Adventures of a lead dog

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First a puppy, and now a kitten-when will it end?

May 26th 2007 11:09 am
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Mommy hasn't had time to type for me much lately. She did go see the new Pirates movie at midnight the night it came out. I still think I'd prefer to see Eight Below or Snow Dogs.
As if the puppy isn't enough, now Mommy has a kitten. She has been feeding it special milk with an eye dropper. I showed her the kittens. She left them alone, until she realized that their Mommy wasn't coming to feed them. There were 3, but 2 of them must have passed away so Mommy is trying to save the third one. The kitten is only about 4 inches long, and it hasn't opened its eyes yet. Its Mommy is a wild, stray cat that doesn't trust humans. I don't know if Mommy will keep the kitten or take it to someome who knows more about baby kittens. Mommy grew up with a lot of animals so I think she can handle it herself. Since this is a holiday weekend, Mommy kind of has to help the kitten herself because most places that can help are closed.
I hope all you dogs have a nice Memorial Day, and to those of you who live in the USA, don't forget to say a prayer of thanks for the soldiers of all the wars who have died while serving in the military.
Demon Flash Bandit (kitten finder)

 

Every animal should be loved

May 27th 2007 8:17 pm
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I have bad news today. The kitten Mommy was feeding special newborn milk to with an eyedropper didn't make it. Mommy and I are very sad because the kitten seemed to be doing okay yesterday, but it looked like her little nose was running so maybe she had been left alone by the mother too long by the time Mommy rescued her, or maybe she was just too small and delicate to make it. I watched Mommy feed her, and I smelled her. I like cats so I was hoping I'd have a new friend. Mommy had even decided to keep her because she got so attached to the sweet little kitten. At least the kitten is in a happy place where all animals are wanted and there are no stray homelee animals (or people). I am sure my human Daddy welcomed the kitten, and is playing with her. Cats always loved Daddy. I know he'll take good care of my kitten. I'm too sad to write anymore
Demon Flash Bandit (Unhappy dog)

 

HATS ARE STRUPID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 31st 2007 1:10 pm
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Yesterday was my brother's birthday so Mommy took the family to a place called Frankenmuth to celebrate. Once again, the dog was left behind. It isn't too bad because I am allowed to stay in the house because I am a good dog. The puppy had to stay in the crate. Mommy is afraid she might get into something that could hurt her. When she is bigger, and can be trusted, she can roam through the house freely like I do. They weren't gone too long, but I am still annoyed that I can't go with them. All they have to do is tell everyone I'm a person with a bit more hair. I'll even wear a hat if it helps (and normally I hate hats). That reminds me of a story. Mommy bought me a
Davy Crockett hat-and expected me to wear it. This is my argument for why Mommy shouldn't be allowed in souvenir shops on vacation-a Davy Crockett hat. Daddy got one too, and he wore it. Humans have no taste.
Demon Flash Bandit (not the hat wearing Demon Flash Bandit)

 

I Don't Mean to Brag, but I Am Perfect

June 1st 2007 9:10 am
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Yesterday was okay. I had to babysit my brother and Angel (which I still think is the wrong name for her). Mommy came home with giant rawhide bones. They are bigger than Angel. I guess the idea was that I would get one and Angel would get one. I thought I should get two because Angel is too small for it. Mommy didn't agree and actually made sure that I couldn't get it. Shouldn't I be paid for babysitting my brother and the puppy? Anyway, I'm allowing it because it takes me weeks to chew up one of those size bones-and Mommy holds it for her while she chews it. I think it is unfair, but this is coming from the same person who leaves me at home and claims I am not allowed in a lot of places. I've seen the humans they allow in-give the dog a break. I wouldn't allow some of them in-yet dogs are banned. Who makes these stupid rules?
Angel is getting better. I guess you just have to be patient with the puppy. I know I wasn't annoying as a puppy because it is impossible for me to be anything but perfect. That is my opinion, and it is absolutely correct.
Demon Flash Bandit (Perfect Dog)

 

Some jokes are funny to humans but not to dogs

June 4th 2007 9:57 am
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There is one major problem in not having thumbs. I can't type. In my last dairy entry, I state (correctly) that I was never annoying as a puppy, and that I was perfect. Mommy kept laughing over that one so I decided not to allow her to type my dairy entry for a couple of days. That will teach her to laugh at absolutely true statements. Most puppies (like Angel) are annoying. I was the exception to the rule. I am always a good dog. I will admit one indiscretion. Normally I leave Mommy's "toys" alone. If they look like dog toys, she shows them to me and tells me they are hers, and I don't bother them. I've got plenty of my own toys (Mommy claims they are scattered everywhere). Anyway, my brother was babysitting for me, and there was this one Jeff Foxworthy talking doll Mommy bought because she likes Jeff Foxworthy. I hated this doll and I'm not too crazy about Jeff Foxworthy either. He told jokes, and one of them involved a person being a redneck if the porch collapses and it kills a bunch of dogs. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!!!!! I just don't see the humor in a bunch of innocent dogs dying. It would have been much funnier if he had said "when a barn full of people who go to those horrible dog fights collapse and kills them all"-that would be funny. I know it doesn't have a punchline or anything; but, believe me dogs everywhere would be laughing. I can fix it for him-you can tell if a person is a redneck if he is roasting birds. I would laugh at that. As any of you who read my dairy know, I HATE BIRDS. Those little snow stealing cause of global warming creatures need to die. I had to tell mommy the truth about the doll. My indiscretion was that in my puppy innocence, I had allowed a bird to come in and bite the doll's head off. Birds are evil.
Demon Flash Bandit (sophisticated dog)

 

Angel's trip to the vet

June 7th 2007 7:47 am
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Yesterday Mommy took Angel to the vet for shots. I was really bummed out over that because Angel got to go by herself. It would have been fun to go with her. I could watch HER get a shot and not ME. Then Mommy took her to the pst store for treats. Sure, Mommy bought some stuff for me, but I think I should have gone to the pet store too. Just because I am strong, and can pull Mommy down is no reason for her not to take me too. Some of the best scenes in Snow Dogs is when Demon is pulling the dentist (played by Cuba Gooding) down. At least those are MY favorite scenes!!!! The worst part of the whole situation is that Mommy brought Angel back. At first, I thought maybe Mommy was taking her back to where we got her, but no such luck. She is not only back with us, but she is learning to bark and bite back at mel It is a shame she isn't the perfect puppy that I was.
Demon Flash Bandit (The dog that was left at home----Dogrella)

 

It is too hot here

June 12th 2007 9:35 am
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I guess it is time to add a new dairy entry. The only reason I haven't been writing one is that things have been normal here which means nothing overly interesting has occurred. Angel has calmed down a little so I can get back to my napping. It has been hot here. If I could only get my paws on those snow stealing birds, it would be nice and cool here. I maintian that Alaska is the perfect place to live. Why don't people listen to us dogs?
Demon Flash Bandit (Dreaming of Alaska)

 

Angel hates the camera

June 16th 2007 8:24 am
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It is time for another dairy entry. Mommy has been trying to add Angel to Dogster, but Angel either bites the camera or she runs away when Mommy tries to take a photo. I want to take this opportunity to say that it has nothing to do with putting the puppy for sale on E-BAY. I don't know where the puppy gets these odd ideas. Just because I happened to say that I'd like to put a few things on E-bay is no reason for the puppy to think I meant her. Mommy loves her, and I wouldn't think of selling my "favorite" puppy who is always waking me up and biting me on E-Bay. I bet those evil birds gave her that idea. People are always saying "a little birdie told me". Yes, it was the evil birds. I had nothing to do with her odd fear of cameras. I've got to go now and take a few photos. Where are you puppy?..........Is Mommy around?...... You are so adorable..........Wouldn't you like for your husky brother Demon to take your photo............I wouldn't think of selling you on E-Bay...........
Demon Flash Bandit (photographer and possible seller on e-bay)

 

Money

June 17th 2007 9:24 am
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I really need to learn to type. After yesterday's entry, Mommy had a long talk with Angel about her not being sold on E-Bay. I told her I'd take her photo. She can trust the Deemster. I tell her that, but the birds must have told her otherwise. Birds are evil.
Now it is time that I inform all you dogs out there about an important item-at least to humans. They carry around paper which they refer to as money. It is green, and always has a photo of some old human on it. For you dogs in Canada, your money comes in different colors, and I think it has some old lady on it. Old ladies aren't allowed on money in the U.S. I think it is because having old men to look at is bad enough. Anyway, I go to drive-thru everyday, and before Mommy gets my food, she hands them some of this "money". Then I get a hamburger, chicken, or roast beef. It is that easy. The stupid humans work their butts off for paper-and they think they are smarter than dogs. What a laugh!!!!! Anyway, I have found some of this delightful paper, and I have hoarded it in my stash of hidden items. You know how important it is to have some fossilized meat, and a rawhide bone hidden away in case you get hungry. Mommy found money there, and she just laughed because she didn't realize that I was smart enough to make the connection. PLEASE. I'm the dog who knows how to open the car door, turn on the radio, and make the windows go down. I always pay close attention to whatever the humans are doing. Mommy says she has never had a dog who watches what she does so intently. I've got to go now. I hope all you dogs out there that didn't know about money now unerstand its importance. The humans won't tell you so that leaves it up to a fellow dog to make sure you know. By the way, Mommy used actual money to pay for Angel. I think a few roast beef sandwiches would have been a wiser investment. Oh yeah, Mommy is typing this. Angel was worth every penny. I love her. She is so cute. It was lousy when I got all the attention. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Demon Flash Bandit (Investment counselor)

 

Pirates of Alaska

June 18th 2007 9:44 am
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Mommy went to see some silly Pirates movie for a third time yesterday. I could understand if it was Eight Below or Snow Dogs, but I can't think of many movies that need to be seen more than once. I guess Firehouse Dog would be one. I also heard that Underdog will be coming out soon. Anyway, after giving it some thought, I kind of understood why people like the pirate movie. It probably stars a handsome blue eyed husky like myself. He runs the ship, and everyone does what he wants because, if they don't he gives them a sad look or makes them walk the plank. (I've heard some dogs say they would have cats walk the plank-I do like cats so I don't share their opinion.) Then the pirate gets the leading girl dog, and the treasure of rawhide bones.
Hey Angel---let's go out on Mommy's boat. You can walk the plank. Sure---the plank is lots of fun. It is a privilege to walk the plank. You get to do it because you are such a sweet puppy-and you nipped at my neck when I was trying to sleep. You know it has to be fun if it is based on a ride at Disneyland. You can trust Sir Dirty Paws........
Demon Flash Bandit (Captain Demon Bandit-see my name is perfect for a pirate)

 
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