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Adventures of a lead dog

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Everyone Poops Except Demon Flash Bandit

February 2nd 2013 10:42 am
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I would like to thank dogster HQ for making me a diary pick yesterday. It is always an honor to be chosen! I would like to thank my pal Zoe, for sending me a steak which was delicious. The only thing better than one steak is two steaks so I would like to thank my pals, Duncan Fife and Hamish McDuff for sending me a second steak! Thanks to Pepper CGC for sending me a blue ribbon. I want to thank Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon they sent me. I also want to thank Abbie for the blue ribbon, and the kind words about enjoying my diary entries.

I wasn't able to write yesterday because I have been busy at the attorney's office. I am suing Fukuinkan Shoten Publishers for slander because they are the original publishers of the book, Everyone Poops. The title is erroneous, and needs to be changed. I want the title changed to Everyone Poops Except Demon Flash Bandit. This is a factual title because I do not poop. I have went into more details on this subject in my blog,

The former first dog, Barney, who owned the family of George W. Bush, died yesterday. Barney was a Scottish Terrier, and I'm sure he will be missed. I have come to the conclusion that dogs do not live long enough. My humans have told me that I have to continue living for a LONG time because they agree with my thinking on the subject.

Punxsutawney Phil, who is the official weather groundhog predicted that there will be only 6 more weeks of winter. He made that prediction on Gobbler's Knob, a hill about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I guess this means that I will be having a little chat with Mother Nature because I think that is way too quick to have winter end when a sled dog is just beginning to enjoy some snow. I'm not a fan of summer!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog In Court)


Groundhogs and Public Pet Restrooms

February 3rd 2013 8:47 am
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I have bad news about the groundhog's prediction. According to our local groundhog, Woody, who lives at the Howell Nature Center, Woody agrees with Punxsutawney Phil that winter will be over soon. Evidently, Woody enjoys a good prediction record so now this dog can only hope that he is wrong. Of course, the stupid humans are happy with Woody. I bet they give him groundhog treats for his prediction. Stupid, tasteless humans!!!

IN the Luohu district in Shenzhen China, 1,000 public pet toilets have been installed for use by dogs and cats. I don't know of many dogs who want to use a toilet so I'm going to assume that only cats are dumb enough to go along with the human's idea of keeping the city clean. Cats are obsessively clean creatures which is why I think most of them need psychiatric care. Dogs, on the other hand, enjoy some good dirt. We know how to have fun and pawty. It is a lot more fun to dig in the dirt than to clean oneself. The cats clean off all the souvenirs (dirt)of their fun. Since the humans here in the United States might come up with a similar idea, how many of my pals would use a public toilet if the cities provided us with one? I'm guessing there won't be many votes to use one.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Knows How to Pawty)


Dogs: Smarter Than the Average Cat

February 5th 2013 8:50 am
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The latest research among the humans is that dogs are smarter than cats. I think this research was a waste of time and money because any dog could have told the humans that. With a short observation of cat behavior, anyone with any sense can tell that they aren't particularly smart. For example, look at how they treat their humans. Humans take care of us pets and buy us good food, treats, and toys. Therefore,when a human walks into the house after an absence, we dogs greet them with the usual dog greeting, which can range from greeting the humans with a wagging tail to knocking them down to kiss them. How does a cat greet the humans? The cat walks away like he could care less about the human, and that the human is lucky he did not run away while the human was gone. If you want to continue getting good stuff, the dog's behavior is the most intelligent. If you want the humans to kick your tail out of the house, act like a cat. Of course, since the humans aren't as smart as us dogs, they usually let the cats get by with their lousy behavior. Most dogs would kick the cats out and eat their cat food because we are smarter than the average cat!

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog and Cat Intelligence)


Puppy Bowl Was GREAT!!!

February 7th 2013 11:18 am
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I'd like to thank my pals, Misty, Scooter, Pepper, and Mr. Cutter for the lovely gift on my page which I think is called a flour (flower) de fancy. I've seen it at historical reenactments so it have been around for a long time. It is translated from the French which means "fancy flower". It was worn by knights, kings, queens, ladies in waiting (I have no idea what they were waiting for) and pages although why the pages in a book would want to wear jewelry is beyond my understanding. However, I think the Three Musketeers used to wear it when they were making and eating their candy bars, and as my pals know, anything that involves candy is loved by this dog!!! Thanks for this very special gift. Since it was a Mardi Gras gift, I am pleased to announce that Mommy brought home from paczis yesterday. The stores now have commercialed this Polish doughnut to the point where you can buy them for weeks now, but the best ones around here are still made at a bakery in Hamtramck, MI, which is part of Detroit. Of course, despite my advice, Mommy will not drive for an hour and a half to get some doughnuts no matter how special they are.

How many people saw that the Puppy Bowl, which was last Sunday was so popular that electricity for the stupid Super Bowl football games was diverted to the Puppy Bowl? Finally the humans made some sense. I don't even know why the humans get so excited over the Super Bowl anyway. Phantom Fast Snowman says that no one cares about the stupid game, but it is about the partying that goes with it. Phantom says that any excuse to drink excessively is important to many of the humans--and to Phantom. As you can see from my page, Phantom likes to pawty, and he tends to go wild at various events. In fact, you can buy the video, Phantom Gone Wild, in which Phantom takes off his Irish shirt on St. Patricks Day. Anyway, as usual, the Puppy Bowl was great!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoyed the Puppy Bowl)


Impress the Girl Dogs With Garbage Skills

February 10th 2013 9:56 am
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I have been having trouble writing a diary for dogster so I've been using the time to nap because I've discovered that a dog can never get too much sleep. I am going to try to write an entry today because I have something important to share with all the he-man dogs like myself out there. Normally, Angel Zoom Smokey is unimpressed with my behavior, but a couple of days ago, I did something that she finds irresistable. I went into the room where the humans have the computer and the garbage was full. I took my paw and knocked it over and I scattered garbage all over the room. In addition to the cool makeover the garbage accomplished, Angel was very impressed that I was strong enough to carry the garbage can out into the hall. Angel happens to be a very picky girl, so if it impresses her, it will impress any girl dog watching. When you are done, be sure and let her know that it was could have done it with 3 paws tied behind your back and a blindfold over your eyes. Then do what we did---play with the garbage!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Garbage Skills)


I'm BACK!!!!!

February 13th 2013 8:50 am
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I would like to thank my pals Lady and the Tramp for the lips on my page. I also want to thank my pal, Raja, for the heart on my page. As always, I have such wonderful dogster pals, and I'm very greatful to have such wonderful dog pals. I want to apologize to the dogs that asked to be my pal and did not get a response from me. The old pony express computer that my human was using temporarily was having a lot of problems on dogster so I was unable to respond. I suspected it was the old computer and not dogster that was the problem. I suggested to the humans that they buy a new computer, but you know how badly they listen to us dogs. It also kept me from writing my entries and I know how much my pals enjoy hearing my adventures.

Today I am conpawtulating Banana Joe, who is the affenpinscher who won the best in show at the Westminister Dog Show. I do not enter dog shows largely because they expect you to do what the humans tell you to do, and that just goes against this dog's values. Why should I listen to the humans when they are so stupid compared to us dogs? I am happy for Banana Joe, and I hope Joe has a good year and is a great ambassador for us dogs.

I have to go now. I think I smell bacon cooking.

Demon Flash Bandit (Finally Able to Get on Dogster Again)


Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

February 15th 2013 9:21 am
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Thanks to the dogs at dogster for choosing my diary as a diary pick yesterday. I should have been able to write a blog yesterday, but my humans went to see a movie and took FOREVER to get back home!!! I want to conpawtulate my pal, Harley Diva-Girl-CGC Therapy dog for being chosen as dog of the week. Good Girl Harley!!!

I want to thank Milo, Hobo, Luna, and Jenny for the heart on my page. I also want to thank Hershey and Van Winkle for the blue ribbon that I will be adding to my cabinet--like all my other ribbons from my pals.

I got a lot of hearts filled with candy, and I want to thank everyone who sent me one. Thanks go out to all these pals of mine:
1. Randi, Margo, Sadie-Luv You Forever, and Casey
2. Louie, Bella, and Miller
3. Zoe
4. Scooter, Misty, Mr. Cutter, and Pepper
5. Whitley
6. Mr. Jack Freckles-Licks a Lot
7. Cairo
8. Emmy
9. Pepper, CGC
10. Cookie, Riley, Rosie, and Calleigh
11. Holly, Xena, Zak, Howard Jr, and family
12. Dorothy and Lucky Isabella
13. Ebony Ursula
14, Robin Hood OMD
15. Redford, Cooper, 2 Tundra, DG#6, Manytoes, and family
16. Zeus
17. Petey
18. Abbie and Family
19. Jenny
20. Anonymous

In fact, Randi, Margo, Sadie-Luv you Forever, and Casey sent me 2 boxes as did Cairo. Redford, Cooper, Tundra, DG#6, Manytoes and family also sent me 2 boxes which was great because a dog can never get too many treats.

After all that typing, my paws are tired so I'll continue writing tomorrow. Do you know what is best about Valentine's Day? Yes, it is the treats. I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Valentine's Day Dog)


Bunnies Are Not Guilty!!!!

February 17th 2013 11:34 am
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I would like to thank Mini Mischeif and Rudy for the rose on my page today. I always appreciate the wonderful gifts I get from my pals. I want to conpawtulate my pal, Izzy, for being chosen as a diary pick today!!!

For those who might have missed this news item about the rabbits attacking the cars parked at the Denver airport, invade-denver-airport-nibble-on-car-cables?lite&ocid=msnhp&p os=6
The humans are trying to get rid of the bunnies because they are chewing wires in the cars and costing the humans money. I think the bunnies are being framed by rodents because an animal as cute as a bunny can't be responsible for doing anything just isn't possible!!! I'm quite sure that the rabbits were just burrowing through the Earth, and happened to take a wrong turn at Albequerque. This happens a lot with rabbits as documented by Bugs Bunny when it happened to him. I'm sure that, if the humans had the good sense to bring in some dogs instead of the birds, they would get a more accurate assessment of the situation. Many dogs will eat rabbits, but most of them will also take care of any rats or mice that are trying to make the rabbits look guilty.

Demon Flash Bandit (Defending Denver Rabbits)


Canine Police Report by PC Peaches

February 19th 2013 9:53 am
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For those who might have missed this gem of a news item that was on the web yesterday, I am sharing it with you: e-him-english-officers-under-investigation-for-dog-witness-s tatement/
A canine police dog in England, PC Peaches, caught a bad guy, and the humans at their headquarters wanted a written report from the arresting officer. Evidently, they did not understand that the arresting officer, PC Peaches, is a dog. I don't know why this is so hard for them to grasp...a bad guy was caught, so the officer being a dog should not be so hard to understand. If the officer was a human, I doubt that the arrest would have been made. Sure, the officer might have chased the bad guy, but I doubt that the officer would have bitten the bad guy. Anyway, this site has the report and the pawprint of PC Peaches. If you haven't seen it, be sure and go to the site. My humans thought it was hilarious! I think it is just another example of a dog doing the humans' work and then having the humans being annoying about "paperwork".

Demon Flash Bandit (Sharing Police Report by PC Peaches)


Humans Being Stupid Nothing New

February 20th 2013 8:52 am
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I wrote a story yesterday about Peaches, the police dog, who had to write a police report about a human he arrested in the line of duty. This was written because the people "at the top" could not seem to grasp the concept that the person was caught by a dog. Evidently, the people at the top didn't care for the report, and they are annoyed at the people who wrote it. I think that the real reason they are annoyed is that it made them look stupid because they insisted on paperwork from a dog. I think they should just accept the laughter and get on with their lives. They looked stupid because they were being stupid. Now they just sound like a bunch of cry babies with no sense. You'd think after all these years of being stupid, the humans would know how to handle their stupidity and let "sleeping dogs lie", or at least not do police reports.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Are Stupid)

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