Adventures of a lead dog

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Why don't I get to go with my human brother?

April 16th 2007 8:07 am
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I wonder what new adventures I will have today. Yesterday was one of those annoying days when my brother went out with his friend and DIDN'T TAKE THE DOG-----AGAIN!!!!!! I don't know why they don't take me. I am loads of fun, and I love to go places. I bet if my brother were a dog, I'd be invited to go with him. We dogs aren't as snobby. I'm so good to him. I've shared toys and dog biscuits and this is the thanks I get. I've got to go check the attorney section of the phone book. I'm really getting tired of all this dog discrimination. Let's see how much fun the kid has when he has a team of doggie lawyers "hounding" him. Woof Woof Demon Flash Bandit

 

I'm not a cookie monster-I'm a cookie bandit

April 17th 2007 8:07 am
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Yesterday was another good day. Mommy took me to get Arby's and, when I got home, I managed to procure a cookie (Mommy says sneak- I say procure). Why should I eat the cookie last? What if I am too full to eat it? Humans don't seem to understand that type of dilemna. Because I absolutely refused to give up the cookie, (I am very determined when it comes to cookies.) I was allowed to keep it. It was so sweet and good, and I don't know why I just can't eat sugar cookies instead of regular food. There is no contamination problem with "human cookies" either. I wish someone would explain that to Mommy. Anyway, I had to babysit for my brother who spent most of his time watching some really stupid program called tech tv (talk about a loser show-not one dog on it) and being on the internet. What does he do on the internet? He looks up computer sites. As much as he knows about computers, I can't ask him to order on-line candy for me because he takes candy away faster than Mommy does. I think he is hoarding it for himself. He lives nearby in an apartment, and I suspect he is too cheap to buy his own candy so he takes it from the dog. To hear him tell it, he is keeping me from getting sick. THE STUPID HUMANS BELIEVE HIM!!!!!!!!!! Humans are so gullible. It makes me realize that we have no hope in getting rid of those evil birds. Humans like them too. I wish humans were as smart as us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit, the cookie bandit

 

How can my brother have fun without the dog?

April 18th 2007 8:59 am
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Mommy had an appointment at the human vet yesterday, and claimed I couldn't go. I am really getting sick of this "leave the dog at home" attitude. It annoys me as much as the birds stealing my snow. I knew she was leaving. I've got good ears, and I can tell when she picks up her keys. I was waiting at the door, and she managed to get out without me. I never thought she could be so sneaky. Anyway, she came home and then my stupid brother Jeff went out without me "with his friend" AGAIN. I let him go 2 days ago, and now he thinks he can go out without the dog AGAIN. I am truly fed up with his outrageous behavior. You'd think Mommy would tell him to stay home or al least take the dog, but she just tells him to have fun. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT SENDING THE KID? She is saying go ahead and leave and don't take the dog. Besides, what fun can they have without the dog. Jeff had dvds-no squeaky toys, no rawhide bones, not even a ball. How much fun can you have without those items? When he came home, he didn't even bring me a new toy. I'm very annoyed.
Demon Flash Bandit ( the neglected puppy)

 

I am the Champion

April 19th 2007 9:26 am
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Today I am going to discuss a very serious topic-tug of war.

Tug of war is a very serious game. I am the champion of tug of war. I put my whole essence into winning. When I win, the humans sing that Demon is the Champion song which shows just how good I am that the songwriter wrote that song just for me. I also receive applause. This is where the serious topic comes in. My Mommy thinks it is "cute" to kiss my nose while I am in the midst of a serious tug of war game. I have to concentrate on winning and putting all my strength into what I am doing and Mommy thinks I want to be kissed. I like kisses, but not in the middle of such a serious situation. I think she is trying to cheat because she knows she doesn't stand a chance to win. Do any of you have humans who try to cheat at tug of war?
Demon Flash Bandit (the Champion)

 

Demon F. Bandit mild mannered secret identity for Superdog

April 20th 2007 8:03 am
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Yesterday was a nice spring day with no snow. It was still a nice day-not one of those really hot summer days which I am not at all fond of. Mommy went to a movie so I had to babysit my brother. He comes over here just to have me babysit for him. At least he is okay company when he isn't engrossed in his stupid Tech TV show.
Nomally I am totally against dogs wearing clothes. I think it is humiliating, and I do not like being teased by the other dogs. However, yesterday I made the rare exception and wore my Superdog cape. It is part of my Halloween costume (the only part I would wear), and I do look good in it. I think it fits my personality. I am a Superdog. I even flew into the car yesterday with a little help from my brother who happens to be my pilot.
It is now time for Superdog to fly into the kitchen and see if there are any treats laying around "unprotected" (definition: they don't have a padlock and the dog can reach them). Wish me luck.
Demon Flash Bandit----Superdog

 

Demon Flash Bandit- Mission: Security

April 21st 2007 8:22 am
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I was a very helpful dog yesterday. My Mommy had to go to the post office, and I went along. Because I don't like to stay in the car, and I know how to open the car door, Mommy doesn't generally take me unless there is someone in the car to sit with me. However, I had to stay in the car alone because Mommy told me to guard the car for her. That is when I realized how important I am. My new job is to be a watchdog. I think I can handle that. My job is very important. Imagine how horrible it would be if someone stole the car while Mommy was in the post office. Believe me, that won't happen on my watch.
Demon Flash Bandit (Security Dog)

 

Horse dog is even bigger than Great Dane

April 22nd 2007 5:36 am
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Yesterday I met a giant dog. Mommy said it was a horse which, obviously, is even bigger than a Great Dane. I wanted to play with it, and Mommy pulled the car up beside the fence and I cried at the window. One of the horses came over and tried to make friends. I told him, "I wuv you". Mommy thought it was sweet. I wonder how big his dog house has to be. Have any of you other dogs ever met a horse? They are beautiful dogs-and quiet. He didn't even bark. I love horses. If they live in the house, do they have to have a bed of their own because they are sort of big to sleep with the humans? I'm going to ask mommy if we can get a horse dog.

 

Tired of low budget films that can't afford to hire dogs.

April 23rd 2007 8:28 am
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Mommy came home yesterday with 2 magazines that look interesting. Both have dogs on the cover. One was Dog Fancy and the other was Bark. I like it when Mommy buys doggy magazines. I don't know why she doesn't give them to me to read. She also bought me a giant plush sqeaky lizard and my own plush cell phone so now I can take calls from all my friends on dogster. The phone rings so I know it is real. Mommy went to see a movie last night. She saw The Hoax and said it was good. I fail to see how it could be good because, if I understand correctly, there wasn't one dog in the whole movie. It must have been a low budget film that couldn't afford to get a dog. My recommendation is to skip all the movies except for Firehouse Dog which is the only one I'd want to see.
Demon Flash Bandit, movie critic

 

I like money

April 24th 2007 10:23 am
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I learned a new trick yesterday. It was one I taught myself-those are the best tricks. I was riding in the car with Mommy and one of my human brothers; and I opened Mommy's purse, took out her wallet, and I sat down on it. I like money. I've seen Mommy give it to people at drive-thru windows, and I've observed that the humans then get whatever they want after they hand over the money. Occasionally I'll find money and I put it in my stash. Mommy laughed at what I did, but then she told me it wasn't a good trick, and I shouldn't do it anymore. I thought it was a suberb trick. I haven't heard her tell me that well behaved Pointer she had ever did anything that smart. I know the Pointer was a nice dog, but I still say he was a loser. Mommy does say that I am a lot smarter than he was, and evidently, he was smart. I'm sure I would like him if I knew him, but it is about time dogs realize who is in charge-US. To quote a line from Good Boy, "you don't see us picking up their poop". That is so true. I'll bark at the dairy again later.

 

Orange is a nice color for carpet

April 25th 2007 11:50 am
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I had a nice time yesterday. Mommy was out and I was babysitting my brother and I found a plastic bottle of orange craft paint. I just want to say that I think the icky green carpet in Mommy's bedroom looks better with a splash of orange color. All Mommy said was, I've got hardwood to replace the carpet with when I get to it. Can you imagine? She plans to re-do my brilliant art masterpiece. Humans have no taste.
Demon Flash Bandit (interior decorator)

 
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