March 27th 2011 1:49 pm
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Yesterday, Dad attempted to burn down the back yard. It all started out so seemingly pleasant: a sunny, but chilly day in Suburbia. Dad pulling great sticks out from the thicket and piling them in the center of the yard.

Until the Chain-Saw Wielding Maniac showed up! There is nothing more terrifying than a middle-aged man with a PhD wielding a Chain Saw.

I did the only smart thing I could think of: Hide in the House.

Pennie is either far more foolish or far more brave than me: She barked and barked AND barked from the other side of the yard.

After the Chain-Sawing, Dad and The Maniac had a Bonfire.

Dad pulled out old paperwork and ritually burned his Stock Portfolio. He said it had already been burned in 2008; he was just doing the final act of cremation.

Later on, Dad and The Maniac came INSIDE the House. I barked and growled at The Maniac. He was no longer wielding his Chain Saw but I knew who he was! The Maniac kept trying to befriend me! Mom was getting annoyed at my barking and growling. It usually takes me a few minutes to warm up to any man, but there was no way I was warming up to a Chain Saw-Wielding Maniac, even if he was now without Chain Saw. Did he think I had no memory? For all I knew he had that Chain Saw hidden in the pocket of his flannel shirt, ready to come out and hack off one of my ears!

There is still a giant pile of wood to be burned. (Apparently if one allows sticks and branches to accumulate for nigh on a decade they don't flame up in one afternoon.) I shall have to remain on high alert for the return of the Chain Saw.