Mulli of the MidWest

Mulligan's Plan

I have been most disturbed, distressed even, over the state of the economy. It worries me greatly that the Mulligan Compound, my 0.67 acres of Suburbia, may be worth less than it's duly mortgaged value. I am vastly tired of Dad reporting to Mom the back-sliding of our portfolio. For Dog's sake, I have been eating dry kibble, and for all these years, I might as well have been eating canned!

The government has come up with an economic recovery program, and with the Goverment's penchance for acronyms have given it the name: TARP. This stands for: Toxic Asset Relief Program.

Well, I, Mulligan, have decided to come up with my own economic recovery program: CARP. Canine Assest Recovery Program. (Or you can call it CRAP, Canine Recovery of Assests Program, depending on your mood.)

AIG. Now I am certain that those well deserving executives NEED those bonuses that fine tax-paying citizens whose portfolios have now dropped into the toilet, have provided to those executives. However, the government is not certain of the legality of getting those bonuses back.

Under CARP, I, Mulligan, and any other dogs that wish to join me, will simply go to the houses of the AIG executives who received those bonuses and "encourage" them to give the bonus back. Congress has already requested a subpoena of the names of the executives. Using property search, I can determine where they live. I am certain that Pennie, with her endearing smile, and I, with my gleaming mouth, can persuade the executives to voluntarily hand over the full bonus, if not a little extra.

Bernie Madoff. Mr. Madoff went to prison without disclosing his cohorts and where all the money went. Now he does have rather a large head, but I doubt that large head has a big enough brain to have completed such a huge scheme on his own.

Under CARP, let me go and visit him in his jail cell, for just one hour. Oh, this would not be waterboarding. This would not be torture. I am just a poor, shelter dog, turned "Pet Therapist." Yes, let me go visit Mr. Madoff and he and I will spend some time doing "Pet Therapy." I am certain that after just one hour with me, Mr. Madoff will confess to all of his cohorts, the complete paper trail, and where any money may be hidden.

I am certain that CARP will prove to be a valuable addition to the government's TARP. That's me, Mulligan, always here to help out.

Pupdate: Thus far, Bodhi and all his family as well as Jasper are on Board and ready to implement CARP! And Bodhi is a Pit Bull!