Proper Walking

On Friday, Oldest Lad stopped by with Housemate Dog's Daisy, Housemate One and Housemate Two. Pennie, Daisy and I were loaded up into Mom's van and headed off to the Nature Preserve for a hike.

I am all up for nature, and certainly for a hike, but I am a law-abiding Dog! The Nature Preserve was very quiet, so Pennie, Daisy, and I were un-leashed. Doesn't that violate the Leash Law? Pennie and Daisy immediately started to run about willy nilly through the park, up the hills and down the hills, enjoying themselves and breathing in great quantities of fresh air.

Me? There are PATHS at the Nature Preserve. Designated Paths. A Proper Dog does not head off willy nilly off the path into the woods! I have put my time in helping Middle Lad with Boy Scout Badges; I know about "Leave No Trace," and leaving nature the same way it was before a dog visited it. I am quite certain that Pennie and Daisy knocked down multiple twigs, leaves, and stirred up other vegetation in their flurry of play.

I finally gave in to the beauty of being Off-Leash and out in the woods, and ventured off for a little exploring. But when Oldest Lad found me, I was running only on the TRAIL, the PATH, like a proper Sophie.

Sophie Jean Valjean

I get up every school morning, with no grumbling, to do my Dog-ly duty of wakening Middle Lad, Little Lad, and Wee Lass. Pennie sometimes sleeps in! Most times, Mom will force Pennie out of bed, and then Pennie will go downstairs and retire to the recliner chair and give off a loud groan.

Not me. I enthusiastically get up, despite the dismal quality of the task at paw. Middle Lad is in a veritable fog in the morning. On occasion, he will be kind enough to pat my head. Mostly, however, I just get shuttled on and off the couch, just when I have found a nice warm spot; as Mom realizes that NO, Middle Lad has NOT gotten up, and then she has to triple check that he did indeed take his AD/HD (without the H component) meds, and then nag that he DID print out and actually remove from the print tray that pesky homework assignment(s.) It is quite tiresome.

Some mornings, Middle Lad makes himself some Soy Nut butter sandwiches to take to school. He carefully removes the bread crusts, and then pain-staking smears soy nut butter on the bread. He leaves the soy nut butter-laden knife upon the counter, leaving an enormous, tasty, glob of soy nut butter, just waiting for an anxious dog tongue.

Despite my faithful arising EVERY morning, despite me sitting faithfully at Middle Lad's feet while he makes his sandwiches, just so, do I get tossed a crust of bread?

No. I sit, stomach grimacing and growling, in abject misery, Sophie Jean Valjean, just wishing for those perfectly edible crusts of bread that Middle Lad so rudely leaves just out of Sophie reach upon the kitchen counter. Sometimes I jump up and put my delicate little paws upon the counter, stretching my Sophie Jean Valjean neck out as far as it can go, and just manage to lick a portion of the soy nut butter glob, but I inevitably end up just pushing the bread crusts further back along the counter.

When Mom finally gives me the bread crusts, she forces me to share them with Pennie.

Queen Sophine is NOT a slob

Pennie and I took Mom on a walk today, despite the drizzly rain. The neighborhood behind us is extra muddy, because it is still under a lot of construction. Something called "McMansions." Pennie and I have been extremely disappointed to discover that these "McMansions" do NOT have drive thru windows.

Anyhoodles, Pennie and I obviously went on the same exact walk, same exact muddy sidewalk and road, and same exact wetness.

When we came home, Mom needed to get out the Baby Wipes to wipe us off. By all accounts, I am a lower to the ground than Pennie, and should pick up more mess. However, it took about three baby wipes to give me a thorough wiping. Mom used about Twenty, yes 20! wipes to get Pennie wiped off.

I, Queen Sophine, have learned to walk royally. Queens are capable of walking daintily even in the mud.

Lion Pick Up

Mom and the Wee Lass went to the Zoo today. They stopped to view the White Lions. The two male lions were sleeping, of course, because that is what lions do. After a while, one of the fully maned lions woke up from his slumber, walked to another area of the exhibit, and proceeded to assume the full squat position. He obviously doesn't get to do much counter-cruising (which always aids defecation) for he seemed to take a long time to get his business done. Perhaps he did not have the proper reading material on paw.

Anhoodles, Mom got to pondering: Since it seems that only MOMS, and by Moms, Mom doesn't mean Mom necessarily of a human, but Mom of a dog and/or human; anyway, since it seems that only MOMS are capable of cleaning up/picking up poop, what is done at the Zoo. Do ALL of the female Zoo workers, regardless of their job -- ticket taker, parking attendant, food-service worker, or animal care-taker, have to go in and pick up poop? If one assumes that 50% of the Zoo workers are females, that only leaves half capable of picking up poop.

There's a lot of animals at the Zoo, and Mom just thinks it a bit unfair, if the Zoo operates like our home does, and only the Moms/Females have to pick up poop.

Sophie Upset

I do fear that Mom is ready to head off to the brink of somewhere! Still, I try not to spill all of HER Secrets, so why should she spill mine?

Wednesday morning dawned extremely rainy. Soon after Mom nagged Middle Lad off to school, she heard the tell-tale Sophie signs of imminent eruption. Mom was too late -- I vomited upon the family room rug.

Mom sent Pennie and I out into the cold, leaving us to suffer the harsh elements while Mom showered. When Mom finally let us in, there was THREE Dogs! Mom tried to catch the third dog, so that she could read his tags (he did have on a collar) but he ran off and despite Mom's searching, she could not find him. We have seen no further evidence of the third dog, other than the apparently delightful time that Pennie and I had while Mom was showering and we were playing in the rain with Third Dog.

Later in the day I once again made imminent eruption noises. This time Mom managed to scoot me out the front door quick enough that I vomited upon the front porch. Mom got a bucket of water from the kitchen to rinse off the porch, and noticed an odd something in the vomit. Truly Mom has been a Mom for a long time, because she reached down her fingers and grabbed the something. It appeared to be a bone. Mom does not give us bones. Mom saved the bone, for forensic evidence, while she pondered what to do. In the meantime, I felt remarkably better.

Later on, Mom went outside and re-examined "the bone." It was actually a piece of Antler that I must have broken off of my Antler gnaw. It had swelled up to about twice it's size, while in my tummy, but now that it was "dry" it was back to looking like "antler" as opposed to "bone."

Perhaps I gave Mom a scare, but it's not like I forgot to tell her I had a Science Project due on Friday, or some such nonsense -- Mom should be relieved it was just vomit on the carpet and porch compared to the behavior of other family members.

Stifling Sophie

On Monday morning Pennie and I had to be up for an early morning ride to Public Elementary School to drop off Little Lad for Beginner Band. Prior to jumping in the van, Pennie and I stopped in the back yard to relieve ourselves, and there we found a suspicious snack. Mom was not sure what it was, but she was NOT thrilled about it and made sure not to let Pennie or I lick her.

Then Mom realized that Wee Lass was ill. At first Wee Lass seemed to just be "mopey" but soon proved to actually be "ill." Later in the day when it was time for Little Lad and Middle Lad to go to their Saxophone Lessons, Mom did not want to take Wee Lass inside the building. Conveniently Dad was out of town, so Mom spent an hour sitting in the parking lot, with Wee Lass, while the Lads had their lessons.

Pennie and I of course went along for the ride, since Mom was just sitting in the parking lot. I decided that I MUST sit on Mom's lap the entire hour. Mom was trying to read her Kindle, but approximately every two or three minutes I nuzzled under her arm, throwing the Kindle aside, forcing Mom to skritch my head. Once home, I continued to sit upon Mom at every opportunity. And not just sitting, but snuggling, rubbing, and generally thrusting my body against Mom. Then Mom ended up sleeping on the couch while Wee Lass slept on the floor, and I slept ON Mom, all night.

Mom felt thoroughly Sophie Stifled.

Animal Magnetism

On Friday night Mom's Brother Four and Niece Six stopped by, just to use the basement as sleeping quarters before heading to the University of Cincinnati Homecoming Game.

Due to some Genetic Anomaly, Brother Four does not like dogs. Or pets of any kind. It is certainly a genetic mutation, as all of the other family members like dogs, or pets. Brother One must have outside pets due to the Family Genetic Predisposition to Allergies, but satisfies the Pet Gene by having rabbits and chickens. Brother Two's wife prefers cats, but they do not "dislike" dogs. Brother Three is disabled and not capable of caring for a pet, but is kind to animals and enjoys them at other's homes. Sister Only is "between dogs," but her long commute sadly makes it unlikely she shall satisfy her dog-craving soon due to very long days. Growing up, there were family dogs. Really one cannot pick one's relatives and Brother Four drew a bad genetic mutation.

As soon as Brother Four sat down upon one end of the couch, Dad sat upon the other, and Pennie immediately jumped up and laid down in the middle. She displayed her full length of Standard Brown American Dog for Brother Four so that he could fully bask in it's glory. No one has yet been able to resist granting a belly rub to Pennie when she lays upon her back and thrusts forth her gleaming white belly. Brother Four gave a few perfunctory rubs.

I jumped up and sat upon Brother Four's lap. Brother Four clearly look uncomfortable, and I was encouraged to "get down." It did not matter, for as soon as I have decided the location of my Queen Sophine throne for the next foreseeable time period, the victim's choice in the matter is futile. I am not much of a "licker," but I find a scraggly face irresistible. Brother Four, due to the late hour, was no longer clean shaven. I could not help myself, I love to lick a scraggly face. At random intervals, I kept reaching out my tongue to lick his beard stubble.

Poor Brother Four went to bed quite covered in dog hair, with a face covered in Sophie Breath and licks. I am not certain that Pennie and I made any inroads into his dislike of pets, but we put forth our best effort. Despite Sibling Rivalry, Mom insists that Brother Four does have SOME redeeming qualities! He also did allow his family to have pets, although now that the Niece Four, Five, and Six are at University, he disallows pets.

If they were going to talk about me . . . .

This evening Mom and Dad abandoned me at home while they took Oldest Lad out to dinner. They had the opportunity to stop at Oldest Lad's apartment and visit with Housemate Dog Daisy (now Apartment Dog Daisy) and then walked to a restaurant.

The subject of Oldest Lad's former house, and my time of living at Oldest Lad's former house came up.

It is my understanding that gossip is a SIN.

Oldest Lad lives in: the City. I now live in: Suburbia.

With a much less population density of University Students, the Sidewalks of Suburbia, although well-used, are much cleaner. There is simply not the veritable smorgasbord of perfectly still-edible trash along Suburbia Sidewalks as there was along the University Streets.

Oldest Lad shared that when I used to walk along the University Streets, I was so good at finding snacks, that Oldest Lad even called them "Sophie Sandwiches!" Mom and Dad had never heard about that side of me! Oh, sure Mom knows that if I find any tempting morsels on a walk, that I gulp them down, but she did not know of my former reputation of grabbing "Sophie Sandwiches" all along the trash-strew sidewalks of The City.

I thought I was being useful, helping to clean up the City, and yet all I get is gossiped about! That is the last time I shall allow Mom to go out to dinner with Oldest Lad, without ME. Next time I shall surely feign a horrid illness, and Mom will need to remain home, where no secrets can be shared.

Circumstantial Hairy Cabinets

Mom has been slowly working on cleaning out the kitchen cabinets; taking out all the items, wiping the cabinets inside and out, discarding unused and outdated items, and organizing. Mom has been most disturbed at what she CLAIMS is the amount of Sophie Hair found just inside the lower inside edge of the bottom cabinets.

I do admit that I, Sophie, am a dog, and that I shed my dog hair on a daily basis.

However I put forth that the Cabinet Hair Evidence is purely CIRCUMSTANTIAL, and NOT evidence of MY guilt.

The hair Mom has found has indeed been dark brown. I do tend to shed dark brown hair.

Pennie does not shed dark brown hair.

Mom is a red head gone some-what gray, so she sheds red and gray hair.

Little Lad is a light brown, almost red-head.

However, has Mom taken note of Dad or Middle Lad? Dad is covered in a veritable pelt of dark brown hair. I would like to claim that Dad was shedding hair from the top of his head, but sadly, there is just not enough hair there to shed and provide even the remotest piece of DNA evidence.

Middle Lad was born with back hair. The top of his head is covered in a thick, dark brown carpet that doesn't even have the courtesy to get "long" -- it just gets bigger.

Due to the preponderance of HAIRY Humans in the family I am taken aback that Mom blames the hairy cabinets upon ME, Sophie. Perhaps I may be a "contributor" but I am not confessing to the total crime of making Mom's cabinets hairy based on strictly circumstantial evidence that can easily be blamed upon others.

Double Sophie

Yesterday Dad took Wee Lass, Pennie, and Me to the Public School Playground to play. Dad took us to the hiking trail today! Mom stayed home, for she has been sorely neglectful of us. She has been mired down in a ridiculous volunteer project and was forced to stay at home while people stopped by the house to pick up their orders. At least Mom did not leave the house, so she remained suitably oppressed.

Anyhoodles, at the Public School, Pennie and I were able to run all around off-leash. Then we joined Wee Lass playing on the Play-Ground.

On the Play-Ground I discovered Double Sophie.

I barked, and the Public School barked back at me! The Public School is a strange set-up of squashed together buildings due to maximal use of tax-payer moneys while educating double the number of students the building was designed to educate. This has created a perfect Echo Chamber.

I barked and barked, and Double Sophie barked and barked right back at me. Soon, the Wee Lass joined in and barked along, creating more Echo.

Pennie stood silent, looking at Me as if i was crazy.