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La Dog-ce Vita

I am the walrus, koo koo, kachew

October 22nd 2006 7:02 pm
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I now weigh a full 100 pounds more than what mom told dad I would weigh when fully grown - 131 pounds. oh the irony - I'M MASSIVE. It all started with our biannual allergy-related visit to Dr. Maxwell - I'd been spending far too much of my free time licking my itchy right paw - so much, in fact, that I'd opened up a raw, infected spot on my toe. So off to the vet we went - i knew there was trouble when, after my initial weigh-in, Lea, the nice vet helper lady, went back to get Bonnie, other nice vet helper lady, and they both stood behind the counter pointing at me. Mom didn't believe them when they told her my weight and made me get on the scale again. Needless to say, after a week's worth of horse-sized antibiotics, allergy pills and a bottle of Genesis topical spray, my toe is looking great and i'm on a diet. Yoshimi, Kiddo and I have been busy pouring over our copy of the Household Rules and By-laws, paying special attention to section #43, paragraph 6, which states, "... any co-signee whose weight and/or IQ is within 10 pounds or 10 points of the weight and/or IQ of the lighter (physically and intellectually) of the parties previously named as the mom or the dad (the basis for which of the two shall be used as the standard for comparison being the one who, at the time of judgement, has overindulged less in PBR and cheesy goldfish crackers and more in Project Runway), shall be required to obtain part-time employment and contribute no less than 40% of the wages earned to the GNP of the household ..." Yoshimi says not to worry - she surpassed the IQ requirement long ago and nobody made her get a job. I'm hungry.


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