I remember feeling so excited about Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. In school we decorated our little shoebox “mailboxes,” and I spent hours fussing over which classmate would get which valentine. And remember those little pastel pieces of heart-shaped chalk, um, I mean conversation hearts? I’d dole them out to my friends, secretly hoping the boy I liked wound up with the one whose hot-pink message read, “KISS ME.”
Dogs aren’t shy about showing us how they really feel about us on Valentine’s Day (or any other day of the year). Pooches love full-force and with unleashed enthusiasm. Doggie conversation hearts would be useless, right? They live in conversation-heart messages. But if Fido did manage to lay his paws on some of these Valentine’s goodies, what would they say?
Here are six Valentine conversation hearts from a dog, along with canine explanations. (But really, when was the last time you needed any sort of explanation from an adorable dog?)
“You know I love you to pieces, but I also love cheese a whole lot. And when you eat cheese, it’s double-love. Sometimes when I hear you open the refrigerator, my heart skips a beat and I try to send you mental cheese messages. You know when you’re hungry but you don’t know what to eat and then suddenly a slice of cheese pops into your head? That was me.”
“You know hanging out with you is my favorite, right? OK, don’t take this the wrong way, but when I hear the doorbell ring, that moment is my new favorite — but just for a second. And when you open the door and the people walk into our house and I get to greet them … WOW. It’s suddenly my newest favorite moment. Just for a few minutes. Don’t be jealous. Greeting visitors is better than a single ‘Hi!,’ it’s a solid ‘Hi, Hi!’ Most times even more.”
“Look at this cool branch I found! I know it’s longer than me, but look how I can balance it between my teeth when I run! Don’t you love it? Don’t I look awesome with this giant stick in my mouth? Remember yesterday when you threw that tennis ball across the backyard and it went into the bushes? But I found it, didn’t I? Did you see me grab it from inside the bushes? I did great, didn’t I?”
“My favorite part of bath time (and I’m just being honest here) is when it’s over. Guess why? Because I get to race around the house! That freedom is nothing short of exhilarating! Sometimes I’ll make a few laps around the kitchen and living room before I take a break and roll around on the carpet for a little while. But then I get right back up and make a few more sweet laps. Now that’s a good time.”
“Sure, I look like I’m sleeping, but that’s just because you’re busy on the computer and I figure I’ll just pass the time until I can have you again. As soon as you say the word ‘outside,’ I’m all over you like gravy on beef tips. What? You mean every time you say that word, it doesn’t pertain to me? I’m confused.”
“You know, sometimes a dog’s just gotta roll … and it’s not always on a bed of flowers. I’m not ashamed to admit I enjoy a roll in the grass with a nicely ripened expired squirrel. What of it? I know you don’t quite understand my attraction to deceased rodents, but I don’t question your affinity toward men with dragon tattoos, so let’s just call it a draw, OK? But that dog you saw getting fairly intimate with that pile of poop at the park? That wasn’t me. Kidding — it was! Stop judging me already, Girl With the Dragon Tattooed Boyfriend.”
What messages would be on conversation hearts from your dog? Tell us about them in the comments!