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We Talk to a Dog About His Lousy Christmas Gift

Today is National Whiners' Day, so we found a dog who wanted to get something off his chest.

Michael Leaverton  |  Dec 26th 2014


December 26 is known as National Whiners’ Day, and for good reason: I didn’t get a car! All I wanted was a car! Is it so hard to give someone a car for Christmas?

Our pets are no exception. They have the glums today as well; their whiny howls echo through darkened living rooms. We caught up with one sorrowful dog and asked him how he liked his Christmas gift.

So that's it, huh? What a crock. (Vizsla in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

So that’s it, huh? What a crock. (Vizsla in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

Dogster: What did you get for Christmas?

Dog: A new Kong filled with peanut butter.

That sounds nice.

I would have preferred just the peanut butter.

Surely you can appreciate the engagement of getting the peanut butter out of the Kong?

I would have preferred just the peanut butter.

But isn’t it nice getting a new Kong?

I prefer my old one. It was easier to get the peanut butter out.

What else did you get?

A cookie that tasted a little bit like meat.

Did you like it?

It was OK.

Just OK?

I mean … did you see what they ate?

Who?

My cheap family!

Oh. Well, no, I was with my own family.

Man, you wouldn’t believe. Turkey, ham, a loin of some sort, gravy, rolls, mashed potatoes, the works.

Sounds wonderful.

I got cookie that tasted a little bit like meat.

I see.

I stole a turkey leg.

Oh.

And I jumped on the counter and ate mashed potatoes when they all went to the door to listen to caroling.

Really.

And I lapped up a lot of gravy out of the gravy boat and ate seven butter rolls.

All this during caroling.

Then I got sick on the guest bed.

Ecch.

The five-year-old cousins were sleeping in it. I didn’t know.

That sounds horrible.

I would have preferred just the peanut butter.

Well, maybe next year.

What? I have to wait a whole year?

Perhaps your birthday then. 

They gave me a sweater for my birthday.

Those are the breaks, kid.

Christmas sucks.

Don’t say that! I’m sure your family loves you very much and gives you only the best. 

Have you ever had cookie that tasted a little bit like meat?

No.

It was homemade. They couldn’t even buy one from a specialty shop.

So Christmas was a bust, huh?

I stashed the other turkey leg in the closet.

You shouldn’t be telling me this.

I took a bite out of the ham, too, during the caroling. They didn’t notice.

I’m going to head out now. Are you grateful for anything? 

I’m grateful that when you put a turkey leg on the comforter in the closet for the night, then that comforter smells like turkey. I hope it always smells like turkey.

I didn’t hear that. 

They could have just given me the peanut butter.

Valentine's Day better be good. (Bulldog in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

Valentine’s Day better be good. (Bulldog in Santa hat by Shutterstock)

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