December 1st 2013 10:32 pm
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We put up our Christmas tree this weekend. I've gotten to the point where I can feel the sadness of missing you, but push it down so I can function normally. It sounds horrible and cold, but it is how I am able to cope with my day. I miss you everyday. But, looking at the Christmas tree made me remember how sick you were last winter. In and out of the veterinary hospital. The unbearable emotional rollercoaster of your uncertain fate. It hit me, right in the chest, blindsided by the memories that I push down to function. It hurt. I felt the incompleteness of your loss, the hole that will never be filled again. The pain in the back of my throat because I don't want to cry. The stinging behind my eyes because the tears want to pour out. All because of the sight of a Christmas tree. A sight that has so many feelings connected to it. Like the sound of a song that takes you back to childhood as if time never existed. Painful memories that I thought I had dealt with. Pain that made me question my very motive of rescuing animals in the first place. I've been doing it for years, but am I strong enough anymore. You were the ray of sunshine that broke into my closely guarded heart. I don't know how you did it, but I feel broken, my heart is broken. I am missing you completely. I miss you, my friend.
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I know how much you hurt, how the pain fills your very soul..
I look at Droopy's pictures & the ache inside me to touch her, hold her, consumes me. Christmas is always the hardest..
I put my tree up also & talked to Droopy the whole time. She use to lay there & watch me..Droopy loved winter & Christmas.
I understand how you feel about painful memories.. Sometimes those last few days will just flood my mind & I find myself in a heap on the floor, sobbing like I did that last day..
I don't think the pain will ever go away, but there are some days I can laugh & smile thinking about Droopy & our love we shared. You will have those days too, along with the bad..
I wish I could hug you & we could cry together & share our memories of our precious furbabies.. Please know you always can talk to me, i'm always here for you. A friend sent this to me after Droopy passed..i just wanted to share.. Please always know, I understand your pain, I carry it in my heart & I care & want you to know you never are alone. much love, lori
A DOGS LAST WISH
Before human beings die, they write their last will and testament
To leave their home and all they have to those they love.
I would do such, if I could write, to a poor and desperate, lonely stray, I would
give my happy home, my bowl, my cozy bed, my pillow, and my toys. The so loved lap, the tender stroking hands, the lovely voice, the place I had in someone' heart. The love that at last helped me find a peaceful end, held firmly in a sheltering embrace.
When I die, please don't say, "I will never have a pet again, the loss is far too much to stand." Chose a lonely, unloved dog and give him MY place. This is my inheritance. The love I leave behind is all I have to give.
Zane, Christmas is a tough time to go through when you are missing a pup that filled your heart with sunshine! Sending hugs out to your mom. Mama is having a hard time missing Annie, too!
I agree , Christmas (the Holiday Season) is very tough on our parents
but death leaves an heartache no one can heal but love leaves a memory no one can steal
love and angel´s hugs