So Says The Queen

The Good Life

My first order of business is to let everyone know that I Am The Queen. All shall bow to me and do my bidding.

Mama says I behave like a cat. Frankly I find that insulting. Judicious petting, tummy rubs, and peanut butter biscuits might get her back in my good graces...

We (Mama, Daddy, and my sister Angel [Mama says she's my sister, but we don't look like we're related at all--and if we are, I certainly got all the brains in the family]) are currently living at Grandma and Grandpa's. Mama says this is to work on knocking out some debt while she's in grad school. I don't care why we're here, just that we are. I am surrounded by all my favorite people, I get the run of the yard, subjects to rule (Shadow, Maggie, and Bear--Grandma and Grandpa's dogs), walks when Mama can squeeze them in, and a nice cushy bed next to Grandpa's bed. This works out well as if I want to go out at 4 in the morning, Grandpa will let me. Mama or Daddy would have just said "Go back to sleep". I really do have Grandpa well trained. I get treats whenever I want them--biscuits and people food. I really SHOULD get all people food because, I'm a people damnit. But until my scientists finish working on the translators so that my people understand my langauage, I'm forced to use sign language (tapping the treat bucket with my paw) and soulful looks. Mama says I'm spoiled. It's not being spoiled if you are getting everything you rightfully deserve.

I'm off to see if I can't talk Grandpa or Daddy into playing ball.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

The Queen demands that the rain stop. Then again, I try this every time it rains and it never seems to work. The laws of nature always deign to disobey me. I keep pawing at Mom to pet me, but she's busy doing other things...something about a test. As if anything could be more important than ME. So I'm pacing the house attemping to find SOMETHING to do. I HATE being inside when I have to be. I'm not even interesting in playing with Angel, which is what we often do on rainy days. She's following Grandpa around hoping for treats I imagine. Mom let us out to potty a little bit ago and broke the rules. she didn't give us a treat just because we went outside for 30 seconds and came back inside. This is why we always get Grandpa to take us out.

Off With Their Heads!

Grandma and Grandpa got new living room furniture for their anniversary yesterday and I'M NOT ALLOWED ON IT! The audacity. Where am I supposed to curl up and lay? The FLOOR? I am SOOO above the floor. I'll wear them down eventually. Grandma will be the big one I have to worry about. I haven't ever been allowed on her love seat since it got recovered. I must figure out how to overcome these rules...

Greasy Streak

Grandpa got in major trouble yesterday. He called me GREASY STREAK! That's worse than when he calls me Turkey! This is absolutely unacceptable. One may not tease the queen in such a manner. I am a fast runner. The Streak, is acceptable. I am, in no way, shape, or form GREASY. And he didn't even give me some of his chili as penance. The nerve.

I other news, Mom came outside with us early this morning. It was nice and cool and Angel and I had a lot of fun chasing each other and stealing toys back and forth. Mom says we're silly. SHE never calls me Greasy Streak or Turkey. She usually calls me Princess or Miss Priss. This is not the proper display of rank, but I can live with this.

Now that the weather's gotten cooler we're starting to talk walks. Mom still spells it out around Angel to keep her from getting over excited before it's time to go, but *I* know what a W-A-L-K is. And BOY are they fun. I like to check out the horses who live down the road, although Mom fusses if I growl or bark at them. I don't like anything big enough to step on me, even if they ARE on the other side of the fence.

OOOO, gotta go. Breakfast is nearly ready. I might get a pancake.

Christmas Eve

Oh Lord I'm bored. It's been raining ALL DAY LONG! We've been stuck inside except for a couple of trips out to potty. I've been lolling around on my throne, but it's currently filled with other furniture while Grandpa mops the kitchen. I don't know why he's going to all that trouble.

Ooo, Daddy came in with bags of presents. I overheard someone say something about presents for US! Ha! I'm gonna go lurk and see what I can uncover...I know the stockings are on top of the stereo cabinet...

New Kingdom

Well, my humans have gone and MOVED, so I have become mistress of a new domain. I was extremely put out with this decision for the first month or so--after all, I lost my Manservant Grandpa, whom I had properly trained to give me a treat on command. But in this new castle I am allowed on the furniture again, so I suppose that though it is a smaller kingdom, it is a step up worthy of my Queenly self. We still periodically get to go see Manservant Grandpa, which is fun. And our humans take us on walks almost daily, unless it rains. No matter my displeasure, they have not found a way to make the weather obey my whims. They think they're smart. For a while they were spelling "walk", as if I were stupid enough not to know that "W-A-L-K" is our favorite thing. They've developed a new code for it now, so as not to excite us before they are ready to go, but it's only a matter of time before my spies crack it. In the meantime, there is much more going on in this new kingdom, and plenty to bark at. Mother and I have not yet come to terms with my right to do this as often as I wish. I will train her yet.