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If I could change what was

I looked at a picture

July 20th 2012 11:05 pm
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I know this is supposed to be Shadows diary, but I took a picture of her yesterday. That sounds pretty common, and it is. I have hundreds of pictures of her. But I was looking at it and I realized she grew up. She has grown into a beautiful young lady from a little bit of nothing that was discarded like garbage. Tossed into a corner when she was deemed worthless and left to die. In 2 short months she will be 2 years old, she has not only survived but is thriving.
When I wrapped her in a towel and drove home with her in my lap I kept one hand on her and kept saying "hang on little one just a few more miles. Just hang on". I must have said it a hundred times. The vet took one look at her and shook his head. The tech held her while I grabbed what I needed. They told me to just leave her there, that they would "deal" with her. She hadn't moved, she was limp, she weighed nothing. I couldn't, could not, leave her.
I held her all night. I wiped her off as well as I could, I dripped formula and water into her mouth, I cuddled her, I begged her to just open her eyes. At one am I shoved her face into a dish of formula, and she squirmed and licked it off her face. I did it again and she opened her eyes. Once more and she started lapping. She slept in my arms, and ate twice more. By noon the next day she was frantically searching for food, by suppertime she was harrassing Sabi.
One week later she was vomitting live worms. Too weak, too small, too young. The vet told me again she wouldn't make it. I found an herbal dewormer. It knocked them back enough to get her through the next few weeks.
She reacted to her vaccines, she has a bad heart, she can't see very well, she wears socks on her ears in the winter. She has been a treasure and a trial. I have laughed and cried and pleaded with the Gods. She survived. She learned and so did I. She has shocked and amazed me more times then I can count.
And when I looked at that picture, I saw beauty and strength, grace and joy, hope and love and faith.
Thank you Shadow for surviving and for never giving up on me. I love you.


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