A birthday without him

So here we are, the day before what could have & should have been Meatys 9th birthday. Its been a hard four months since having to say goodbye. I had expected that I would be on the other side of the pain by now but am not. Don't get me wrong,Its not all bad. I still laugh because of him too. He was an exceptional boy. Easy to love & oh so very hard to let go of.
Twice now since Christmas I have been stopped in my tracks because I swear I have glimpsed Meaty sprawled on the couch as I passed the living room. And I swear that a few weeks ago when Puck was biting and pawing air that he was playing with Meaty. I suppose its possible that I am just romanticizing my little Pug buddies odd behavior.

I never did make it back here to tell the story of Meatys final day. I guess , while I am here anyway, its as good a time as any.

Its no secret that Meaty battled cancer. We had thought we got it all when his face was reconstructed but cancer is........well, unpredictable. Formidable. Evil. And it seems to be on the uprise in our pets. Please, spend the money & screen!

Anyway, Meaty had started coughing a bit but coincidentally had been exposed to kennel cough by a neighborhood dog. On the night of Friday December 17th Meaty was behaving oddly......he turned down popcorn! Meaty was NEVER one to snub food.Near bedtime I noticed him having difficulty sitting & getting comfortable. I thought his arthritis was acting up. It was freezing outside after all.
Saturday morning he was not only uncomfortable still but was coughing...hard. We took off to our vet immediately. He was first checked for heart failure but passed that test with flying colors. His heart was still strong. Both a blessing and a curse to know. Next was x-ray. When Dr Rice came to us with the x-rays in his hands I knew it wasn't good. Stupidly I begged the powers that be for it to be pneumonia or something else treatable but deep down I knew what that look on Dr Rices face meant. He put the x-rays up for us to see and all we could see was tumor after tumor after tumor. He was riddled with them. Clearly Meaty had been fighting for a while. Clearly he was determined to eek out every moment he could with us.
There really was no decision to be made. It had been made for us. We wouldn't even have been able to keep him comfortable enough to pass at home.The cancer had won.
We said our goodbyes and at 10:20 am one stinkin' week before Christmas I held Meaty tightly, his head on my chest as he took his last breath directly over my heart. It was almost as if he was making sure he'd always be in it. Silly boy, he will ALWAYS be there.

So many of you throughout the years have shown that you loved our boy too. Thank you for that.

As I have mentioned already tomorrow, Easter Sunday, would have been Meatys birthday. Please hug your babies a little tighter, give them that *not exactly great for them* goody they love so much & schedule a screening. Cancer doesn't always have to win.

~Kat,Oz & Puck~