What's Shakin', Bacon?

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PLEASE don't go!!!! Don't Leave the Bacon!

November 1st 2010 10:38 am
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Dear Diary,

Bacon sads.

How come Bacon's peepoles leaves him? Just when things are so perfectamakull, after we has two whole fun-filled dayses of fambly fun times and night-night times, they abandoneded me again.

Izzy says this are how it are. She says Mama & Papa, they has to make moneez or we cannot get foodz or treatses, or new toys, or go to dogtor. Bacon will make sackofrices and not go to dogtor, I telled to Izzy. But she says, we has to go. Izzy are very wise. That are why I follows her evfurrywhere, and sometimes if she stop abrupterly, I bump my nose right into her heinie.

Although according to Mama, my nose are usually very close to Izzy's heinie anyways!!! Mama are an exaggermatater.

This weekend were best weekend evfur since I got bornded yet. But the Bacon has founded that in the life, that are how it ooosoooally workses. One day are the most excellentest. Then the next day, the life get evfun more excellenter! So exciting! OMD! Bacon are gonna splode.

Yesterday were Halloweenie! Kidses come to Bacon's house!! Bacon bark, "Mama, Papa! Kidses come! Kidses come!" Then we give kidses treats, and they don't has to sit or down or nothing, they just has to look cute.

Bacon are sooperior being though. That are why I has to look SOOPER CUTE, and SIT or Down to get my treatses.

Anyfur, I were a cowboy and Izzy were a football, and Mama were a witch and a pirate. I were also a piggy, a bumble bee and a punkin, a chicken and a love machine. Mama have hard times making up her mind.

Bacon got a new sock monkey bed. I WUFF IT!!!! Thanks Rocke & Raoudi. Mama say she nevfur seed nothing like it. Bacon just crawl right in it, curl up in little ball and go night-night. She could not beleef Bacon knowed it were for him, to go night-night in. Sheesh Mama. Bacon are not stoopie.

I also got to go to dogtor again on Sattermaday. That are whole nothfur story for Mama to tell. Mama are FURRIOUS. And that DO NOT MEAN FURRY. We are finding anothfur dogtor, Mama say. She add up all the billses for 2010 she pay to dogtor and say for the money she pay, those dogtors can AT MINNYMUMMS be civverlized to her. It are very long story about 3 strikes, and dogtor who wanted to send Ernie to heaven before it were time, Dogtor who told us wrong thing about Izzy's leg, and then same dogtor were rude to Mama on Sattermaday. 3 strikes and he are out!!!! Then she said naughty-naughty words. Where her learn to talk like that! OMD! Bad Mama!

So anyway, I tell Izzy maybe Mama can stay home with Bacon all week long and not make the worky times for moneez if she don't has to take Bacon to dogtor no more. Izzy don't think so. But she are old and jadereded. Hope springie Eternamull in the Bacon.

Wuff you!

 

October Hauntings of the Ernie George Kind!!!

October 27th 2010 10:58 am
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Dear Diary,

You cannot make the Ernie George mad. OMD!

This are a 100% true story. My Mama says sometimes pupses exaggermatates on the Dogster, but MAMA & BACON say this are 100% FACKCHEWALL OCCURENCES!!!!

Last night, Mama, Papa, Bacon,& Izzy all laying on big king-size peepole beddybye, watching moofies, eating Famous Amos cookieses, listening to WIND HOWLS LIKE A GIANT WINDY MONSTER!

I, The Bacon, were laying atop the big White PUFFY MOUNTAIN of Downy Comforter. It are too hot for the PEEPOLE, but I WUFF IT, because it makes squooshie sounds! I divebomb it, and then I do my cute Bacon stuff that the parents can't get enough of. I roll around on my back, pawing at the airs, smiling and stretching, and showing off my pink belly. The peepole eats it up. THEY GO NUTSES. Evfun Papa! Evfun Papa have to admit he nevfur seeneded a puppy do so many funny things and be so cute. He plain out said so.

So we was all laying there, basking in the BACON adorableness, and Papa said, "Yep you sure are cute, Bacon." And Mama said, "Bacon, you are the cutest Pup-pup, in the world. I just can't stop taking picfurs cause the world need to see how cute you is always being. They is clamoring for the Bacon on Facebook. You has throngses of admirers. Why I think you might evfun become more famouser than Ern..."

And BACON & MAMA SWEAR TO GOD ABOVE, at that precise moment, Ernie George's mourning tribute light with his picfur on it, that we light evfurry night, that sits right inbetween Mama and Papa on the headboard, IT TUMBLED OFF THE HEADBOARD, and Mama turned around and snatched it in midair.

Mama and Papa looked at eachothfur and burst out laughing. Mama's eyes got real wide and she smiled real big. And Papa said, "Bacon, your Mama thinks Ernie are here!!!!"

BOL. And Mama said, "Bacon, we made Ernie MAD!!!! OMD!!!"

BOL! We wuff you Ernie G. Bacon not cuter than you!!! No sirreee. Nobody cuter than Ernie on Sunset Road. Happy Halloweenie, Big Brofur Porkchop Man!

 

Barkday Visits to Dogtor Craig

October 25th 2010 8:45 am
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Dear Diary,

This morning, in honor of my NUMBER 1 Big Boy Barkday of COCONUT BANANAFUNTIMES I made an urka gurka in my puppy pen.

This belly sensamativateases, in combinayshuns with my ear-o-clean-o-foe-bee-ya, and the need for anothfur shot of the lyme vackseens, meanted that I got to take a Barkday trip to see Dr. Craig. He are Dogtor Peppercorn's Hussybender.

So Papa driveded me & Big Orange to see Dogtor Craig. I said, "Izzy I let you come on Bacon's Big Barkday #1 Field Trip of Fun, too! Don't you WUFF ME?" Izzy got to get some more stapleses out of her leggie for my barkday, because I, the Bacon, like to share the fun!

Then Dogtor Craig talkeded while Papa listened and Mama were on the phone!

Lots important stuffs are going to be happening around my house this week.

Beehayveeyor Moddyfahcayshuns! Now it are good thing the Bacon are NOT ERNIE! Because you know what Dogtor Craig saided to Mama & Papa?

Bacon can has NO FOOD TODAY. Mama were screaming into the phone "NO FOOD? NO FOOD? ARE YOU NUTS? IT'S HIM'SES NUMBER 1 FURST BARKDAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD?" But unforchewnately, no one could HEAR MAMA cept for me with my keen senses of puppy hearing.

Bacon can has no food and only treatses when my earses are being massagered and cleaned. Ernie George would nevfur stand for this.

Mama are up in the armses. But it are okay. Bacon wuff him squeakies and zoomies and stuff more than foodses anyfur.

Plus, if I get REALLY HONGRY, I got lotsa cuppycakes. Holy ToLEDO!! Look at all the Barkday #1 Treats my furriends sended to me, Bacon Double Cheese! Sweet Potato Pie, Bacon are a lucky Guy! Thank you evfurrydoggie! Bacon wuff you!

 

There was a little incident...

October 24th 2010 2:42 pm
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Dear Diary,

OMD...Bacon nevfur seeneded nothing like it in him's life.

Mama are a little newrottick about watching the Bacons. She says I needta be watched ALL THE TIME. EVFUN in the backyard.

Well Papa knowed that boys needs some times to make the splores.

Like sometimes Bacon goes spelunkering in the blanket caves in the beddybye and I find buried treasures like socks and stuff.

That are how guys finds out what they wanna be when they gets groweded up.

So today when Papa were sposed to be watching me, he turneded his back on me for elebenty millyun minutes (or 2 he says) to take the recycling to the curbs, and I found A DEAD BIRDIE!!!!

I heard Mama say are you watching Bacon,and she came out in the back yard to find me, and she called, "BACON! Bacon!"

And I dropped the birdie for to make her proud of what a good spelunkerer Bacon do be, and she screamed and cried and made a big fuss.

Then when Papa told her to calm down,Bacon not kill it, it were stiff and had no eyeses, her HOWLED and cried harder.

Mama are taking a night-night now. I think she are ovfurwhelmed with my wonderfur gift.

Womens. They gets so moshunall. Me & Papa don't understand. I am making lots of squeaks with my toys right now (67 squeaks per minute), just to let Mama know, I am ready for playing when she are all calmed down. Oh Mama, Bacon wuffs you.

 

The Ah-May-Zing Bacon! Circus Boy!

October 21st 2010 7:38 am
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Dear Diary,

Mama says she will miss me greatly, but that she cannot hold Baby Bacon back from fulfillering my destiknees.

Bacon The Great are a CIRCUS DOG at heart and a BORN PERFORMERER!

Bacon are a SILLY CLOWN! Bacon are a CONTORTIONIST! Bacon can leap great distances with the greatest of ease! Bacon are sideshow freaky with longest tongue in oonaverse! Bacon are born entertainerer! I has the parents rolling in the aisleses.

Mama says I, The Bacon, are Greatest Show on Earth!

I say, "Mama, Bacon need Ellyfunt."

She says, "Well, maybe if you lets Mama clean your earses like a good boy..."

Boooooo. No Ellyfunt for Bacon. No fair.

Oh well, Papa says we don't has plastic baggies big enuff for ellyfunty pooper scoopers no how.

Today I am very busy while Mama & Papa are gone. They are helping me with my training for great Houdiniweinie Magical Escape from Puppy Pen trick. They got me a new pen with big metal stick, so I cannot simply push it opens if I work real hard. This are going to be Bacon's best escape evfur. I use Bacon's death-defying cunning!

Then this afternoons, I work on another Grand Finale to top last week when I made it snow in Mama's beddybye room using only the simplest of blankies! It were magickull!!! THE AHMAYZING BACON!!!! BACON THE GREAT! THE GREATEST BOY TERRIER CLOWN MAGISHUN DAREDEVILER ON EARTH!!!

Make 'em laff!!! That are what Ernie G. tolded to me in my dream. Smoochie, Smoochie, Ernie G! Bacon sees you!

 

Urka No Gurka

October 15th 2010 10:18 am
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Dear Diary,

Last night I managed to feenagle my way into getting to sleep with Mama and not having to sleep in the Bacon Night-Night Baby Play Pen.

What I does is, I simply ignore Papa when he call Bacon, Bacon, come on, time to go night-night. What I do are I squeezes my eyeses shut real tight and I make big logs-cutting sounds, and then Mama says, "Oh look, Baby Bacon are sooooooo ti-ti!!! He needs to sleep up here with his Mama tonight. I think he will be good and make night-nights all night long this time!!!"

Hee hee hee. I fool them!!!

At two o'clocks, I make URKA URKA URKA sounds. So loud they wake Mama up. She furgotted she are not sposed to put no weight on her footsie yet, and she sprangeded from the bed and shreek like banshees, and boom goes the dynamite, her owie starts bleeding again. But she ain't got time to bleed. Bacon are urka, urka, urkaing and the GURKA might be coming soon.

She scoooped me off her bed and put me on Izzy's bed to gurka. I urkaed, no gurka. (Izzy were with Daddy sleeping on couch!)

Oh, more time she say, so she run down stairs on bad leg, no time for fenced in back yard. Front door, front door. Mama hollering about her footsie, Bacon urka, urka urka, no gurka.

We go out in front yard, Turn lights on. Bacon make like statue. Two a.m. feeding time for giant white tail deer dogs across the street.

Mama says, "OH NO! No can yell at 2 in morning, no can run after Bacon without leash after deer dogs in pitch black with bum foot." NO GURKAS COME. Bacon tinkle. Then have Mexican Standoff with GINORMOUS WHITETAILS! Mama hisses, "MAKE GURKA, Bacon!!! It are now or NEVFUR!"

Hissing scare deerses! They HIGHTAILS it across the yard and flip Mama the bird! OH NO THEY DIDN'T! NOT MY MAMA! BACON TELL YOU Naughty Deerses. Bacon went Nutzo!!!

It were a good thing Mama scooped me up, because I was growling and gnashing my teeth at those nasty deerses like a FURRROSHUS MOUNTAIN LION! GRRRRRR! RAWR!

NO GURKAS comeded! We went inside. Then Boooooo. Bacon went to spend rest of night in Baby Night Night Playpen House for Little Puppies. I almost made it til 2:30 in bed with Mama though!!! YAY! Bacon are almost Big Boy now!

 

The Strength of 1,000 Papas and a Mule

October 11th 2010 7:34 am
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Dear Diary,

The Mighty Bacon! Dog of Steel. Strongest Dog in the Ooonaverse!

Already on this fine Fallytime morning Bacon have competed in rare featses of strength competition! In our fambly washie room, the whole fambly gather for Bacon "Double Cheese" Bisson world class wrestling match.

"Come one, come all...See them peepoleses fewtully attempts to squirt evil juices in the Bakey's ear."

My Papa who is a peepole-home-fixer-upper are big tough guy, who carries him's heavy stuffs, and wieldses big tools all day.

Even though he are 10.58823529 times bigger (by weightses) than the Baconator, Papa were STILL unable to contains my brawny Bacon brutastickness and wrassle me into the submission.

Mama and Papa were inkredjewless! Together, they outweighses me by more than 17.64705882 timeses, and they could not hold me still. Even with Papa trying to covfur me with his whole body! I went completely TURBOBACON on them's! BOL!

I am a wild man. I am the Grand Champeen. I will continue to scratch my ears, and make motorboat groans for the rest of times!!! YAY Strongest Bacon Terrier Man evfur to walk the earth! The Mound Mauler! Vive le Ear Infection! No ear juices for me!


Also, Bacon want to say "Happy Thanksbegiving Times" to my Canadian furriends Zaidie, Biscotte, Tippy, Riley, Caileigh, Rudy, Izzy, Sniffers, and all you othfur Canadian pupses, too. Eat lotsa nummy foods so you can get big & strong like me!

 

Bacon's Top 10 Biggest Newses of the Week

October 8th 2010 10:29 am
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Dear Diary,

1. BACON WUFFS BOBOS!!! Bacon Really Really Wuffs Bobos!!! Halloweenie Bobos! Christmas time Bobo! Red Bobo, who are missing two ears and a string I eated. I wuff all my toys. But the Bobo are the best. It are long and chewy and makes the best squeaks. Next week Bacon eat more Bobo ears and work on legses. Also beat current record for MOST CONSECUTIVE SQUEAKS. Current record-holder - THE BACON - elebenty billyun and three squeaks!!! Woooohoos! I speshully like to roll on my back and hold Beloved Bobo in my arms and dance like a wiggly worm while squeaking. I call that move, "The Bobo Lambada!"

2. No! It is my Mama's favorite word! I wuff how she say it, too. Like all meany-faced, and growly-voiced. Like, "hi, I'm big bad grinchie Mama, oooh, I'm mean and angries at you," NO! BOL! BOL! OMD! She make Bacon laff so much!!! Funny Mama.

3. I am going to school!!! Well, I am going to make some accompanies for Mama to school, so she can learn how to be a better pack leader to Bacon. I wuff Mama, just the way she are. Maybe at Doggie/Parent school they will teach Mama more better wordeses than NO!

4. I got a new yummy food that are grain-free, sprayed with raw meatses and easily digestamabull, so I can be an Optimal Pooper like the commercial says. Apparently my poopers do not compare favorably with my angel brofur Ernie Georges. His nice neat little packages are legendery around the Sunset Road. Mama says they didn't even smell and were a pleasure to pick up. Cerealously. She sayed that. Bacon are not foolin' you! Dr. Peppercorn also give me some PROBIOTICS (like the Bionic Man - Lee Majors!!!) to put on my foods for a month. Bacon are gonna be a like Six Million Dollar Dog! Woo hoo!

5. I got a new bowl for to Bacon's New Bowl from MacLeod Pack! Look! It are Bacon!put my yummy new food in from my Auntie Bert in Pennysillvainyah!!!

6. Mama entered me in a contest!!! The Bacon!!! Do you wanna vote for me?
Vote for Bacon in the World's Coolestdog pictures & breed info

7. I got invited to my furst Halloweenie party for the Memory of Monroe Scotties!!! Mama said my costume were gonna be fried eggeses, but that are too "cerebrals" for the peepoles who don't know my name are Bacon. So we gotta think of really specktackylar idear!

8. Those are not malted milk balls in the nice little pile lying out on the grass in the front yard, and Bacon are NOT to eat them, under any circumnimbularstances. NO! NO! NO!

9. I got special new Peace Pup leash & harness from Dogtor Peppercorn's office. And it tastes really good and it's super big fun times to try to eat it when Mama puts it on me!!

10. According to Mama & Papa, I am the number one, all-time craziest, zoomiest, non-stop ball of FIRES and loonasees, tongue-hanging, full-body wiggling, teeths snapping, paws flailing, hyper-spazztastic Bacon Dog that they has evfur meeted. BOL! You ain't seen nothing yet, peeps. Bacon are just warming up!

 

A Bacon Boy Named Sue

October 2nd 2010 2:21 pm
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Dear Diary,

OMD! My Mama keeps calling me, "BAKEY SUE."

No! No! No! No! Not Bakey Sue.

Not Bakey Sue!

(Bacon hide his head in shame.)

 

Bedtime with Bacon

October 1st 2010 12:16 pm
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Dear Diary,

New Mama are an endless source of fascinayshuns for me, The Bacon. When she are NOT making the workie times for Bacon's treatses money, I nevfur let her out of my sight. It pains Bacon to be sepperayted from New Mama.

I wuff her to pieces. And she wuffs me, too!

New Mama are AHMAYZED at what a good boy Bacon are. I has not ruineded nothing. I do not chew on nothing, but my toys and treatses. I has not marked nothing since the furst day when I walkeded in the house and lifted my leg on the table. Mama only needed to tell me once and I knowed that she didn't like it. She says this are my house, and I just gotta knowed it in my heart. There are no need to tinkle on anything to say, "BACON'S House." I go outside to go potties like a big boy.

I walk nice on my leash. And I don't evfun care that all the othfur pupses in the world make crabby faces at me when I want to play.

Mama and I are having some diffurences of opinnyuns on Bedtime with Bacon though.

I wuff to be with Mama, I tolded you that. She goed to bed early and Papa stays up late. So when she goes night-night she closes the main door. But Papa don't pay good attenshun to me, Bacon. So the minute Papa turns his back on me when we are doing guy stuff late at night, Bacon runs fast as he can, finds secret bathyroom entrance to Mama's bedroom, jumps up in the bed, and quick goes night-night. Then when Papa comes to get me I pretend like I been sleeping for monthses.

Mama were planning on having the Bacon make night-nights in my night-night house, where I stay during the day while she are at work. But two times now she think, maybe Bacon can sleep with me, cause he are so pawdorable and Big Mama just want Baby Bacon to be happy.

But Mama needs her booty sleep. Her booty gets tired!! So she are not amoooosed when Bacon want to get up at 2:45 in the a.m.s for Bobo-squeakie play time and Bacon kisses.

Mama says she are willing to cut Bacon some slacks cause I am like a tiny, baby infants still. But her unrested booty needs it's sleep.

So the juries are still out on Bedtime with Bacon. Stay tooned.

 
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