Adventures of a lead dog

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All the candy is mine

June 19th 2007 4:47 am
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Angel stepped over the line yesterday. I found some Mike and Ike's, and she tried to get the empty box. I knew this was bound to happen. Eventually she would think my candy and empty candy boxes are hers. I let her know that the candy belongs to DEMON. I let her eat all the roast beef. I thought I was being nice. Mommy said she is going to hide the candy better because I am getting way too ridiculous in my love of candy. I don't know how many times I have to tell her it is the perfect food. It tastes good, and is obviously good for me. I have covered in previous entries how Mike and Ike's have fruit flavors, and fruit is a basic food group. Added to the fact that candy is the main food group, that makes it so good for me that I don't know why Mommy doesn't just buy me candy and be done with it. Where are the dog scientists to back me up? Mommy really doesn't get it. She doesn't even think candy is a food group. I still think the humans don't want us to have candy so they can eat it all themselves.
Demon Flash Bandit (Nutritionist)

 

The Fantastic 4 Sled Dogs

June 20th 2007 5:32 am
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Mommy went to see another movie-The Fantastic Four which I can only assume is about a dog sled team with 4 very fantastic dogs. What else could it be about? If it were about humans, it would be called The Ordinary Four.

I am on the computer, and I hear the pitter patter of 4 annoying puppy paws. C'mon in Angel Have you ever heard of e-bay. You can buy anything on e-bay. No, I wouldn't think of selling you. She sure is gullible.HA I'm letting it work to my advantage. The only problem is that I kind of like her, but I don't want to admit it. How can I not like a puppy who looks up to me so much. No matter how much she annoys me, she does have excellent taste.

Mommy said the movie was good so the dog team must have saved the world-AGAIN. We save the world, and then we aren't even allowed to go in stores and restaurants. It just isn't fair. I think some doggie lawyer should start demanding that dogs get better treatment. I'm sure the case would get the dog a lot of publicity. Are there any doggie lawyers interested? Dogs everywhere would be grateful.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog rights activist)

 

Angel will get her own page.

June 21st 2007 5:27 am
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Yesterday Mommy finally got a photo of the puppy. She was asleep. Now I guess the puppy will end up with a puppy page of her own. I don't really think it is necessary. My side is all that matters. Whatever the puppy's opinion of the day's events might be, she is wrong. It is bad enough she wakes me from naps and now she will be on dogsster. Life doesn't make any sense-putting the puppy on a doggy page. Now she is going to think she is better than all the other dogs---and she is barely worthy of licking my paws.
Demon Flash Bandit (Possible dogster editor)

 

Driving

June 23rd 2007 4:29 am
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Angel has gone way too far this time. While Mommy was on the computer yesterday, she got into Mommy's purse. She got the keys out, and was trying to get the wallet when Mommy found her. I don't know what is wrong with Angel. She should have left the keys alone. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DRIVE. I AM THE LEAD DOG. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? She gets in the car and tries to sit on Mommy's lap because she thinks she will be allowed to drive. I am not allowed to drive. Mommy said if the police see a dog driving the car, they will put me in the cage in the back of the police car, and I hate cages. On second thought, Angel, where are those keys? Sure, the police love it when dogs drive. Why don't you go without Mommy. She won't mind. Where were you planning to go? Let me make a quick phone call to the police. No, you don't need a license. I'm calling them to ask if they are having any fund raisers. Have a good time. Bye.
Demon Flash Bandit (concerned citizen)

 

Balloonfest

June 24th 2007 10:18 am
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Mommy went to the Balloonfest yesterday WITHOUT THE DOG EVEN THOUGH DOGS ARE ALLOWED. Can you believe her? She said she can barely make it through there herself, and doesn't have the stamina to take the dogs. Is it my fault that I get excited and try to pull people whichever way I want to go? Is it my fault that they never appreciate the fun stuff (like a good sitck or an icky bug)? Maybe my brother will take me today. I'll have to go use my sad face. I hope all you dogs have fun today.
Demon Flash Bandit (potential attender of the Balloonfest)

 

My human brothers are jerks

June 25th 2007 6:06 am
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I am very angry today. I can understand Mommy not taking me to the Balloonfest. She is getting old, and I know she can barely take herself. My brothers went and they didn't take me. I couldn't believe their nerve. One said that I would be a major problem to keep up with since I don't always behave when I'm excited.
MY VIEW: I am very well behaved, but the humans have no taste. They leave the dog out, and then its the dog's fault. Do I get mad at them when they take me someplace I don't want to go? I go with them, and try to make the best of the situation. Humans aren't even smart enough to run after an evil bird. Our whole society has the same blatant disregard for the dog's wishes. We need a hero. When is UNDERDOG being released? That is a movie that understands the importance of a single dog.
Demon Flash Bandit (I'm always ready to go bye bye)

 

Did a bird buy the house next door?

June 26th 2007 8:17 am
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There was a bird walking through my neighbor's yard yesterday like he owned the place. My brother said maybe he does. That made me realize that the bird could have bought it with all the money he gets from stealing my snow to sell to the penquins. That is my friend, Meagan's house. She is an adorable cocker spaniel. I don't want to see her homeless because a bird has bought her house. I HATE birds.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Hater)

 

Even cats realize birds are evil

June 27th 2007 12:09 pm
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I still haven't found out if that stupid bird bought the house next door or not. Don't you juet hate it when birds strut around in front of you with that "I can do anything I want to because I'm a bird and I can fly away". Luckily some dogs who aren't on leashes (pay attention Mommy) can rid the world of their evil. Cats understand how evil birds are. Cats are better at getting birds than we are (as a whole---I know there may be individual dogs that are great bird hunters, but cats are fast).
Mommy went to see another movie last night. This time it was Evan Almighty. Of course, they didn't show 2 huskies. What is this world coming to? Giraffes, elephants, alphacas, sheep, chipmunks----NO HUSKIES. I guess the movie would have cost too much if they had to start hiring huskies--or any other breed of dog (they did have one dog). I think it would have been worth adding a few million to the budget. People like to see dogs. I know I do.Mommy said it was a good movie. I have to wait to see it on dvd. Dogs aren't allowed in the theatre. I bet giraffes, elephants, sheep, etc. are. . . . .
Demon Flash Bandit (Movie Philosopher)

 

Birds deserve the death penalty---I dont' care what the- humans say

June 28th 2007 8:01 am
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I'm still worried about the situation with the house next door. If that bird bought the place, then it is time to move. I refuse to live next to a bird. Who would want to live next door to such a sickening group? They get up early every morning to sing----and their songs have no lyrics. I guess none of them are songwriters. They sing the same tune over and over. They poop everywhere. I've seen them poop on the windshield of the car. Obviously, they have no manners. They eat worms which is disgusting--okay, maybe that is okay. I've eaten a few annoying bugs myself---but they aren't my main diet. Birds fly around and act like they are the only ones who can which is totally untrue. My brother flies me into the car a lot of daysl They are the inspiration for that stupid "I flew in from___________, and boy are my arms tired. How many times have we heard that stupid joke? It is the birds' fault. It was okay the first time, but after about 2 times it loses its edge--and I've heard ti about 10 million times They steal snow. I know to some of you short haired breeds, you might not care, but to a husky, stealing our snow is a crime worthy of the death penalty. When a dog carries out the death penalty on the birds, his humans usually get all upset. "You kilLed the sweet little bird." PLEASE=====like you have done something wrong. They should be giving you a medal-----and then leave the d out of medal and you have meal---another thing that could be given along with the medal. I've got to find out if that bird owns the house or not. I haven't seen Meagan in awhile; but, like me, she is a house dog so maybe I've just missed her. I sure hope she is still there. I wonder if she is there and the birds broke into the house and are holding her and her family hostage. The possibilites stagger the mind. I've got to take a nap.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Detective)

 

Birds deserve the death penalty---I dont' care what the- humans say

June 28th 2007 8:02 am
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I'm still worried about the situation with the house next door. If that bird bought the place, then it is time to move. I refuse to live next to a bird. Who would want to live next door to such a sickening group? They get up early every morning to sing----and their songs have no lyrics. I guess none of them are songwriters. They sing the same tune over and over. They poop everywhere. I've seen them poop on the windshield of the car. Obviously, they have no manners. They eat worms which is disgusting--okay, maybe that is okay. I've eaten a few annoying bugs myself---but they aren't my main diet. Birds fly around and act like they are the only ones who can which is totally untrue. My brother flies me into the car a lot of daysl They are the inspiration for that stupid "I flew in from___________, and boy are my arms tired. How many times have we heard that stupid joke? It is the birds' fault. It was okay the first time, but after about 2 times it loses its edge--and I've heard ti about 10 million times They steal snow. I know to some of you short haired breeds, you might not care, but to a husky, stealing our snow is a crime worthy of the death penalty. When a dog carries out the death penalty on the birds, his humans usually get all upset. "You kilLed the sweet little bird." PLEASE=====like you have done something wrong. They should be giving you a medal-----and then leave the d out of medal and you have meal---another thing that could be given along with the medal. I've got to find out if that bird owns the house or not. I haven't seen Meagan in awhile; but, like me, she is a house dog so maybe I've just missed her. I sure hope she is still there. I wonder if she is there and the birds broke into the house and are holding her and her family hostage. The possibilites stagger the mind. I've got to take a nap.
Demon Flash Bandit (Bird Detective)

 
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