Echo, who was a diary pick and Zeus who was chosen as dog of the day!

Does Walmart ever do anything sensible? I do think that it is a store that should have their CEO replaced by a dog. I would say they could hire me, but I don't think I'd want the job particularly since the store is based in Arkansas, and I would demand to get a position where I would have to move to Alaska. Why Alaska? Because sled dogs love snow and cold!!! I am referring in this situation to the local Walmart down the road from us that fired an employee because he came to the aid of a customer who was attacked on the parking lot. Evidently, this goes against "company policy". I think it was a very heroic thing for him to do. If he had not stepped in, the customer might have been seriously hurt or even killed. Once the story hit the Internet, he was offered his job back. I don't know if he will take it or not, but I hope he holds out for a better position with another company. If this dog were running a company, I would love to hire someone like that because I would think that a human like that would make an excellent employee. I know some of you are thinking, Demon Flash Bandit, why don't they hire you to run Walmart. The answer is as simple as the claws on my paws. I don't want to work for Walmart. It would interrupt my naptime, and I do not do cheers even for dingo bones. This dog has standards. Believe me, when a customer overhears a group of employees doing the "Walmart cheer", the average reaction is that they want to get out of the store before it gets crazier!

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Latest Stupid Move by Walmart)

 
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