November 13th 2006 3:52 pm
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Hello dog friends. My name is Harley and I have a great new product to sell you all. Human Winterizer.
Let me ask you--are you tired of your humans saying they don't want to roll down the car windows because it is cold outside? There is nothing that can ruin a good car ride like rolled up windows.
How about when they get out of the shower and the call of nature is screaming at you. They always say something like "Hold on. It is freezing. Let me put some clothes on". Mother Nature never wants to hold on though so I have to suffer at the back door waiting for my human to get dressed.
Then the ever present "I'm not going outside to play fetch in the rain".
Do you wish you did not have to suffer in a house that is heated to a scorching 70 degrees? I know I do.
By now I know you are asking "Well yes Harley. I have these problems too. But what can I possibly do to help my humans stay warm?" The answer is simple my friends. Harley's Human Winterizer--patent pending.
What is this fantastic new product you ask? It is my hair. I shed an awful lot and save the extra hair. It is warm, waterproof, and best of all it is a completely renewable resource so you will be helping the earth as well.
For a one time setup fee of 3 pork chops I will send you 5 pounds of hair and a bottle of super glue to stick it to your humans. You will then monthly receive 2 pounds of hair and another bottle of super glue for the recurring price of only 2 pork chops.---But wait, if you act now I will waive the one time setup fee.
Yes folks, that is hair for life to keep your humans warm and dry for only 2 pork chops a month.
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