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A Dog in the Life: Snickers Says ...

Oh Snickers

This week has been a week of running across your toys. First your favorite ball that you got for Christmas last year. I put it up by you. Then, your Dallas Cowboy ball was right in front of the refrigerator the other day. I don't know what to do with that one yet. And then, your Daily Bark toy was up in the bedroom. What were you doing with it up there? Oh Snickers, you were so goofy! I miss you so much.

If I close my eyes, and concentrate very hard I can picture you laying on your bed with your big eyes peeking out at me. For a second, I can delude myself into thinking its real but then I know its not.

I love you baby. I miss you. The house is so quiet without you, even with Charity's tummy and breathing. She misses you so much. There are days she runs around and I can tell she is looking for you. I know you weren't a big fan of hers but she loved you too and she is grieving with the rest of us.

Aww Snickers, I miss you.

My Sweet Baby

It has been a few weeks now since you left us. The first week was bad but I thought I was going to be able to handle it. Then, we got your ashes back. I clung to those like they were made of the most precious gold. Somehow, it made it more real that you were really gone.

I put my hand down and the spot where your whiskers are supposed to be is empty. I look up and there is no furry face looking back at me. I turn over in bed and actually can because you aren't curled up against my back.

We all miss you. The boys miss you. Grandma misses you. Charity misses you so much. I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. How could this happen? How could it go from you and me to just me so fast?

I'm relieved you are out of pain. I'm relieved that your old body is no longer your vessel. At least I hope your precious soul is still out there somewhere. I told your boy the other day that losing makes me want to believe in Heaven because if anyone should be there its you.

We went through so much, baby. Without you, I never would have survived Jesse, never would have survived losing my baby, never would have stuck it out as long as I did in some places ... you were always there for me with your sweet doggy kisses and willingness to let me pet you over and over and over until I was calm or asleep.

Oh Snickers, I remember getting kicked off the golf course with you. I remember the first day you came home to me. I remember the first time I had to leave you in the kennel. I remember the first time you met Grandma and Grandpa. I remember so much of our time together ... and I just wish there was more of it.

I'm at Grandma's now. I miss you so much. I miss knowing you will never run into this house again and see your face light up when you see me. Oh baby, I love you so much. I think you know that and I think you knew it when you were alive with us. I tried to give you everything you needed and everything you didn't need even always. I tried to make up for the crap that Jesse put you through and I tried to keep you safe and fed and happy.

Until now, I always just figured when you go you go ... that's it the end. Now, I hope there is more so I can see you again and cup your furry little face in my hands and tell you how much I love you.

I love you Snickers and I miss you so much. I hope wherever you are, you are happy and healthy and know that while you were here you were loved and even now, you still have our hearts.

RIP Snickers

From Snickers' girl:

Snickers crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night at home. He had never really bounced back from the Lyme's Disease.

I put him on his bed that we had pulled down from upstairs. He has a lot of trouble breathing but seemed to be comfortable. Still, I knew. I woke his boy up and told him to come say goodbye. We petted him and talked to him and told him it was okay to let go and be out of pain.

His boy went back to bed, hopeful that he would make it through the night and we could take him to the vet in the morning. I sat with him some more and finally needed a couple hours sleep. I woke his boy up again and fell asleep on the couch near them both. Soon, I woke up with his boy crying out his name and holding Snickers. I asked if he was okay but it was a dumb question.

I called the vet but hung up, knowing there was no point. I held his paw one last time and told him it was okay. And then he was gone.

And then, he was gone.

Snickers has always watched out for me. He would be alert until I was just asleep then would climb down and go to his bed and sleep. His boy said, and I agree, that he waited until I was asleep and safe to make his exit.

My sweet Snickers. My sweet baby. You will be so missed.