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All Day I Sit and Wait

One year ago it started

June 18th 2009 7:46 am
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

My sweet Angel Beezer, so much has been going on lately. Not enough time to think really... but I do, of you, all the time... Yesterday marked one year to the day that I came home and found you unable to use your hind legs to stand up and meet me. I keep going through it one minute at a time... Walking in the door expecting to see you standing there, but instead seeing you in the kitchen area looking really confused and trying to get to me, using your front paws and falling down not knowing what was happening. I remember hugging you and silently praying for the first even few hours that you were just stiff or that something just ripped or whatever it was. But it was then it started.... I just can't believe it. I write about how much I miss you, but I don't think people really get it. Time to move on they say, Beezer wouldn't have wanted to see you this way (which I don't totally they say Beezer lived longer than a lot of sheperds as if that is supposed to make me feel better, they tell me to try and rememeber all the good times which I certainly do, but then that just makes me cry. I know that other people saw that you were slowing down, more than I did or maybe it was because I didn't want to, I don't know but I do know that in the last few months and even weeks, so many things have happened that have made me want to just snuggle up to you and squeeze your big old furry neck and you haven't been there.. (Your earth brofur Capone is not a snuggler, but at 11 months, I have to be patient...:O) I don't know Beenie Bean, I am very emotional today and I am just finding myself crying and missing you. Maybe its the weather, maybe its because yesterday marks the day that began the change in my life that I never saw coming that fast. Maybe its because from now and until July 8th, 2009, I will relive what everyday last year was like for me. Like the first night we came home from the vets office and you were still groggy from the anethesia for the xrays... I remember trying to get you out of the car in 95 degree heat with no one to help us and the look on your face that just said, I am sorry mommy, I am trying really hard, but I can't do it! Then our wonderful neighbor came and helped me carry you up the stairs.... I am very sad today Beezer, I miss you more today than the days before.... I wish I could go back in time and freeze us in on June 16, 2008 when we went for a short walk when I got home from work and then just laid on the couch together....

Missing you so much,

P.S. I know you know there are some not so good things happening right now, so could you just send a little extra angel dust my way.


Leave A Comment | 4 people already have

Barked by: Cookie (In Memory) (Dogster Member)

June 18th 2009 at 4:34 pm

Beezer, watch over Mom during this time. She needs to feel your presence,

We'll all join you and watch over Mom and Capone.
Barked by: Diddle~always in our hearts (Dogster Member)

June 18th 2009 at 5:36 pm

Beezers Mom...

please know that I am sending some big love your way...I know you miss Beezer, but in his passing I have gotten to meet both of you and for that I am have no idea the smiles you have brought to my moms face...a million fold....big dogggie licks ways and hugs!!!
Barked by: ♥Sophie Claire CGC (Dogster Member)

June 19th 2009 at 3:23 pm

Know that there are many times that I drift back to the special times with my furbabies. I know that they watch over me and say it will be ok mom and this to will pass.
My babies that I have today comfort me and each fur has always had just that certain something that I remember daily and thank the Lord for having them in my life.
Barked by: Oliver -- My Beloved (Dogster Member)

June 20th 2009 at 10:32 pm

Your love for Beezer is so Big and Beautiful and I think you were so blessed to have each other. I know you still miss his presence...and always will....but I also khow you will always have each other's love. My heart is always touched greatly be reading of your love for each other. Blessings from Oliver and his Mommy

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