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you gonna eat that?

tips on a happy turkeyday

November 24th 2004 1:11 pm
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so this is the's like totally that time when humans pig out, and blatantly ignore the anguish all that cooking smell does to us (i mean, why cook it, when it's better raw? -- must be to torment us with smells!).

here's my little list of instructions on a happier day for us dogs...

1. practice jumping up onto the table. no more begging with your nose tantilizingly close to the edge of the table. no more big puppy dog eyes. practice your leap so you can clear the edge, and land all four paws squarely planted on the table. pulling the tablecloth with two paws is ok, but not as effective for step two...

2. work on your licking agility. this will be what sets the dogs apart from the puppies. the more you lick, the less they will want to eat it. in other words, all you lick is yours. (like peeing, but less likely to land you in the yard)

3. breathe and focus on timing. you have to time it just right. enough time to wolf down a few tons of food, but not too much time, or else you'll be banished and sent to the lab for more experiments (remember getting "tutored"?!). if your moms like to drink, you should be fine once they've started getting loud. (if they're always loud, look for stumbling)

4. leave evidence. this one is a bit controversial -- yes, you're more likely to get in "trouble" -- so i'll leave it to you to decide whether it's worth it or not. but here's the thing, most moms won't want to let on that you had a chunk of their food. so if the guests see that it's been gnawed on and pawed at, the better the chances that they'll order or go out, and throw out the "bad" food. then it's just up to you -- you do know how to get into your trash, don't you???

ok, good luck, and save me a drumstick!


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