Close X


The things I have Stolen and Chewed To Shreds, an essay by Miss Sophia

Ode to the Things I have Destroyed

September 17th 2004 11:53 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

(Written of course in the First Doggy perspective)

I am quite proud of my chewing achievements. To date I have mangled many things precious to my slaves. A short list of items;
a new squirt gun
kid's snorkel
an orange Highlighter
not two but three gladware containers (lids and all)
my slaves sushi cookbook (dang!)
my slaves remaining flip flop (the right went AWOL last week)
kitchen trash spread on the lawn again (RIP McDonald's Hashbrown)
Three Otterpop wrappers (ha! they were empty!)
a Cell-O sponge (does that mean I my slave doesn''t have to wash dishes?)
my slaves hair brush, which now has a designer textured handle!
my she-slaves grey wool sweater from Old Navy
Not one but two of my neighbors underpants (she used our washer that day -her's was on the blink) were spread on the lawn for all to see
several cardboard boxes (I should win the prize for tiniest and most pieces)
a nail brush (left on the bathtub, great sub for a tooth brush)
The bathtub drain plug! (done with the intention of no more baths for the dogs - I'm everyone's heroine!)
I worked on the list above all spring and summer

As of late, I have chewed up
the tape dispenser
an 8mm home video
a sharpie pen
the fly swatter (I did this because I was hoping to win Biscuit's approval -rats - didn't work)
the shoe rack in the hall way
my mom-slave's NEW flip cell phone (if she's talking on the phone she cant give me her undivided attention!)
my mom-slave's best friend's cell phone
my boy slaves calculator (well actually two of them)
my boy slave's bike helmet lining
You see I just take anything I want off the table or shelves. I may have short legs, but I'm reeeeaaaalllll long!

My mom slave just shakes her head at me because I only chew things up when no one is looking. For a long time she blamed the garden gnomes and I just let her keep on thinking it was them! Hee Hee Arrhoooohoo hooooo! Must go scheme on my next item to chew....

  Sort By Oldest First



Family Pets

Ellie Mae
Biscuit ~ ATB
Delilah (ATB)
Seminole ~ ATB
Boneless~ ATB
Cubby ~ ATB
Mama Kee Kee,
aka Madonna ~
O'Malley ~ ATB
Boo Boo ~ ATB
Templeton The
Tick (Stolen!)


(What does RSS do?)