Adventures of a lead dog

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Birds deserve the death penalty---I dont' care what the- humans say

June 28th 2007 8:02 am
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I'm still worried about the situation with the house next door. If that bird bought the place, then it is time to move. I refuse to live next to a bird. Who would want to live next door to such a sickening group? They get up early every morning to sing----and their songs have no lyrics. I guess none of them are songwriters. They sing the same tune over and over. They poop everywhere. I've seen them poop on the windshield of the car. Obviously, they have no manners. They eat worms which is disgusting--okay, maybe that is okay. I've eaten a few annoying bugs myself---but they aren't my main diet. Birds fly around and act like they are the only ones who can which is totally untrue. My brother flies me into the car a lot of daysl They are the inspiration for that stupid "I flew in from___________, and boy are my arms tired. How many times have we heard that stupid joke? It is the birds' fault. It was okay the first time, but after about 2 times it loses its edge--and I've heard ti about 10 million times They steal snow. I know to some of you short haired breeds, you might not care, but to a husky, stealing our snow is a crime worthy of the death penalty. When a dog carries out the death penalty on the birds, his humans usually get all upset. "You kilLed the sweet little bird." PLEASE=====like you have done something wrong. They should be giving you a medal-----and then leave the d out of medal and you have meal---another thing that could be given along with the medal. I've got to find out if that bird owns the house or not. I haven't seen Meagan in awhile; but, like me, she is a house dog so maybe I've just missed her. I sure hope she is still there. I wonder if she is there and the birds broke into the house and are holding her and her family hostage. The possibilites stagger the mind. I've got to take a nap.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Detective)

 

I hope skeets are some kind of bird.

June 29th 2007 8:21 am
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I think I know why I haven't seen Meagan. I think they are living in a big vehicle (Mommy calls it a camper). My guess is she is staying in the camper because the birds either bought their house or stole it. Maybe the birds got in and filled it with bird poop so they couldn't live there anymore. Poor Meagan. I hope Mommy makes sure no birds get into our house. I'll do my part. If one gets in here, it will never get out.HAHAHA Meagan's Daddy likes to go skeet shooting. I hope the skeet is some kind of bird. If it isn't, I hope he misses a few, and hits some birds instead. No MOmmy, I'm not doing anything I'm not supposed to. I am just typing my diary entry. No, I don't think you want to read it. You know how diaries are---they are filled with a lot of personal stuff and dribble that you wouldn't enjoy reading. Remember that nice magazine you bought last night----yeah that's the one. Did you see the article on BLAH BLAH BLAH? That was a close call. She almost read that I'd like to kill birds. I think she suspects, but I try to keep it quiet because she likes birds. Do they ever learn?
Demon Flash Bandit (Concerned Neighbor)

 

I'd prefer candy for dinner.

June 30th 2007 8:59 am
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I was one lucky dog yesterday. Instead of eating the food Mommy offered me, I didn't want it. I ate an entire box of mild duds (the size the theatres sell). It was sheer heaven. The taste of caramel melting in your mouth covered in chocolate. There was one little glitch. Mommy didn't give them to me. I had grabbed them out of a bag from the store. (I inspect all bags that enter the house, and even if Mommy doesn't let me see what is in them, I have an excellent nose for smells.) I hid them under the bed for a couple of weeks until Mommy forgot about them and didn't realize they were missing. Then when no one was around, I ate them. Mommy found me doing it after I had about 10 to go, and the box was in shreds. I think I'm doing Mommy a favor. She knows she needs to lose a few pounds. That is one box of candy that won't keep her fat. Do you think she appreciated my efforts? NO, SHE TOLD ME I WAS A BAD DOG-----A BAD DOG WHO HAD THE BEST DINNER EVER. i did what any smart dog would do. I took a nap. I dreamed about eating mild duds for dinner everyday. It was such a nice dream.
UPDATE ON THE BIRD SITUATION: I still haven't seen Meagan. I don't know what is going on, but I get more worried with each passing day. I wish Mommy would let go of the leash, and I would kill that bird. Of course, I know he wouldn't taste near as good as milk duds.
Demon Flash Bandit (CANDY EATER)

 

July 3rd 2007 9:34 am
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Hi,
I haven't been able to add an entry for a couple of days because I had a few problems. I had this itchy spot that I had to bite and scratch. When Mommy saw blood on my paws and heard me crying, she took me to the emergency vet. (I feel any health problem should occur on Sunday so she has to take me to the 24 hour vet instead of across the street---it adds to the drama.) I am fine. Mommy has to put antibiotic ointment on it so it doesn't get infected. The main problem was I wouldn't let her see it. They sedated me to look at it. Anytime anyone got near, I would growl at them because it hurt. That is why Mommy took me in. She couldn't tell how serious it was because I wouldn't let her see it. Anyway, they sent me home in a silly looking collar to keep me from scratching. I hated that collar, but they said I could go without it if I didn't bother the owie, and I haven't bothered it at all.
Now to get to the serious part of my entry. Angel (yeah, right) Zoom Smokey now has her own page on Dogster. Yesterday she started to write her dairy entry, and I caught her on the computer trying to cut and paste one of my entries and use it as her own. I got mad, and gave her my plagierism speech. Did she understand? No, she said we live under the same roof, why should she have to make up her own dairy when mine is already written. She even planned to make me look like the bad dog. She had this evil laugh when she was at the computer. I knew this would happen if they took a photo of her. I suggested the photo go on E-BAY, but Mommy and the F-ster are attached to her. They are very gullible---remember, they also like birds. Due to my vigilance, she wrote her own entry. I know I'll have to watch her whenever she is on the computer. She will probably try to steal my entries another day when I'm not watching.
UPDATE ON BIRDS: Meagan still isn't home, and the bird is still strutting around the yard. I wonder how proudly he would strut with his head missing--you know like if someone happened to bite it off. Such a nice idea. . . . . .
Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping Angel Honest)

 

Fourth of July Surprise

July 4th 2007 7:57 am
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Hello,
I hope all your dogs are enjoying the Fourth of July. For all you silly puppies out there, the hot dogs are okay to eat. They aren't made from dogs---humans just have a stupid sense of humor. Because it is the Fourth of July, I have decided to announce my candidacy for President of the U. S. For all you Dogsters that live in other countries, this could have far reaching effects for you as well. I think that dogs have been discriminated against for too long. We have been put on leashes, fed dog food, and not allowed entry into some of the most fun places on the planet. Why? Because we are dogs. The "man" is always trying to keep us down, and on a leash. Since no doggie lawyers have stepped up to try to help, I've decided to take on the job myself. You might ask yourself why you should vote for me, a dog, to be president. My answer is : what makes you think humans should be running things?
Demon Flash Bandit (Presidential Candidate)

 

Demon Flash Bandit for President!!!

July 5th 2007 6:34 am
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I am so mad this morning, I can barely take a bite of my rawhide bne. First Angel wanted to copy my diary entries. Then yesterday, when I read her diary, flaming rawhide bits were flying out of my nose. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little, but you get the point---I WAS FURIOUS!!!!!! She announced that she was running for president. Does that puppy ever have an original idea or does she just follow me around trying to steal mine? Then she had the utter nerve to start an Angel Zoom Smokey for President group. I then had to start my own group which is Demon Flash Bandit for President. I don't know why she puts herself in this position. I hate to see her hurt. She just isn't up to the task, and I'm sure all you dogs out there would agree with me.
Be sure and join my group. Feel free to ask me any political questions you have. I'll be more than happy to answer as soon as I finish chewing on my rawhide bone. Wouldn't you prefer a President who has his priorities straight? I know all you dogs out there would agree that there is very little in life more important than a good rawhide bone. Questions can wait.
I hope all you dogs and your families had a nice Fourth of July weekend.
Be sure and join my group. Angel needs to realize that she is clearly unqualified for the job. I'm too upset to write more right now so I'll get back to my diary later.
Demon Flash Bandit (Group Administrator---Demon Flash Bandit for President

 

Birds should receive the death penalty

July 6th 2007 9:40 am
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The first thing I want to do in this entry is to thank Savannah Blue Belle and Cotton for designing such a lovely campaign sign and adding it to Savannah's site. Savannah is a very well travelled dog, and all of you reading this should check out her site. It is pawsome. I also appreciate their endorsement in the Demon Flash Bandit for President group. Bodie, I am so glad you and Kiara joined the group. I will cover a major issue in my diary today. Do you know what Angel covered in her diary yesterday----mimes, yes, you read correctly, mimes? She had an entire entry on how she doesn't like them. Who does? Have you ever seen a dog dress up as a mime and pretend there is an invisible wall keeping him from getting to his rawhide bone? Dogs are too smart for that. There is no such thing as an invisible wall, and we'd tear up a real one to get to a rawhide bone. My point is that she wants to be president and all she does is yap about mimes. How silly? She sounds like those human politicians who are asked questions and they never answer them. Then the other silly humans vote for them because they don't seem to notice that their questions weren't answered. That works with humans, but Angel is dealing with her fellow dogs now (we have to persuade our humans to let us vote by the next election). Dogs are much smarter and, if we don't get our questions answered, it makes the whole term "running" more literal. They would be running-to keep the rest of the dogs from tearing them apart.
Back to my campaign: I think the death penalty should be strictly enforced for all birds----NO EXCEPTIONS. There are no birds that will be exempt from this law unless maybe the bird can talk, in which case it better say, Demon Flash Bandit is the best president ever. I don't care if he can recite the Constitution, if he can't say the aforementioned phrase, Goodbye, Tweety. I will discuss more issues of my campaign in tomorrow's diary. It is time to move on.
UPDATE: Meagan isn't home, and that bird is still strutting around her yard(he wouldn't be if I were president). If something isn't done to stop them, they are going to be moving into every neighborhood. That sends chills down my spine which, since I'm a husky, actually feels good.
Mommy went to see License to Wed yesterday. If I were a screen writer, it would be License to Kill Birds. Wait a minute---you shouldn't need a license for that. For those of you who like birds and won't admit they are evil, I have 2 words for you: Bird Flu---I think I've made my point.
Remember to join my group, Demon flash Bandit for Presdent. HOWL
Demon Flash Bandit (The Dog who Has the Cure for BIRD FLU---kill them)

 

I'm glad I wasn't with Mommy most of the day yesterday

July 8th 2007 10:05 am
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Hi,
I didn't get around to writing a diary entry yesterday. Mommy had to take the van in to get it fixed. Some kind of vacuum tube was clogged. Then, of course, they found other fun things that needed to be done. Thanks to the quick service of the guys at Belle Tire, Mommy only had to wait 7 hours. One unfortunate customer had went to get groceries while waiting. Let's just say, I hope he didn't buy any ice cream. Mommy says she was going to take the pick-up in for new tires, but may very well go to their competitor because it might take 2 or 3 days to actually put tires on. She was going to ask one of the customers who was already waiting when Mommy arrived, but he wasn't very talkative. However, his skeleton was in very nice shape. I think the Belle Tire employee said he was getting an oil change. His 1955 model Packard was in excellent condition. Daddy would have loved it. He liked classics. It looked new. For all of you who want to keep your cars nice, that is a hint. Take one there for its first oil change, and when they finish, instant classic.
Then Mommy and Jeff went to West Branch to visit friends where they had a very nice time===WITHOUT ME. I had to babysit the other brother AGAIN. I know he needs someone to watch him, but I'm getting tired of always having to stay home and watch the 24 year old "baby". Angel didn't get to go either. I think she could babysit. I've done my time. Let her take over. Her diary entry yesterday about casinos and how to act human was so inspiriing NOT.........I know I could play a human with no problem. I have blue eyes---case closed. I haven't lowered myself to going to a casino because I don't know what a casino is---and how does Angel know these things?
UPDATE: Meagan isn't home. I'm really afraid that bird has taken over the house. I'm afraid to go on vacation. What if some bird steals our house while I'm gone. I HATE BIRDS. I don't know if I've covered that topic enough.
I'll go into more campaign stuff tomorrow. Angel wants to get on the computer. Maybe she made it to the casino and wants to brag about how much money she lost. HAHAHAHA I'm going to go check on Mommy. She was still tired when she got up this morning.
Demon Flash Bandit (computer hog---that is what Angel calling me)

 

I am not a bird lover, and Angel isn't allowed to drive the- car

July 9th 2007 11:16 am
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Yesterday I was very upset over a new development in the situation next door. That bird that took over the neighbor's house had his friends fly over and they were having a "bird party". I know this explains the awful heat we have had here the past few days. It was bad enough with one bird--but a whole group of them is just too much for me to accept. This brings me back to one of my major campaign issues. If I am elected president, those birds won't be partying because they will all be subject to the death penalty. For those of you who have humans who like birds (I have those kind of humans myself), buy a dvd (or a cassette for those of you whose owners haven't entered this century yet) of the old Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds. Obviously, Hitchcock was one of the few humans who could see birds for what they really are--feathery, flying, bits of garbage. They actually attack people. The people are terrified. Slip it into the dvd player and push the play button. If you do this everyday for a couple of weeks, it should better prepare your humans to understand the wisdom of my stand on the bird death penalty. For those of you who have humans who think the birds should actually do something wrong to be killed, feed the birds that hang out in your yard a bunch of bird seed. You might say, "but you are rewarding the birds, are you getting soft on the bird issue,". My answer would be "no, I'm not getting soft, but see how much the humans love those birds when they are leaving their bird poop everywhere (incidentally, their poop is the same color as the snow they steal).
I also want to make a comment about Angel Yesterday she sat in the driver's sear and acted like she was going to drive. I am the lead dog. My photo here on dogster is of me in the driver''s seat. CASE CLOSED. I AM THE ONLY DOG IN THIS FAMILY WHO CAN DRIVE. I had to put that in my diary so that when Angel reads it, she will have a public notification that she isn't allowed to drive.
Stay tuned for more of my "presidential promises".
Demon Flash Bandit (getting rid of birds one nest at a time)

 

Bugs are un-feathered birds

July 10th 2007 10:26 am
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Yesterday I received a political question from Mr Chuggs. Mr. Chuggs is a very nice cat who asked me my position on bugs-Japanese beetles in particular. I answered the question by paw-mail, but decided to cover it in my diary so all can see my stand. I'm against all bugs. They are basically little un-feathered birds who, as I see it, are advance scouts for the birds. Yeah, Tweety, we have an empty house over here that you can take over. I hate bugs. I bite as many as I can, and I've killed a couple with my paws. Unlike birds, humans won't mind if you kill bugs, Most humans have the good sense to hate them as much as I do. I had several possible solutions. 1. Go to the people who brought them here, and make them clean them up (this is for Japanese beetles in particular) 2. Have a terminator bug infiltrate their lairs, and kill them all. 3. My personal favorite) is to go back in time on the time machine (yes, there is one---see Angel's diary entry for yesterday) and kill them before there are too many of them. 4. Tell the bugs to reproduce and make as many as possible. Mommy thought that one up because she said if they are like teen-agers, whatever you tell them to do, they will do the opposite so NO MORE BUGS!!! I can see where that would work. It would take all the fun out of making little buggies. If any of you animals have questions like Mr. Chuggs did, don't hesitate to ask.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bug Exterminator)

 
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